Chronic myelogenous leukemia selects Abdul-Jabbar in 2009 Disease Draft

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MANATEE FAIR: Chronic myelogenous leukemia selects Abdul-Jabbar in 2009

Disease Draft alt text

November 12, 2009 by B.S.

<http://unlvrebelyell.com/author/bs-shennanagins/> Shenanagins

In the first overall pick of the 2009 Celebrity Disease and Genetic Disorder

Draft, chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML) selected former Los Angeles Laker

and the NBA's all-time leading points scorer Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

" Obviously, this is huge for us, " 66-year-old CML sufferer Harvey said.

" Before, we hardly had enough to get a Wikipedia page going. We were just

some rare off-chute of leukemia. But now with [Abdul-Jabbar], you can bet

the conferences and doctors and federal funding will just start rolling in. "

With this pick, CML hopes to move up in disease and disorder standings,

catching frontrunners Parkinson's disease, captained by actor J. Fox

and testicular cancer lead by cyclist Lance Armstrong.

" Even Irritable Bowel Syndrome was handing it to us with Kelsey Grammer and

Cybill Shepherd, " Harvey said, " but that all changes now. Yeah, skyhook,

what now? "

Only hours after being officially drafted, Abdul-Jabbar also garnered

several corporate endorsements. Vasella, chairman and CEO of

Novartis, the leading pharmaceutical company in CML treatment medication,

signed Abdul-Jabbar as spokesperson and endorser of the medications Gleevec

and Tasigna.

" [Abdul-Jabbar] is now part of the Novartis family, " Vasella said in a press

release yesterday. " We look forward to the contributions he will undoubtedly

make to our stock reports, corporate accounts and bottom line. "

" Oh, and battling this horrible disease and stuff, " he added.

Veteran and legend of the Celebrity Disease League, Lou Gehrig's Disease, or

amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) as it's known everywhere else in the

world, welcomed CML into the ranks of the big boys.

" It's nice to see other diseases and disorders getting a chance for some

exposure, " ALS said. " I could see CML turning this thing around just like

[human immunodeficiency virus] did with Magic in the '91 season. "

Also a former Laker, announced his infection with HIV in 1991 and

worked hard to reverse the negative stereotypes about the disease and

solicit funding. has also gained endorsements from noted

pharmaceutical firms GlaxoKline and Abbot Laboratories.

Unfortunately, for every success story like CML's there are hundreds more of

diseases and disorders that never make it to the big leagues.

14-year-old Nellis, diagnosed with juvenile xanthogranuloma at age

eight, expressed his wish that one day people will become fans of his

disease.

" I try to explain to my friends and relatives what I have, and they don't

really know what I'm talking about, " Nellis said. " They usually ask, 'Is

that like the kid in " Lorenzo's Oil? " ' Whatever. "

Juvenile xanthogranuloma affects 1 in 200,000 children from birth to age 15.

In its career, the disorder has yet to sign any celebrities.

Despite the high hopes and positive projections from fans and analysts,

Abdul-Jabbar remained dubious about the league in general.

" Um, well I just want to get better and help people if I can, " Abdul-Jabbar

said.

" Oh, Kareem, " Vasella said. " Just let me do the talking. "

" Manatee Fair " is a weekly column that reports satirical news.

Zavie (age 71)

67 Shoreham Avenue

Ottawa, Canada, K2G 3X3

dxd AUG/99

INF OCT/99 to FEB/00, CHF

No meds FEB/00 to JAN/01

Gleevec since MAR/27/01 (400 mg)

CCR SEP/01. #102 in Zero Club

2.8 log reduction Sep/05

3.0 log reduction Jan/06

2.9 log reduction Feb/07

3.6 log reduction Apr/08

3.6 log reduction Sep/08

3.7 log reduction Jan/09

3.8 log reduction May/09

3.8 log reduction Aug/09

e-mail: zmiller@...

Tel: 613-726-1117

Fax: 613-482-4801

Cell: 613-282-0204

ID: zaviem