Re: New to OCD, new to group - BJ

[Guest guest]

Thought your description was dead on BJ. Same experience at this house!

I think your identifying it as a no win situation helps explain why

they will choose for the ocd, no matter what trouble follows. At least

until they are on the road to recovery with good support from a CBT

doctor.

Always good to hear other parents perception of this! Too bad we

couldn't write a collective book, there are so many pearls of wisdom

here on this site, I'm sure I miss many of them...

Barb

If you came down too hard on him while disciplining him, he would have a

> complete meltdown. But, if you didn't correct him, he became a

> complete dictator and brat. It was always a fine line. I picked my

> battles carefully, but also set my boundaries.

>

> With our son, sometimes he would get very bossy. I suspect part was

> being a child, but I'm sure part was his OCD too. Kids who have OCD

> can be very rigid about things because their OCD is dictating to them

> how things have to be. If they don't do what OCD wants, they have

> anxiety, but if they do do what OCD wants, it reinforces the ritual.

> It's a no win situation, where they will choose to do what OCD wants

> to get the immediate relief. . . Even though giving in causes it to

> come back. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it very well.

>

[Guest guest]

Thought your description was dead on BJ. Same experience at this house!

I think your identifying it as a no win situation helps explain why

they will choose for the ocd, no matter what trouble follows. At least

until they are on the road to recovery with good support from a CBT

doctor.

Always good to hear other parents perception of this! Too bad we

couldn't write a collective book, there are so many pearls of wisdom

here on this site, I'm sure I miss many of them...

Barb

If you came down too hard on him while disciplining him, he would have a

> complete meltdown. But, if you didn't correct him, he became a

> complete dictator and brat. It was always a fine line. I picked my

> battles carefully, but also set my boundaries.

>

> With our son, sometimes he would get very bossy. I suspect part was

> being a child, but I'm sure part was his OCD too. Kids who have OCD

> can be very rigid about things because their OCD is dictating to them

> how things have to be. If they don't do what OCD wants, they have

> anxiety, but if they do do what OCD wants, it reinforces the ritual.

> It's a no win situation, where they will choose to do what OCD wants

> to get the immediate relief. . . Even though giving in causes it to

> come back. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it very well.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Barb. Sometimes it seems clear in my head but when I try to

put it into words I'm not sure if it's understandable.

Yes, I agree, there are so many pearls of wisdom here. I imagine that

is the result of parents, who love their children, desperately doing

all they can to help them. You can't help but learn. And, it's so

great to hear of the successes. We all need to hear that

encouragement.

How are things going with your son being home, now that he's been

there for a bit?

BJ

>

> Thought your description was dead on BJ. Same experience at this house!

>

> I think your identifying it as a no win situation helps explain why

> they will choose for the ocd, no matter what trouble follows. At least

> until they are on the road to recovery with good support from a CBT

> doctor.

>

> Always good to hear other parents perception of this! Too bad we

> couldn't write a collective book, there are so many pearls of wisdom

> here on this site, I'm sure I miss many of them...

> Barb

>

> If you came down too hard on him while disciplining him, he would have a

> > complete meltdown. But, if you didn't correct him, he became a

> > complete dictator and brat. It was always a fine line. I picked my

> > battles carefully, but also set my boundaries.

> >

> > With our son, sometimes he would get very bossy. I suspect part was

> > being a child, but I'm sure part was his OCD too. Kids who have OCD

> > can be very rigid about things because their OCD is dictating to them

> > how things have to be. If they don't do what OCD wants, they have

> > anxiety, but if they do do what OCD wants, it reinforces the ritual.

> > It's a no win situation, where they will choose to do what OCD wants

> > to get the immediate relief. . . Even though giving in causes it to

> > come back. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it very well.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Barb. Sometimes it seems clear in my head but when I try to

put it into words I'm not sure if it's understandable.

Yes, I agree, there are so many pearls of wisdom here. I imagine that

is the result of parents, who love their children, desperately doing

all they can to help them. You can't help but learn. And, it's so

great to hear of the successes. We all need to hear that

encouragement.

How are things going with your son being home, now that he's been

there for a bit?

BJ

>

> Thought your description was dead on BJ. Same experience at this house!

>

> I think your identifying it as a no win situation helps explain why

> they will choose for the ocd, no matter what trouble follows. At least

> until they are on the road to recovery with good support from a CBT

> doctor.

>

> Always good to hear other parents perception of this! Too bad we

> couldn't write a collective book, there are so many pearls of wisdom

> here on this site, I'm sure I miss many of them...

> Barb

>

> If you came down too hard on him while disciplining him, he would have a

> > complete meltdown. But, if you didn't correct him, he became a

> > complete dictator and brat. It was always a fine line. I picked my

> > battles carefully, but also set my boundaries.

> >

> > With our son, sometimes he would get very bossy. I suspect part was

> > being a child, but I'm sure part was his OCD too. Kids who have OCD

> > can be very rigid about things because their OCD is dictating to them

> > how things have to be. If they don't do what OCD wants, they have

> > anxiety, but if they do do what OCD wants, it reinforces the ritual.

> > It's a no win situation, where they will choose to do what OCD wants

> > to get the immediate relief. . . Even though giving in causes it to

> > come back. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it very well.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone. It is amazingly comforting to know that there are

others that are going through this too. My daughter is the joy of my

life, she is truly a miracle I was told I'd never have. I am sure

I'll have more questions sometime soon. I appreciate the support.

> >

> > Thought your description was dead on BJ. Same experience at this

house!

> >

> > I think your identifying it as a no win situation helps explain

why

> > they will choose for the ocd, no matter what trouble follows. At

least

> > until they are on the road to recovery with good support from a

CBT

> > doctor.

> >

> > Always good to hear other parents perception of this! Too bad we

> > couldn't write a collective book, there are so many pearls of

wisdom

> > here on this site, I'm sure I miss many of them...

> > Barb

> >

> > If you came down too hard on him while disciplining him, he would

have a

> > > complete meltdown. But, if you didn't correct him, he became a

> > > complete dictator and brat. It was always a fine line. I

picked my

> > > battles carefully, but also set my boundaries.

> > >

> > > With our son, sometimes he would get very bossy. I suspect

part was

> > > being a child, but I'm sure part was his OCD too. Kids who

have OCD

> > > can be very rigid about things because their OCD is dictating

to them

> > > how things have to be. If they don't do what OCD wants, they

have

> > > anxiety, but if they do do what OCD wants, it reinforces the

ritual.

> > > It's a no win situation, where they will choose to do what OCD

wants

> > > to get the immediate relief. . . Even though giving in causes

it to

> > > come back. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it very well.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi BJ. Know what you mean about trying to make it clear when

writing. Yes there certainly can be a level of desperation trying to

help our kids with this disorder!

Our son is not at home. He came home the one weekend and then again

for one night last weekend. We are letting him pace it. I have a

feeling the initial jump to come home was because of an issue at his

grandparents which is mostly resolved. He is pretty spoiled by his

grandparents and his grandmother makes amazing food, so I don't see

him leaving full time anytime soon. Heck, I want to move in with the

grandparents and be pampered too!

Our son is to try a new school based program tomorrow. We are hoping

he will get there and will be able to stay and make it work. We are

also in the process of eliminating one of his drugs. The CBT is

going to intensify as they start to try to tackle a heirarchy,

hopefully... So, he has enough change going on at the moment. But

when things settle down we will focus on gradually moving him back

home more. Best to let him pace this as there are so many triggers

at home...

It took me a few months to grieve the loss of our son from our house,

but I think I'm on the other side now. To tell you the truth we are

enjoying the peace and quiet and not in a hurry to have that change!

Especially since we know he is so well looked after. His

grandparents were sad to think he was going to leave and come home.

How lucky is this kid to be so loved and wanted?!

Thanks for asking.

> >

> > Thought your description was dead on BJ. Same experience at this

house!

> >

> > I think your identifying it as a no win situation helps explain

why

> > they will choose for the ocd, no matter what trouble follows. At

least

> > until they are on the road to recovery with good support from a

CBT

> > doctor.

> >

> > Always good to hear other parents perception of this! Too bad we

> > couldn't write a collective book, there are so many pearls of

wisdom

> > here on this site, I'm sure I miss many of them...

> > Barb

> >

> > If you came down too hard on him while disciplining him, he would

have a

> > > complete meltdown. But, if you didn't correct him, he became a

> > > complete dictator and brat. It was always a fine line. I

picked my

> > > battles carefully, but also set my boundaries.

> > >

> > > With our son, sometimes he would get very bossy. I suspect

part was

> > > being a child, but I'm sure part was his OCD too. Kids who

have OCD

> > > can be very rigid about things because their OCD is dictating

to them

> > > how things have to be. If they don't do what OCD wants, they

have

> > > anxiety, but if they do do what OCD wants, it reinforces the

ritual.

> > > It's a no win situation, where they will choose to do what OCD

wants

> > > to get the immediate relief. . . Even though giving in causes

it to

> > > come back. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it very well.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Heck, Barb, I want to move in with your son's grandparents too. lol

Seriously though, it is great that it's working well, and that you are

doing better with it. I hope he gets through the changes okay, and

that he improves.

BJ

> > >

> > > Thought your description was dead on BJ. Same experience at this

> house!

> > >

> > > I think your identifying it as a no win situation helps explain

> why

> > > they will choose for the ocd, no matter what trouble follows. At

> least

> > > until they are on the road to recovery with good support from a

> CBT

> > > doctor.

> > >

> > > Always good to hear other parents perception of this! Too bad we

> > > couldn't write a collective book, there are so many pearls of

> wisdom

> > > here on this site, I'm sure I miss many of them...

> > > Barb

> > >

> > > If you came down too hard on him while disciplining him, he would

> have a

> > > > complete meltdown. But, if you didn't correct him, he became a

> > > > complete dictator and brat. It was always a fine line. I

> picked my

> > > > battles carefully, but also set my boundaries.

> > > >

> > > > With our son, sometimes he would get very bossy. I suspect

> part was

> > > > being a child, but I'm sure part was his OCD too. Kids who

> have OCD

> > > > can be very rigid about things because their OCD is dictating

> to them

> > > > how things have to be. If they don't do what OCD wants, they

> have

> > > > anxiety, but if they do do what OCD wants, it reinforces the

> ritual.

> > > > It's a no win situation, where they will choose to do what OCD

> wants

> > > > to get the immediate relief. . . Even though giving in causes

> it to

> > > > come back. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it very well.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Heck, Barb, I want to move in with your son's grandparents too. lol

Seriously though, it is great that it's working well, and that you are

doing better with it. I hope he gets through the changes okay, and

that he improves.

BJ

> > >

> > > Thought your description was dead on BJ. Same experience at this

> house!

> > >

> > > I think your identifying it as a no win situation helps explain

> why

> > > they will choose for the ocd, no matter what trouble follows. At

> least

> > > until they are on the road to recovery with good support from a

> CBT

> > > doctor.

> > >

> > > Always good to hear other parents perception of this! Too bad we

> > > couldn't write a collective book, there are so many pearls of

> wisdom

> > > here on this site, I'm sure I miss many of them...

> > > Barb

> > >

> > > If you came down too hard on him while disciplining him, he would

> have a

> > > > complete meltdown. But, if you didn't correct him, he became a

> > > > complete dictator and brat. It was always a fine line. I

> picked my

> > > > battles carefully, but also set my boundaries.

> > > >

> > > > With our son, sometimes he would get very bossy. I suspect

> part was

> > > > being a child, but I'm sure part was his OCD too. Kids who

> have OCD

> > > > can be very rigid about things because their OCD is dictating

> to them

> > > > how things have to be. If they don't do what OCD wants, they

> have

> > > > anxiety, but if they do do what OCD wants, it reinforces the

> ritual.

> > > > It's a no win situation, where they will choose to do what OCD

> wants

> > > > to get the immediate relief. . . Even though giving in causes

> it to

> > > > come back. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it very well.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe we can all move in with the grandparents. I need someone to cook

for me! :-)

Dina

[Guest guest]

Maybe we can all move in with the grandparents. I need someone to cook

for me! :-)

Dina

[Guest guest]

Barb,

After all this time, I'm so glad to read that your son is ready to try the

hierarchy. That is great news.

I wish him the best of luck.

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make your home page.

http://www./r/hs

[Guest guest]

Barb,

After all this time, I'm so glad to read that your son is ready to try the

hierarchy. That is great news.

I wish him the best of luck.

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make your home page.

http://www./r/hs

[Guest guest]

I will make inquiries for you Dina!

My husband's restaurant/convenience store has been my son's

real " rehabilitaion " program, it is across the road from his

grandparents home. This is his social life, place to eat, source of

entertainment, distraction. I wish I could offer that out to others

also. Wouldn't recommend going into the restaurant business though,

kind of takes over your life...

But if you could find someone with a restaurant where your child

could volunteer and maybe be fed?! But you were looking to be fed

yourself. Funny how it's always ends up all about the kids!!!

LOL!

Barb

>

> Maybe we can all move in with the grandparents. I need someone to

cook

> for me! :-)

>

> Dina

>

[Guest guest]

I found restaurant work (started bussing tables and then waitressing-

very scary at first but I warmed up to it and liked the tips and

income)to be therapeutic for me when I was in highschool dealing with

social anxiety and an outsider/inhibited. My siblings also worked

there(which made it easier too.) Iliked it so much better than being

at school, it gave me sense of companionship(co-workers),

independence, I was a hard worker (thus praise) and it allowed me to

be with people generally more mature than my highschool peers. I

worked just weekends and some Fridays/holidays(full time summer). It

made that stage of my life actually more tolerable (I hated

highschool, though I loved track team which also made life

tolerable). I have wondered about just getting my 19 yr dd old a job

for now as opposed to trying to have her navigate community college

scene and trying to commute her back and forth. She has terrible

anxiety about sitting in the classrooms (one class she attempted

earlier she just ran out of then dropped) and she is often not well

enough to concentrate for homework/studying.

nancy grace

-- In , " barb " <barbnesrallah@...>

wrote:

>

> I will make inquiries for you Dina!

>

> My husband's restaurant/convenience store has been my son's

> real " rehabilitaion " program, it is across the road from his

> grandparents home. This is his social life, place to eat, source

of

> entertainment, distraction. I wish I could offer that out to

others

> also. Wouldn't recommend going into the restaurant business though,

> kind of takes over your life...

>

> But if you could find someone with a restaurant where your child

> could volunteer and maybe be fed?! But you were looking to be fed

> yourself. Funny how it's always ends up all about the kids!!!

>

> LOL!

> Barb

>

>

> >

> > Maybe we can all move in with the grandparents. I need someone

to

> cook

> > for me! :-)

> >

> > Dina

> >

>