RE: Why Shouldn't I Marry a RA deceased gal??

July 22, 2003

I also follow two other RA boards and on one of them there are about three people who have stopped taking their RA medicines so they can have children. They feel the pain for a year or so will be small in comparison to the lifetime of joy from a child. Some others are careful to avoid having children. Everyone has to make their own decision. I have heard of very few who have problems with marital relations.

Most people with RA who receive proper medications can lead a pretty normal life. Some of the best RA medicines are very expensive and are not readily available because of that. Most people are well controlled on the less expensive medicines such as Methotrexate. Years ago before good RA medicines were available people would often become bed ridden and lose the will to live. That is very rare now - in fact, I have not heard of it. I don't know of any reason to believe that with proper care RA will shorten a person's life. It is important to get early and aggressive treatment to slow or stop the permanent joint damage that can come from RA. You may want to become familiar with the many drugs that are used to treat RA. http://www.arthritisinsight.com/medical/meds/

In my opinion if a person asks whether they should marry this shows that they are not really ready to marry at that time. If a person is really ready to marry they will do so no matter who disagrees with their choice. I hope that you and your girl friend come to the point where you are that sure that you should marry. Good luck and God bless.

----- Original Message -----

From: sagar2kind

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Sent: Thursday, July 17, 2003 3:03 AM

Subject: Why Shouldn't I Marry a RA deceased gal??

HI All,I am Sagar from India. I am planning to RA affected Gal. Bu tI do not know whether my decission is correct or not. Cause I have lots of dreams about children and marital life. The gal whom i like says it is very difficult for RA patients to lead normal marital life. She also says that the decease can attack the children. More Over she says there is no cure for the decease and she will die after some time.Can any body explain me about the marital life with an RA patient??Plz help me.

July 22, 2003

Hi again, Iam so confussed with you, RA is just part of a ra persons life

that gets us down sometimes, but mostly we live a full life, with a few

limitions everynow and then, If you love her then this should be a

problem...If you have these many doubts then maybe ya better think about if

you are in love...I dont mean to be harsh but with all the trements

available these days it shouldnt dampen her life she may have flares thats

when ya need to be understanding.But mpst of us live with pain and we are

detemeined fighters thats what makes RA ppl the best ppl on earth we fight

never give in and there times where you dont have any pain then theres days

ya do but those you rest I have children a husband and live a normail life

minus flare ups but my husband loves me. Its never affected are sex life

vacations having fun with the kids look ya ether wanna get married or ya

dont shrug.....Yes ra is uncurable but like I said most live out there lifes

with it wheell chair free with embel and remacade alll the other wonderful

drugs there are ya can swim ride bikes ..I guess its all on her if she is on

the wows me I am sick then she gonna be sick ya have be strong and fight

with RA please check out those web sites I sent you and call ra acces they

can help to...But your indestion has gotta be hurting her and causing her

stress and thats wrong ya loved her before ya knew about her ra whats so

different now????

>From: " sagar2kind " <sagar2kind@...>

>Reply-Rheumatoid Arthritis

>Rheumatoid Arthritis

>Subject: Why Shouldn't I Marry a RA deceased gal??

>Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003 08:42:09 -0000

>

>HI All,

>

>I am Sagar from India. I am planning to RA affected Gal. Bu tI do not

>know whether my decission is correct or not. Cause I have lots of

>dreams about children and marital life. The gal whom i like says it

>is very difficult for RA patients to lead normal marital life. She

>also says that the decease can attack the children. More Over she

>says there is no cure for the decease and she will die after some

>time.

>

>Can any body explain me about the marital life with an RA patient??

>Plz help me.

>

_________________________________________________________________

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July 24, 2003

Dear Sagar,

I take your question from 2 angles.

1) Inspite of some difficulties, its possible to marry with a RA girl. (Love is stronger than RA, not just in movies, but also in real life).

Methotrexate is a drug which can't be taken during pregnancy but I assure you that when there is no flare up (and no methotrexate), you and your would-be-wife CAN have a baby.

2) When I marry a normal girl, whats the guarantee that she will never suffer from RA??? What if she is diagnosed with RA just 4 months after the marriage??? Will I leave her??? What if I am diagnosed with RA 4 months after marriage??? Should my wife leave me???.......................Think about it.

May GOD bless you and your girl friend.

Hassan

Message: 4

Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003 08:42:09 -0000

From: " sagar2kind " <sagar2kind@...>

Subject: Why Shouldn't I Marry a RA deceased gal??

HI All,

I am Sagar from India. I am planning to RA affected Gal. Bu tI do not

know whether my decission is correct or not. Cause I have lots of

dreams about children and marital life. The gal whom i like says it

is very difficult for RA patients to lead normal marital life. She

also says that the decease can attack the children. More Over she

says there is no cure for the decease and she will die after some

time.

Can any body explain me about the marital life with an RA patient?? Plz help me.

July 24, 2003

Thats the answetr you love her why question sounds like you need to look in

your heart and ask your self do I love her?? Cause ra ppl dont need more

heartache in there lifes....what f she got in a accedent that left her

unable to move would ya leave her??????????

>From: Hassan Rahman <HRahman@...>

>Reply-Rheumatoid Arthritis

>Rheumatoid Arthritis

>CC: sagar2kind@...

>Subject: RE: Why Shouldn't I Marry a RA deceased

>gal??

>Date: Thu, 24 Jul 2003 18:42:54 +0500

>

>Dear Sagar,

>

>I take your question from 2 angles.

>

>1) Inspite of some difficulties, its possible to marry with a RA girl.

>(Love

>is stronger than RA, not just in movies, but also in real life).

>Methotrexate is a drug which can't be taken during pregnancy but I assure

>you that when there is no flare up (and no methotrexate), you and your

>would-be-wife CAN have a baby.

>

>2) When I marry a normal girl, whats the guarantee that she will never

>suffer from RA??? What if she is diagnosed with RA just 4 months after the

>marriage??? Will I leave her??? What if I am diagnosed with RA 4 months

>after marriage??? Should my wife leave me???.......................Think

>about it.

>

>May GOD bless you and your girl friend.

>

>Hassan

>

>Message: 4

> Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003 08:42:09 -0000

> From: " sagar2kind " <sagar2kind@...>

>Subject: Why Shouldn't I Marry a RA deceased gal??

>

>HI All,

>

>I am Sagar from India. I am planning to RA affected Gal. Bu tI do not

>know whether my decission is correct or not. Cause I have lots of

>dreams about children and marital life. The gal whom i like says it

>is very difficult for RA patients to lead normal marital life. She

>also says that the decease can attack the children. More Over she

>says there is no cure for the decease and she will die after some

>time.

>

>Can any body explain me about the marital life with an RA patient?? Plz

>help

>me.

>

_________________________________________________________________

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August 2, 2003

I have had RA for 17 years+. I have been married for 8 years. My

RA wasn't too bad when we got married. A few years into our

marriage, my RA became very severe (i needed help with everything -

dressing, bathing, etc). It is now much more under control. I

credit that to a supportive husband, new medications and an

appropriate lifestyle. Best of all, I have a healthy 4 month old

son that is the best thing that ever happened to my husband and me.

If you have the opportunity to marry the person you love, go for

it.

Kathy

> Hi again, Iam so confussed with you, RA is just part of a ra

persons life

> that gets us down sometimes, but mostly we live a full life, with

a few

> limitions everynow and then, If you love her then this should be a

> problem...If you have these many doubts then maybe ya better think

about if

> you are in love...I dont mean to be harsh but with all the

trements

> available these days it shouldnt dampen her life she may have

flares thats

> when ya need to be understanding.But mpst of us live with pain and

we are

> detemeined fighters thats what makes RA ppl the best ppl on earth

we fight

> never give in and there times where you dont have any pain then

theres days

> ya do but those you rest I have children a husband and live a

normail life

> minus flare ups but my husband loves me. Its never affected are

sex life

> vacations having fun with the kids look ya ether wanna get married

or ya

> dont shrug.....Yes ra is uncurable but like I said most live out

there lifes

> with it wheell chair free with embel and remacade alll the other

wonderful

> drugs there are ya can swim ride bikes ..I guess its all on her if

she is on

> the wows me I am sick then she gonna be sick ya have be strong and

fight

> with RA please check out those web sites I sent you and call ra

acces they

> can help to...But your indestion has gotta be hurting her and

causing her

> stress and thats wrong ya loved her before ya knew about her ra

whats so

> different now????

>

> <html><DIV> </DIV></html>

>

> >From: " sagar2kind " <sagar2kind@y...>

> >Reply-Rheumatoid Arthritis

> >Rheumatoid Arthritis

> >Subject: Why Shouldn't I Marry a RA

deceased gal??

> >Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003 08:42:09 -0000

> >

> >HI All,

> >

> >I am Sagar from India. I am planning to RA affected Gal. Bu tI do

not

> >know whether my decission is correct or not. Cause I have lots of

> >dreams about children and marital life. The gal whom i like says

it

> >is very difficult for RA patients to lead normal marital life. She

> >also says that the decease can attack the children. More Over she

> >says there is no cure for the decease and she will die after some

> >time.

> >

> >Can any body explain me about the marital life with an RA

patient??

> >Plz help me.

> >

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online

> http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963

August 14, 2003

Sagar,

I got married in January 2001. In May of the same year I began to

experience excruciating joint pain & stiffness. My doctor put me on

steriods but as soon as I finished the prescription, the pain would

return. Two weeks later, I was back in my doctor's office so she

thought that I may have RA. Tests confirmed this.

Having RA, a person must make adjustments in their lives. While

there is no cure for RA, there are many wonderful medications that

halt the progression of joint damage & help patients to live a longer

& better quality of life. I used to be full of energy & could keep

going. That has changed drastically for me. With RA, I know my

limitations. It's also very important for an RA patient to have

support & understanding from family & friends.

I will say that RA has affected my sex life. My husband has been

very understanding. There are times that I hurt so badly that

intimacy is the farthest thing from my mind. I love my husband very

much. We have had to make some 'adjustments', so to speak in which

intimacy can be pleasant & not very stressful to my joints. So we

make the most of my 'good' days.

Some people have children & don't have a problem with their RA. For

me, it's very unlikely that I will have children (due to the

medication I'm taking...Methotrexate & Plaquenil, plus I'm on birth

control pills. I'm also 38 years old).

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