Re: What do you answer, when people tell you: You are loosing weight!

[Guest guest]

>Jimmy,

Here's my answer, silly it might be but it works for me. It amazes me

that people worry about my health if I'm wearing baggy loose clothes,

if I have on a pair of tight Levis and properly fitted shirt someone

will say I must gaining wt. (can't win...)

I also dislike the comments about my health so I usually just say my

clothes are loose because I want to be comfortable which is true.

Then occasionally I put on tightish denim just so they can see the

goods. Shorts are the worst and really baggy wide leg shorts make us

look skinner, it's seems contrary but something more fitted and knee

length makes us look lean without looking skinny. Always wear a

collared shirt, I see guys in tee's with big belly's and skinny arms,

better off with a looser shirt with sleeves, and maybe not a Tee.

It's just as simple as accentuating the good and down playing the

bad...got nice arms~show em off, lipo legs~hide 'em. Currently I seem

to have mis-placed my butt so I'm wearing untucked shirts or short

sleeve Tommy Bahamma-like untucked. I get 'em on sale and at thrift

shops.

But, first and foremost we gotta love ourselves. Personally I like

the art of clothing design and just having fun with it. Sometimes

doing something a bit different gives people something else to worry

about.

Queer eye for the Poz guy...

[Guest guest]

>Jimmy,

Here's my answer, silly it might be but it works for me. It amazes me

that people worry about my health if I'm wearing baggy loose clothes,

if I have on a pair of tight Levis and properly fitted shirt someone

will say I must gaining wt. (can't win...)

I also dislike the comments about my health so I usually just say my

clothes are loose because I want to be comfortable which is true.

Then occasionally I put on tightish denim just so they can see the

goods. Shorts are the worst and really baggy wide leg shorts make us

look skinner, it's seems contrary but something more fitted and knee

length makes us look lean without looking skinny. Always wear a

collared shirt, I see guys in tee's with big belly's and skinny arms,

better off with a looser shirt with sleeves, and maybe not a Tee.

It's just as simple as accentuating the good and down playing the

bad...got nice arms~show em off, lipo legs~hide 'em. Currently I seem

to have mis-placed my butt so I'm wearing untucked shirts or short

sleeve Tommy Bahamma-like untucked. I get 'em on sale and at thrift

shops.

But, first and foremost we gotta love ourselves. Personally I like

the art of clothing design and just having fun with it. Sometimes

doing something a bit different gives people something else to worry

about.

Queer eye for the Poz guy...

[Guest guest]

I just say, " Well, thank you for taking the time to

notice!! Doesn't it look goooooood? " And usually leave

it at that. Some of my close work friends have said

that, and I've pulled them aside to let them know that

the question hurt my feelings. I explain that if I

were getting fat, they'd not say a word, so why ask if

I'm losing weight?

--- makor3 <makor3@...> wrote:

> Hi,

>

> I find myself trying to rethink how to answer to

> this question or

> comment, many times. I haven't disclose my status to

> anyone in two

> years now and sometimes it hurts because some people

> don't connect

> their brains to their tongue and make comments or

> ask questions like

> this.

> I feel very sympathetic about fat people more than

> ever before. In the

> past I've answered Oh... I was getting too fat! and

> there is a silence,

> so maybe they think " well you must be anorexic

> then " , but socially

> that's more accepted than if you say you are HIV+,

> so that kind of has

> work out for me. Does anybody have any suggestions?

>

> Thank You!

> Jimmy

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile./;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

[Guest guest]

I just say, " Well, thank you for taking the time to

notice!! Doesn't it look goooooood? " And usually leave

it at that. Some of my close work friends have said

that, and I've pulled them aside to let them know that

the question hurt my feelings. I explain that if I

were getting fat, they'd not say a word, so why ask if

I'm losing weight?

--- makor3 <makor3@...> wrote:

> Hi,

>

> I find myself trying to rethink how to answer to

> this question or

> comment, many times. I haven't disclose my status to

> anyone in two

> years now and sometimes it hurts because some people

> don't connect

> their brains to their tongue and make comments or

> ask questions like

> this.

> I feel very sympathetic about fat people more than

> ever before. In the

> past I've answered Oh... I was getting too fat! and

> there is a silence,

> so maybe they think " well you must be anorexic

> then " , but socially

> that's more accepted than if you say you are HIV+,

> so that kind of has

> work out for me. Does anybody have any suggestions?

>

> Thank You!

> Jimmy

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile./;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

[Guest guest]

--- In , "makor3" <makor3@...> wrote [in part]:<< I find myself trying to rethink how to answer to this question or comment, many times...>>

I think one way to handle this or any other similar question: just because someone asks us a question, we are not obliged to answer it (which seems obvious enough, though sometimes I find I forget.) For example, I'm underweight. A guy at the bar a few months ago who was trying to pick me up asked "Have you always been that thin?"

Let's say someone asks us that, asks if you're loosing weight, or anything else we don't care to answer. We might reply with "Did you know Washington DC was originially built on swampland?" The message being...I don't care for the question, hence I'm not going to answer it, and I'm changing the subject.

- Tucson AZ

[Guest guest]

--- In , "makor3" <makor3@...> wrote [in part]:<< I find myself trying to rethink how to answer to this question or comment, many times...>>

I think one way to handle this or any other similar question: just because someone asks us a question, we are not obliged to answer it (which seems obvious enough, though sometimes I find I forget.) For example, I'm underweight. A guy at the bar a few months ago who was trying to pick me up asked "Have you always been that thin?"

Let's say someone asks us that, asks if you're loosing weight, or anything else we don't care to answer. We might reply with "Did you know Washington DC was originially built on swampland?" The message being...I don't care for the question, hence I'm not going to answer it, and I'm changing the subject.

- Tucson AZ

[Guest guest]

>

> I feel very sympathetic about fat people more than ever before. In the

> past I've answered Oh... I was getting too fat! and there is a silence,

> so maybe they think " well you must be anorexic then " , but socially

> that's more accepted than if you say you are HIV+, so that kind of has

> work out for me. Does anybody have any suggestions?

>

>

> Well, when people make statements like that, they are inappropriate,

> so you may respond, from an etiquette standpoint, however you wish, as

> long as it's polite.

>

> JB

I have had this problem my entire life, as I have always been thin -- thanks to

genetic

factors. My mother: 5'2 " , 99 lbs and a size 0. I got the petite genes as well

as a healthy

appetite, but also a fast, rapid metabolism. I worked with this woman who

always made

inappropriate remarks about my being 'too thin,' or asking 'don't you eat?' ---

so finally

I just looked her in the eye and told her what I've always told these ignorant

people:

" you're just jealous that I can eat whatever I want and you WISH you were this

size. "

She never said it again after that. People can be unkind. If you accept

yourself for who

you are, you just learn to ignore idiots.

Sure, I wish sometimes that I was bigger -- especially when I have to go

shopping in the

boy's department to find that under 30 " waisted pair of slacks, which is a catch

22 since

the inseam is always too short, as I am 5'10 " --- but I have also been what many

people

consider to be normal weight for my height and it caused problems for my bones

and

joints as I am just not built to carry a lot of weight. I love who I am -- and

refuse to let

society or anyone dictate who I should be.

[Guest guest]

>

> I feel very sympathetic about fat people more than ever before. In the

> past I've answered Oh... I was getting too fat! and there is a silence,

> so maybe they think " well you must be anorexic then " , but socially

> that's more accepted than if you say you are HIV+, so that kind of has

> work out for me. Does anybody have any suggestions?

>

>

> Well, when people make statements like that, they are inappropriate,

> so you may respond, from an etiquette standpoint, however you wish, as

> long as it's polite.

>

> JB

I have had this problem my entire life, as I have always been thin -- thanks to

genetic

factors. My mother: 5'2 " , 99 lbs and a size 0. I got the petite genes as well

as a healthy

appetite, but also a fast, rapid metabolism. I worked with this woman who

always made

inappropriate remarks about my being 'too thin,' or asking 'don't you eat?' ---

so finally

I just looked her in the eye and told her what I've always told these ignorant

people:

" you're just jealous that I can eat whatever I want and you WISH you were this

size. "

She never said it again after that. People can be unkind. If you accept

yourself for who

you are, you just learn to ignore idiots.

Sure, I wish sometimes that I was bigger -- especially when I have to go

shopping in the

boy's department to find that under 30 " waisted pair of slacks, which is a catch

22 since

the inseam is always too short, as I am 5'10 " --- but I have also been what many

people

consider to be normal weight for my height and it caused problems for my bones

and

joints as I am just not built to carry a lot of weight. I love who I am -- and

refuse to let

society or anyone dictate who I should be.

[Guest guest]

Thank them for complementing you! Tell them theyre soo sweet, they

always say the nicest things! And for good effect, give a long

hearty laugh, to show how much you appreciate it. Also tell them

youre on a diet (if youre not, you should be on a diet: modified

Atkins...with the vegetables and without the saturated fat). Why get

defensive.

>

> Hi,

>

> I find myself trying to rethink how to answer to this question or

> comment, many times. I haven't disclose my status to anyone in two

> years now and sometimes it hurts because some people don't connect

> their brains to their tongue and make comments or ask questions

like

> this.

> I feel very sympathetic about fat people more than ever before. In

the

> past I've answered Oh... I was getting too fat! and there is a

silence,

> so maybe they think " well you must be anorexic then " , but socially

> that's more accepted than if you say you are HIV+, so that kind of

has

> work out for me. Does anybody have any suggestions?

>

> Thank You!

> Jimmy

>

[Guest guest]

jimmy---

i tell ‘em

i have AIDS.

that’s

what they’re asking about.

dire

passages: kearns sidelined 51 days from g-tube infection (764)

http://aids-write.org/?p=685

kearns’

personal AIDS medical update: my new g-tube, fat HIVers, occult wasting &

stigma (763)

http://aids-write.org/?p=684

at some point i

think you’re going to have to choose between life and what you perceive

as social acceptance (my guess is that it’s self-acceptance). if you

haven’t disclosed your status to anyone in two years, perhaps you should

join a support group and get used to talking out loud about it. from 20 years

of support group participation, i know about the fear. probably the most

agonizing experience for gay men along these lines is disclosing to parents.

the standard fear: “oh, my dad’s got a heart condition and it would

kill him,” or “i can’t tell them. it’d break their

hearts.” when you wait to tell them until you are in the hospital, it’s

a double whammy, and your strategy not only puts you under a lot of daily

psychological stress, but it’s life threatening. you need friends that

can be your allies, not your enemies. if they are your enemies, i would suggest

losing them sooner rather than later. being offended because people are

interested enough to ask you if you’re HIV-positive is not a successful

survival tactic.

my experience is

when you don’t tell people what’s going on with you, you not

allowing them to be part of your life. HIV/AIDS is an important part of our lives.

it’s not going to go away. there’s no vaccine ar anything

resembling a cure on the horizon. just lots of drugs to keep big pharma fat

& sassy. you will be seeing your doctor about it for the next 40 years.

this is from the personal medical update (link above) on aids-write:

.. . . then i saw the report

from kaiser network:

Two-Thirds of HIV-Positive People in

U.S. Overweight, Obese, Study Says.

.. . . Some experts said

there could be psychological reasons for the weight gain and that some

HIV-positive people might be gaining weight to avoid wasting syndrome. In

addition, HIV-positive people are living longer and might be prone to poor

eating and exercise habits, the AP/Seattle Post-Intelligencer reports.

“We used to worry

that [HIV-positive people] would lose weight and become wasted,”

Crum-Cianflone said, adding, “Maybe we should redirect our concerns to

making sure they are maintaining a healthy, normal weight.”

— an epidemiologist in HIV/AIDS prevention at CDC who did not participate

in the study — said, “It’s very clear now that HIV is no

longer a wasting disease in America” (Chang, AP/Post-Intelligencer ,

10/4).

for about thirty seconds, i

felt like old dobbin witnessing the advent of the horseless carriage. then i

spotted the underpinnings of stigma shaping the article: a cure for AIDS

takes a back seat to undetectability.

“some HIV-positive

people might be gaining weight to avoid wasting syndrome,” says the report.

what dobbin-pucky. they’re avoiding looking like they

have AIDS.

in the rest of the world,

AIDS is a wasting disease. oh yeah. all those guys — the

unamericans, the ones who don’t matter, the skin-and-bones refugee set,

dying now worldwide.

contrary to the cdc’s john brooks’ wishful

sentiments, in

fat america,

AIDS is still a wasting

disease. why?

quick background: i taught

aerobics and was an ACE-certified personal trainer for 20 years — two of

my many AIDS-driven expertises. i developed exercise programs specific to the

needs of HIVers in several la-area gyms. the basic principle of those programs?

total

body weight is not a predictor of survivability with AIDS. lean weight is.

the fat component of your body weight doesn’t matter, although its

increase relative to lean weight can signal an overall deterioration in

wellness.

from the body:

Scale weight alone is not

an adequate indicator of internal health. When someone loses, gains or even

maintains weight, the composition of that weight needs to be frequently

assessed and monitored.

If weight gain has

occurred, was it in fat or body cell [“lean”] mass? If weight loss

has taken place, was it in fat or body cell mass? And if weight has remained

stable, has the makeup of that weight changed internally?

HIVers go through a process

called occult

wasting, defined as a “significant depletion

of lean body mass without significant weight loss.” basically, as the

disease progresses, you lose muscle and you gain fat, even though it

doesn’t show. you can determine your lean and fat cell masses at your

doctor’s office with a bioelectrical impedance analysis (HIVers should

monitor BIA once a year, or more often when your weight is changing).

but inside each

one of those overweight & obese & seemingly happy press-culture HIVers

is a skinny PWA like me, a time bomb ticking away.

who’s kidding whom?

it’s our national obsession: looks vs. substance. ideology vs. science.

fancy vs. fact. (the

preacher saith all is vanity)

i wish there

were a sweet way to say all this. but there isn’t.

i’m pretty

sure you’re not going to be happy reading this. but i’m also sure

it’s the truth, as best i know it. do you remember the slogan, “silence

= death”? now you know what it means.

if you live in california, you might

also attend a POZ life weekend. there’s one coming up in march in palm springs.

more important

than that, though, is this lesson i’ve learned from being alive with AIDS

for more than 20 years: tell ‘em you love ‘em. if you don’t

tell ‘em now, when will you? when it’s too late?

best of luck.

please write or call if you’d like to dialog.

namasté

---rk

310-488-1328

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of makor3

Sent: Sunday, January 20, 2008

1:25 PM

Subject: What do you

answer, when people tell you: You are loosing weight!

Hi,

I find myself trying to rethink how to answer to this question or

comment, many times. I haven't disclose my status to anyone in two

years now and sometimes it hurts because some people don't connect

their brains to their tongue and make comments or ask questions like

this.

I feel very sympathetic about fat people more than ever before. In the

past I've answered Oh... I was getting too fat! and there is a silence,

so maybe they think " well you must be anorexic then " , but socially

that's more accepted than if you say you are HIV+, so that kind of has

work out for me. Does anybody have any suggestions?

Thank You!

Jimmy

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.7/1234 - Release Date: 01/20/2008 2:15 PM

No virus found in this outgoing message.

Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.21.0/1296 - Release Date: 02/24/2008 12:19 PM