Re: Too wierd - choice of teen relationships....

January 7, 2008

Hi ,

I can relate to this question very much - when my daughter was 16 and

as yet undiagnosed, she began dating a " troubled " older boy. Because

of her OCD (I realize in retrospect) she was " wound tightly " and

fearful regarding sexuality. But, this young man had access to

drugs/alcohol and proceeded to get her drunk for her first sexual

experience. It was a terrible few years after that - we are still

recovering from this - the sneaking around etc. I found out later

that she and her " friends " experimented with mushrooms and I believe

that this effected her OCD very much ( I have read that there are

research projects regarding the usage of this as a treatment) I'm

actually not sure it made her symptoms worse - I think her illicit

behaviors began to emphasize the difference between her and her OCD.

She was diagnosed at 17 and she has been treated with medication for

two years. It's not perfect for her - she is really tired and still

struggles with symptoms, but she is no longer self-medicating.

Unfortunately she is still seeing the boy who seduced her - another

" stuck " situation, even though she " knows " how bad he is for her and

no one in her life likes him. Without him, her anxiety gets much

worse...

It's very worrisome/alarming - so I just have to say, it could be

worse - it sounds like your son's girlfriend is getting treatment.

Sometimes it takes these relationships to wake up someone to needing

medical support. It's so hard to know what's " normal " in the

teen/young adult world.

Alice

> I have a question. This is almost too strange but my 21 yo OCD son

> has been dating a girl for a couple of years. She has become very

> much a worrier, has been but is more so now. Her dr. put her on

> buspar, something I am not familiar with. She has been on it for

> about a month. It doesn't seem to be helping much at this point but

> I am wondering if it has been long enough. I don't know the dosage.

> Her dr. is not a psych. My son now says she may go see his dr.

> I shudder to think of the ramifications of kids in this relationship????

> What if I have grandkids with OCD as well???? This could never

> endddddddddd!!!!!!

> F

>

January 7, 2008

Maybe some of these questions/concerns could come somewhat under the

heading " assortative mating " ? I learned that term when we

participated in OCD research and this was one of the neuropsych

research interests of one of the doctors.

My daughter (19) recently visited with a patient (20+ yr old young

man) she met while in residential treatment. They seem to have such a

good time (mostly phone calls) together and are supportive of each

other despite some pretty dysfunctional problems. I was really

concerned over the idea of two ocd'ers getting together, but she says

it is platonic, plus she is not, nor ever has been, the type to

engage in risky behavior (over-caution is a problem) and a bit

scrupulous too. I think the platonic aspect was confirmed by the fact

that, if I gathered correctly, he had to do ERP to even touch her (or

anyone's) hand.

I think people with ocd may find each other and get along well b/c

they can understand and identify with each other, or with it being in

the family, but the longer term implications can be unnerving.

I feel like my dh and I loaded our kids with ocd and anxiety

genetics, even though we were more the " shadow syndromers " in our

respective families, so not impeded much by ocd though present to an

extent. However we now have 3 kids with pretty sevre spectrums of

ocd/anxiety maybe autistic spectrum. I imagine people with more

severe ocd would have a hard time managing kids with ocd and their

own symptoms as well. My parents (and my dad is pretty ocd-ish) are

familiar now with idea of having both kids and grandkids with ocd, in

fact, my son is very similar to my brother (though my two girls with

ocd/spectrums are in their own-hard-to-define categories).

nancy grace

>

> Hi ,

> I can relate to this question very much - when my daughter was

16 and

> as yet undiagnosed, she began dating a " troubled " older boy.

Because

> of her OCD (I realize in retrospect) she was " wound tightly " and

> fearful regarding sexuality. But, this young man had access to

> drugs/alcohol and proceeded to get her drunk for her first sexual

> experience.

January 8, 2008

>Hi Grace,.

That's a useful term; assortative mating.. What I was trying to

describe for my daughter is after years of private school (waldorf)

once she hit the public high school scene, she exploded herself by

self-medication and decidedly unscrupulous choices- to try and connect

at any cost.

Particularly with a friend with whom she had lost touch, someone with

ADHd, a risk taker - her alter ego in a way. This girl started down

the path of substances and cutting and my daughter jumped in to

regain her bonding with her and to fit in.

It's better now and slowly learning how to understand her OCD.

I am still a relative neophyte regarding determination of OCD vs.

other thoughts..

By the way, I am an adoptee and I don't know my genetics at all.

Alice

Maybe some of these questions/concerns could come somewhat under the

> heading " assortative mating " ? I learned that term when we

> participated in OCD research and this was one of the neuropsych

> research interests of one of the doctors.

>

> My daughter (19) recently visited with a patient (20+ yr old young

> man) she met while in residential treatment. They seem to have such a

> good time (mostly phone calls) together and are supportive of each

> other despite some pretty dysfunctional problems. I was really

> concerned over the idea of two ocd'ers getting together, but she says

> it is platonic, plus she is not, nor ever has been, the type to

> engage in risky behavior (over-caution is a problem) and a bit

> scrupulous too. I think the platonic aspect was confirmed by the fact

> that, if I gathered correctly, he had to do ERP to even touch her (or

> anyone's) hand.

>

> I think people with ocd may find each other and get along well b/c

> they can understand and identify with each other, or with it being in

> the family, but the longer term implications can be unnerving.

>

> I feel like my dh and I loaded our kids with ocd and anxiety

> genetics, even though we were more the " shadow syndromers " in our

> respective families, so not impeded much by ocd though present to an

> extent. However we now have 3 kids with pretty sevre spectrums of

> ocd/anxiety maybe autistic spectrum. I imagine people with more

> severe ocd would have a hard time managing kids with ocd and their

> own symptoms as well. My parents (and my dad is pretty ocd-ish) are

> familiar now with idea of having both kids and grandkids with ocd, in

> fact, my son is very similar to my brother (though my two girls with

> ocd/spectrums are in their own-hard-to-define categories).

> nancy grace

>

>>

>> Hi ,

>> I can relate to this question very much - when my daughter was

> 16 and

>> as yet undiagnosed, she began dating a " troubled " older boy.

> Because

>> of her OCD (I realize in retrospect) she was " wound tightly " and

>> fearful regarding sexuality. But, this young man had access to

>> drugs/alcohol and proceeded to get her drunk for her first sexual

>> experience.

>

January 8, 2008