Introduction and problem...sorry for the length

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm new to the list and was going to " lurk " for awhile and try to

learn things but tonight something happened that has never happened

before and I'm not sure how to respond to it and was hoping for some

advice or experience.

I am a single mom, I have a 15 year old boy and a 10 year old boy who

has PDD. There is a long story behind it but things have been very

hard this winter (school, teacher abuse, me taking him out of school,

etc.), and his behavior has been horrible at times, even more so than

I could have ever imagined.

Anyway, every night I fight with him about taking a shower. He

doesn't want to bathe or brush his teeth, If I don't check and force

him, he will put his dirty clothes back on after a shower. (He wants

to wear the same thing over and over and hates the new clothes). So

tonight, I put my foot down because he hasn't showered in a few days

and I didn't have the energy to fight anymore so I let it go that

long. When I told him to get in the shower he got really mad as

usual but he drew back his fist to hit me. I could see something " go

off " in his eyes that made him stop but I got in his face and told

him if he EVER raised his hand to hit me that I would beat the you

know what out of him. Then, I regained my composure somewhat (I

would never hit him but I was mad and he was calling me names and

yelling and telling me how mean I was, etc. Then I told him that I

wouldn't hit him but I would call the crisis center or the police and

that they would take him away for trying to hurt me. He said " I

woudl never forgive you " and I was so mad I said, oh well. He

said " I'll just go live at Grandmas " and I told him " no you wont'

because she won't let you " .

At this point my teenager actually appeared out of his room (lol) and

told Tyler that he was such a bad son. That was what made him lose

it. He started crying and screaming and seemed truly angry and HURT

that someone would say that. I said well are you acting like a good

son right now? Then he snuck in my room and called his grandma and

started telling her how mean his brother and I am and how he " needed

a break from this place " , but failed to mention what he did.

Anyway when I heard him talking on the phone, I picked up the other

extension to listen. When he was done I said tell her what else you

did. then he got mad that I was listening and started yelling and

this is what concerns me...He yells and screams a lot and calls me

mean or whatever but tonight he said I hate you, you piss me off you

freakin bitch. This is my TEN year old little boy. I didn't say

anything because I was in shock and he hung up the phone. Then he

came in here and looked me dead in the eyes and screamed (in a mean,

scary way) how much he hated me, how mean I was and how I pissed him

off and freaking this and freaking that...Again, I didn't say

anything or react and he went into my room and started throwing

things, kicking things..etc.

When he was in the shower I went into my room to see if he was okay

and he had locked me out. I picked the lock and opened my door to a

room that looked like a tornado had just gone through there.

I was so mad that I did something terrible and now I feel so guilty

that I don't know what to do...I'm so embarrassed to tell anyone and

am scared to tell our counselor...I went into the other bathroom and

flushed the toilet (twice) while he was in the shower. He came out

and yelled that it was freaking cold and I caught myself giggling

(not in front of him). Am I the most horrible mom or what? How

could I do such a thing? I don't take the name calling and the " i

hate you's " personally and I know that he cannot control himself but

I did it anyway.

Can anyone give me their advice? Has anyone been through this and

did you do anything as bad as what I did? How should I punish him?

If I show him that he got to me, he will use it in the future. If I

ignore it and don't punish him, he will think he can get away with it

again. I am so confused...

Thanks,

Kathleen