Re: How do you cope?

[Guest guest]

Wow sounds like it has been rough lately, Lori. The " doesn't get it " part is

the part I can most relate to. I have said this about 3 of my 4 for

different reasons.

My oldest daughter just doesn't get it when it comes to social

behavior--especially what is acceptable in public.

My oldest son doesn't get it when it comes to consequences. That is, never

thinking through his impulse before impulsively engaging in it, often at great

expense to us. He has cost us several thousands of dollars--the fire he set

because he just had to see the pine needle burn, for example.

My youngest son, the only official AS, doesn't get it sometimes at all. He

seems in a different world from everyone else. He is one of the most loving

children, but at 8 he shouldn't still be hugging everybody he meets. He is one

of the most stubborn children, but he shouldn't be planting his body firmly on

the ground to keep from going with me someplace. He is a very intelligent

boy, but he should be able to understand the " w " questions and what kind of

answers to give. He should be able to understand up, down, above, and under

better

as well.

I, like you, in the bad times, especially when I feel sorry for myself,

wondered why I, so outgoing and able to get along with others, had these

children.

And why wasn't I going to be able to have those " normal " friendships with

other families that energize and motivate me.

I have spent a lot of time where you were in that email. All I can say is

that sometimes I still feel that way. Now, most of the time, I see where I am

at and where my children are at as a privilege, a mission in life, something

that actually makes me stand out in a crowd. ----You know, when I was younger,

that would have been intriguing--being noticed. I think I just thought it

would be for my brilliance or that maybe I would one day be nominated for Mother

of the Year. Instead I'm noticed for children's outbursts, for visits(almost

never positive ones) to the school, for my knowledge of medications(much to the

chagrin of my homeopathic friends), and for my uncanny ability to be patient(

and that is probably really fear-produced because I know that all attention is

usually on us--the outbursts you know---and everyone is just waiting for me

to lose it.)

The best medicine so far has been all of the wonderful people here who see

the humor in raising our unique children.. Every time a humorous spin is put on

something I have felt like crying about it just seems to put it in

perspective. Our life IS normal--at least for what we've been blessed with. I'm

NOT a

bad parent, a martyr maybe, a saint would be okay, but NOT a bad parent.

I wish I knew more directions to give that would immediately solve some of

the difficulties, but I'm sure someone else will post with much more wisdom than

I anyway. Just know that there is at least one other person who has been

there and cares.

Debbie in NC

[Guest guest]

> I listen and nod, but I want to say...YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT

>PAIN IS!>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

Lori,

I really feel and understand you pain as my son is also 8 yrs old

and I feel the same way as these other moms have NO idea how hard it

is to have a child with special needs like our children do.

I am afraid to tell others my story as I am afraid that they won't

want to me a friend but then it is their loss. I just want to

like you say tell them, " You think that you have it bad try living

with a child that does so and so and then you can tell me that you

have it bad " . ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) to you and

remember that I am going through this also.

Please feel free to email me private and we can chat. Do you do IM

as in or MSN Messenger??? If so I can give you mine.

Hang in there and yes I do feel like crying and did today when I saw

that my son ripe a piece of wallpaper of the wall. I told him

that " we should go live in a real dump of a house and then it

wouldn't matter what he did to that house " , he said, " I don't want

to live in a smaller house " . So then I am thinking and have told

him " lets take care of this house " .

Marj in MI

[Guest guest]

Hi Lori Jo,

I don't know if I can offer much, but I just wanted to put my two cents in, for

a little moral support. I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time.

I too have been there, with the inappropriate behaviour, and the mortifying

playground incidents. I also have been reduced to tears from some of the as

behaviour our daughter has exhibited. Living with as has, so far for us, been a

take it a day at time sort of thing. Sometimes things are fine, sometimes we're

caught completely off guard by some strange and inappropriate behaviour. I

don't know if this is common with some of the other children or not, but my

daughter seems to reserve her strangest (and most embarrassing!) behaviour for

times when she's out with me, as opposed to with my husband.

Anyway, hopefully you will take some comfort in knowing there are other parents

out there facing these challenges. I know finding this site and reading the

daily challenges faced by other parents with as kids has been a huge

help/comfort for our family.

- janice

( ) How do you cope?

I have been sitting here with my head on my desk...I have had it. I feel

like I am finally over the edge, and life has just handed me more than I can

handle.

Please tell me...how do you guys cope? Honestly. Not what should you

do...what DO you do with all the frustrations and emotions that build up.

I have been in tears on and off for 4 days. I feel like my life is in a

vise, and I dont know what my kids will do next. Yesterday, I found the

bedspread in our master bedroom was cut in the middle with scissors. I

called in my 8 yr old son, and he immediately morphed into a guilt-ridden

creature, and threw himself over the cut part of the bedspread. I asked him

why he did it (!!), he said he just felt like it, but was very sorry. He

lost computer for month, and has to pay to have it fixed. He went into a

wild emotional rage that he had to lose money. No amopunt of reasponing with

him seems to do any good. He just doesnt get it.

Last night while i was making dinner, I asked my son to hand me the

mayonaisse, and he tossed it to me without me looking. It fell and broke. He

wasnt angry, he just doesnt get it that you dont do that.

He can not eat a meal without wearing half of it -- even with me sitting

next to him trying to get hime ot use his napkin, and sit close to his

plate.

I could go on and on...the only break from a seemingly endless stream of

bizarre behavior is when my son is sleeping. We are caring, very involved

parent, who love our son deeply, but his behavior is getting weirder, and

i'm scared for him, and us.

I feel less able to leave the house with them lately, since I just dont know

what he is going to do. (I took him to the park yesterday to play, and a boy

came up to him and wanted to play, but he ignored him. I talked to my son

and tried to see if he would want to play with the boy. He did walk over to

him and the started to play, but my son just started telling him what to do,

and wouldnt listen to anything he had to add... " go stand over there, and

count to 50, then you will come back here and see if you can find the

treasure that I have hidden somewhere in this sandbox, there will be no

peaking, and if you find it within 90 seconds, it will be your turn " ...well

the kid left alright, and didnt come back. My son was so mad and yelled and

the kid that he wasnt playing right, and the kids mother went and stood

inside the play area, like she was concerned. I just left. MOre tears for me

on the drive home, as I just feel like we cant go anywhere.

Ocassionaly i meet my friends for coffee, and I listen to one cry about

their senior honor student who isnt getting busy looking for scholarships

yet, or the other complains about their son having too many sleep overs.

Another child had a fender-bender with his car, another cries over her

daughter's choice of a boyfriend. I listen and nod, but I want to say...YOU

GUYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN IS!

Life is just feeling very cruel to me lately as I watch my son's behavior

getting more bizarre and unpredictable. (His psychiatrist has tried severl

medications, but seems to be at a loss to help).

Thanks for letting me vent, I know I have to somehow develope a thicker

skin, but it is a hard life. And seeing my little boy, who I love so dearly,

suffer as he does breaks my heart. He wants a friend so bad, and the

constant rejection from his peers is painful for him, and at times leaves

him depressed.

End of vent. Thanks for listening.

Lori

[Guest guest]

> Thanks for letting me vent, I know I have to somehow develope a

thicker

> skin, but it is a hard life. And seeing my little boy, who I love

so dearly,

> suffer as he does breaks my heart. He wants a friend so bad, and the

> constant rejection from his peers is painful for him, and at times

leaves

> him depressed.

>

> End of vent. Thanks for listening.

>

> Lori

(((((Lori))))),

You're not the first person to ask this question on the list and

won't be the last. Most of us have our vent posts every now and then.

It's ok to vent. It's ok to cry. But try not to stay there.

I have two sons and a daughter. My oldest son is 14 and was

diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome last year. My middle son is 12 and

has just been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I cope by knowing

that my kids have enough things on their plate and don't need an

unhappy mother on top of it. I cope by looking back at the years I've

survived and seeing how far we've come and focusing on the moment and

not worrying about the future - while at the same time doing

everything I can now to see that the future is good for my sons. I

cope by choosing to grow through this experience so that I am a more

compassionate, caring, and confident than I was before. I cope by

believing that there is an intelligence in the universe and that

there is a reason for all that we're living through....and although

it may not look like it, that everything is unfolding in a perfect

way. I cope by looking for the gifts in each moment of the day. I

focus on the positives and not the negatives. I get angry,

frustrated, scared, sad...all those emotions - and I give myself full

permission to feel them - but I don't let myself stay there. I cope

by having many friends (and not just the ones with kids like mine),

letting them know that I love them and laughing and making other

people laugh. I cope by volunteering my time to causes that I feel

are worthwhile. I cope by realizing that as hard as this is, there is

always someone who has it worse. I cope by praying for the strength

and guidance to do what has to be done and the opportunity to learn

all the lessons that my sons have to teach me. I cope by avoiding -

as much as possible - people who don't get it and will judge me. And

it seems to be working because I have more friends now than I've ever

had in my life, more interests and more joy.

I can't change the fact that I have two aspie sons, but I can choose

how to react to it all. I can choose to be happy. Sometimes I don't

really feel happy, but I put on the happy face and reach out with

love and humor to others, and when I see them laugh and give love

back to me, then the happiness comes. I'm willing to forgive my

friends with NT children for worrying about things that I only wish I

could worry about. I respect their right to worry about their

children too and know that being a parent is difficult under all

circumstances. But I also choose friends who are willing to listen

to me and support me when i need to share. This is a biggie. You

need to have someone you can talk to who will understand, or at least

try to. And when I know that no friend will understand, I cope by

coming online and talking to all my friends here. When all else

fails, I know that someone here will understand and say the right

thing. It seems that you've found that way of coping already.

This is the only life you get -unless you believe in reincarnation,

in which case, the life you're living now is the only one that

matters for the moment. Try to make the most of it.

Kathy

[Guest guest]

> I have been sitting here with my head on my desk...I have had it. I

feel

> like I am finally over the edge, and life has just handed me more

than I can

> handle.

>

> Please tell me...how do you guys cope? Honestly. Not what should

you

> do...what DO you do with all the frustrations and emotions that

build up.

>

> I have been in tears on and off for 4 days. I feel like my life is

in a

> vise, and I dont know what my kids will do next.

What do I do. I suppose I just get used to being under a lot of

stress, for one thing. Also, I take meds for depression so that I am

not overwhelmed all the time. I find I am better able to cope when I

am not swallowed up in depression. Have you thought about seeing the

doc for depression?

Another thing I do is try to focus on just today and getting through

today. If I spend too much time considering my lot in life or what

the future holds, I could get caught up in a lot of emotions. So I

really focus on now.

Yesterday, I found the

> bedspread in our master bedroom was cut in the middle with

scissors. I

> called in my 8 yr old son, and he immediately morphed into a guilt-

ridden

> creature, and threw himself over the cut part of the bedspread. I

asked him

> why he did it (!!), he said he just felt like it, but was very

sorry. He

> lost computer for month, and has to pay to have it fixed. He went

into a

> wild emotional rage that he had to lose money. No amopunt of

reasponing with

> him seems to do any good. He just doesnt get it.

>

> Last night while i was making dinner, I asked my son to hand me the

> mayonaisse, and he tossed it to me without me looking. It fell and

broke. He

> wasnt angry, he just doesnt get it that you dont do that.

>

> He can not eat a meal without wearing half of it -- even with me

sitting

> next to him trying to get hime ot use his napkin, and sit close to

his

> plate.

>

> I could go on and on...the only break from a seemingly endless

stream of

> bizarre behavior is when my son is sleeping. We are caring, very

involved

> parent, who love our son deeply, but his behavior is getting

weirder, and

> i'm scared for him, and us.

It is really hard to keep up with them and what they think to do. My

3 yo just came down the stairs totally white, head to toe in powder.

There is powder covering my entire bedroom!! Augh. Cutting up your

quilt is a biggie. But I think you did fine with it - you punished

him and are making him repair the damage. His not getting it is just

part of this. I can only say that you should keep at it and hope

that it eventually sinks in.

Another thing to consider is 'theory of mind' and perhaps he could

use therapy in which they work on helping him to learn to recognize

and consider what other people are thinking and feeling. THis is a

process, not a cure. But we are doing this with my now 6 yo and I do

think it has helped already. One book they are using for these

exercises is, 'Teaching Children with Autism to Mind Read. "

> I feel less able to leave the house with them lately, since I just

dont know

> what he is going to do. (I took him to the park yesterday to play,

and a boy

> came up to him and wanted to play, but he ignored him. I talked to

my son

> and tried to see if he would want to play with the boy. He did walk

over to

> him and the started to play, but my son just started telling him

what to do,

> and wouldnt listen to anything he had to add... " go stand over

there, and

> count to 50, then you will come back here and see if you can find

the

> treasure that I have hidden somewhere in this sandbox, there will

be no

> peaking, and if you find it within 90 seconds, it will be your

turn " ...well

> the kid left alright, and didnt come back. My son was so mad and

yelled and

> the kid that he wasnt playing right, and the kids mother went and

stood

> inside the play area, like she was concerned. I just left. MOre

tears for me

> on the drive home, as I just feel like we cant go anywhere.

Ahhh, the social jungle! lol. I know how you feel. Please hang in

there. Your son needs a lot of therapy in pragmatic language and

play/social skills. There are a lot of good books on the subject but

you might like looking in your area for a therapist (speech?) who has

experience with this or holds a small group social skill class.

Also, check this out at school so he can get ST for these things at

school during the school year. You have to remember that what other

kids seem to learn automatically, our kids require instruction to

know. So it's kind of like throwing him into France and then being

annoyed because he can't speak the language when he's never studied

french! Not that you aren't justified at getting upset over these

situations, I just mean that he really does need to learn a lot of

skills before he will be able to do the things you want for him. The

good news is that he is still young and you have a lot of time to

work on this stuff! (Also, OT for the feeding issues. My ds is the

same way when he eats and he is 14 yo. He is just now starting to do

better with a knife.)

> Ocassionaly i meet my friends for coffee, and I listen to one cry

about

> their senior honor student who isnt getting busy looking for

scholarships

> yet, or the other complains about their son having too many sleep

overs.

> Another child had a fender-bender with his car, another cries over

her

> daughter's choice of a boyfriend. I listen and nod, but I want to

say...YOU

> GUYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN IS!

Oh, ouch. Don't go to coffee like that. It's one sure way to get

depressed, IMO. You might want to find a local autism support group

in your area in which you can start attending and making some new

friends. The best cure for your coffee situation is to surround

yourself with new friends who understand what you are going through.

And being able to say to them that this happened at the playground

yesterday...and have them nod and understand can often make your load

lighter. You are not alone...it just feels that way at the moment.

You have us here online and I know if you try, you can find people in

your area to do things with too.

> Life is just feeling very cruel to me lately as I watch my son's

behavior

> getting more bizarre and unpredictable. (His psychiatrist has tried

severl

> medications, but seems to be at a loss to help).

>

> Thanks for letting me vent, I know I have to somehow develope a

thicker

> skin, but it is a hard life. And seeing my little boy, who I love

so dearly,

> suffer as he does breaks my heart. He wants a friend so bad, and the

> constant rejection from his peers is painful for him, and at times

leaves

> him depressed.

>

> End of vent. Thanks for listening.

>

> Lori

It is hard to watch that. I don't think you ever get over it. But

you can learn to deal with it better. Also, I think if you get him

into some therapy so he can start learning the skills he needs, it

will help him too.

Hang in there - things will get better and when they aren't better,

you have us to talk to!!!

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

Lori,

I think most of us have times where we feel like this. It's hard to

watch your child behave so differently than the norm. It's worse if

they have meltdowns. And personally I think the outbursts are even

worse.

So how do I cope? Well I'm luckier than some. I have a very

supportive hubby. He doesn't really understand it all. And I

sometimes get mad that the bulk of it falls on me. But he ALWAYS

listens. And he's calm. He's my rock.

I have friends w/ kids of all ages. And I have even met several w/

children w/ delays. So I hear a huge range of parenting difficulties.

Some I understand. Some I don't. Some of my friends understand my

problems. Some do not. I'll admit that I sometimes quietly roll my

eyes. It's hard to understand why a friend who is mum to lil " Suzy "

who is a straight A and O student freaks out over one C on one minor

paper. Or has one bad day where perhaps she actually had to pull a

color. Gasp! But then again she listens to me regardless of the fact

that she doesn't have a clue so I return the favor. As a result I

consider her a good friend. Strange how it work sometimes. Obviously

the people who understand best are generally the ones w/ similiar

kids. And if I were you I'd look into meeting some of these parents.

I've had days where I cry. Days where I've paced a hole in the floor.

And a few times I've felt like one more thing is literally going to

push me over the edge of sanity. But it never happens. Apparently I

can handle more than I think. And at my most down times it seems like

I will come across someone whose problems make mine look miniscule.

And then I remind myself of ALL the good things in life. I know I

know. Our common sense reminds us that obviously it could be worse.

Our heart sometimes cries out that it's still pretty darn hard. After

awhile you just remind yourself it's ok to wallow in it for a few

days, but don't let yourself drown.

Do whatever it takes to bring back your sanity. If you need a break

find a way to get it. If you need a good crying jag, go for it. If

you wanna scream, rant and rave...go for it. Just don't throw your

good dishes. Nothing worse than making a mess then having to clean

it up again.

Well you wanted to know what I personally do and I told you. I've

done all of the above. I've also had to change a few things. One I

try to eat dinner w/o the kids. I had visions of family dinners,

picnics, etc. But around here meals are a nightmare. So we bought a

dining room table. The kids eat in the kitchen. Saves my sanity.

Maybe it doesn't directly deal w/ their eating habits, but sometimes

you can not change things. So I found a way to deal w/ it. And

frankly I don't care what anyone thinks about it.

Eating out..I love it, but NOT w/ the kids. Sure I can take them to

their favorite places w/o too much problem. Noone thinks twice about

a messy screaming child at Mcs. Now I have sitter issues.

Basically noone is willing to watch my kids! So it's extremely rare

for dh and I to go out alone, but I joined a monthly Ladies'

Luncheon. We ususally shop afterwards.

Parks...ugh. Parks are suppose to be great fun filled outtings unless

you've got kids like mine. So instead we have a backyard w/ toys. Why

should I torture myself? Hunter sounds alot like your ds. He tells

everyone what to do and screams if they refuse. lives in his own

little world. He will sit in the same spot and pick blades of grass

while kids run circles around him. And people make comments. They

seem concerned about my oldest and mystified about the youngest.

I do feel your pain. There are not any simple answers though.

Nonetheless I hope you find your own way of dealing w/ things. Just a

thought, but one friend sees a therapist. It's really suppose to be

for her ds who is AS, but she gets way more out of it. It's

mandatory. Something to do w/ the military and him being on

medication. However the therapist knows nothing about AS. He is

perplexed and intrigued by her son. She simply enjoys sharing his ups

and downs. It's her way of dealing w/ it all.

Hugs, a

> Life is just feeling very cruel to me lately as I watch my son's

behavior

> getting more bizarre and unpredictable. (His psychiatrist has tried

severl

> medications, but seems to be at a loss to help).

>

> Thanks for letting me vent, I know I have to somehow develope a

thicker

> skin, but it is a hard life. And seeing my little boy, who I love

so dearly,

> suffer as he does breaks my heart. He wants a friend so bad, and the

> constant rejection from his peers is painful for him, and at times

leaves

> him depressed.

>

> End of vent. Thanks for listening.

>

> Lori

[Guest guest]

<<<<<<<<I too have been there, with the inappropriate behaviour, and the

mortifying playground incidents. I also have been reduced to tears from some of

the as behaviour our daughter has exhibited. >

I htink we all share moments and days like this....

<<<<<< Sometimes things are fine, sometimes we're caught completely off guard

by some strange and inappropriate behaviour. I don't know if this is common

with some of the other children or not,>

for ex, we went today to a Bat Mitzvah party. everything was fine, sd was on his

best behaviour mode, we were happy. I looked at him and thought : " God, could

it be that somehow we misdiagnose him ??? coulf his difficulties be really just

a reactiuon to all teh moves we have done, to all the objective strssors in his

life..? " and as I am thinking this, he suddenly (he was playing WITH all the

cousins) drops to teh floor and starts crawling around teh tables. can you sense

in your bones what i sensed in mine ???

this is what I call an AS moment. later he told me he couldn't cope with the

excitement of seeing ALL his cousins (taht he loves) in one plaec at the same

tiem....... go figre!

F

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/12/2003 8:07:04 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

rwinters@... writes:

> You're not the first person to ask this question on the list and

> won't be the last. Most of us have our vent posts every now and then.

> It's ok to vent. It's ok to cry. But try not to stay there.

>

> I have two sons and a daughter. My oldest son is 14 and was

> diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome last year. My middle son is 12 and

> has just been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I cope by knowing

> that my kids have enough things on their plate and don't need an

> unhappy mother on top of it. I cope by looking back at the years I've

> survived and seeing how far we've come and focusing on the moment and

> not worrying about the future - while at the same time doing

> everything I can now to see that the future is good for my sons. I

> cope by choosing to grow through this experience so that I am a more

> compassionate, caring, and confident than I was before. I cope by

> believing that there is an intelligence in the universe and that

> there is a reason for all that we're living through....and although

> it may not look like it, that everything is unfolding in a perfect

> way. I cope by looking for the gifts in each moment of the day. I

> focus on the positives and not the negatives. I get angry,

> frustrated, scared, sad...all those emotions - and I give myself full

> permission to feel them - but I don't let myself stay there. I cope

> by having many friends (and not just the ones with kids like mine),

> letting them know that I love them and laughing and making other

> people laugh. I cope by volunteering my time to causes that I feel

> are worthwhile. I cope by realizing that as hard as this is, there is

> always someone who has it worse. I cope by praying for the strength

> and guidance to do what has to be done and the opportunity to learn

> all the lessons that my sons have to teach me. I cope by avoiding -

> as much as possible - people who don't get it and will judge me. And

> it seems to be working because I have more friends now than I've ever

> had in my life, more interests and more joy.

>

> I can't change the fact that I have two aspie sons, but I can choose

> how to react to it all. I can choose to be happy. Sometimes I don't

> really feel happy, but I put on the happy face and reach out with

> love and humor to others, and when I see them laugh and give love

> back to me, then the happiness comes. I'm willing to forgive my

> friends with NT children for worrying about things that I only wish I

> could worry about. I respect their right to worry about their

> children too and know that being a parent is difficult under all

> circumstances. But I also choose friends who are willing to listen

> to me and support me when i need to share. This is a biggie. You

> need to have someone you can talk to who will understand, or at least

> try to. And when I know that no friend will understand, I cope by

> coming online and talking to all my friends here. When all else

> fails, I know that someone here will understand and say the right

> thing. It seems that you've found that way of coping already.

>

> This is the only life you get -unless you believe in reincarnation,

> in which case, the life you're living now is the only one that

> matters for the moment. Try to make the most of it.

>

> Kathy

>

Bravo!!! I loved your letter, Kathy...

btw, I'm so far behind in emails that I didn't know your son was finally

dx'd. I hope it helps getting some services this year at school. Or at the

very

least it confirms things. Thanks again for your words...you do have a way of

writing

Johanna

[Guest guest]

Lori,

This may sound a little bizzare, but when I am in over my head and feel like

I can't take anymore, I pack up the family and we go away for the day or

something. I'll take them swimming, to a movie, out to dinner, a summer

concert,

picnic, the park. I find things the kids enjoy that I find myself not having

to be on them constantly. If we go swimming, I can sit back and relax while

they are playing in the water. If we go to a family movie that i know they will

like, it gives me a little peace and quiet while they are enjoying

themselves. If we go to the park, I can sit back, take a breather, read the

paper while

they are swinging, etc.

Typically when I am overwhelmed and feel in over my head, the kids are

more-than-likely feeling the stress as well. I used to get a sitter and leave

for a

while, but I found that didn't solve much because I just came back to the

mess I left to begin with. But, by giving them a break (along with giving

myself

one) it seems to work much better, and we all come back in the house a little

calmer than before, and less tension.

Also, I used to call my friends or family, but unless they are dealing with

the same type of situations as you, they just won't get it. I have one friend

that has a special needs child, she is the only one that seems to understand

it all.

Hang in there,

In a message dated 8/19/03 3:28:09 AM !!!First Boot!!!, lbohn@...

writes:

> Lori Jo wrote:

>

> >I have been sitting here with my head on my desk...I have had it. I feel

> >like I am finally over the edge, and life has just handed me more than I

> can

> >handle.

> >

> >Please tell me...how do you guys cope? Honestly. Not what should you

> >do...what DO you do with all the frustrations and emotions that build up.

> >

> >I have been in tears on and off for 4 days. I feel like my life is in a

> >vise, and I dont know what my kids will do next. Yesterday, I found the

> >bedspread in our master bedroom was cut in the middle with scissors. I

> >called in my 8 yr old son, and he immediately morphed into a guilt-ridden

> >creature, and threw himself over the cut part of the bedspread. I asked him

> >why he did it (!!), he said he just felt like it, but was very sorry. He

> >lost computer for month, and has to pay to have it fixed. He went into a

> >wild emotional rage that he had to lose money. No amopunt of reasponing

> with

> >him seems to do any good. He just doesnt get it.

> >

> >Last night while i was making dinner, I asked my son to hand me the

> >mayonaisse, and he tossed it to me without me looking. It fell and broke.

> He

> >wasnt angry, he just doesnt get it that you dont do that.

> >

> >He can not eat a meal without wearing half of it -- even with me sitting

> >next to him trying to get hime ot use his napkin, and sit close to his

> >plate.

> >

> >I could go on and on...the only break from a seemingly endless stream of

> >bizarre behavior is when my son is sleeping. We are caring, very involved

> >parent, who love our son deeply, but his behavior is getting weirder, and

> >i'm scared for him, and us.

> >

> >I feel less able to leave the house with them lately, since I just dont

> know

> >what he is going to do. (I took him to the park yesterday to play, and a

> boy

> >came up to him and wanted to play, but he ignored him. I talked to my son

> >and tried to see if he would want to play with the boy. He did walk over to

> >him and the started to play, but my son just started telling him what to

> do,

> >and wouldnt listen to anything he had to add... " go stand over there, and

> >count to 50, then you will come back here and see if you can find the

> >treasure that I have hidden somewhere in this sandbox, there will be no

> >peaking, and if you find it within 90 seconds, it will be your turn " ...well

> >the kid left alright, and didnt come back. My son was so mad and yelled and

> >the kid that he wasnt playing right, and the kids mother went and stood

> >inside the play area, like she was concerned. I just left. MOre tears for

> me

> >on the drive home, as I just feel like we cant go anywhere.

> >

> >Ocassionaly i meet my friends for coffee, and I listen to one cry about

> >their senior honor student who isnt getting busy looking for scholarships

> >yet, or the other complains about their son having too many sleep overs.

> >Another child had a fender-bender with his car, another cries over her

> >daughter's choice of a boyfriend. I listen and nod, but I want to say...YOU

> >GUYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN IS!

> >

> >Life is just feeling very cruel to me lately as I watch my son's behavior

> >getting more bizarre and unpredictable. (His psychiatrist has tried severl

> >medications, but seems to be at a loss to help).

> >

> >Thanks for letting me vent, I know I have to somehow develope a thicker

> >skin, but it is a hard life. And seeing my little boy, who I love so

> dearly,

> >suffer as he does breaks my heart. He wants a friend so bad, and the

> >constant rejection from his peers is painful for him, and at times leaves

> >him depressed.

> >

> >End of vent. Thanks for listening.

> >

> >Lori

>

[Guest guest]

Lori,

First thing is, keep looking for meds that work. Does his psychiatrist have

experience with kids on the spectrum? Is

s/he continuing to try other meds? We had to go through a couple of

psychiatrists before we found one who had

spectrum expertise. Unfortunately, the one we found is not on our health plan,

so we have to pay out of pocket. Now

that 's stable, he only goes every two or three months, so it's not too

bad.

I remember when my son was 5 (he's 15 now), he hid some shells from a shell

matching activity in his Montessori

classroom. His teachers never did find them. I made save his allowance

for a month and take it to his teachers

to pay for new shells. He remembers it still. So I think you're handling these

things the right way when they come

up. Fat lot of good that does when you feel like you're going over the edge, I

know. But know that we've all been

there.

Liz

Lori Jo wrote:

> I have been sitting here with my head on my desk...I have had it. I feel

> like I am finally over the edge, and life has just handed me more than I can

> handle.

>

> Please tell me...how do you guys cope? Honestly. Not what should you

> do...what DO you do with all the frustrations and emotions that build up.

>

> I have been in tears on and off for 4 days. I feel like my life is in a

> vise, and I dont know what my kids will do next. Yesterday, I found the

> bedspread in our master bedroom was cut in the middle with scissors. I

> called in my 8 yr old son, and he immediately morphed into a guilt-ridden

> creature, and threw himself over the cut part of the bedspread. I asked him

> why he did it (!!), he said he just felt like it, but was very sorry. He

> lost computer for month, and has to pay to have it fixed. He went into a

> wild emotional rage that he had to lose money. No amopunt of reasponing with

> him seems to do any good. He just doesnt get it.

>

> Last night while i was making dinner, I asked my son to hand me the

> mayonaisse, and he tossed it to me without me looking. It fell and broke. He

> wasnt angry, he just doesnt get it that you dont do that.

>

> He can not eat a meal without wearing half of it -- even with me sitting

> next to him trying to get hime ot use his napkin, and sit close to his

> plate.

>

> I could go on and on...the only break from a seemingly endless stream of

> bizarre behavior is when my son is sleeping. We are caring, very involved

> parent, who love our son deeply, but his behavior is getting weirder, and

> i'm scared for him, and us.

>

> I feel less able to leave the house with them lately, since I just dont know

> what he is going to do. (I took him to the park yesterday to play, and a boy

> came up to him and wanted to play, but he ignored him. I talked to my son

> and tried to see if he would want to play with the boy. He did walk over to

> him and the started to play, but my son just started telling him what to do,

> and wouldnt listen to anything he had to add... " go stand over there, and

> count to 50, then you will come back here and see if you can find the

> treasure that I have hidden somewhere in this sandbox, there will be no

> peaking, and if you find it within 90 seconds, it will be your turn " ...well

> the kid left alright, and didnt come back. My son was so mad and yelled and

> the kid that he wasnt playing right, and the kids mother went and stood

> inside the play area, like she was concerned. I just left. MOre tears for me

> on the drive home, as I just feel like we cant go anywhere.

>

> Ocassionaly i meet my friends for coffee, and I listen to one cry about

> their senior honor student who isnt getting busy looking for scholarships

> yet, or the other complains about their son having too many sleep overs.

> Another child had a fender-bender with his car, another cries over her

> daughter's choice of a boyfriend. I listen and nod, but I want to say...YOU

> GUYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN IS!

>

> Life is just feeling very cruel to me lately as I watch my son's behavior

> getting more bizarre and unpredictable. (His psychiatrist has tried severl

> medications, but seems to be at a loss to help).

>

> Thanks for letting me vent, I know I have to somehow develope a thicker

> skin, but it is a hard life. And seeing my little boy, who I love so dearly,

> suffer as he does breaks my heart. He wants a friend so bad, and the

> constant rejection from his peers is painful for him, and at times leaves

> him depressed.

>

> End of vent. Thanks for listening.

>

> Lori

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you are doing the right things. Also remember to wash your hands often.

----- Original Message -----

From: Tawny

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Sent: Thursday, December 04, 2003 4:50 PM

Subject: How do you cope?

With all the flu, and sickness going around, how do we keep ourselves from sickness and infections. I am beginning to get a little crazy. I have took my flu and pneumonia shot, and try to stay away from illness. I am soon starting Humira. If anyone has any information on it I would appreciate it. Thanks, Tawny

[Guest guest]

--- In Rheumatoid Arthritis , " Tawny " <tawnyokc@s...>

wrote:

> With all the flu, and sickness going around, how do we keep

ourselves

> from sickness and infections. I am beginning to get a little

crazy.

> I have took my flu and pneumonia shot, and try to stay away from

> illness. I am soon starting Humira. If anyone has any information

> on it I would appreciate it. Thanks, Tawny

Hi Tawny,

Here are some sites with Humira info:

http://www.humira.com/hu/huStore/cgi-bin/indexnewc.htm

http://abbott.com/news/press_release.cfm?id=570

http://www.fda.gov/cder/biologics/products/adalabb123102.htm

I've been on it for 2 months and it has helped me.

Mike

[Guest guest]

> > With all the flu, and sickness going around, how do we keep

> ourselves

> > from sickness and infections. I am beginning to get a little

> crazy.

> > I have took my flu and pneumonia shot, and try to stay away from

> > illness. I am soon starting Humira. If anyone has any

information

> > on it I would appreciate it. Thanks, Tawny

>

> Hi Tawny,

> Here are some sites with Humira info:

>

> http://www.humira.com/hu/huStore/cgi-bin/indexnewc.htm

> http://abbott.com/news/press_release.cfm?id=570

> http://www.fda.gov/cder/biologics/products/adalabb123102.htm

>

> I've been on it for 2 months and it has helped me.

>

> Mike

Thanks Mike I enjoyed the links.