Yesterday

[Guest guest]

I have just written to introduce myself and that post is awaiting

approval. But I wanted to give a fuller picture by posting what I

wrote yesterday. The situation has changed since then as, as soon as

the consultant saw my husband yesterday he was hospitalised!

This is all such a shock 3 days ago we thought he just had bad flu -

now we know he has HIV and I may too and I have been told to get my

daughter tested too!!

_________________________________________________________________

Yesterday morning

Where to start?

We are both in our 50s he 56 me 55.

I have not yet been diagnosed HIV positive as am awaiting results of

a test taken today.

Which I had because my husband of 21 years and companion and partner

for over 25 has just had a positive HIV test! He had the test because

he has over the last 4 months or more become very ill with weight

loss respiratory and other infections rashes etc and everything else

to explain why he continued to have so many infections and was so

unwell and thin, night sweets, fever etc had been tested for.

I eventually insisted on the HIV test although his doctor seemed to

think it was unlikely - but it was the only thing I could think of

that explained his symptoms and continuing ill health. I thought it a

remote possibility because he has worked in various places in Africa

and South America etc. He is a merchant seaman

And it seems I was right as he is positive. They have cross checked

the sample to make sure but he has had another test just to be

certain, but I know the chances of a false positive are slim - my

husband is in denial and hoping the second test will come up clear, I

am pretty sure it will not.

My husband is a seaman working at sea for more than 26 years in

countries like Africa and south America, Thailand etc. He is away

from home at least 7 months of every year in about 2 to 3 month

blocks.

He is heterosexual - with no uncertainty that he is not - has never

used any intravenous drugs and says he has not has sex ever with any

women ( or men) while away, or with anyone but me since we got

together many, many, years ago.

I do believe him as he really has no need to lie as we do have a very

good relationship and because sex has never been his priority. But I

am a realist so it could have happened. It really does not bother me

how he got it, I love him very much so my only concern is he does

have it and I may too.

But at present our doctor is working on the premise that he

contracted HIV either though an intravenous drip he had in a Local

Caracas Hospital in Venezuela last year or a some years before when

he had dentistry by a local dentist while working off the coast of

Africa. But it could have happened at any time, as he has had

procedures for small accidents at sea in local hospitals a few times.

I was aware of the risks and for years have bought him sterile needle

packs etc , but he just did not seem to understand and never got them

used. if I asked he always said they shipped me to be stitched up/or

have my tooth out or whatever without giving me a chance to go back

to my cabin to get the pack. He really did not see the risks

He is concerned that it is 'his fault' because of an incident when he

was chemically coshed in Malabo, Equatorial Guinea, Africa and woke

up in a terrible state, in the street, with no money, remembering

nothing, with injuries, after visiting a 'girly' bar for a beer. He

was off shift while on shore for a few hours which is a rare thing in

his job, There was no other bar open and he only had one beer and

passed out- he must have been drugged

He feels he may have got HIV then and it is his fault as he should

nto have been in a girly bar. But he just wanted a beer and there

were no other bars and the chances of my husband having sex when

drunk or drugged is nil - but he keeps blaming himself fro this one

incident - I do not care, I am sure many wish their partners were as

faithful as mine - one mistake does not devalue a 20 year marriage

and I do not even think it was a mistake and I doubt he got HIV

there - but it is upsetting him that he might be to 'blame' for HIV

as he never visits those kinds of bard but there was no where else!!

But we just really do not know yet. it is apparently important to

know according to our doctor (GP) to identify the strain i.e is it

from south America, Africa or elsewhere - it is very doubtful it

would have been contracted in the UK

We both have an appointment at a GU clinic with a consultant this

morning . We are both in shock.

I was a youth worker for many years and for a time worked on an HIV

awareness project and knew and worked with people HIV positive so am

not as ignorant about it as my husband , who knows nothing. But this

was in the 90s and so my knowledge is way out of date.

Very scared and worried about the implications for our lives, his

job, our life insurance, our mortgage and for our 18 year old

daughter

Very upset

Thank you so much for listening.