Re: New to OCD, new to group

January 19, 2008

Hi ,

I have just joined this group as well. My son (age 12) has been diagnosed with

OCD recently as well. At this time, I feel that his OCD is more than a mild

case, though I might be wrong because I have little to compare to. He has

contamination issues, fearing that bug spray has somehow managed to contaminate

everything (living in the country in Florida, the war against household pests is

just a fact of life, and unfortunately, it is a necessity around the house if

one doesn't want to be overrun with insects.) He refuses to touch his own feet,

washes his hands to the point that they dry, crack, and bleed, as well as

refuses to pick things up from the floor if it is an area that he believes he

has walked in before due to the contamination. At this stage, his intelligence

and OCD make rationalizations as to why these things are possible, no matter how

absurd they may be in reality. It is almost as if he is playing the " Six steps

to Bacon " but

with bug spray. I have a five year old daughter, but there has been no signs

or symptoms from her...although comments and actions from her big brother (who

she looks up to) make it difficult as she often wants to wash her hands like he

does.

My son is sensitive to criticisms and discipline, like your daughter. He cries

easily and seems to think that I'm " yelling " when I'm just being stern. When

his OCD kicks in, he becomes very vocally aggressive and resistant to any sort

of rational conversation. It is like he is a completely different child when

having an episode.

We have recently begun therapy similar to what I've read called ERP, but this is

called CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Things started smoothly, but we just

had our first " melt down " in front of the therapist on Friday. He became

hostile, threatened to cause himself harm, accused me and his mother of hating

him and wanting to give him away, and used scathing sarcasm and profanity to

attempt to make his points. All of this just because he would not pick up a

magazine from the floor of the hospital that the therapist placed on the floor.

He even attempted to physically challenge me in order to escape the exposure.

After he has his episodes and calms down, he becomes very apologetic, cries, and

then after a time, becomes almost euphoric.

This is my biggest challenge that our family has ever faced. I find myself at

the edge of tears more often than I care to admit. The feeling of hearing your

own child make statements that he would rather have his life end because of his

fears associated with OCD is overwhelming. One of my biggest challenges is

differentiating " pre-teen angst " from OCD associated behavior. Children often

have a typical manner of being overly-dramatic, even about mundane things, but

to add the complications of OCD to this is a major stressor. Our therapist has

helped in saying that regardless of the issue, there really isn't an excuse for

such overtly bad behavior...but it is still a difficult issue. I guess in the

end, I'm often left wondering just how much of his behavior is the typical

defiant pre-teen and what is caused by his fears caused by his OCD. Since he is

sensitive to such things, and I tend to have a hot temper (not a good combo) I

have made efforts to

try to stop and talk to him when he is disrespectful, explaining what I felt

was disrespect and why...even with this, I still find that he knows exactly what

buttons to push to make my temper rise. So far though, I do think the

explanations have helped as long as he is not in the midst of an OCD panic.

I tend to over-analyze and over-worry about everything, and this has certainly

not helped. I do think that our CBT sessions are helping (he's only gone for

one week now) and he has made progress. Small steps and small victories will

hopefully win the war.

After joining for just a few days and reading what I have, I can certainly feel

some relief in knowing that my family is not alone in the fight against OCD. At

least I've gone from an emotional roller coaster of wondering how our family is

going to get through this and seeing no real end in sight; to seeing that others

are managing the best they can as well. I'm still riding a roller coaster, but

at least there's a chance that it will stop sometime in the future.

Thanks to you all for sharing, it helps more than you may know.

Wayne

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January 19, 2008

Hello and Welcome !

The sensitivity to correction and needing lots of reassurance may be

directly linked to some ocd obsessive thinking, like " you don't love

her if " . On the other hand these kids can be under so much stress

and are so overloaded with the ocd thoughts that they overwhelm

really easy.

I would say let your heart lead the way. Be firm as needed, but

supportive and understanding stating that you know she is having a

hard time and you are there for her and on her side.

The ocd is often compared to a bully, and it is a good analogy, and

it can be relentless. So your daughter is feeling a loss of control

and bullied by the ocd and may try to take back control anywhere she

can. She is not intending to be " bad " so much as trying to cope

anyway she can, but unfortunately such bossy behavior pretty much

guarantees a negative response from most parents....

I guess what I am trying to say, in my long winded way, is she just

needs you to love her any way you can as she struggles. It is

important to separate your anger and frustration from your daughter

and direct it at the ocd. State that you dislike and are mad at the

ocd, not her. Books often suggest asking your child to name the ocd

so you can both talk back to it, boss it back!

Also, if she has just started therapy, often anxiety goes up, as this

is very stressful as they challenge the ocd. As well, the ocd is

smart and will switch from one obsession to another. Don't be

surprised to see new stuff pop up, or old ones come back.

It is a process and takes much time and patience for all concerned!

Is she receiving CBT/ERP? If she is and she is able to do it, things

can turn around quite rapidly, particularily if as you say she has a

relatively mild case.

It can be really hard to know how to handle all the challenging

behaviors that can come with this disorder. Let your heart guide you,

without falling victim to the ocd yourself! I'm sure others will have

some great suggestions, this is a great group.

Big Hug to you! Hang in there, it will get better.

Barb

while still having basic expectations

>

> Hi,

> I am new to OCD. My seven year old was just diagnosed with what the

> therapist thinks is very mild OCD. My question is about discipline.

> Right now, my daughter is so fragile emotionally that it is

difficult

> to even gently correct her for every day stuff - as in not doing

her

> chores, sneaking treats, talking back......is this common? She

> seriously falls apart and needs lots of reassurance that we are not

> mad, not going to stop loving her, etc.

> She just began therapy and also seems to be doing better on one

hand,

> but also has this kind of " I am boss " attitude...is this also

common?

> I am wondering if it is just part of absorbing the therapy and

> sorting through it?

> Her symptoms: wearing several layers of underclothing to " keep her

> safe " (this has been an ongoing symptom since she was 4) - suddenly

> not wanting to go to friends, parties or school - asking the same

> questions over and over - not being able to handle any kind of

> critism or correction, especially at school by her teachers and her

> peers. She was using the bathroom excessively and refusing to

> swallow her own saliva (because she thought it would make her need

to

> use the restroom even more), but that stopped as suddenly as it

> began, although new surroundings cause her alot of stress because

she

> is afraid there won't be a bathroom available (she states this is

the

> reason she doesn't like to go to friends anymore).

> Sorry this is so long! Any comments, advice or suggestions would be

> welcome!

>

January 19, 2008

Hi Wayne,

Our son is 16 and we are a year and a half at this. It is not fun

and it can bring a parent to their knees. We have dealt with the

challenges of teen + ocd + medication challenges and had the same

wonderings about what is causing what in terms of behavior.

The best advice I can give with regard to aggressive behavior and

talk is to remain calm/neutral (yes, I know how impossible this is).

Since the ocd has set up shop in your son's head and generally

terrorizes him all day long, it does not take much from the outside,

ie a parent to set them off. Firm, but loving and supportive is

best, and did I mention neutral(?), it bears mentioning again!!!

If you can also state that you are fed up, or whatever, with the ocd,

not with your son, and that you love him. Even then the ocd may wage

a war and tell him otherwise, and your son's challenge is to choose

who to believe, when the ocd will tell him his very survival depends

on him listening to it, doing what it says and not you!

Sometimes I find the defiance, rudeness etc is an attempt to push you

away so they can keep their alliance with the ocd. Again, if you can

separate your anger from your son and direct it at the ocd, and tell

him so. Have to be careful with teen though, they're pretty smart

with comebacks... Everyone has to become creative with this one,

sometimes humour works, sometimes it backfires.

This loss of control can lead to them trying to regain control any

way they can, and can lead to some very distorted thinking indeed.

Our son has not always been able to contain his behavior and we have

been more than challenged in trying to deal with this. While it is

true that there must be firm limits and expectations it may be that

these will not always be followed. To be expected with any teen, and

more so for these kids with what they struggle with.

Of course it is important that it be clear it is not acceptable, but

it may be it still happens as your son struggles to manage this

disgusting, life-sucking illness.(just in case you didn't get the

extent of my heart-ache living with this!)

This can be such an impossible disorder to deal with, you have my

absolute empathy. We have been through hell and back again, I

understand.

Warmly,

Barb

>

> Hi ,

>

> I have just joined this group as well. My son (age 12) has been

diagnosed with OCD recently as well. At this time, I feel that his

OCD is more than a mild case, though I might be wrong because I have

little to compare to. He has contamination issues, fearing that bug

spray has somehow managed to contaminate everything (living in the

country in Florida, the war against household pests is just a fact of

life, and unfortunately, it is a necessity around the house if one

doesn't want to be overrun with insects.) He refuses to touch his

own feet, washes his hands to the point that they dry, crack, and

bleed, as well as refuses to pick things up from the floor if it is

an area that he believes he has walked in before due to the

contamination. At this stage, his intelligence and OCD make

rationalizations as to why these things are possible, no matter how

absurd they may be in reality. It is almost as if he is playing

the " Six steps to Bacon " but

> with bug spray. I have a five year old daughter, but there has

been no signs or symptoms from her...although comments and actions

from her big brother (who she looks up to) make it difficult as she

often wants to wash her hands like he does.

>

> My son is sensitive to criticisms and discipline, like your

daughter. He cries easily and seems to think that I'm " yelling " when

I'm just being stern. When his OCD kicks in, he becomes very vocally

aggressive and resistant to any sort of rational conversation. It is

like he is a completely different child when having an episode.

>

> We have recently begun therapy similar to what I've read called

ERP, but this is called CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Things

started smoothly, but we just had our first " melt down " in front of

the therapist on Friday. He became hostile, threatened to cause

himself harm, accused me and his mother of hating him and wanting to

give him away, and used scathing sarcasm and profanity to attempt to

make his points. All of this just because he would not pick up a

magazine from the floor of the hospital that the therapist placed on

the floor. He even attempted to physically challenge me in order to

escape the exposure. After he has his episodes and calms down, he

becomes very apologetic, cries, and then after a time, becomes almost

euphoric.

>

> This is my biggest challenge that our family has ever faced. I

find myself at the edge of tears more often than I care to admit.

The feeling of hearing your own child make statements that he would

rather have his life end because of his fears associated with OCD is

overwhelming. One of my biggest challenges is differentiating " pre-

teen angst " from OCD associated behavior. Children often have a

typical manner of being overly-dramatic, even about mundane things,

but to add the complications of OCD to this is a major stressor. Our

therapist has helped in saying that regardless of the issue, there

really isn't an excuse for such overtly bad behavior...but it is

still a difficult issue. I guess in the end, I'm often left

wondering just how much of his behavior is the typical defiant pre-

teen and what is caused by his fears caused by his OCD. Since he is

sensitive to such things, and I tend to have a hot temper (not a good

combo) I have made efforts to

> try to stop and talk to him when he is disrespectful, explaining

what I felt was disrespect and why...even with this, I still find

that he knows exactly what buttons to push to make my temper rise.

So far though, I do think the explanations have helped as long as he

is not in the midst of an OCD panic.

>

> I tend to over-analyze and over-worry about everything, and this

has certainly not helped. I do think that our CBT sessions are

helping (he's only gone for one week now) and he has made progress.

Small steps and small victories will hopefully win the war.

>

> After joining for just a few days and reading what I have, I can

certainly feel some relief in knowing that my family is not alone in

the fight against OCD. At least I've gone from an emotional roller

coaster of wondering how our family is going to get through this and

seeing no real end in sight; to seeing that others are managing the

best they can as well. I'm still riding a roller coaster, but at

least there's a chance that it will stop sometime in the future.

>

> Thanks to you all for sharing, it helps more than you may know.

>

> Wayne

>

______________________________________________________________________

______________

> Be a better friend, newshound, and

> know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile./;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

>

January 20, 2008

and Wayne,

Too tired to offer more advice, but wanted to welcome you and send lots of hugs.

I'm glad you're here to take this journey with us, though I'm sure we'd all

rather not be.

At least know you're on the right track.

New to OCD, new to group

Hi,

I am new to OCD. My seven year old was just diagnosed with what the

therapist thinks is very mild OCD. My question is about discipline.

Right now, my daughter is so fragile emotionally that it is difficult

to even gently correct her for every day stuff - as in not doing her

chores, sneaking treats, talking back......is this common? She

seriously falls apart and needs lots of reassurance that we are not

mad, not going to stop loving her, etc.

She just began therapy and also seems to be doing better on one hand,

but also has this kind of " I am boss " attitude...is this also common?

I am wondering if it is just part of absorbing the therapy and

sorting through it?

Her symptoms: wearing several layers of underclothing to " keep her

safe " (this has been an ongoing symptom since she was 4) - suddenly

not wanting to go to friends, parties or school - asking the same

questions over and over - not being able to handle any kind of

critism or correction, especially at school by her teachers and her

peers. She was using the bathroom excessively and refusing to

swallow her own saliva (because she thought it would make her need to

use the restroom even more), but that stopped as suddenly as it

began, although new surroundings cause her alot of stress because she

is afraid there won't be a bathroom available (she states this is the

reason she doesn't like to go to friends anymore).

Sorry this is so long! Any comments, advice or suggestions would be

welcome!

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January 20, 2008

>

.

> Right now, my daughter is so fragile emotionally that it is difficult

> to even gently correct her for every day stuff - as in not doing her

> chores, sneaking treats, talking back......is this common?

------------

My kid was the same way before she went on meds. We had to be her

therapist, spending long hours in gentle discussions with her, and had

to cut her a lot of slack in order to keep peace. It was hard to do,

given that we have 3 other kids.

Now that she's on meds and goes to therapy, we're back to being her

parents, and we can draw lines more easily now. She takes it better now.

I know everyone's situation is different, but meds were the right

choice for my kid. She's happy with herself again, and our family is

back to normal.

Well, okay, semi-normal. LOL

WM

January 20, 2008

Thank you so much.

She is just in CBT right now. We also stumbled on a book about

worrying for kids, and it has helped as we call her OCD the worry

bullies now, and talk about stomping on them.

We are lmited to the kinds of therapy and therapists available here

as we live in a rural area, but her therapist seems to know alot

about OCD and so far my daughter likes him very much, and can't wait

until it's time for another visit. She went to a birthday party

without me yesterday, so she actually does seem to be doing better

with some things...but then fell very apart last night when a picture

she was coloring ripped as she pulled it out of the coloring book.

My hugest issue right now is how afraid I am for her.

> >

> > Hi,

> > I am new to OCD. My seven year old was just diagnosed with what

the

> > therapist thinks is very mild OCD. My question is about

discipline.

> > Right now, my daughter is so fragile emotionally that it is

> difficult

> > to even gently correct her for every day stuff - as in not doing

> her

> > chores, sneaking treats, talking back......is this common? She

> > seriously falls apart and needs lots of reassurance that we are

not

> > mad, not going to stop loving her, etc.

> > She just began therapy and also seems to be doing better on one

> hand,

> > but also has this kind of " I am boss " attitude...is this also

> common?

> > I am wondering if it is just part of absorbing the therapy and

> > sorting through it?

> > Her symptoms: wearing several layers of underclothing to " keep

her

> > safe " (this has been an ongoing symptom since she was 4) -

suddenly

> > not wanting to go to friends, parties or school - asking the same

> > questions over and over - not being able to handle any kind of

> > critism or correction, especially at school by her teachers and

her

> > peers. She was using the bathroom excessively and refusing to

> > swallow her own saliva (because she thought it would make her

need

> to

> > use the restroom even more), but that stopped as suddenly as it

> > began, although new surroundings cause her alot of stress because

> she

> > is afraid there won't be a bathroom available (she states this is

> the

> > reason she doesn't like to go to friends anymore).

> > Sorry this is so long! Any comments, advice or suggestions would

be

> > welcome!

> >

>

January 20, 2008

Hi Wayne,

My daughter just began CBT too, and so far it seems to help her, but

she has only had 2 sessions. We also got a book from Amazon about

worry bullies, and it has helped as well (I'd even recommend for

someone as old as 12, although it is somewhat aimed at a younger set)

It's called " What to Do When You Worry Too Much " by Dawn Huebner PHD.

I can so relate to the claim you are yelling. That's one of the

earliest things my daughter began doing, and still does. At the

slightest or gentlest of corrections, she still insists we

are " yelling " . Right now, in her very emotional state, she cries. But

it is also typical of her to get extremely mad and scream WHY ARE YOU

YELLING AT ME??!! When no one has raised their voice but her.

In someways knowing she has OCD has been the solution to a huge

puzzle for my husband and I, as some of her behavior has really

baffled us for a long time. We were really doubting our ability as

parents......but in some ways it has also frightened us to know she

has an actual brain chemical imbalance that is behind it. We feel

like we've learned a whole lot in the past 2 weeks, as we've tried to

read as much as we can.

Good luck and God bless regarding your son. I wish you the best.