Re: going back to work.....worried about family

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

I started back to work a year ago, albeit very minimally. I work 2

nights a week, only 4 hours per night. I was very concerned with not

being there at bedtime, but at the time my OCD'er (I have 2 girls) was

doing fairly well. Then last spring she had an extreme waxing period

and it was hard to deal with. Overall she did better when she was

with Dad, though, and I found it so nice to be able to get out of the

house those 2 nights! My husband couldn't complain, he wanted me to

get back to work for financial reasons.

Now I am slowly increasing the hours I work; I'm averaging 16-20 hours

per week. It is working out great; it did take awhile (several months)

for the kids and my husband to figure out why Mommy insists on a

schedule at nighttime, and my husband also had to learn to give

consequences if they acted up. They did whine and complain (and pile

on the guilt!) alot for awhile, too, but now they just accept that

Mommy has to work. Hubby stopped whining, too

I do have to say it made a huge difference with me that it is always

my husband watching them, but I guess anyone else would have gotten

used to the routine as well in time. Overall, I am 100% confident

that I made the right decision to return to work. I do know I could

never do 40+ hours a week, I get too stressed out, not sure how others

manage that...one other side benefit, by the way, is that working gave

me other things to think about, took away some of my " obsessing about

OCD " time!

I guess I would suggest that your husband try to stick with the

routine you have established, but beyond that, let him do things his

way. I think it's important for kids to know that mom and dad are

united on the big things, but it's OK to have different styles of

parenting. You will still be home enough of the time to be the " bad

guy " with OCD, etc. (I am the heavy around my house, too)

Good luck, I'm sure they will all surprise you in the end...

nna

NY