Manhunt anti-pozzer article

[Guest guest]

hi all,

someone just pointed out this advice column to me, it's from the

Cruise Director (advice columnist) at Manhunt. he basically advises

people to disclose other's hiv-status without reservation, no matter

how honorably the pozzer is behaving. read for urself.

it may seem trivial to some of you, but manhunt.net has become one of

the very biggest gay communities online...this column is being read by

far too many.

i've already spoken with their Customer Service, i excoriated the

clumnist himself, and i intend to write to their corporate office and

their Director of Marketing...i was advised to call back during

business hours so that i *might* get his actual *name*!

the parent company is:

Online Buddies Inc.

PO Box 425338

Cambridge, Mass 02142

below is the column with initial question, his response...and then my

email to him. i may have gotten ambiguous with pronouns regarding the

advice seeker's feriewnds but hey i was pissed. write ur own if u

disagree with him...and spread this around.

*************

Should I Have Told My Negative Friend That He Was Going Home With A

Positive Friend?

HIV caregivers say no—everyone's responsible for their own health. I

say it depends on how close your friend is (and how much guilt you're

willing to live with)

Yo, Mike!

So, my friend " Dave " told me about a year ago that he is HIV positive.

I'm not. I went clubbing with a different friend, " Steve " , also

negative, when we ran into Dave. Immediate sparks ignited between Dave

and Steve.

I debated if I should say anything to Steve about Dave's HIV status

but decided it was their business to discuss, not my own. They ended

up going back to Dave's apartment. Apparently, Dave revealed his

status to an unsuspecting Steve and those sparks were quickly

extinguished.

Now, Steve is no longer speaking to me because he feels as though I

should have said something sooner, so, as I suspect, he could have

blown off Dave sooner. Which is sad. Both are great guys, and they

could have missed out on getting to know someone really cool, or they

could be missing out on some hot sex. Should I have told Steve about

Dave's status? Or was I right to keep my trap shut?

-- Trapped in the middle

*****************

Dear Trapped:

Congratulations—you've won the " Most Difficult Question Ever Asked on

MANHUNT " award. I've spent weeks thinking about your dilemma, changing

my mind every 15 minutes, and getting splitting headaches in the

bargain. In fact, I've been popping so much Ibuprofen, Advil sent me a

thank you letter for propping up their stock.

I even called a couple of psychologists and counselors to see what

they had to say. Here's the transcript of a conversation I had with

one of them--the gay, and more importantly, hot, New York City-based

psychologist, Dr. Brad on:

Me: Was he right for keeping silent?

Doc: Yes. It isn't your responsibility to broadcast other people's

medical conditions.

Me: But isn't it irresponsible to say nothing and take the risk that

somebody you love might get infected?

Doc: People should take responsibility for their own health. Taken to

its ultimate conclusion what you're saying is that you have the

obligation to tell everybody who might sleep with " Dave " that he's

positive.

Me: It's hard to disagree with what you're saying but I keep thinking,

what's more important--keeping a friends' confidence or keeping a

friend safe?

Doc: That's not the right question. The right question is who is

responsible for your health—you or your friends?

Me: I take your point, but I don't think you're getting mine. Are we

not our brother's keepers?

Doc: Yes, if those brothers are unable to take care of themselves. If

they're mentally impaired, or demonstrably ignorant about HIV that's a

different story.

Me: Or if they're so stupid they think it's possible to kill a fish by

drowning it.

Doc: I'm going to ignore that. My point is that you're not the alarm

system for fully functioning friends.

Me: What if they're drunk or high?

Doc: They made a choice to drink or use. Are you going to police that,

too?

Me: Are you kidding? I'd be the one pouring!

So much for the transcript; here's my bottom line:

I would have told " Steve " that " Dave " was HIV+.

Why? When philosophy meets reality, logic flies out the window. If I'm

asked to choose between an abstraction like personal responsibility

and the well being of a close friend, I would rather be intellectually

inconsistent than emotionally tortured. I'm not passing judgment on

you because there are good arguments on both sides. The only person

who needs a wake-up call is negative Steve. He gave up a night or

maybe a life with an awesome guy just because he's HIV+? What a

schmuck.

*****************

to the " Cruise Director " :

Congratulations! You've just ensured that every person who might ever

befriend you will (and MUST) keep their health status a secret from

you. How free of guilt you must be though, since you're clearly more

concerned with your own narcissistic emotional needs as opposed to the

practical consequences of your actions.

You have given a blanket endorsement of betrayal, to no practical end.

The friend you declare you'd betray at next opportunity was already

behaving responsibly, and the other friend that you're so cravenly

interested in appeasing is someone who's character you already concede

is lacking.

Guess what? You've done your bit for HIV-stigma for the day, and as a

direct result of your actions someone with HIV will be far more likely

to hide their status, perhaps from you yourself. Of course you'll be

in good company transferring blame to him, but you'll have no

behavioral counter-example to offer, either. Everyone would know

there's no reason for an HIV-positive person to trust you with such

personal information as you'll treat us like criminals anyway.

I hope the friends you betray have some legal recourse against you in

whatever state you reside in.

Jeton Ademaj

New York City

aka " TonyRedux " on Manhunt.net