Re: Hopefull

[Guest guest]

Dodie,

At first my husband didn't really see much of a problem either. Our 2 year old

is his only/first child and he didn't have much experience with children. My

husbands " waking up moment " occurred in a mommy and me class he attended with my

son and I. Hubby new had a problem but when he saw the other typical 2

year olds it really hit him. In the class instead of seeing one child here or

there the kids 7 of them were all together, doing the same activities. He

realized then how really truly far behind in speech and imitation skills

was. Thankfully now he is very supportive and great. I still think he doesn't

understand that a 2 year old who can't talk is one thing but will turn

3,4 and so on and as he get older things will get worse unless a lot of progress

is made. I try not to share those worries with him now as I feel he is coming

to grips with the current situation still.

My mother in law was (is great now) a big " Einstein didn't talk till he was 4 "

person as well as some of my hubbys others relatives so I think that added to

his lack of understanding. Seeing the kids all together helped and also coming

to most of doctors appts helped as well. I don't think my husband is

prepared to be a lone advocate for or to really fight for him yet but he

is at the point were he is a great support for me and someday I know he will get

to the point where he could really advocate for .

I'm not sure what kind of advice to give you besides that perhaps seeing in

a setting with typical children may help as it did my husband. I just kind of

said to him, come to a class and see how much fun has (he does love it).

My husband didn't need me to point anything out to him at all, he kept asking

the parents how old their children were and it starting sinking in. As soon as

we got in the car he started to ask me questions and I could see he understood

now. Everyone has their own timetable of acceptance and I am sure your husband

will come to accept things and be a wonderful support for you. Till then we

will try to fill whatever gap you have.

(NJ)

----- Original Message -----

Hi,

My name is Dodie I have a 2 1/2 year old son , believed to be apraxic

Verbal and Oral w/sensory and tactile issues. 16 month old daughter Brook seems

to have no issues.

I am having some problems with my husbands acceptance of my sons speech

problem. Most men think very different from women. Men wait it out and women

prepare for the worst. My son has been in speech therapy since September 10th

with little to no progress. What he has progressed I contribute to his placement

in preschool twice a week.

My question is this is there any way to help him accept this. There are

so many people telling him my son/ nephew didn't talk tell he was 4. He

believes all of this. When my son does say a new word or tries to he says see

he's going to be fine. Up until this point I have contributed his ignorance to

the problem that he sees as his baby and wants to protect him. I have tried

to explain to him some children do not wish to talk, but our child longs for

that communication and gets so frustrated when there is a lack of. I have

started signing to reduce that frustration for everyone. I hope he will realize

it is due to his sons hard work.

We have an appointment with a pediatric neurologist on May 27th. I am so

unaware as to what to expect here. Please Help. I do not want my husband to

have sticker shock when and if there is a label put on my son. My biggest

problem is going it alone. Those cries of a Mother when you first realize there

is a problem and you have to fight for your child to receive the needed help you

wish your partner in life could walk and fight by your side. So far it hasn't

happened I do hope it will soon.

Dodie

[Guest guest]

My husband has been like your husband. He knew that my daughter was

at high risk for problems, and he still ignored it. I think it took

him about a year before he realized that she really needed more

help.

My suggestion is to have your husband around other kids the same age

as your son. Also have your husband go to doctor's appointments and

a few speech therapy appointments.

Good luck!

--- In @y..., " Kirt " <khernandez@e...>

wrote:

> My question is this is there any way to help him accept this.

There are so many people telling him my son/ nephew didn't talk tell

he was 4. He believes all of this. When my son does say a new word

or tries to he says see he's going to be fine. Up until this point I

have contributed his ignorance to the problem that he sees as

his baby and wants to protect him. I have tried to explain to him

some children do not wish to talk, but our child longs for that

communication and gets so frustrated when there is a lack of. I

have started signing to reduce that frustration for everyone. I hope

he will realize it is due to his sons hard work.

> We have an appointment with a pediatric neurologist on May

27th. I am so unaware as to what to expect here. Please Help. I do

not want my husband to have sticker shock when and if there is a

label put on my son. My biggest problem is going it alone. Those

cries of a Mother when you first realize there is a problem and you

have to fight for your child to receive the needed help you wish

your partner in life could walk and fight by your side. So far it

hasn't happened I do hope it will soon.

>

> Dodie

[Guest guest]

Hi Dodie,

You are not alone.... my husband is also in denial of our son's lack of

speech, as is his entire family. I get the " He'll be fine " line all the

time.

>We have an appointment with a pediatric neurologist on May 27th. I

>am so unaware as to what to expect here. Please Help. I do not want

>my husband to have sticker shock when and if there is a label put on

>my son. My biggest problem is going it alone. Those cries of a Mother

>when you first realize there is a problem and you have to fight for

>your child to receive the needed help you wish your partner in life

>could walk and fight by your side. So far it hasn't happened I do hope

>it will soon.

>

>Dodie

[Guest guest]

Hi Dodie.

Surprisingly, it was my husband who was initially concerned about Wiley's

progress. He advised me to ask Wiley's doctor to schedule a developmental

eval for Wiley when he was a little over a year as he was not crawling yet.

He has a daughter from a previous marriage, and comparing them in his mind

got him worried. So I definitely agree that you should try to get your

husband and son with children his age and a twit younger - it helps when you

have someone else who is age-appropriate with speech aroung your child to

see that there is indeed a difference. I knew Wiley was behind but I didn't

have expectations the way did.

On the other hand, when it comes to daily interactions, my husband tends to

be a little too laid back around Wiley. Like, he decides Wiley has mastered

going downstairs and will go a few steps ahead of him and be shocked that

Wiley falls or whatever. And I freak out and so on.

So it's been a mixed bag.

A joke I make regularly is that I'll freak out over some missed step or

delay these days at one point, and 3 months later my husband will be

freaking out over it as if he didn't hear a word I said 3 months prior to

his realization of a problem. It's more humorous than anything, but it does

seem to take him longer than me to see an issue as an ISSUE.

I totally agree with the advice of others on the list - bring him to any and

all formal evaluations- is not involved in all the EIP appointments,

etc., but he's with me on the big ones, the hospital evals, and so on. And

he gets uncharacteristically lively and talkative during these evals and

seems to take a lot out of them.

It's a funny thing when your spouse freaks out or gets worried, too. You

suddenly become the down-player, the " oh no, it'll get better " and so on.

It's not like you sit together and go " OH MY GOD " at the same time very

often. It's a bit of turn-taking.

Good luck, Dodie.

Stay the course and things will be bound to fall into place.

Here's a quick example. I got accepted into a Masters program for

elementary teaching this Fall. I deferred to 2003 since there's still so

much to do in terms of Wiley. Well, was totally into me going this

Fall and really wouldn't even let me say I was deferring to him. Then a

couple of months later, after I had already deferred enrollment, he says

" It's really good you are waiting a year ot go back to school. Wiley really

needs a lot of attention still and particularly with his speech... "

So stick with your gut feelings. If you're right, they'll come around. If

not, well wouldn't that be nice? To be wrong? And he wakes up tomorrow

talking in full sentences??

Betsy

>--- In @y..., " Kirt " <khernandez@e...>

> > My question is this is there any way to help him accept this.

>There are so many people telling him my son/ nephew didn't talk tell

>he was 4. He believes all of this. When my son does say a new word

>or tries to he says see he's going to be fine. Up until this point I

>have contributed his ignorance to the problem that he sees as

>his baby and wants to protect him. I have tried to explain to him

>some children do not wish to talk, but our child longs for that

>communication and gets so frustrated when there is a lack of. I

>have started signing to reduce that frustration for everyone. I hope

>he will realize it is due to his sons hard work.

> > We have an appointment with a pediatric neurologist on May

>27th. I am so unaware as to what to expect here. Please Help. I do

>not want my husband to have sticker shock when and if there is a

>label put on my son. My biggest problem is going it alone. Those

>cries of a Mother when you first realize there is a problem and you

>have to fight for your child to receive the needed help you wish

>your partner in life could walk and fight by your side. So far it

>hasn't happened I do hope it will soon.

> >

> > Dodie

[Guest guest]

> I am having some problems with my husbands acceptance of my sons speech

problem. Most men think very different from women. Men wait it out and women

prepare for the worst. My son has been in speech therapy since September 10th

with little to no progress. What he has progressed I contribute to his placement

in preschool twice a week. <

Dodie,

My husband didn't accept the truth at first but now he is well aware. I have a

nephew who is 10 months younger than our son and a niece who is 8 months older.

As you see your child play with other children their age and see the other

child's speech develop it really gives you a wake up call. Maybe if your

husband sees your son with other children his age he will see what you are so

concerned about. Good luck

Daphne

[Guest guest]

Hi Dodie. My son will be 3 in July and has been diagnosed with

Verbal/Oral Apraxia from his speech pathologist only, insurance is, of course,

fighting this, so we were off to a pediatric neurologist yesterday. The

neurologist ordered blood work, a Fragile X blood test, EEG and MRI. This

sounds very interesting considering my son doesn't sit still for a second. He

will have to be sedated for both the MRI and EEG. My husband flew off the

handle...the veins literally started popping out of his head! He thinks this is

all a money scam, but I told him that the neurologist cannot offer a diagnosis

without first ruling out conditions that may be wrong with our son...even though

I feel he is healthy and fine and am not worried at all about these tests, other

than the fact that I don't like sedation. I understand, I believe, how your

husband is reacting. If your child has not yet had these tests, be

prepared....I would imagine these are tests that neurologists require to make a

firm diagnosis. Maybe I'm wrong, but the orders from the doctor were flying out

of his mouth! Anyway, any thoughts from you or anyone else would be

appreciated. Good luck Dodie! Keep a stiff upper lip and remember to tell your

husband that you together are a team and this is hard enough on you and your

child without him chiming in about things he may not know enough about. That's

just what I tell my husband when he talks before he thinks! Debbie

[ ] Hopefull

Hi,

My name is Dodie I have a 2 1/2 year old son , believed to be apraxic

Verbal and Oral w/sensory and tactile issues. 16 month old daughter Brook seems

to have no issues.

I am having some problems with my husbands acceptance of my sons speech

problem. Most men think very different from women. Men wait it out and women

prepare for the worst. My son has been in speech therapy since September 10th

with little to no progress. What he has progressed I contribute to his placement

in preschool twice a week.

My question is this is there any way to help him accept this. There are

so many people telling him my son/ nephew didn't talk tell he was 4. He

believes all of this. When my son does say a new word or tries to he says see

he's going to be fine. Up until this point I have contributed his ignorance to

the problem that he sees as his baby and wants to protect him. I have tried

to explain to him some children do not wish to talk, but our child longs for

that communication and gets so frustrated when there is a lack of. I have

started signing to reduce that frustration for everyone. I hope he will realize

it is due to his sons hard work.

We have an appointment with a pediatric neurologist on May 27th. I am so

unaware as to what to expect here. Please Help. I do not want my husband to

have sticker shock when and if there is a label put on my son. My biggest

problem is going it alone. Those cries of a Mother when you first realize there

is a problem and you have to fight for your child to receive the needed help you

wish your partner in life could walk and fight by your side. So far it hasn't

happened I do hope it will soon.

Dodie