need to vent....

July 13, 2008

I know that I have been really quiet this past couple of months. I

finally (after over two years) found a job and have been busy trying

to work my hours, keep my house clean and get my way-overdue bills

paid. Hasn't left much time to be on the computer or to do much of

anything else.

I apologize in advance, but I really need to vent this afternoon. I

am waaayyyy too stressed and have tried to look at this situation from

all sides, but cannot seem to come to some resolution of the problem.

Have any of your children made you feel as if you have no right to

feelings, have they made you keep a happy or at least calm face when

in their presence - no matter how bad things are going. Have they

insisted that everything go exactly their way, no matter how unlikely

it is to happen that way?

Now, I'm not saying that I dump all the problems on , I do not

use him as a sounding board, but he doesn't want to hear that I have

feelings ... at all. He doesn't care if I sleep (plays heavy metal

music very loud - loudly enough that I can hear each and every word

THROUGH EAR PLUGS!) He ends up going to sleep around 3-4 a.m. and

sleeps until at least noon. He insists that I have abnormally keen

hearing (he's partially right - hence the earplugs) and that his music

is not too loud. He says he needs the loud music in order for HIM to

sleep - that otherwise the noises from the railroad, and the stories

in his head just keep him awake. He's been (well - we both have) been

sleeping in the living room - our central A/C is broke and we cannot

afford to fix it. The upstairs is just too hot to sleep in. So it's

not like I can escape the loud music. I need my sleep (not much, just

four or five hours) but I need SOME sleep in order to function. I try

to explain that to him and he just goes off the deep end. I cry, he

gets mad, I try to reason with him that if he were me he'd need sleep,

he gets mad. He stomps around, hits walls, screams and literally has

had the neighborhood worried for my safety. I can't act tired, act

less than the " perfect " mom (which he insists I am not and never have

been). I can't have emotions at all.

Despite working as many hours as they will give me, I am still having

trouble getting caught up on our bills. The paychecks are okay (well

- except for the one I'll get on 8/1. They decided to drop my hours to

16 a week - why I don't know). It's just that once I began work, DHS

decided I no longer needed nor qualified for food stamps. So now the

$250 we were receiving in food stamps has to come out of my check.

Not that $250 a month ever fed anyway. I was always having to

find ways to come up with another couple of hundred dollars to finish

buying enough groceries to get us though the month.

My car broke down (completely) at the end of May and my daughter and

son-in-law purchased another vehicle for me with the understanding

that I would pay them $100 a month until it was paid off. They spent

their stimulus check on it. So far, I have not been able to make a

payment at all to them. It's all gone to keep the utilities on, the

house payment made and food on the table.

I feel so guilty right now. I feel as if nothing I do is enough. I

can't be the parent he needs (they are still working on the life

skills funding). I am so weary of trying so damn hard and the one

place I should be able to just let go and just be (my home)I can't

even rest or relax. I'm just about at my wits end.

Has anyone gone through this with their older (or not so older)

children? How did you handle it? How do you maintain some semblance

of humanity when it is being drummed into your head that you can't

feel or if you do, just hide it, don't let it show. (It's as if by

showing any emotion at all - happy, sad, whatever - it's more than he

can deal with and he just blows.)

Sorry about the vent. I just needed to be able to get some of it out

of my head and onto the page. If anyone HAS any ideas, I'd love to

hear them.

Hope your Sunday is going better than mine.

July 14, 2008

Dear ,

We have to go out now. Will write you more later, and here's another hug! And appreciation for you as a mother.

Love,

Francine

In a message dated 7/14/2008 1:35:14 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, likeawillow@... writes:

Francine,Yes, he has Asperger's. He will turn 19 in early September. He isalways like this. He does get into vicious behavior if he feelsthreatened by someone not understanding him or if he feels that he isbeing ignored. Gratefully, it isn't daily and it is getting better ashe gets older. I feel that part of it is that up until his dad and Isplit (when he was 9) he witnessed physical abuse on a daily basis. His dad still doesn't feel that he did anything wrong, despite havingbeen ordered to go to an abuser's classes mandated by the probationdepartment. He still tells that if I just knew when to stay inmy place and not "piss him off", I would not have gotten hit. He alsotells that I asked for being abused, by not following therules. That I am just a bitch. Those first years are so veryimportant to a child's world view, of their learning how to treatothers ... important for NT kids, but even more so forAutistic/Asperger's kids. I wish I'd understood that years ago, Iwould have left him so much sooner. I love my son and would like to keep him with me, at least until hehas the ability to survive on his own. He is so overly confident thathe can do anything. Doesn't matter what it is, he can do it and do itbetter than anyone else. There is no telling him, no matter howgently, that perhaps he doesn't yet have the skills to do whatever itis. His vision of the future? To design an apartment in the basementof the house I am buying. It already has it's own entrance and ampleroom to make his vision come true ... we just lack funds. I amrecently back working after nearly three years of only sporadic tempjobs due to a serious back injury in the summer of '05. He also wantsto have his own computer rehabbing center. He truly does have a giftwith computers. He started repairing family computers when he wasyounger than six. But he doesn't understand that he needs to finishhis high school education and take the computer science courses at thelocal college before he can realize his dream. In those moments when I have temporarily lost my patience and haveyelled at him to go find another place to stay as I can't deal with itanymore ... he quickly back-pedals and for a time, things are better.It's obvious that he doesn't want to be forced to leave ... but yet,I cannot get him to understand that many of the behaviors that he doesare not okay and are not acceptable and should not be done. I've beenhis pretty much sole caregiver since the divorce. His dad was onlycompliant with visitation while he was on probation. Since then andespecially since he remarried in 2002, visitation is very sporadic andlimited. This year for Father's Day, he visited with his son for lessthan two hours. is his only child. I know what you mean about it bringing it into the realm of prayer - That's where I reside as well.He has his SSI, but no concept of how to handle it or budget or saveor anything. He wants something (usually gaming or computer related)all thoughts of waiting until we have the money for it go out of hishead. He will repeatedly go to WalMart to "price" the item, then begme to buy it to the point that we have to leave the store. I am stillthe representative payee for his SSI ... for how long I do not know.SSA wants him to be his own payee. I can't tell them how badly thatwould turn out. It took a letter from the doctor that has seen himsince he was ten to convince them to even delay the changeover untilthe end of August.Thanks for the hug. I really need it today. Theanger/fear/frustration/venting is now over, and I am just weary beyondbelief. Thanks so much for replying and for your insights. They areappreciated more than you know.Hugs,>> Dear ,> > I'm gathering that has Asperger's? And that he is an 'adult'? Is he > always like this or does he go into vicious behavior to get his ownway or > justify himself; i.e. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behavior?> > Yes, my daughter can be unbelievably nasty whenever she wants herown way or > feels threatened. And she disturbs my sleep too, even though shehas the > upstairs apt. and I the downstairs. She is, however, capable of being > absolutely charming and loving when she feels okay.> > I think it depends on how attached you are to living withyou. If > you are, that makes it more challenging -- like brings it into therealm of > prayer -- which is where I mostly abide. If you're not, then youcan simply > tell him, he will need to find other living accommodations unless hechanges his > ways and is fit to live with, as what he's doing is unbelievably selfish and > unkind.> > What leverage do you have? Does he have any money, or is he totally > dependent on you? If he is, then you do have leverage, and can makesome rules. > The hardest part is sticking to them no matter what.> > You have my utmost sympathy. I am not fond of being awakened byloud noise > either. Giving you a hug. > > Love,> Francine> > > In a message dated 7/13/2008 5:21:21 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > likeawillow@... writes:> > > > > I know that I have been really quiet this past couple of months. I> finally (after over two years) found a job and have been busy trying> to work my hours, keep my house clean and get my way-overdue bills> paid. Hasn't left much time to be on the computer or to do much of> anything else.> > I apologize in advance, but I really need to vent this afternoon. I> am waaayyyy too stressed and have tried to look at this situation from> all sides, but cannot seem to come to some resolution of the problem.> > Have any of your children made you feel as if you have no right to> feelings, have they made you keep a happy or at least calm face when> in their presence - no matter how bad things are going. Have they> insisted that everything go exactly their way, no matter how unlikely> it is to happen that way?> > Now, I'm not saying that I dump all the problems on , I do not> use him as a sounding board, but he doesn't want to hear that I have> feelings ... at all. He doesn't care if I sleep (plays heavy metal> music very loud - loudly enough that I can hear each and every word> THROUGH EAR PLUGS!) He ends up going to sleep around 3-4 a.m. and> sleeps until at least noon. He insists that I have abnormally keen> hearing (he's partially right - hence the earplugs) and that his music> is not too loud. He says he needs the loud music in order for HIM to> sleep - that otherwise the noises from the railroad, and the stories> in his head just keep him awake. He's been (well - we both have) been> sleeping in the living room - our central A/C is broke and we cannot> afford to fix it. The upstairs is just too hot to sleep in. So it's> not like I can escape the loud music. I need my sleep (not much, just> four or five hours) but I need SOME sleep in order to function. I try> to explain that to him and he just goes off the deep end. I cry, he> gets mad, I try to reason with him that if he were me he'd need sleep,> he gets mad. He stomps around, hits walls, screams and literally has> had the neighborhood worried for my safety. I can't act tired, act> less than the "perfect" mom (which he insists I am not and never have> been). I can't have emotions at all. > > Despite working as many hours as they will give me, I am still having> trouble getting caught up on our bills. The paychecks are okay (well> - except for the one I'll get on 8/1. They decided to drop my hours to> 16 a week - why I don't know). It's just that once I began work, DHS> decided I no longer needed nor qualified for food stamps. So now the> $250 we were receiving in food stamps has to come out of my check. > Not that $250 a month ever fed anyway. I was always having to> find ways to come up with another couple of hundred dollars to finish> buying enough groceries to get us though the month. > > My car broke down (completely) at the end of May and my daughter and> son-in-law purchased another vehicle for me with the understanding> that I would pay them $100 a month until it was paid off. They spent> their stimulus check on it. So far, I have not been able to make a> payment at all to them. It's all gone to keep the utilities on, the> house payment made and food on the table. > > I feel so guilty right now. I feel as if nothing I do is enough. I> can't be the parent he needs (they are still working on the life> skills funding). I am so weary of trying so damn hard and the one> place I should be able to just let go and just be (my home)I can't> even rest or relax. I'm just about at my wits end.> > Has anyone gone through this with their older (or not so older)> children? How did you handle it? How do you maintain some semblance> of humanity when it is being drummed into your head that you can't> feel or if you do, just hide it, don't let it show. (It's as if by> showing any emotion at all - happy, sad, whatever - it's more than he> can deal with and he just blows.)> > Sorry about the vent. I just needed to be able to get some of it out> of my head and onto the page. If anyone HAS any ideas, I'd love to> hear them. > > Hope your Sunday is going better than mine.> > > > > > > > > > **************Get the scoop on last night's hottest shows and thelive music > scene in your area - Check out TourTracker.com! > (http://www.tourtracker.com?NCID=aolmus00050000000112)> Get the scoop on last night's hottest shows and the live music scene in your area - Check out TourTracker.com!

July 14, 2008

Francine,

Yes, he has Asperger's. He will turn 19 in early September. He is

always like this. He does get into vicious behavior if he feels

threatened by someone not understanding him or if he feels that he is

being ignored. Gratefully, it isn't daily and it is getting better as

he gets older. I feel that part of it is that up until his dad and I

split (when he was 9) he witnessed physical abuse on a daily basis.

His dad still doesn't feel that he did anything wrong, despite having

been ordered to go to an abuser's classes mandated by the probation

department. He still tells that if I just knew when to stay in

my place and not " piss him off " , I would not have gotten hit. He also

tells that I asked for being abused, by not following the

rules. That I am just a bitch. Those first years are so very

important to a child's world view, of their learning how to treat

others ... important for NT kids, but even more so for

Autistic/Asperger's kids. I wish I'd understood that years ago, I

would have left him so much sooner.

I love my son and would like to keep him with me, at least until he

has the ability to survive on his own. He is so overly confident that

he can do anything. Doesn't matter what it is, he can do it and do it

better than anyone else. There is no telling him, no matter how

gently, that perhaps he doesn't yet have the skills to do whatever it

is. His vision of the future? To design an apartment in the basement

of the house I am buying. It already has it's own entrance and ample

room to make his vision come true ... we just lack funds. I am

recently back working after nearly three years of only sporadic temp

jobs due to a serious back injury in the summer of '05. He also wants

to have his own computer rehabbing center. He truly does have a gift

with computers. He started repairing family computers when he was

younger than six. But he doesn't understand that he needs to finish

his high school education and take the computer science courses at the

local college before he can realize his dream.

In those moments when I have temporarily lost my patience and have

yelled at him to go find another place to stay as I can't deal with it

anymore ... he quickly back-pedals and for a time, things are better.

It's obvious that he doesn't want to be forced to leave ... but yet,

I cannot get him to understand that many of the behaviors that he does

are not okay and are not acceptable and should not be done. I've been

his pretty much sole caregiver since the divorce. His dad was only

compliant with visitation while he was on probation. Since then and

especially since he remarried in 2002, visitation is very sporadic and

limited. This year for Father's Day, he visited with his son for less

than two hours. is his only child.

I know what you mean about it bringing it into the realm of prayer -

That's where I reside as well.

He has his SSI, but no concept of how to handle it or budget or save

or anything. He wants something (usually gaming or computer related)

all thoughts of waiting until we have the money for it go out of his

head. He will repeatedly go to WalMart to " price " the item, then beg

me to buy it to the point that we have to leave the store. I am still

the representative payee for his SSI ... for how long I do not know.

SSA wants him to be his own payee. I can't tell them how badly that

would turn out. It took a letter from the doctor that has seen him

since he was ten to convince them to even delay the changeover until

the end of August.

Thanks for the hug. I really need it today. The

anger/fear/frustration/venting is now over, and I am just weary beyond

belief.

Thanks so much for replying and for your insights. They are

appreciated more than you know.

Hugs,

>

> Dear ,

>

> I'm gathering that has Asperger's? And that he is an

'adult'? Is he

> always like this or does he go into vicious behavior to get his own

way or

> justify himself; i.e. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behavior?

>

> Yes, my daughter can be unbelievably nasty whenever she wants her

own way or

> feels threatened. And she disturbs my sleep too, even though she

has the

> upstairs apt. and I the downstairs. She is, however, capable of being

> absolutely charming and loving when she feels okay.

>

> I think it depends on how attached you are to living with

you. If

> you are, that makes it more challenging -- like brings it into the

realm of

> prayer -- which is where I mostly abide. If you're not, then you

can simply

> tell him, he will need to find other living accommodations unless he

changes his

> ways and is fit to live with, as what he's doing is unbelievably

selfish and

> unkind.

>

> What leverage do you have? Does he have any money, or is he totally

> dependent on you? If he is, then you do have leverage, and can make

some rules.

> The hardest part is sticking to them no matter what.

>

> You have my utmost sympathy. I am not fond of being awakened by

loud noise

> either. Giving you a hug.

>

> Love,

> Francine

>

> In a message dated 7/13/2008 5:21:21 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> likeawillow@... writes:

>

> I know that I have been really quiet this past couple of months. I

> finally (after over two years) found a job and have been busy trying

> to work my hours, keep my house clean and get my way-overdue bills

> paid. Hasn't left much time to be on the computer or to do much of

> anything else.

>

> I apologize in advance, but I really need to vent this afternoon. I

> am waaayyyy too stressed and have tried to look at this situation from

> all sides, but cannot seem to come to some resolution of the problem.

>

> Have any of your children made you feel as if you have no right to

> feelings, have they made you keep a happy or at least calm face when

> in their presence - no matter how bad things are going. Have they

> insisted that everything go exactly their way, no matter how unlikely

> it is to happen that way?

>

> Now, I'm not saying that I dump all the problems on , I do not

> use him as a sounding board, but he doesn't want to hear that I have

> feelings ... at all. He doesn't care if I sleep (plays heavy metal

> music very loud - loudly enough that I can hear each and every word

> THROUGH EAR PLUGS!) He ends up going to sleep around 3-4 a.m. and

> sleeps until at least noon. He insists that I have abnormally keen

> hearing (he's partially right - hence the earplugs) and that his music

> is not too loud. He says he needs the loud music in order for HIM to

> sleep - that otherwise the noises from the railroad, and the stories

> in his head just keep him awake. He's been (well - we both have) been

> sleeping in the living room - our central A/C is broke and we cannot

> afford to fix it. The upstairs is just too hot to sleep in. So it's

> not like I can escape the loud music. I need my sleep (not much, just

> four or five hours) but I need SOME sleep in order to function. I try

> to explain that to him and he just goes off the deep end. I cry, he

> gets mad, I try to reason with him that if he were me he'd need sleep,

> he gets mad. He stomps around, hits walls, screams and literally has

> had the neighborhood worried for my safety. I can't act tired, act

> less than the " perfect " mom (which he insists I am not and never have

> been). I can't have emotions at all.

>

> Despite working as many hours as they will give me, I am still having

> trouble getting caught up on our bills. The paychecks are okay (well

> - except for the one I'll get on 8/1. They decided to drop my hours to

> 16 a week - why I don't know). It's just that once I began work, DHS

> decided I no longer needed nor qualified for food stamps. So now the

> $250 we were receiving in food stamps has to come out of my check.

> Not that $250 a month ever fed anyway. I was always having to

> find ways to come up with another couple of hundred dollars to finish

> buying enough groceries to get us though the month.

>

> My car broke down (completely) at the end of May and my daughter and

> son-in-law purchased another vehicle for me with the understanding

> that I would pay them $100 a month until it was paid off. They spent

> their stimulus check on it. So far, I have not been able to make a

> payment at all to them. It's all gone to keep the utilities on, the

> house payment made and food on the table.

>

> I feel so guilty right now. I feel as if nothing I do is enough. I

> can't be the parent he needs (they are still working on the life

> skills funding). I am so weary of trying so damn hard and the one

> place I should be able to just let go and just be (my home)I can't

> even rest or relax. I'm just about at my wits end.

>

> Has anyone gone through this with their older (or not so older)

> children? How did you handle it? How do you maintain some semblance

> of humanity when it is being drummed into your head that you can't

> feel or if you do, just hide it, don't let it show. (It's as if by

> showing any emotion at all - happy, sad, whatever - it's more than he

> can deal with and he just blows.)

>

> Sorry about the vent. I just needed to be able to get some of it out

> of my head and onto the page. If anyone HAS any ideas, I'd love to

> hear them.

>

> Hope your Sunday is going better than mine.

>

> **************Get the scoop on last night's hottest shows and the

live music

> scene in your area - Check out TourTracker.com!

> (http://www.tourtracker.com?NCID=aolmus00050000000112)

>

July 16, 2008

,

I am a 30 y/o female high functioning autistic. I want to affirm for you that it will get better. I had many of the same issues as your son, including the violent outbursts, unwillingness to accept any other person has emotions or feelings beyond my own, and total lack of money and the concept of taking care of myself.

In my community there is a Brain Injury Program that finally accpeted me through a grant to attend their LIFESKILLS program. Perhaps you have one locally based in your area. This program did a complete evaluation of my social, physical, and emotional functioning and did home visits and took me out into the REAL world and I learned so much. I can now manage money better, don't ingnore others feeling, and am a 3rd year college student taking onlin courses, oh and I also work PT.

My violent outbursts decreased as I got older, they too were always towards inadimate objects. I am in control of my physical responses and do not break things anymore; however, I know how to shut the door just right to get my other halfs attention, but who doesn't.

I just wanted you to know that it will get better, and that there is a growing resource out there for you to explore that can speed that process up for him.

Good luck!

http://speakup.today.com

Autisticjessie

July 18, 2008

Sharron,I cannot even imagine only spending 300 a month on groceries! We moved from Southern California to Rural North Central Arkansas in August of last year, and my grocery bill is over 1500 a month. In Southern Cali it was maybe 900 - 1000. I haven't been participating at all - because apparently right before we moved out here they cut ALL programs for autistic kids. I have 2 of them, and my husband was home a sum total of 5 weeks this year (he is a merchant mariner - after retiring from the Navy). So, I no longer have respite or anything else and I have to drive 3 hours to get the kids up to Missouri for their med doc. I wish that I had answers for everyone who is having trouble coping - my doctor told me that I am at high risk for a heart attack or stroke - my blood pressure is sky

high - and he says - oh well get rid of the stress in your life. I wanted to kill him - no seriously - homicide became a very friendly word at that point. I am home (in the sticks!) on 2 1/2 acres of land - and I am terrified of everything. In the past 3 weeks, I was bitten by a copperhead and a brown recluse. Then, right after my son's wedding (last month), my mom went back home and had a stroke, so now I am trying to work 30 + hours a week after the kids go to sleep. I am thanking God for the extra money - but this is insane.I don't know anyone in this state yet, and I have been here for a year - my biggest fear is that I am going to get really sick and then what????? Max and Jackie (*my son and daughter in law who are living here right now) will be leaving as soon as Max is out of boot camp and through A school (he joined the navy and we are waiting for him to ship out). Which will leave me with three

girls - my oldest who has Aspergers/HFA, my middle one who has BP/ADHD and the little one who has Autism, SID, Dyspraxia etc etc. and now possibly bp also.ARGH!Jen“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” Elie WieselFrom: Sharron <Sharron8428@...>Subject: Re: need to vent....Autism and Aspergers Treatment Date: Sunday, July 13, 2008, 3:54 PM

These issues are some of the issues InfoPAC speaks to employers

about. The Finanical Aspects of having a Special needs child. How

employers and the government needs to do more for families that have

to have one caregiver at home to care for their kid. Or, in some

cases when the spouse walks out on you leaving you to do it all.

As you know ASD people or children have no concerns for others

emotions. The concept just goes right over their heads. I can be sick

as a dog, sleeping, and my son will come wake me up so I can find a

video he needs. THis is after my husband tells him to leave me along.

He hears what we say, but he just doesn't get it.

Groceries- I understand. We spend 300.00 permonth on groceries for a

family of 3. We aren't starving! We eat to well! Roast, ribs, you

name it. I just budget shopping! Coupons, sales, and thank God for

Wal0mart for the can goods,boxed foods, chicken, milk and eggs. I get

my ground meats from King Soopers (other grocery store) as well as

my chips. Infact, KS is starting to get real competitive with WM. I

get better savings from KS. Using a calendar I plan my dinner menu

for the whole month that way I buy only those foods that are on the

menu for dinner. Snacks are limited. then we buy of course breakfast

items.

Good luck!

>

> I know that I have been really quiet this past couple of months. I

> finally (after over two years) found a job and have been busy trying

> to work my hours, keep my house clean and get my way-overdue bills

> paid. Hasn't left much time to be on the computer or to do much of

> anything else.

>

> I apologize in advance, but I really need to vent this afternoon. I

> am waaayyyy too stressed and have tried to look at this situation

from

> all sides, but cannot seem to come to some resolution of the

problem.

>

> Have any of your children made you feel as if you have no right to

> feelings, have they made you keep a happy or at least calm face when

> in their presence - no matter how bad things are going. Have they

> insisted that everything go exactly their way, no matter how

unlikely

> it is to happen that way?

>

> Now, I'm not saying that I dump all the problems on , I do not

> use him as a sounding board, but he doesn't want to hear that I have

> feelings ... at all. He doesn't care if I sleep (plays heavy metal

> music very loud - loudly enough that I can hear each and every word

> THROUGH EAR PLUGS!) He ends up going to sleep around 3-4 a.m. and

> sleeps until at least noon. He insists that I have abnormally keen

> hearing (he's partially right - hence the earplugs) and that his

music

> is not too loud. He says he needs the loud music in order for HIM

to

> sleep - that otherwise the noises from the railroad, and the stories

> in his head just keep him awake. He's been (well - we both have)

been

> sleeping in the living room - our central A/C is broke and we cannot

> afford to fix it. The upstairs is just too hot to sleep in. So

it's

> not like I can escape the loud music. I need my sleep (not much,

just

> four or five hours) but I need SOME sleep in order to function. I

try

> to explain that to him and he just goes off the deep end. I cry, he

> gets mad, I try to reason with him that if he were me he'd need

sleep,

> he gets mad. He stomps around, hits walls, screams and literally

has

> had the neighborhood worried for my safety. I can't act tired, act

> less than the "perfect" mom (which he insists I am not and never

have

> been). I can't have emotions at all.

>

> Despite working as many hours as they will give me, I am still

having

> trouble getting caught up on our bills. The paychecks are okay

(well

> - except for the one I'll get on 8/1. They decided to drop my hours

to

> 16 a week - why I don't know). It's just that once I began work,

DHS

> decided I no longer needed nor qualified for food stamps. So now

the

> $250 we were receiving in food stamps has to come out of my check.

> Not that $250 a month ever fed anyway. I was always having

to

> find ways to come up with another couple of hundred dollars to

finish