Re: NEWBIE<~~~~REPLIES PLEASE!!!/I hope this is of some help

[Guest guest]

Hi Guy,Been Living with HIV/AIDS for 32+ years now. In 1995 had 5 t-cells and wasted to 95 pounds, getting chemo for KS in my legs and radiation for swollen/KS on my feet. Today I have 700 t-cells and undetectable viral load. It appears you have good medical care. What you might consider is an attitude adjustment care. What that means is seeing a therapist or going to a support group or a chat group online. Bravo for reaching out thru the internet with POZ Health. Everyone else can consider you a "plagueguy"; and more importantly you need to look at yourself as someone, infected with a virus and STILL a very important lovable asset to your kids, family, friends and the planet.  A bad/unhealthy attitude can be just as destructive to your immune system as well being a partner in destruction with the HIV Virus. I would recommend you put your attitude on the winning/healthy team. Also maybe anti-depressants may be a factor you might consider upon conversations with your medical and other providers. Where are you around Nutrition and Stress? Again both of these co-factors can be on the friendly, healthy winning team or be in partnership with the destructive virus team. Reframe your anniversaries possible as "successful living/thriving with HIV" rather than "death/birthday". All of us on the planet are going to die eventually whether we have HIV or not. Celebrate life and have gratitude that you have access to these meds that a lot of other folks do not. For many folks (myself include) an HIV diagnosis can be a wake-up call to change one's lifestyle and/or habits. I am currently married now to an HIV negative person and have a great sex life. Yes, I am permanently disabled with HIV/AIDS, Heart Disease (have pace-maker/defibulator implanted in 1999), Kidney Disease, Osteoporosis, Nueropathy AND I am alive. I am also now a volunteer radio Talk show host on KGGV radio in Guerneville, California. My show is "Thriving With HIV" on Mondays from 12-2PM (PST). Our streaming is temporarilly down due to financial challenges within the radio station. I interview folks living with HIV/AIDS, as well as all types of Medical/other Providers, and on the 4th Monday of the month I have a live on the air radio support group with folks living with HIV/AIDS (men and women, black and white, gay and straight); on the air talking about how they struggle, survive and thrive with HIV/AIDS. I also have a new hobby/profession as a DJ on the radio as well as at some local resorts. My specialty is is "Classic Disco Hits of the 70's, 80's and 90,s". You can listen to this program also on KGGV radio on Saturdays from 4-5PM (PST). Next Wednesday I will be starting my 3rd program; as the morning talk show host for the Wednesday morning show from 7-9AM (PST). I had to retire from a wonderful position as the Health Educator at The Center For HIV Prevention and Care in Santa , California after having gone back to work for ten years. You or anyone else on this list can contact me directly for more information about these radio shows or other concerns and support. Again, very important not to isolate, keep talking with folks, develop a healthy positive attitude, find hobbies or volunteer work that supports your living and thriving with HIV/AIDS. No Flames please, He did ask for suggestions from us and these are things that helped me thrive and survive living with HIV/AIDS.Cheers and Hugs, HunterOn Dec 10, 2008, at 8:24 PM, PlagueBoy wrote:i collapsed dec 16th '07 due to complications of full blown aids. since then i have been on a long hard road to attempt to recover and lead at least a somewhat normal life. im a straight white male/non drug injector who WAS addicted to women. in retrospect i suppose it stemmed from low self esteem but....look what it got me. my viral load was 290,000 when diagnosed (Dr estimated id had it for at least 10 years) and my cd4 count was 6.9 %/ t-cell count was 19. i also had viral menangitis and pcp pneumonia. i am now 39 yrs old and i had never had an HIV test. i was on self destruct back then and didnt want to know. i never got the karposis sarcoma on my skin because mine is on my brain. the only reason im still alive is because my girlfriend(who is a nurse) cared enough about me to nurse me back to health and a damn good dr who nailed that evil virus to the wall with Kaletra and Epzicom. my viral load, for the past 7 months has been below 48 and my cd4 is creeping up ever-so-slowly to  8.1% now. my t-cell count is 97. i am reminded daily of the old saying " the cure is worse than the disease" when i have daily nausea/puking/ hershey squirts. kaletra is mean stuff man.  im soooo tired of fighting the fight guys. my 1 year death/birthday is coming up and it looks like SHE is done with me....kicking me to the curb........Im tellin ya guys....i dont know if i even want to "keep up the good fight". ive spent my whole sexual life chasing whores and other types of women of loose morals and i have thought i loved before but i didnt . i fell IN love with her before i fell sick and it WAS  a great feeling....now im a miserable diseased bastard. im debating on if i should even keep up the meds. they have wreaked havoc on my system anyhow and if i have to be as mentally and amorously bereft as well as constantly physically ill. WHY TRY?????....Hell....ive lived a full and damned interesting life. i have 5 kids with 5 different women who can carry on my corrupt genes...lol....ive had many good friends over the years and we have shared many great times (even though i have still fallen victim to the SOCIAL death that precedes the actual PHYSICAL death  of AIDS nonetheless). i have NEVER known anyone who is POZ or even heard of anyone in these mtns of western NC infected......I....no.....WE have been so damn alone. im sure there are at least a few here who have felt the same way. i USED to be a damn good stone mason. ive built many fine looking homes but these days im always too sick from the meds or fatigued to actually drag my dead ass  to a jobsite....dammit!!!.... i used to be someone!!!....hells bells......well.....im through pissing and moaning....."oh boohoo!!...poor me!!"......lol......i hope i havent bummed anyone out with my pathetic,pitiful rant here.....hope to hear from a few of you guys before i lose access to the net when she throws me out.....peace out........NC (PlagueBoy)