Re: inclusion being made fun of

[Guest guest]

To all the parents that posted about this or are concerned about this,

There are many wonderful stories of hope to inspire your child who is

going through the hurtfulness and pain of discrimination from school

or from neighborhood children. One place to find these stories is in

the Chicken Soup For the Soul books and on the website too

http://www.chickensoup.com (for example " The Little Girl Who Dared

To Wish " )

Awhile ago I posted about a technique that our Vice President Cheryl

SLS MA Educational Consultant, and NJ State Teacher

Representative teaches and uses successfully with her students.

Cheryl will be at the next meeting so if you are from the NJ area,

you can talk to her personally! Here is the " circle of friends " in

a nutshell:

A circle of friends is when you bring together all the children in

the class. This would include of course. The discussion would

be right in front of (your child) where (your child)'s speech

disorder would be talked about, as well as how frustrating it is to

communicate and how painful it is to be teased about it, etc. (your

child) can add to the conversation if he wants, and everyone shares

and learns.

Cheryl says it works so well that then the children in the circle of

friends go out of their way to protect and watch over and translate

for the child with the communication problem. Don't just stick to

the school either -do this with neighborhood children too. Along

those lines -I found this article below which I believe also confirms

what Cheryl is successfully doing.

HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH DIFFERENCES

National Network for Child Care's Connections Newsletter

Marilyn Brink, M.Ed., ECE

District Supervisor/Trainer

Two Rivers Head Start, St. , Illinois

Copyright/Access Information

When noted kindergarten teacher Vivian Paley and her students from

the University of Chicago lab school adopted a new classroom rule:

You can't say " you can't play, " they realized that's not how things

worked in the real world. They began to see that whether or not you

could play often depended on how you looked or whether you were

different. So Paley and her students decided to try to make their

classroom " nicer " than the real world.

All children learn very early what adults around them value. Between

the ages of 2 and 5, children are becoming aware of gender, race,

ethnicity, and disabilities (Neugebauer, 1992). They can see how we

feel about people who are different from us. And our feelings

gradually begin to influence their feelings. Children do what we do,

not what we tell them to do.

We need to become aware of our own attitudes. Ana Consuelo Matiella

encourages us to give children an environment in which they can begin

to learn about differences. Our goal in this type of environment is

for children to develop fairness and tolerance for differences and to

learn to challenge unfair treatment of others.

For the longest time, in our efforts to be fair, we have tried to

treat all children alike. " I don't even notice Kiki's color, " her

caregiver claims. Louise Derman-Sparks calls this the color-blind

approach. She says that people who deny differences mean well. They

are trying to counter bigotry by saying we are all alike under our

skin. But this approach defines being different as something

negative. When we deny a child's differences, we ignore his

uniqueness.

Because children form identity and self-concept during this sensitive

period of development, we must answer their questions honestly and

factually. We must take the time to challenge distorted thinking,

which is actually preprejudice (York, 1991). Young children watch

their parents and teachers to see how they react to prejudicial ideas

and comments. Our responses greatly affect the ideas that they will

form.

Preschool children are naturally curious about the world, and they

have questions about specific things that they notice. Questions

about physical, gender, ethnic, or racial differences may be

difficult for some adults to answer. But the way we answer will

influence the child who is concluding that something is " wrong " with

a person who is different.

Cary, author of " Talking about Differences Children

Notice, " gives some guidelines for responding to awkward questions.

Children are more comfortable with differences when they understand

why people are different.

RESPOND PROMPTLY. If possible, answer questions as soon as children

ask them. If you ignore questions, children may decide that there is

something wrong about the question or the person the question

concerns. Children learn not to ask questions that make people

uncomfortable. Prejudice often begins when children develop

misconceptions based on their limited experiences.

GIVE SIMPLE ANSWERS. Answers should be simple and relate to a child's

experience and level of development. If a child asks, " Why is that

man so dark?, " you can say simply, " He is dark because his mother

and/or father is dark. You have blond hair just like your mother. "

MODEL RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR, BOTH VERBALLY AND NONVERBALLY. Many people

were taught as children not to stare. They were taught so well that

they avoid looking at people with disabilities at all.

ACKNOWLEDGE CHILDREN'S FEARS. Some children are afraid of the

unknown. They may have wrong ideas about people who are different.

They may be suspicious of unusual people and resist the new and

different. Fears should be accepted, and children should be offered

help to deal with their fears. Helpful responses acknowledge the

child's feelings. You might say, " You're scared of the man without

legs. " Then give the child the tools and experiences to help her deal

with her fear.

INTRODUCE DIFFERENCES THROUGH BOOKS. It can be less threatening for

some children to meet people who are different first in a book.

Issues surrounding differences can be discussed in terms of the

characters in the book. Then you can broaden the discussion to

include children in the group or people in the community.

It is important for adults to be sensitive to the unasked questions

as well (Cary, 1992). If you sense that a child is confused or

uneasy, try to verbalize those feelings for him. Get feelings out in

the open so you can talk about them.

Remember, though, that actions speak louder than words. So we must be

especially careful about how our actions shape the values that

children learn as they encounter the people in their world. If we

don't act, they will learn by default the messages that are all too

prevalent in the world. And we'll find ourselves perpetuating ideas

that we really do not want to pass on to our children.

REFERENCES

Cary, E. 1992. " Talking about Differences Children Notice. " In B.

Neugebauer (Ed.), *Alike and Different* (pp. 11-15). Washington, DC:

National Association for the Education of Young Children.

Derman-Sparks, L. 1992. " Reaching Potentials Through Anti-Bias,

Multicultural Curriculum. " In S. Bredekamp and T. Rosegrant (Eds.),

*Reaching Potentials: Appropriate Curriculum and Assessment for Young

Children*, vol. 1. Washington, DC: National Association for the

Education of Young Children.

Heller, C. Spring 1993. " Equal Play. " In *Teaching Tolerance*, vol.

1, no. 1, pp. 24-37.

Matiella, A. 1991. Positively Different: Creating a Bias-Free

Environment for Young Children. Santa Cruz, CA: ETR Associates.

York, S. 1991. *Roots And Wings: Affirming Culture in Early Childhood

Programs*. Minnesota: Redleaf Press.

Reprinted with permission from the Fox Valley AEYC, Elgin, Illinois.

DOCUMENT USE/COPYRIGHT

National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Part of CYFERNET, the

National Extension Service

Children Youth and Family Educational Research Network. Permission is

granted to reproduce

these materials in whole or in part for educational purposes only

(not for profit beyond the cost of

reproduction) provided that the author and Network receive

acknowledgment and this notice is

included:

You can also try talking to some of the moms in the class and arrange

for your children to get together with one other child at a time to

do a fun planned activity where you are there to intervien.

articles on bullying from M.

Articles on Bullies: (you may have to cut and paste some longer links)

Bully Advice and Tips For Kids

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/parenting/site/articles/bully_

advice_kno\ll.htm

Online conference transcript: How to Help Your Child Deal With Bullies

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/parenting/site/transcripts/bul

lies.htm

Help For Parents and Teachers On Dealing With Bullies and School

Violence

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/parenting/site/articles/school

_violence_\knoll.htm

Child on Child Violence

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/parenting/site/articles/child_

violence_k\noll.htm

Books on Bullies:

Bullies & Victims : Helping Your Child Survive the Schoolyard

Battlefield by Suellen Fried, a Fried

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0871318407/ref=pd_sim_books/102

-2688874-6\686525

Taking the Bully by the Horns - by Kathy Noll

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0937004111/healthyplacecom/102-

2688874-66\86525

How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies : A Book That Takes

the Nuisance Out of Name Calling and Other Nonsense: by Kate Cohen-

Posey, Betsy A. Lampe (Illustrator)

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1568250290/ref=pd_sxp_elt_l1/10

2-2688874-\6686525

The Ant Bully by Nickle

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0590395912/ref=pd_sxp_elt_l1/10

2-2688874-\6686525

What to Do... When Kids Are Mean to Your Child (What to Do Parenting

Guides, Vol. 1) by Elin McCoy

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0895779846/ref=pd_sxp_elt_l1/10

2-2688874-\6686525

Stick Up for Yourself : Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power &

Positive Self-Esteem by Lev Raphael, Gershen Kaufman, Pamela Espeland

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1575420686/ref=pd_sim_books/102

-2688874-6\686525

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