Re: Obsessive

[Guest guest]

My son, , is only 3. However, he gets into these 'ruts' of

behavior. For example, to go to bed -- he gets carried, blanket 1

needs to be arranged just right on the bed, he lays down, gets

covered with blanket 2 (just right), then with blanket 3, sing song,

kiss Mom, repeat steps 2-4, dim light (just right), Mom leaves but

has to return 2x, then all is well.

There are a number of these in his routine (bedtime is the most

elaborate) and if they aren't just right -- look out! When he wears

a jacket, it MUST be zipped up. When he wears PJs, he must have

socks (even with footed PJs). I could go on.

I can only imagine what this will be like when he is 8 or 12 or ...

Margaret...'s Mom

[Guest guest]

Gretchen

One of my older boys was very picky about his hair. He had very course hair

with a mind of it's own! Some days he would wake up having bad hair days & it

would be VERY upsetting to him. We went to a style that was really short. We

would vary between a flat top & a fade. Too this day he still wears his hair

pretty much the same way and doesn't worry about it. He also was picky about

how clothes fit, & that would also slow us down some mornings. He did not have

any speech or other problems. We have another relative that is alot like him.

I wonder if it is just something with their personallities??? Hope you find

help soon, mornings are stressful enough just getting kids out the door & to

school on time!!

Tammy I.

----- Original Message -----

I didn't know where to put this so here goes.I really just had a question and

so anyone with an answer of a suggestion chime in.My son is obsessed with how

his hair is and I mean obsessed to the point where one might say he is

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.His hair is short and he spends at least a half

an hour putting hair gel and water on it so that every hair stays down.We

start early to get ready for school or whatever because of this and it is

rediculous.He gets so angry sometimes that he throws the hair brush. Does

anyone else who's child is apraxic have this problem with anything llike

this? Or is it me? Any suggestions to some solutions.He gets upset so bad

that he is crying before we leave the house>Usually I just laugh but some

mornings it is very STRESSFUL>HELP! Gretchen mother to who is apraxic

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Please do not freak out when you read what I have to say and please

be assured I am going to try to say this as best I can .

Your children displaying obssessive behaviours will usually need to

do so . A child with obsessions is deriving comfort from that

behaviour - it makes the world right for them, giving them a sense of

security which allows them to do the things that life demands of

them. Our children have a range and variety of difficulties and we

can only usually guess how that affects them and how they find their

own ways to make themselves feel more comfortable in their

enviroment !! I do not suggest that you eternally pander to their

compulsions but please do not laugh at them as it will make them less

rather than more sure. What I do with my son is reassure him , help

him and distract him. With your child it may be pyjamas or hair ,

with my son it was walking from one room to another and he would need

me to pick him up . I dealt with this by reassuring him that he was

OK and holding him as tight to me as I could before helping him

across the doorway. He was distressed and it took some time but he

gradually got more confident. He also needed to go up the escalators

in a big store in the town whenever we visited ..I let him go up the

first set and then comforted him and had a comic ready to distract

him when we couldn't go up further . Once he could cope with this I

did the same comforting, reassuring and distracting as we went past

the store and didn't go in.

Now this is where I may loose you. Compulsive, repetetive, behaviour -

particularly if combined with a disproprtionate reaction when the

compulsion is thwarted ( ie tantrums, screaming , aggresion or

distress) can be OCD but is also a symptom of autism/aspergers. I am

not FOR A MOMENT suggesting that your children are autistic but there

is a crossover in the two conditions ( apraxia and autism) and autism

is not the life long incurable condition it once was . All of the

treatments available work best if started at a young age and the

longer a period of time goes by before a child gets help the worse

their prognosis . If your child has one " thing " ( like hair) it is

probably just that - a thing . If you can stand back from your childs

behaviour and see that there are a lot of things that your child has

to have just so ( certain toys played with in a certain way , the

same videos over and over again, always sitting in the same seat at

mealtimes, always wanting a small range of foods) then you should

consider getting this checked out.

Autism bears NO relation to Rainman. These children are often highly

active..almost in your face.., bright, enjoy other childrens company,

clever etc etc. I knowq one mum whose child is clearly autistic ( I

have spent a lot of time with the child) who dismissed the suggestion

of a mutual friend because her son does puzzles way beyond his age

ability and can read very well..and her husband is a mathematician.

Those things actually made it more likely rather than less but she

has this mental image of dreamy, spaced out children - just not the

truth at all !!

I have to say again that I would not make any judgements about your

children and these behaviours can exist in isolation as a quirk of

childhood but , particularly with our children we should all know a

lot better what to look for - the understanding of autism is woeful -

even in the medical profession. I am now grateful that some kind but

blunt Paediatrician explained what my sons lack of speech and funny

behaviours meant as I was able to help him and he now not only has

much brighter prospects but he is SO happy now.

We all have our little " things " ....how many of us always like to park

in the same place when we go to the store, to head for the same table

at a resaurant, have our morning coffee at the same time every

day ???? We all do it and if our kids need these comforts I think we

should support them while trying to gradually give them the

confidence and the strenghth to change the routine. But I would feel

I were cowering from my responsibility as a mum who now knows about

this condition not to flag to those of you who are witnessing and

perhaps concerned about fixed behaviours one of the possible causes

that you should at least consider.

I hope you understand why I wrote and forgive me if I have not

phrased this well or spoken clumsily.

Regards

Deborah D

[Guest guest]

Dear Deborah,

A beautiful and sensitively written message.

Brisbane

----- Original Message -----

> Hi,

> Please do not freak out when you read what I have to say and please

> be assured I am going to try to say this as best I can .

> Your children displaying obssessive behaviours will usually need to

> do so . A child with obsessions is deriving comfort from that

> behaviour - it makes the world right for them, giving them a sense of

> security which allows them to do the things that life demands of

> them. Our children have a range and variety of difficulties and we

> can only usually guess how that affects them and how they find their

> own ways to make themselves feel more comfortable in their

> enviroment !! I do not suggest that you eternally pander to their

> compulsions but please do not laugh at them as it will make them less

> rather than more sure. What I do with my son is reassure him , help

> him and distract him. With your child it may be pyjamas or hair ,

> with my son it was walking from one room to another and he would need

> me to pick him up . I dealt with this by reassuring him that he was

> OK and holding him as tight to me as I could before helping him

> across the doorway. He was distressed and it took some time but he

> gradually got more confident.

[Guest guest]

Deborah,

We keep our eye on to see if his behavior starts tipping the

scales in a different direction. We feel that some of his " OCD-like "

stuff derives from sensory issues. It certainly gets more pronounced

when he works very hard on speech, then diminishes after has has a

breakthrough.

We do " support " his behaviors without pandering to them. Bear hugs

(I think of them a therapy-hugs) have become a huge part of my

relationship with because they help him cope when life is too

much. I started them in despiration because he was having

uncontrollable tantums and acting out. I have discovered that,

often, his misbehavior needs a therapy-hug rather than a time-out.

The challenge for us is knowing the right reaction, plus figuring out

how to cope with the older kids who see that doesn't get

punished the way they do for the same behaviors.

Thanks for your words -- it is messages like yours that keep us

coming back to the list. Information that is hard to get elsewhere,

presented in a supportive environment, from people who have personal

experience.

Margaret...'s Mom