CHILD BEING REALLY ATTACHED?

[Guest guest]

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IF ANYBODY HAS HAD A PROBLEM WITH THEIR CHILD BEING REALLY

ATTACHED TO THEM,THEN STARTING THEM IN A " SPECIAL PRE-SCHOOL " AND HAVING THEM

CRY THE

ENTIRE TIME.WILL THIS GET BETTER?MY SON (3YR OLD)ALSO HAS A HARD TIME CALMING

HIMSELF

DOWN DURING THIS PROCESS.WE HAVE TRIED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF.ANY

SUGGESTIONS?

[Guest guest]

Hello,

We had that situation with one of our children. We opted to not continue

his enrollement in the preschool. We saw his sadness and crying as a clue

to us that something was not right with the situation. We determined he

was just not ready even though it was a good preschool with excellent

teachers. Instead we opted for 'parent-child' classes that we attended

together. We did parent-child gym classes and music classes and art

classes. Later, he had difficulty with kindergarten for the same reasons,

but with a careful process of staying for short periods of time at first

and meeting some friends that we saw outside of class, the transition went

pretty well. We did a lot of discussing of the fun things that happen at

school, that I was as near as a phone call away and that his sister was

having a great time at school.

People have very different experiences on this topic. For us, it was best

to forego pre-school, but for others there are reasons why they decide to

continue.

Kids are really different in their readiness for being away from home in

preschool. Our oldest child was born with a lunch box in her hand.

:-) She couldn't wait to start school.

At 12:57 PM 3/19/02 -0500, you wrote:

>I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IF ANYBODY HAS HAD A PROBLEM WITH THEIR CHILD BEING

>REALLY

>ATTACHED TO THEM,THEN STARTING THEM IN A " SPECIAL PRE-SCHOOL " AND HAVING

>THEM CRY THE

>ENTIRE TIME.WILL THIS GET BETTER?MY SON (3YR OLD)ALSO HAS A HARD TIME

>CALMING HIMSELF

>DOWN DURING THIS PROCESS.WE HAVE TRIED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I CAN THINK

>OF.ANY

>SUGGESTIONS?

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Yes I had exactly that and we had a couple of things that helped us

through it - but my son is autistic ( hhmmnn not supposed to do that

are they !!) and you may not want to try what we did because of that

(which I would understand !)....here goes anyway.

We made up some little pictures of Charlie getting in the car, the

front of the school , a big smiley looking teacher and the nursery in

action and then mummy arriving and then home.

Charlie is of normal intelligence so the story board wasn't becuse he

was stupid - it was because his panic at my leaving made it hard for

him to understand that I WOULD COME AND GET HIM !!!

I put the picures into one of those wallet sized photo albums and we

looked at it from time to time. Then when he went to nursey we looked

at each picture and went through the story before and as it happened

( and yes he did get distressed as soon as he realised what was going

to happen !!) but the advance warning at least reduced his fright. He

took the book in with him and when he got upset the teachers used it

to remind him of the happy ending and it strted to calm him.

He got the hang of this so quickly after MONTHS of leaving him

screaming that I just wish I had tried it sooner. The fear and

distress at my leaving ( and of course his inability to convey that

verbally) seemed to rob him of his ability to " hear " assurances but

the photos seemed to give him a clear reminder that everything would

be fine and the fact that it was tangible just increased the benefit.

For a couple of days he would go and get the book to hold at times as

a comfort thing .

He dosen't need it now and ceased to need it fairly quickly.

I also found that it was important that the parting was reasonably

swift and upbeat or my distress at his distress was quickly picked up

by him and that increased the fear .It was hard to do as lack of

emotion on my part felt like I didn't care when he did !

Good luck - I remember weeks of sitting in my car after I left him

just weeping and feeling like the worst mother. I'm sure it will get

better. I hope you find something to help !

Regards

Deborah D

> I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IF ANYBODY HAS HAD A PROBLEM WITH THEIR CHILD

BEING REALLY

> ATTACHED TO THEM,THEN STARTING THEM IN A " SPECIAL PRE-SCHOOL " AND

HAVING THEM CRY THE

> ENTIRE TIME.WILL THIS GET BETTER?MY SON (3YR OLD)ALSO HAS A HARD

TIME CALMING HIMSELF

> DOWN DURING THIS PROCESS.WE HAVE TRIED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I CAN

THINK OF.ANY

> SUGGESTIONS?

[Guest guest]

My daughter was like that. She started a regular preschool with her

twin sister when they were 2 yrs 9 months. Both girls were happy,

and we liked the teacher.

At 3, we had her tested by the school district, and just

qualified for a special day class. We went ahead and changed her to

the special day class because it was taught by a speech therapist,

and then she could get speech and other services.

Well, hated it. She screamed every day. She came home and

had tantrums. I couldn't hang out at the school because I also had

's twin sister .

could barely talk at the time. Then one day when we took

to school said " Me happy 's school. Me not happy

my school. " She also was not making any progress with her speech.

In fact, her speech had deteriorated (except saying she wasn't

happy). We pulled her out.

I put her in a little neighborhood playgroup for the rest of the

year. Then the following year, I put both girls together at the

private preschool. 's been happy ever since.

Go with your gut. You know your kid better than anyone else.

Good luck!

Suzi

> I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IF ANYBODY HAS HAD A PROBLEM WITH THEIR CHILD

BEING REALLY

> ATTACHED TO THEM,THEN STARTING THEM IN A " SPECIAL PRE-SCHOOL " AND

HAVING THEM CRY THE

> ENTIRE TIME.WILL THIS GET BETTER?MY SON (3YR OLD)ALSO HAS A HARD

TIME CALMING HIMSELF

> DOWN DURING THIS PROCESS.WE HAVE TRIED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I CAN

THINK OF.ANY

> SUGGESTIONS?

[Guest guest]

YES, We had a really rough time with my twin boys going to special ed

pre-school. It was a full-time session, but I pulled them out at 12:00 when

they were suppose to go to school till 2:45pm. Now they are in their

full-tim. But one of my boys Cried everyday last year and for one month this

year. Now they run right into the classroom and don't even say good-bye..

It was extremely tuff on me...I was going to pull them out and I watching

that teacher making sure she was not hard on my boys.....But it worked out

THIS YEAR, next year is a different story....JOYA

[Guest guest]

WELL THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REPLIED TO MY ATTACHED CHILD,I CERTAINLY WILL HAVE

TO TRY SOME OF THESE,ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT AND RESPOND DIFFERENTLY,SO ALL I

CAN DO IS TRY.