RE: [SPAM] Running on empty

[Guest guest]

Terry-I am so sorry to hear that you are going thru such a rough time. May

I pray for you and your family?

Peace,

Amy (mom to Bradley 4 IGA Def, and 8)

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of

cerdaclan

Sent: Tuesday, November 28, 2006 9:39 AM

Subject: [sPAM] Running on empty

You know, when things get tough....I think about just cutting

everything out of my life and curling up in a ball....I told a

friend yesterday that I would not be here (in this forum) for a

while. But after coming a bit to my senses this morning, I realize

that this is likely the only place that people understand...where I

can get support to stay afloat.

I was so excited in here a few weeks ago when it seemed things were

going our way....we thought we had a teacher for the girls....we

thought the Beckett waiver would be cut and dry.....we thought

things were looking up. Yesterday, I sat and watched a news story

that was done about our family on a copy DVD of the broadcast....and

I fell apart realizing that it just doesn't change. I have my

precious daughter who I am worried about, but the docs won't

respond. I have the school district that told me that they will not

write an IEP for my children because they are too far ahead and that

they will not write an IEP until they fall behind....but in the

meantime, if I want a teacher, they will teach them at an age

appropriate level....not a level that they are functioning at. I

have piles of paperwork for the Beckett Waiver, but the docs

won't get the paperwork done and submitted to support the

application...it isn't that they won't....they are supportive of

it...they are just too busy to get it done and I have a deadline of

December 4th.

Then yesterday, my husbands employer...the lovely federal government

decided to give all of their dedicated police officers a special

christmas gift....they cut his monthly paycheck by over $800 without

warning. We stayed up all night last night panicing.....he is ready

to stand out on a street corner with a sign that reads " will enforce

laws and protect your country for groceries " . Our home is falling

apart. We are living out of a 16cu foot fridge that has only enough

room for our medicine and a small amount of groceries.

I am waking up most mornings feeling like I am dying.....I am so

exhausted. I don't understand....I don't get it. I ask what I have

done to deserve this. I have spent so much of my life helping

others....giving.....supporting.....never with expectations....but

at some level....I wonder why nothing good ever happens to us.....

In my heart....I know I won't die....I know that we will be ok.....I

know that good things happen to us....I remind myself that there are

so many people who have it so much worse than we do. I know that,

because of who I am....I will get over this and put it behind me and

keep pushing ahead in hopes that just one thing will go the right

way. But here we are at Christmas, and my husband and I have

realized that we will not be able to get gifts for eachother this

year....that my family will be angry with me when their gift giving

is not reciprocated......and frankly, we are not sure how much

longer we will have a home. I spend day after day being the " rock "

for this family, but I feel that I am crumbling.

Don't worry, I am sure I will be better and over this in a few

days....perhaps even a few hours....but for now, I need to whine a

bit.

Terri (mom, 46, Molly 6 and Maggie 4 PIDers....probably CID...but

who knows)