Re: I can't do it all alone

[Guest guest]

I hear you loud and clear. You aren't meant to do this alone! If you are a single parent, you DO need help.

I am not judging you at all, so just please understand that you may initially disagree with what I'm about to say, but just please listen.

I had dreams of homeschooling my children, my sisters were all doing it and it seemed like the thing to do. And then reality hit me, I have two children with autism. Aspbergers and the other with moderate to severe low functioning autism. Both need one on one work, for school and for social skills. I have four children in total. Which one am I not supposed to spend time with? I realized that homeschooling would not be beneficial to us because I can't give the time individually to each child, it is physically impossible. I wish I wish I wish it was not this way. But that is where we are and I know my sons will be getting one on one attention from their aides in school, while I can help my other two in ways that don't involve me being completely frazzeled, depressed and overwhelmed. What kind of parenting is that? I decided that sending them to school was the best thing for my children. All of them. There my sons recieve OT, ABA, Speech therapy, academics, physical activity that is monitored by an aide (they can't run off and get lost, which has happenend to me when one of my kids distracts me from the others and the other one takes off), socialization. Its not perfect, but neither am I.

I take care of the spiritual side when they aren't in school. I raise them in our faith. I try to get them into activities that are beneficial to them such as theraputic riding, theraputic recreation etc... We go to museums and parks on the weekends and breaks.

I am not a single parent, but my husband is active duty and has been home about 10 days of the last three months. And I have to say, that when he is gone, it is very difficult. If I had to face months and months of no break and no help, I would go crazy. I do find a babysitter and do something for me by myself a couple times a week. I HAVE to. I consider it as important as medicine for myself. I try not to feel guilty, and try to feel good that my children get someon new to interact with, and the babysitter gets to earn a couple bucks, and I try to remember that I am a mother, but also a woman with interests and valid needs, and if I forget to address them, what my children see is a sad, overstressed person who doesn't find parenting very fun. That is if I don't get a break.

Please, please get some help. At least talk to a psychologist for yourself and for your children, get some counseling. If you are in the virginia hampton roads area, I can give you information on a great Chrisitan counseling center that works with kids with Aspbergers, and families. If no in this area, look for help.

I don't know what your personal reasons for homeschooling are, and I'm sure they are valid and important, but did they (the reasons) take into consideration that your child has some significant emotional and social issues? Did you know you'd have an explosive child? Probably not. I don't think homeschooling can cure all ills. I'm sorry, but unless you get some support, you aren't doing any favors for yourself or your children in that environment.

Again, please don't feel like I am judging you, I just want you to consider the options. It may be you have to send your Aspbergers child to school to make peace in your home for your daughters. Perhaps you can homeschool them for now.

I'll be praying for you. I'm so sorry for how things are going for you. That IS awful. You've found a good group here, and I'm sure much more sage advice with follow from other members.

Just DO something, open the phone book and start with counseling for all of you. Then call the school district, you don't have to commit, but you may be surprised at what they can offer you. Blessings,

____________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

>

> Hi I am new to this group and wanted to read all the messages first,

> but I needed to vent before I go crazy. I can't even look at someone

> without crying, I can't stop crying. I am a single mom with 3

children

> with medical needs. My son (who will be 8 tomorrow) has aspergers

and

> SPD(sensory seeker to the extreem!) I just started getting help a

few

> months ago, therapy,OT. I've delt with it all on my own until now! I

> have no one in my life who understands our life so I stay to

myself. I

> can't listen to anymore screaming or crying or punching and kicking

> walls! My daughters are so stressed they cry and act out. Feels like

> we are falling apart! I know tomorrows a new day but right now I'm

> sick to my stomach and so stressed my brain won't even work! I home

> school my kids and never have a second to myself. The last time I

had

> a break was when I had a hysterectomy (what a break). My son told me

> today he just wants to live with his dad and never come back here

> again! That hurt! I'm just to sensative today I guess. Sorry for the

> rant I usually half way have it together but despite what everyone

> says No I am not superwoman! I'm just trying to cope and survive

like

> everyone else. Can anyone tell me how they make it through these

days?

> Thanks.

>

>

- If you are in therapy with the kids you qualify for an aid.

This person is pretty much just a babysitter, but they slowly get to

know the kids, then slowly start to spend time with them. At first

our aid was unable to leave the house, my daughter refused to go. But

they are trained to help with meltdowns ect - so I would shut myself

in my room, put in earplugs and chill for the hour she was here. I

felt horrible at first - but slowly I realized it was helping.

Please check into it. Even if its only an hour a week (thats what I

get) it helps. Good luck sweetie

[Guest guest]

Francine & ,Thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate it. I Home school them because the public school system was destroying them. My son was being hurt constantly, the principal took him in her office and coerced him into confessing to something he didn't do and no one was trying to teach him, they just didn't try to help him learn. You are right I need to get him into some school it's a lotto for the autism school and it will be a year or two if he gets drawn.As for meditating I tried many years and I haven't had a quiet moment in years. I am thankful and ask for patience, guidance and strength and start all over every morning. I wish I could shut my brain down for a little while, like my son it

never stops! I am every ones therapist and don't take care of me! I came to that me thing right after my 30Th birthday and I feel so guilty if I do a thing for me! My kid's are all in therapy so they are getting to vent and get help that is a start. I don't have anyone to watch my kids so I can go to therapy. I'm considering letting them go live with there dad's(I've been married twice) so they can see it's not greener on the other side and dad's can see it isn't as easy as they think, but then I feel guilty! Guilt one thing I can't let go of! Anyway sorry for rambling, again another bad day! Glad I found this group!Thank You again I can't do it all alone/warning G-word insideDear , You're a hero (heroine?)! How do we get through the days? First by the skin of our teeth (that expression just popped into my mind!). And -- for me -- by reaching out to God, and asking for help, for strength, for comfort. It is there, unseen and yet available. You might cheer up thinking about your ex- dealing with your son, just a moment or two of

fantasy. It was a hurtful comment and you deserve hugs instead. And somehow, you do get stronger, more peaceful, through prayer, and if you don't relate to prayer, then practice meditating. It is amazing that when you stop thinking how peaceful one feels. Your girls can learn to do it with you. If your son will, it might help him too. The pachelbel canon with ocean sounds is really, really nice to listen to, and wonderful to fall asleep to. here are lots of cd's at amazon sellers cheap. When I look at myself 40 years ago and now, I'm in awe of how much I am able to love and be patient. My daughter got well from autism as a child and then

at 20, from a pesticide exposure, went back into it worse than the first time. (insecticides have heavy metals in them like mercury). It has been a slower, more difficult walk out of it this time, and yet I have been given the patience and the strength to start all over again. It is there for you. God bless and Love to you,Francine In a message dated 8/24/2008 12:08:18 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, newangel_7 (DOT) com writes:Hi I am new to this group and wanted to read all the messages first,but I needed to vent before I go crazy. I can't even look at someonewithout crying, I

can't stop crying. I am a single mom with 3 childrenwith medical needs. My son (who will be 8 tomorrow) has aspergers andSPD(sensory seeker to the extreem!) I just started getting help a fewmonths ago, therapy,OT. I've delt with it all on my own until now! Ihave no one in my life who understands our life so I stay to myself. Ican't listen to anymore screaming or crying or punching and kickingwalls! My daughters are so stressed they cry and act out. Feels likewe are falling apart! I know tomorrows a new day but right now I'msick to my stomach and so stressed my brain won't even work! I homeschool my kids and never have a second to myself. The last time I hada break was when I had a hysterectomy (what a break). My son told metoday he just wants to live with his dad and never come back hereagain! That hurt! I'm just to sensative today I guess. Sorry for therant I

usually half way have it together but despite what everyonesays No I am not superwoman! I'm just trying to cope and survive likeeveryone else. Can anyone tell me how they make it through these days?Thanks. It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here.

[Guest guest]

..

I totally get it..well as much as I can. My daughter has Aspergers, as well as many other things going on ranging from OCD to major anxiety. Every day is a struggle and very difficult to deal with. I also homeschool..which has been great for her. We had tried public schools as well as a school for children with special needs..Ha..that did not work. So... here she is. With her work she does great..that is..as long as there is a schedule followed exactly. Otherwise..we have a major breakdown. I struggle every day..so please know that you are not alone in this. I could not imagine being in your shoes and doing it alone. My husband provides as much support and help s he can. But, he does not deal with it well...so here I am..as you said, "Super Mom"! Yeah right!!!! Just please realize that you are not alone..and I totaly get the daily struggle.. Please feel free to write and vent anytime. We all need as much support as we can get.

Always here..

Robin (aka Super Mom...ha ha ha)

>> Hi I am new to this group and wanted to read all the messages first,> but I needed to vent before I go crazy. I can't even look at someone> without crying, I can't stop crying. I am a single mom with 3 children> with medical needs. My son (who will be 8 tomorrow) has aspergers and> SPD(sensory seeker to the extreem!) I just started getting help a few> months ago, therapy,OT. I've delt with it all on my own until now! I> have no one in my life who understands our life so I stay to myself. I> can't listen to anymore screaming or crying or punching and kicking> walls! My daughters are so stressed they cry and act out. Feels like> we are falling apart! I know tomorrows a new day but right now I'm> sick to my stomach and so stressed my brain won't even work! I home> school my kids and never have a second to myself. The last time I had> a break was when I had a hysterectomy (what a break). My son told me> today he just wants to live with his dad and never come back here> again! That hurt! I'm just to sensative today I guess. Sorry for the> rant I usually half way have it together but despite what everyone> says No I am not superwoman! I'm just trying to cope and survive like> everyone else. Can anyone tell me how they make it through these days?> Thanks.> >

[Guest guest]

You've seperated yourself in an attempt to not get hurt. I totally understand! Believe me I've been there done that. But in seperating yourself from everyone in the community you have also stopped stopped any source of support. Call a hospital, ask the kids docs, Easter Seals. Actually you just made the first step. Any way to get state supported help in? Sue

Re: I can't do it all alone

>> Hi I am new to this group and wanted to read all the messages first,> but I needed to vent before I go crazy. I can't even look at someone> without crying, I can't stop crying. I am a single mom with 3 children> with medical needs. My son (who will be 8 tomorrow) has aspergers and> SPD(sensory seeker to the extreem!) I just started getting help a few> months ago, therapy,OT. I've delt with it all on my own until now! I> have no one in my life who understands our life so I stay to myself. I> can't listen to anymore screaming or crying or punching and kicking> walls! My daughters are so stressed they cry and act out. Feels like> we are falling apart! I know tomorrows a new day but right now I'm> sick to my stomach and so stressed my brain won't even work! I home> school my kids and never have a second to myself. The last time I had> a break was when I had a hysterectomy (what a break). My son told me> today he just wants to live with his dad and never come back here> again! That hurt! I'm just to sensative today I guess. Sorry for the> rant I usually half way have it together but despite what everyone> says No I am not superwoman! I'm just trying to cope and survive like> everyone else. Can anyone tell me how they make it through these days?> Thanks.> > - If you are in therapy with the kids you qualify for an aid. This person is pretty much just a babysitter, but they slowly get to know the kids, then slowly start to spend time with them. At first our aid was unable to leave the house, my daughter refused to go. But they are trained to help with meltdowns ect - so I would shut myself in my room, put in earplugs and chill for the hour she was here. I felt horrible at first - but slowly I realized it was helping. Please check into it. Even if its only an hour a week (thats what I get) it helps. Good luck sweetie

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.526 / Virus Database: 270.6.14/1647 - Release Date: 9/2/2008 6:02 AM

[Guest guest]

Of course you can't do it all alone, but I have to point out one thing...

You mention not being able to shut your brain down and not having a moment to relax, well that is the epitimy of my autism. Constant all on all in and all stressfull. All combining into an emotional wreak that brings on the meltdowns. So you want to know what your autistic child is feeling and why they act the way the do....well you've been there and you know, except eventually you get a break, you are not on the spectrum and have an eventual choice to get someone else to give you a break and take over so you can relax and unwind.

Anyhow, enough of that...I was home schooled for much the same reasons you are home schooling.

I lived at one point with my aunt who came up with a couple of techniques to get me and her into a more relaxed state. Instead of having an all day class, she would break it up. Because I learn more by what I hear and see I had access to the computer, games, and television. We had a balconey and I had my own place where I could go out and sit. It was my special space. A place I could go to be by myself and it also served to give her a break.

Perhaps breaking up the day and implimenting a special space for each child to have would allow for them ample time and opportunity to settle down. You could create a special space for yourself too. I was not allowed in my Aunts bedroom. It was her special space, but she could see me from her window to my balconey where I was resting or doing math or what ever I wanted.

I would hate to hear that you stopped home schooling, I truely believe that it is what makes me an excellent college student who does all of my classes from online. With out the experience I certainly would not have the self dicipline to complete 4 to 10 week summer school courses and still come out with A's....

I hope some of this has at least inspired you...

http://speakup.today.com

[Guest guest]

Of course you can't do it all alone, but I have to point out one thing...

You mention not being able to shut your brain down and not having a moment to relax, well that is the epitimy of my autism. Constant all on all in and all stressfull. All combining into an emotional wreak that brings on the meltdowns. So you want to know what your autistic child is feeling and why they act the way the do....well you've been there and you know, except eventually you get a break, you are not on the spectrum and have an eventual choice to get someone else to give you a break and take over so you can relax and unwind.

Anyhow, enough of that...I was home schooled for much the same reasons you are home schooling.

I lived at one point with my aunt who came up with a couple of techniques to get me and her into a more relaxed state. Instead of having an all day class, she would break it up. Because I learn more by what I hear and see I had access to the computer, games, and television. We had a balconey and I had my own place where I could go out and sit. It was my special space. A place I could go to be by myself and it also served to give her a break.

Perhaps breaking up the day and implimenting a special space for each child to have would allow for them ample time and opportunity to settle down. You could create a special space for yourself too. I was not allowed in my Aunts bedroom. It was her special space, but she could see me from her window to my balconey where I was resting or doing math or what ever I wanted.

I would hate to hear that you stopped home schooling, I truely believe that it is what makes me an excellent college student who does all of my classes from online. With out the experience I certainly would not have the self dicipline to complete 4 to 10 week summer school courses and still come out with A's....

I hope some of this has at least inspired you...

http://speakup.today.com

[Guest guest]

Thank You to all of you! I don't feel alone for the first time. So many great suggestions and I am putting all of them into play. I am moving to another county to get more help. This is the best way to get all the help WE need. I do have great news for us at least, my 8 year old son dried himself off after his shower for the first time! Huge for him! Now we just need to work on wiping his own butt. Any suggestions on how to do that one? Thank again to everyone! -----

Original Message ----From: suebee <suebee@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Sunday, August 24, 2008 8:08:10 PMSubject: Re: I can't do it all alone I am not sure where you live but there are agencies that can give respite care. Church groups? You need a break! This is coming from another single mom of 2 kids and only 1 with special needs. Get some support! Sue I can't do it all aloneThank you to alll No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.526 / Virus Database: 270.6.7/1629 - Release Date: 8/23/2008 1:16 PM