Advice for son with mild asp to cope socially

[Guest guest]

My son was diagnosed with asp last year at the age of 8. He also has

ADHD, LD and fine moter aproxia. Now he is in 4th grade and started a

new school. This new school district has an inclusion module so he is

with all the other kids all day.

So he comes home from school saying so and so teased him about his

grades, handwriting etc. I know it hurts his feelings otherwise he

woudl not have told me. He also tells me that he has no friends or

that a friend he made is not his friend anymore. Kids can tell he is

different and they can be so cruel. I do not want it to damage his

little ego.

I am not sure how to deal with the social issues of asp. I didn't have

any friends till I was in 8th grade. And then I only had a couple. So

I am not a good example to win the popularity contest.

So what do you tell your kids when thay have issues like this?

Amy

[Guest guest]

The best thing to do is acknowledge his feelings. Yes, kids can be

cruel. We all know that. Yes, he is different and some people don't

like different or don't know how to react to someone who is different.

But, there is nothing wrong with being different. He may take a little

longer to learn things, but that's okay. Everyone learns at a

different pace.

If they're commenting on his handwriting...heck how many boys have

picture perfect handwriting? Their handwriting probably isn't much

better. If he has seen others' handwriting perhaps turn this into an

incentive for him to practice (not in comparison with the others, but

just to get better at it in general). It's not easy. My son struggles

with that, as well.

Let him know that he's not the only one struggling with these issues.

That there are probably kids in his class that are struggling that he

doesn't know about.

Are the teachers aware of this teasing? I would follow up with this

with his teachers directly, so as to not have him labeled a

tattle-tale. This should not be tolerated.

Teach him to walk away from such people or, if in class, to focus on

something else. Perhaps he can be moved to a place in the classroom

away from these kids? It is a form of bullying.

Perhaps another thing to say is that " kids change their minds all the

time " . It is really disappointing.

Our school has been really accepting of our son, although there have

been some bullying moments, but most kids have accepted him for who

and how he is (the teachers as well) and those kids who have accepted

him stand up for him when they see him being bullied or teased.

I would like to say to you to say to him (did you follow that) that

things will get better. That somewhere down the line someone will be

nice to him and be friends with him. Perhaps they will. But, he needs

to learn to be happy with himself and how he is. And he needs that

assurance from you. He can't change the fact that he has ASP and the

other difficulties. What he can do is work hard to show the other kids

(and himself) that he can do these things.

Is he involved in other things - church, play groups, Boy Scouts, team

sports - places where he can connect with other kids aside from those

at school.

You can also use it to teach him how he should react to other kids who

are different. Remind him how he felt about being teased and teach him

to think about how he felt when he feels like teasing someone else or

sees someone else being teased.

Also encourage him (and thank him) for coming to you with this. You

want him to know that he can come to you with anything - this is so

important to reinforce because their self-esteem can be fragile. Let

him know, as well, that there is nothing wrong with feeling hurt at

what others are saying and doing to him.

But, ultimately, take this situation up with the teachers. Make them

aware of your son's feelings and which kids are teasing him, so they

are aware of who the troublemakers are.

Certainly many lessons can come out of this.

Darlene

>

> My son was diagnosed with asp last year at the age of 8. He also has

> ADHD, LD and fine moter aproxia. Now he is in 4th grade and started a

> new school. This new school district has an inclusion module so he is

> with all the other kids all day.

>

> So he comes home from school saying so and so teased him about his

> grades, handwriting etc. I know it hurts his feelings otherwise he

> woudl not have told me. He also tells me that he has no friends or

> that a friend he made is not his friend anymore. Kids can tell he is

> different and they can be so cruel. I do not want it to damage his

> little ego.

>

> I am not sure how to deal with the social issues of asp. I didn't have

> any friends till I was in 8th grade. And then I only had a couple. So

> I am not a good example to win the popularity contest.

>

> So what do you tell your kids when thay have issues like this?

>

> Amy

>

[Guest guest]

Amy, I have an 8 year old son also, and your story sounds just like my sons. Its so sad isn't it? they are such good kids, they don't deserve it. I wish there was something more we could do. (Sometimes I wish there was a school for all of our kids to attend together.)I don't have any advice for you as I just joined this group recently and hope to learn from others and what has worked from them, but know you are not alone, and it does help to hear from the other parents on the list.

Where are you located?Jen

In a message dated 10/04/08 01:03:39 Eastern Daylight Time, samandhalley@... writes:

My son was diagnosed with asp last year at the age of 8. He also has ADHD, LD and fine moter aproxia. Now he is in 4th grade and started a new school. This new school district has an inclusion module so he is with all the other kids all day. So he comes home from school saying so and so teased him about his grades, handwriting etc. I know it hurts his feelings otherwise he woudl not have told me. He also tells me that he has no friends or that a friend he made is not his friend anymore. Kids can tell he is different and they can be so cruel. I do not want it to damage his little ego.I am not sure how to deal with the social issues of asp. I didn't have any friends till I was in 8th grade. And then I only had a couple. So I am not a good example to win the popularity contest. So what do you tell your kids when thay have issues like this?Amy

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[Guest guest]

Amy - I have a son who is now 14 but he went through all of these issues and still does some days. A couple of things really helped. started using at that age a mini computer called an Alpha Smart. He does most of his work on the Alpha Smart and then goes to the Resources room to print as need be. Trying to force our kids to have good handwriting is simply not fair and they should be making accommodations for you. This deemphasizes the handwriting issue and in fact some kids get a little curious about "getting to use" the Alpha Smart.

Second, this is the age when we put into "social skills" classes. The most progressive district's have a formal program, but in our case we had to go outside the school for most of these services.

Third, and this is very much within your own personal opinion, we did have the school counselor come in and talk to 's class at the beginning of the year about Asperger's and explain why that makes him "super smart", but how he has social challenges as a result. This isn't for everyone, but we found it helped kids understand and reduced the teasing.

Fourth, the best districts will have him pulled out to work with a couple of more compassionate "typical kids" at a lunchtime or a "book study" or something that is fun for the other kids, but helps have some interaction with those kids. For our kids, they have to learn social skills that the others take for granted. Just like they memorize everything about their topics of interest, they also have to practice how to respond to others with empathy and to "listen" to others when they would rather discuss their special needs.

None of these are panacea's. but was not teased a great deal in either elementary or middle school and I attribute it to these items, as well as a great program our school district did in Middle School, called Pals. Our middle school is grades 5 through 8. Our "special Kids" go on outings and do fundraisers twice a month with Typical kids who have to "apply to be in the program." The goal is to teach our kids how do do things like go to Mc's and order at the counter, go to Walgreen's and buy pens and get the right change, and how to go to the grocery store, buy what's needed to make a cake, and then go back and make it the next week. They also work at the food pantry once a month. Again, this gives them the ability to have some social interaction, while learning life skills at the same time.

I don't know if any of these will help, but all ideas for consideration.

Autism and Aspergers Treatment From: justkrafts@...Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2008 21:47:10 -0400Subject: Re: Advice for son with mild asp to cope socially

Amy, I have an 8 year old son also, and your story sounds just like my sons. Its so sad isn't it? they are such good kids, they don't deserve it. I wish there was something more we could do. (Sometimes I wish there was a school for all of our kids to attend together.)I don't have any advice for you as I just joined this group recently and hope to learn from others and what has worked from them, but know you are not alone, and it does help to hear from the other parents on the list.

Where are you located?Jen

In a message dated 10/04/08 01:03:39 Eastern Daylight Time, samandhalley writes:

My son was diagnosed with asp last year at the age of 8. He also has ADHD, LD and fine moter aproxia. Now he is in 4th grade and started a new school. This new school district has an inclusion module so he is with all the other kids all day. So he comes home from school saying so and so teased him about his grades, handwriting etc. I know it hurts his feelings otherwise he woudl not have told me. He also tells me that he has no friends or that a friend he made is not his friend anymore. Kids can tell he is different and they can be so cruel. I do not want it to damage his little ego.I am not sure how to deal with the social issues of asp. I didn't have any friends till I was in 8th grade. And then I only had a couple. So I am not a good example to win the popularity contest. So what do you tell your kids when thay have issues like this?Amy

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