Here's another take on computer humor: WAY OT!

[Guest guest]

I found this unusually apt, and decided to share it with all of you!

Jill

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon

noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that

took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was

included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0

installed itself into all other programs and now launches during

system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5,

and Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever

selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while

attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going

back to Girlfriend 7.0, But the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!!!!!!

THE REPLY

Dear Troubled User,

Your situation is due to a very common problem that generates many

complaints. It is due to a primary misconception made generally by

male users.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that

it is merely a " Utilities and Entertainment program " . Wife 1.0 is an

OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend

7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate

Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall,

delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed

to disallow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end

up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife

1.0 manual under " Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. " I recommend that

you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest

installing the background application C:\YES DEAR to alleviate

software augmentation.

Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the

entire section regarding " General Partnership Faults (GPFs). "

You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that

occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF's are

cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command

C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately

you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will

return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high

maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as

Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash

4.0, and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you

use these programs.

Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag

9.5.

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife

1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and

Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.

WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install

SecretaryShortSkirt 3.3. Wife 1.0 does not support this application

and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.