Re: We think he has Aspergers?? sorry, kinda long

[Guest guest]

I do agree with fighting to get a correct diagnosis for your son and letting him know what it is. In a positive way of course. However, depending on the child and their symptoms, they may not be receptive and may even respond in an angry fashion to you. My 13 yr old dd (AS, ADHD, ODD and mood disorder nos as well as possibly bi-polar disorder...) is VERY angry with me for telling ANYONE what she has. She insists I am trying to make her "different" and she has enough problems fitting in as it is. But I feel as do her therapists, doctors etc., that letting the school and people in contact with her alot know her dx does more good than harm. Sure, there are some kids who pick on her more but alot more who are nicer to her or just leave her alone which is much better than the harassment she used to get constantly. We live in a town of about 1200 so there are only about 40-50 kids per grade and they all know one another so trying to keep something like this a "secret" would

be worse and I know it even if she does not realize it. There is one other diagnosed case of AS in our school district who happens to be our pastors son. He is a senior this year and we told him (Micah) that Elissa has AS also. He saw her on the bus on the first day of school and talked to her and told her he knew and has the same thing. She came home and screamed at me..... but after she calmed down, I pointed out that it couldn't hurt that he knew, in fact he would understand the things she was going through more than anyone else at school and she calmed down. Your son does sound alot like my daughter, she walked at 7 months unassisted, was always very obviously bright but would have inconsolable fits, bit other children as a toddler uncontrollably, did not interact normally with peers, etc. She also had/has no grasp of or care about the consequences of her actions. I will say, you are grounded.... fine, still not doing it. Ok no tv,

computer, video games, books whatever.... fine, NOT doing it! Don't care. It is VERY difficult when children do not care what the consequences are to get them to do what is right and not hurt themselves or others. We finally started making her spend time with her parents and going where ever we did, doing what we did and MAKING her talk as a sort of punishment. It works although it is rather like punishing us all! lol Not that she does not like us, but when she is angry and being resistant, she does not want to spend time with anyone, let alone her parents because we are all cheerful and smiling and make her participate that way. Not to mention, most teenagers do not want to just sit and spend time with their parents unless THEY want to. Anyway, works with us most of the time. As she has gotten older, I have noticed that it is easier to get her to respond to some consequences and therefore do her chores etc. I did actually on her 11th birthday, "take away her

birthday" because she was being very violent and intractable for the couple weeks prior to her party and even with repeated warnings would not stop. So I took away her party rights. Made a BIG impression, still have not heard the end of that one! lol Sorry this is so long, I do know where you are coming from and think you should fight for a correct diagnosis even if you get one this time and do not feel it is right, keep fighting, it took me until she was almost 13 to get her correctly diagnosed but it has been worth it! Good luck and God bless! DeeDeeM Strahlendorf <pgnsht@...> wrote: It may actually give your son relief when he finds out what the source of his behaviors are. I never kept the truth from my son. I dont know if your son has Aspergers or not but whatever the issues they have to know. They MUST be able to advocate for themselves when they are older. If they dont know what is facing them how can they advocate for themselves. There has been no damage done to my son knowing his diagnosis. If a person is diagnosed with diabetes do we hide it from them??? It is kind of the same concept. Without knowing more damage can be done. Knowing what faces you can help you get the help you need. My son has Aspergers. We have always tried to look at it in a positive way. He is bright, friendly, and a bit quirky. He is socially impaired but is getting better with the right interventions. I never

told him there was something "wrong" with him. Only that his brain was wired differently than most people and that it makes him unique and special...Like a diamond.... I know its hard when facing the unknown. But get a diagnosis then go from there. It will help him understand himself a little better. Good Luck!!!! in Lancaster, Carebo7392 <rebo7392 > wrote: THIS IS LONG- SORRY. BUT WE NEED HELP!Our son is almost 8 and we have known that there is something different about him for a while now. He is very, very smart, artistic and does well in physical activities. He was walking at the age of 10 months, and saying short sentances at the age of 1. He could ride a bike without training wheels at the age of 4.The main thing that

we have always had trouble with is getting him to sleep at bed time. It has been such a battle. During the summer we put him to bed at 9:00 and he usually will not fall asleep until 11:00 or midnight! During school we put him to bed at 8:00 and he will fall asleep between 10:00-11:00. He always has to have a back rub before he can fall asleep though. During these few hours he will come out quite a bit and interrupt my time alone with my husband. This has been a source of great tension, as you can imagine.When we put him in Kindergarten we noticed that he would pick on other kids quite a bit and not always obey or respond to the teacher. We were concerned. (but his was doing awesome academically) Then in 1st grade is when we knew something was really wrong. He would not talk to his teacher for the first 2 or 3 months. He was constantly picking on other kids. By picking on them he would get right in their face,

stick his fingers in their face, shout at random times etc. All of the kids learned to hate him and we feel there is no hope of him making any friends. If kids ever do say hi he will barely say hi back. Some days at school where good and some where really bad. It was so random. The playground is where he seemed to get into the most trouble. He would throw rocks, or go outside the boundry and not come back in. A lot of the time he would daydream and not know what to do on an assignment. He seems to not be effected by consequences and or any form of discipline. This of course is very hard.In kindergarten he would twirl his hair with his fingers, then in first grade he started shaking his hands and now he has started this head shaking thing.The school ran several tests on him, the teacher filled out a questioner and so did we. All this was sent to a pedeatrition. She went over everything, gave him a

physical and sent us away with no answers. The next day at school he misbehaved, wouldn't listen, pestered the kids, was sent to the principles office, wouldn't stay in the office and so got kicked out of school for the day.We are now in the process of filling out paperwork for childrens hospital. We are eager to get results, but also worried that he will feel like an odd ball when he starts having all these tests done to him again. We are worried about the damage that can be done, but yet want answers.Can anyone help us by letting us know if this sounds like one of your children, or someone you know. And if so what did you do to have he or she diagnosed. Did you then see results? Do you think it would be better to home school so there isn't all the social pressure?Sorry this was so long. We are so desperate and frustrated. Thank you for taking the time to read this and

help! __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your input! It is so good to hear from other parents and know that we are not alone. We are going to try and get more help and get down to the bottom of this. He just started second grade and we want this year to be better than last! I really appreciate your stories and advice. d corbin <jdcorbin_2000@...> wrote: I do agree with fighting to get a correct diagnosis for your son and letting him know what it is. In a positive way of course.

However, depending on the child and their symptoms, they may not be receptive and may even respond in an angry fashion to you. My 13 yr old dd (AS, ADHD, ODD and mood disorder nos as well as possibly bi-polar disorder...) is VERY angry with me for telling ANYONE what she has. She insists I am trying to make her "different" and she has enough problems fitting in as it is. But I feel as do her therapists, doctors etc., that letting the school and people in contact with her alot know her dx does more good than harm. Sure, there are some kids who pick on her more but alot more who are nicer to her or just leave her alone which is much better than the harassment she used to get constantly. We live in a town of about 1200 so there are only about 40-50 kids per grade and they all know one another so trying to keep something like this a "secret" would be worse and I know it even if she does not realize it. There is one other diagnosed case of AS in our school district who happens

to be our pastors son. He is a senior this year and we told him (Micah) that Elissa has AS also. He saw her on the bus on the first day of school and talked to her and told her he knew and has the same thing. She came home and screamed at me..... but after she calmed down, I pointed out that it couldn't hurt that he knew, in fact he would understand the things she was going through more than anyone else at school and she calmed down. Your son does sound alot like my daughter, she walked at 7 months unassisted, was always very obviously bright but would have inconsolable fits, bit other children as a toddler uncontrollably, did not interact normally with peers, etc. She also had/has no grasp of or care about the consequences of her actions. I will say, you are grounded.... fine, still not doing it. Ok no tv, computer, video games, books whatever.... fine, NOT doing it! Don't care. It is VERY difficult when children do not care what the

consequences are to get them to do what is right and not hurt themselves or others. We finally started making her spend time with her parents and going where ever we did, doing what we did and MAKING her talk as a sort of punishment. It works although it is rather like punishing us all! lol Not that she does not like us, but when she is angry and being resistant, she does not want to spend time with anyone, let alone her parents because we are all cheerful and smiling and make her participate that way. Not to mention, most teenagers do not want to just sit and spend time with their parents unless THEY want to. Anyway, works with us most of the time. As she has gotten older, I have noticed that it is easier to get her to respond to some consequences and therefore do her chores etc. I did actually on her 11th birthday, "take away her birthday" because she was being very violent and intractable for the couple weeks prior to her party and even with repeated warnings

would not stop. So I took away her party rights. Made a BIG impression, still have not heard the end of that one! lol Sorry this is so long, I do know where you are coming from and think you should fight for a correct diagnosis even if you get one this time and do not feel it is right, keep fighting, it took me until she was almost 13 to get her correctly diagnosed but it has been worth it! Good luck and God bless! DeeDeeM Strahlendorf <pgnsht > wrote: It may actually give your son relief when he finds out what the source of his behaviors are. I never kept the truth from my son. I dont know if your son has Aspergers or not but whatever the issues they have to know. They MUST be able to advocate for themselves when they are older.

If they dont know what is facing them how can they advocate for themselves. There has been no damage done to my son knowing his diagnosis. If a person is diagnosed with diabetes do we hide it from them??? It is kind of the same concept. Without knowing more damage can be done. Knowing what faces you can help you get the help you need. My son has Aspergers. We have always tried to look at it in a positive way. He is bright, friendly, and a bit quirky. He is socially impaired but is getting better with the right interventions. I never told him there was something "wrong" with him. Only that his brain was wired differently than most people and that it makes him unique and special...Like a diamond.... I know its hard when facing the unknown. But get a diagnosis then go from there. It will help him understand himself a little better. Good Luck!!!! in Lancaster, Carebo7392

<rebo7392 > wrote: THIS IS LONG- SORRY. BUT WE NEED HELP!Our son is almost 8 and we have known that there is something different about him for a while now. He is very, very smart, artistic and does well in physical activities. He was walking at the age of 10 months, and saying short sentances at the age of 1. He could ride a bike without training wheels at the age of 4.The main thing that we have always had trouble with is getting him to sleep at bed time. It has been such a battle. During the summer we put him to bed at 9:00 and he usually will not fall asleep until 11:00 or midnight! During school we put him to bed at 8:00 and he will fall asleep between 10:00-11:00. He always has to have a back rub before he can fall asleep though. During these few hours he will come

out quite a bit and interrupt my time alone with my husband. This has been a source of great tension, as you can imagine.When we put him in Kindergarten we noticed that he would pick on other kids quite a bit and not always obey or respond to the teacher. We were concerned. (but his was doing awesome academically) Then in 1st grade is when we knew something was really wrong. He would not talk to his teacher for the first 2 or 3 months. He was constantly picking on other kids. By picking on them he would get right in their face, stick his fingers in their face, shout at random times etc. All of the kids learned to hate him and we feel there is no hope of him making any friends. If kids ever do say hi he will barely say hi back. Some days at school where good and some where really bad. It was so random. The playground is where he seemed to get into the most trouble. He would throw rocks, or go outside the boundry

and not come back in. A lot of the time he would daydream and not know what to do on an assignment. He seems to not be effected by consequences and or any form of discipline. This of course is very hard.In kindergarten he would twirl his hair with his fingers, then in first grade he started shaking his hands and now he has started this head shaking thing.The school ran several tests on him, the teacher filled out a questioner and so did we. All this was sent to a pedeatrition. She went over everything, gave him a physical and sent us away with no answers. The next day at school he misbehaved, wouldn't listen, pestered the kids, was sent to the principles office, wouldn't stay in the office and so got kicked out of school for the day.We are now in the process of filling out paperwork for childrens hospital. We are eager to get results, but also worried that he will feel like an odd ball when he

starts having all these tests done to him again. We are worried about the damage that can be done, but yet want answers.Can anyone help us by letting us know if this sounds like one of your children, or someone you know. And if so what did you do to have he or she diagnosed. Did you then see results? Do you think it would be better to home school so there isn't all the social pressure?Sorry this was so long. We are so desperate and frustrated. Thank you for taking the time to read this and help! __________________________________________________