Re: How do you tell your child he has aspergers?

[Guest guest]

It is my opinion that at almost any age a child can be told that there is a name or label that explains their difficulties- IF it is delivered correctly for the child’s intellect. More importantly than age appropriateness, is HOW it is told. This is the point I wish all caregivers could understand. If a child believes that Autism means there is something hard-wired wrong with them, they may spend a life time viewing it as an insurmountable struggle. If a child believes that there is a name that describes the difficulties, but also delivers other amazing capacities-this sets an entirely different platform for working through the struggles. It is not scary for most children to play games that battle them through frightening places if they know there is a treasure at the end of the fight.

It seems that most parents of Autistic children that I have personally met have a huge cloud of sorrow that resonates straight from their heart when they talk about their child. The pain of this subject most certainly holds some justification, but must absolutely be cleared from their hearts and heads before any child is given a name or label that typically signifies a disability. Like a dog that senses fear in people, many of us sense the sorrow, the fear, the pain. Most children do not have the tools to identify what feels wrong with Mom or Dad with reference to this label, but they can sense that they do not like it. They may even be able to extract that something is wrong, it is bad, it is scary. There are enough people in the outside world that are uncomfortable around us

and react to our differences in a manner that shakes our confidence. Inside we know we are different- I would not want to feel that my parents view me as damaged goods as well. I do not believe that painting a smile on your face and just talking about the positives of Autism is enough. A parent must 100%, unconditionally believe that their child is perfect and capable just the way they are and believe that they can help deliver the tools for their child to help them battle

their way through the hard parts of the journey. If a parent’s belief is not true, then the corner of your self that holds the fear is still present in the delivery and puts a layer of confusion on the message. (Do you ever find that some clowns are scary? They paint a smile and act silly, but when they have hidden personal stuff on the inside-it feels wrong- That’s what I am trying to validate. ) Good timing, and delivery applies to how your child discovers that their brain is wired differently than many others which explains why some things are harder for them than other kids their age. I will work on a list of how I view Autism/Aspergers as a gift, rather than a burden and will post this in the near future. I hope it will help people see that there are great things about how my different brain works and I would not trade it for anything. This article and others can be found at relating to Autism Spectrum Disorder at: ASkPamela/ Pamela Kluth© Dissemination, distribution or copying of this message is strictly prohibited unless you provide credit to the author. liskev <lisa0671@...> wrote: I have a 6 1/2 year old that is going for a consult later this month. I'm pretty sure he has aspergers. He has been

diagnosed with a speech delay since 3. Recently diagnosed with developmental delay as well. He has always had some autistic characteristics but never got a dx. He has progressively gotten worse is several areas. So I requested an assessment in order to make sure he's getting all the services he needs. My 4 year old dd was diagnosed with autism at 18mos. So my ds is aware of what autism is. Kind of. We have a DAN! dr. and are doing various biomedical treatments for dd. When I try to give ds anything I'm giving dd "for her autism" he gets upset and says "I don't have the autism!". My question is, if he does in fact get a dx, how do I explain it to him? He asked why he is going to see a doctor so I said, "You know how you get services for speech? Well, I want to make sure you still need them or if you need any other services." He just said "Oh." and that was that. Any advice?? Thanks in advance.

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[Guest guest]

It is exptremely important that you educate your son on his

situation. It will help to prepare him for his future.

When a child is around the age of 7 years, I usually assign him/her

to fill out their own behavioral charts and keep track of behaviors,

etc. The idea is that they are the ones doing the work and will have

to eventually take responsibility for their own behavior.

(It also helps to teach them about data analysis, charts, etc., if

you happen to homeschool.)

Since he has already seen his sister, he will understand the

heritability of this trait, and he will be able to appreciate the

need to work on various things that other children may not need to do.

When you get your asessment, make sure it is done by a professional

(Clinical Psychologist, Ph.D. with experience - check your state

psychological association). Have the psychologist add a section

which specifies what behaviors are to be addressed, and specifically

to involve the child in behavioral planning.

Good luck. Education is important. I advocate this for patients and

have also done this for my own child (HFA - now PDD). (He was

educated on these issues prior to my 'outing' him to relatives and

the general population.)