Guest guest Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Hi -I have below two archives which may help. In the first I know Tanner is 3 which is younger -but that's the only time he had issues making friends was at this age but I do have suggestions in there which would apply to any age. Below that are a few more suggestions including the circle of friends and a list of books which may be helpful. Tanner at three years old tended also to shy away from other children he didn't know. We'll never know for sure if it's due to lack of self esteem or frustration from not being able to communicate, or most likely a bit of both. I can tell you that as the weeks went on -he formed friendships and grew to love his teachers and classmates. Tanner was also schooled in a hearing impaired deaf school -and I too was " warned " that he " wouldn't have positive role models " I laugh at that! What -I live in a bubble now? My kid is at school a few measly hours a day for five days a week - and I took him to the park -therapy -play dates -life. When Tanner was at preschool -it was for therapy first, education second -social skills were a plus -but not my priority from the preschool for him. If that was my main goal I wouldn't have fought for appropriate services and would have just stuck Tanner in a good " normal " preschool. I've written here before -if your child regresses around other children -he may do better on one on one -and at times perhaps not with " normal " kids. Our children are bright enough to know they are not doing what others are. And if they could " pick it up " just by being around it -we wouldn't be here! And the advice would be -put your kid in day care and they will be fine. Well once you decide which class is the best (if either of them are) Try to get the phone numbers of some of the other moms in the class to set up play dates. If the school won't give phone numbers to you - have a party and invite all the children and put an RSVP on the invite. Make it a " get to know each other " party! Also go and observe the class and see if there is a child or two your child appears to gravitate more. Don't just take the teacher's word for it -she may or may not notice -you will always notice -it's your child. Subject: Re: inclusion being made fun of To all the parents that posted about this or are concerned about this, There are many wonderful stories of hope to inspire your child who is going through the hurtfulness and pain of discrimination from school or from neighborhood children. One place to find these stories is in the Chicken Soup For the Soul books and on the website too http://www.chickensoup.com (for example " The Little Girl Who Dared To Wish " ) Awhile ago I posted about a technique that our Vice President Cheryl SLS MA Educational Consultant, and NJ State Teacher Representative teaches and uses successfully with her students. Cheryl will be at the next meeting so if you are from the NJ area, you can talk to her personally! Here is the " circle of friends " in a nutshell: A circle of friends is when you bring together all the children in the class. This would include of course. The discussion would be right in front of (your child) where (your child)'s speech disorder would be talked about, as well as how frustrating it is to communicate and how painful it is to be teased about it, etc. (your child) can add to the conversation if he wants, and everyone shares and learns. Cheryl says it works so well that then the children in the circle of friends go out of their way to protect and watch over and translate for the child with the communication problem. Don't just stick to the school either -do this with neighborhood children too. Along those lines -I found this article below which I believe also confirms what Cheryl is successfully doing. HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH DIFFERENCES National Network for Child Care's Connections Newsletter Marilyn Brink, M.Ed., ECE District Supervisor/Trainer Two Rivers Head Start, St. , Illinois Copyright/Access Information When noted kindergarten teacher Vivian Paley and her students from the University of Chicago lab school adopted a new classroom rule: You can't say " you can't play, " they realized that's not how things worked in the real world. They began to see that whether or not you could play often depended on how you looked or whether you were different. So Paley and her students decided to try to make their classroom " nicer " than the real world. All children learn very early what adults around them value. Between the ages of 2 and 5, children are becoming aware of gender, race, ethnicity, and disabilities (Neugebauer, 1992). They can see how we feel about people who are different from us. And our feelings gradually begin to influence their feelings. Children do what we do, not what we tell them to do. We need to become aware of our own attitudes. Ana Consuelo Matiella encourages us to give children an environment in which they can begin to learn about differences. Our goal in this type of environment is for children to develop fairness and tolerance for differences and to learn to challenge unfair treatment of others. For the longest time, in our efforts to be fair, we have tried to treat all children alike. " I don't even notice Kiki's color, " her caregiver claims. Louise Derman-Sparks calls this the color-blind approach. She says that people who deny differences mean well. They are trying to counter bigotry by saying we are all alike under our skin. But this approach defines being different as something negative. When we deny a child's differences, we ignore his uniqueness. Because children form identity and self-concept during this sensitive period of development, we must answer their questions honestly and factually. We must take the time to challenge distorted thinking, which is actually preprejudice (York, 1991). Young children watch their parents and teachers to see how they react to prejudicial ideas and comments. Our responses greatly affect the ideas that they will form. Preschool children are naturally curious about the world, and they have questions about specific things that they notice. Questions about physical, gender, ethnic, or racial differences may be difficult for some adults to answer. But the way we answer will influence the child who is concluding that something is " wrong " with a person who is different. Cary, author of " Talking about Differences Children Notice, " gives some guidelines for responding to awkward questions. Children are more comfortable with differences when they understand why people are different. RESPOND PROMPTLY. If possible, answer questions as soon as children ask them. If you ignore questions, children may decide that there is something wrong about the question or the person the question concerns. Children learn not to ask questions that make people uncomfortable. Prejudice often begins when children develop misconceptions based on their limited experiences. GIVE SIMPLE ANSWERS. Answers should be simple and relate to a child's experience and level of development. If a child asks, " Why is that man so dark?, " you can say simply, " He is dark because his mother and/or father is dark. You have blond hair just like your mother. " MODEL RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR, BOTH VERBALLY AND NONVERBALLY. Many people were taught as children not to stare. They were taught so well that they avoid looking at people with disabilities at all. ACKNOWLEDGE CHILDREN'S FEARS. Some children are afraid of the unknown. They may have wrong ideas about people who are different. They may be suspicious of unusual people and resist the new and different. Fears should be accepted, and children should be offered help to deal with their fears. Helpful responses acknowledge the child's feelings. You might say, " You're scared of the man without legs. " Then give the child the tools and experiences to help her deal with her fear. INTRODUCE DIFFERENCES THROUGH BOOKS. It can be less threatening for some children to meet people who are different first in a book. Issues surrounding differences can be discussed in terms of the characters in the book. Then you can broaden the discussion to include children in the group or people in the community. It is important for adults to be sensitive to the unasked questions as well (Cary, 1992). If you sense that a child is confused or uneasy, try to verbalize those feelings for him. Get feelings out in the open so you can talk about them. Remember, though, that actions speak louder than words. So we must be especially careful about how our actions shape the values that children learn as they encounter the people in their world. If we don't act, they will learn by default the messages that are all too prevalent in the world. And we'll find ourselves perpetuating ideas that we really do not want to pass on to our children. REFERENCES Cary, E. 1992. " Talking about Differences Children Notice. " In B. Neugebauer (Ed.), *Alike and Different* (pp. 11-15). Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children. Derman-Sparks, L. 1992. " Reaching Potentials Through Anti-Bias, Multicultural Curriculum. " In S. Bredekamp and T. Rosegrant (Eds.), *Reaching Potentials: Appropriate Curriculum and Assessment for Young Children*, vol. 1. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children. Heller, C. Spring 1993. " Equal Play. " In *Teaching Tolerance*, vol. 1, no. 1, pp. 24-37. Matiella, A. 1991. Positively Different: Creating a Bias-Free Environment for Young Children. Santa Cruz, CA: ETR Associates. York, S. 1991. *Roots And Wings: Affirming Culture in Early Childhood Programs*. Minnesota: Redleaf Press. Reprinted with permission from the Fox Valley AEYC, Elgin, Illinois. DOCUMENT USE/COPYRIGHT National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Part of CYFERNET, the National Extension Service Children Youth and Family Educational Research Network. Permission is granted to reproduce these materials in whole or in part for educational purposes only (not for profit beyond the cost of reproduction) provided that the author and Network receive acknowledgment and this notice is included: You can also try talking to some of the moms in the class and arrange for your children to get together with one other child at a time to do a fun planned activity where you are there to intervien. articles on bullying from M. Articles on Bullies: (you may have to cut and paste some longer links) Bully Advice and Tips For Kids http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/parenting/site/articles/bully_advice_kno\ ll.htm Online conference transcript: How to Help Your Child Deal With Bullies http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/parenting/site/transcripts/bullies.htm Help For Parents and Teachers On Dealing With Bullies and School Violence http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/parenting/site/articles/school_violence_\ knoll.htm Child on Child Violence http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/parenting/site/articles/child_violence_k\ noll.htm Books on Bullies: Bullies & Victims : Helping Your Child Survive the Schoolyard Battlefield by Suellen Fried, a Fried http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0871318407/ref=pd_sim_books/102-2688874-6\ 686525 Taking the Bully by the Horns - by Kathy Noll http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0937004111/healthyplacecom/102-2688874-66\ 86525 How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies : A Book That Takes the Nuisance Out of Name Calling and Other Nonsense: by Kate Cohen- Posey, Betsy A. Lampe (Illustrator) http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1568250290/ref=pd_sxp_elt_l1/102-2688874-\ 6686525 The Ant Bully by Nickle http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0590395912/ref=pd_sxp_elt_l1/102-2688874-\ 6686525 What to Do... When Kids Are Mean to Your Child (What to Do Parenting Guides, Vol. 1) by Elin McCoy http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0895779846/ref=pd_sxp_elt_l1/102-2688874-\ 6686525 Stick Up for Yourself : Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self-Esteem by Lev Raphael, Gershen Kaufman, Pamela Espeland http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1575420686/ref=pd_sim_books/102-2688874-6\ 686525 (and The Late Talker! http://www.cherabfoundation.org/latetalkerbook/ ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of archive ===== Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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