[Fwd: So, you want to be a parent...]

[Guest guest]

Received: from imo18.mx.aol.com (imo18.mx.aol.com [198.81.17.8])

by host.warwick.net (8.9.3/8.9.3) with ESMTP id OAA23417

for <rjvh@...>; Thu, 16 Sep 1999 14:40:37 -0400 (EDT)

From: Leapmommy@...

Received: from Leapmommy@...

by imo18.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v22.4.) id oKNUa12734 (4416);

Thu, 16 Sep 1999 14:37:54 -0400 (EDT)

Message-ID: <398203d0.25129301@...>

Date: Thu, 16 Sep 1999 14:37:53 EDT

Subject: So, you want to be a parent...

APOPKAROSE@..., hope@..., CCMAUL@..., CTKIN@...,

EibhlinRon@..., libernar@..., rjvh@...,

skelly712@..., SMILEFREE@..., Rblademom2@...,

lillie@..., Pegeye@..., onethreefour@..., lrp6@...,

FLSWORDFIS@..., Dorothy409@..., salveregin@...,

cardudes@..., Drmomltc99@..., LILSISINVB@...,

Vcvdamutz@..., kimedelmann@..., garde@...,

Jillgator@..., Tiziana12@..., zippie62@...

MIME-Version: 1.0

Content-Type: text/plain; charset= " us-ascii "

Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

X-Mailer: AOL 4.0 for Windows 95 sub 27

Should you have kids? How to know whether or not you are ready to

have children.

Mess Test:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands

in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons.

Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego. (If Lego is not available, you may

substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all

over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or

kitchen.

Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them

with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and

pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net

bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend

from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to

insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into

the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump

the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds

of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and

hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm

for 10:00PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have

ever heard. Makeup about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM.

Set alarm for 5:00AM. Get up and make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years.

Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women):

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.

Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men):

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter.

Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.

Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly

deposited to the store.

Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment:

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how

they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training,

and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve.

Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot.

Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the

answers.