Heidi

[Guest guest]

Heidi:

It is hard isn't it? We try to keep up the pace of

life we have always lived but we end up paying for it

with a flare. It's so hard when you are feeling good

you tend to do more and then it boomarangs back on you

to kick you in the butt. I am sure that my husband

and kids also get tired of me saying that I am tired

or asking for help with, to them, very simple chores.

RA is hard for those who love us and live with us too

-I know my husband feels very frustrated that he can't

somehow make me better. Men love to fix things you

know! He keeps up with news he hears on arthritis and

new treatments and keeps me informed too - this is the

way he shows me that he does understand as best he can

about RA and what it does to me. Believe me, those of

us with RA also get sick and tired of living with

someone who is always sick and tired - and it's us!

Take care and best of luck with the fertility

treatment next month - keeping my fingers crossed for

you!

Kathe in CA

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Heidi,

I'm sure that your husband wouldn't want to hurt you

for the world and that he feels really bad about what

he said. We have to remember that our loved ones some

times need to let it all out. They aren't mad at us,

they are mad at the disease that has changed their

lives too. You are both so young and just beginning

your journey. Together, you will figure out what works

and learn the necessary accommodations for this life-

changing disease. Remember to tell him what you need

and not to think that he just knows. I am still

guilty of that myself and have to be reminded that he

can't just dreamup what I need, I have to explain.

Thanks for your well wishes. Iris

--- Heidi Steppe-Hoareau <steps122@...> wrote:

> Hi Kathe,

> Geez I know what you mean, I’ve had to explain to my

> husband numerous times

> that I’m not superwoman and can’t keep up with the

> same lifestyle we had

> before, it exhausts me. But he still forgets (I

> look “fine” after all!) and

> can’t understand why I’m like a Zombie when we go

> out 4 or 5 nights a week

> sometimes and I have to beg him to slow down. (Plus

> I work full time).

> Usually if we do this I get a flare and then it

> forces us to slow down

> anyway. He’s been wonderful but the other day we

> were having an argument

> and he blurted out “I’m just sick & tired of being

> around sick people” (I’m

> the only sick one around so……), wow that really hurt

> (and scared me a lot)

> even though he apologized profusely later I know it

> must be how he feels

> deep down and that he gets as frustrated with this

> disease as I do. The

> poor guy is only 27 years old he must also want our

> old life back.

> Hugs,

> Heidi

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Dear Tess & Heidi, Being a teenager during flower

power time, I was wondering why you guys were talking

about a baggie of pot. HAHAHAHAHA. I am just getting

to these emails so I guess I better read down a little

further.--- Tess_St_Pierre@... wrote:

> Hi Heidi...looks like we've coined a new word for a

> man here... " lid " !

> Now what is " naff " and " biscuit " ? I think biscuit

> has got to mean a

> cute guy...like a hunk???

>

> Curiously, With Love...

>

> Tess

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Heidi,

I hope that you are feeling a tiny bit better with the hugs that were sent

your way. I know that they are always the best medicine for me for whatever

is ailing me.

When Ron and I started on our road of Infertility, we joined a support group

and they are now on line. I am sending you the link and they have just put

on a bulletin board. I believe that most of the information is for people

here in the states, but infertility knows no boundaries and with the bulletin

board, you can at least share some of your questions, concerns and

insensitive family remarks. I know that I had enough comments and tears to

write a book. <A

HREF= " http://aolsearch.aol.com/redir.adp?appname=MS & query=Resolve & url=http%3a%

2f%2fwww%2eresolve%2eorg%2f & datasource=Google & partner=Google & clickedItemRank=2

& requestId=cns26657 & component=websearch.google.http.tcl & searchType=MS " >

RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association</A> I don't know if they have a

local support group near you, but maybe this will help a little. Nothing

helps a lot until God fills your arms and heart with a child, but we are all

pulling for you!

Hang in there, sweetie, it is bound to get better soon!

Gentle, tender, angel hugs across the miles,

Debs in FL

[Guest guest]

Heidi...What a stupid, mean little girl who does not

deserve the power to upset you! I think a little

sensitivity training is in order for she and her

friends. Since she is not your friend and I doubt

that she'll get a case of guilt, I would alert HR to

ensure that this harrasment stops. You shouldn't have

to put up with this! If she ever took the time to

know you she would find all of the wonderful qualities

that make you, you. Let's end workplace meaness! Iris

--- Carol <carol@...> wrote:

> ((((((((((((((((((((((((Oh

> Heidi!))))))))))))))))))))))))))

>

> My dear sweet friend. What a malicious tramp that

> girl is! (Sorry, I had

> to say it). To hit two sensitive areas with one

> rotten comment. And,

> you're right. She probably did think your very

> clever retort was a

> compliment. Geez!

>

> And then, the comment from your husband's cousin was

> equally awful. I've

> become friends with one of the nurses at the clinic

> where I get my Remicade

> infusions, and we were talking for about an hour

> yesterday about the same

> sort of situation. Her sister in law just got

> pregnant, and she's been

> trying for two years. The sister in law made all

> sorts of snide comments as

> well. This cousin must be jealous of you and your

> husband that he feels so

> insecure that he must make such remarks. And as for

> the girl at work, it's

> obvious she envies you.

>

> You need to focus on what's important to you, which

> is starting a family

> while managing your career. I'm sure your husband

> thinks you're beautiful

> just the way you are. And 8 kg isn't much weight to

> gain. Between the

> prednisone and the hormones you should be proud that

> you've kept your weight

> so stable. And all the stress won't help your pain.

>

> Don't ever feel bad for venting, because that's what

> friends are for. And a

> good " pity party " does worlds of good. Or even if

> it doesn't, it makes you

> feel better.

>

> Sending love and hugs long distance to you,

> Carol

>

>

> [ ] Miserable :-(

>

> Hi there,

> I just really need to get this out and I know all of

> you are the only ones

> who'll understand.

> I just had such a miserable morning. My office has

> quiet a few skinny

> pretty young things (I know I'm only 26 but they are

> not older than 21) any

> way I was making coffee in the kitchen this morning

> and two of them were

> there. The one looks at me and turns to her friend

> and says - very loud -

> " geez Heidi has put on weight don't you think, I

> thought she was pregnant,

> she's looking so fat " " aren't you going on diet or

> something Heidi " right to

> my face. This is after she asked me last week if I

> was pregnant because I

> was putting on so much weight (in front of about 6

> of these skinny young

> girls). Obviously the answer is no and this caused

> much bitchy girly

> giggling (again right in front of me). I'm a

> manager in the company and

> these girls do clerical jobs so I try to appear

> really put together and

> unbothered by all this and just ignored it. I did

> say " thanks that's a very

> kind comment Helena, you must be proud " she just

> giggled (bloody air head

> probably took it literally!). But to be honest I

> went and had a cigarette

> and a good cry in the staircase where no one could

> see me and still feel

> like bawling now at my desk (but no one here would

> ever suspect it).

>

> Trouble is it's true, I've put on about 6 kgs since

> I started working here,

> but with the Prednisone, Decapeptyl and other

> hormones I had before that I

> just can't seem to keep the weight off. I try and

> watch what I eat and even

> lost 2 kgs a few weeks ago after an agonizing effort

> but put them back on

> plus one more within 2 DAYS!! of my last injection

> of Decapeptyl.

>

> I just feel like crawling into a hole right now and

> feel so fat and ugly,

> like a toad. I'm even embarrassed to be naked in

> front of my husband

> nowadays and try everything to hide my tummy in

> front of him (which has

> taken most of the weight, I now have 1 1/2 spare

> tires!) I even have a

> lovely double chin!. I really don't need these

> little idiots making me feel

> even more awful than I already do.

> I know I should just " flush it " but they hit two

> nerves with one blow on a

> bad day; not only do I wish I wasn't so " fat " but I

> also wish I WAS

> pregnant!

> And all this after my husbands cousin (who knows how

> hard we've been trying

> for a baby) carried on and on at a family lunch this

> weekend about his wife,

> who's pregnant, telling me, in front of everyone

> (numerous times and VERY

> loud), that THIS girl is VERY fertile, nothing wrong

> with her oh no, just

> " thinks of babies and she's pregnant " and " there's

> nothing wrong with HIS

> equipment, it works just fine! " . Great....

> congratulations... what a manly

> man....

> I wish I could be angry at their insensitivity but I

> just feel really sad

> and ugly right now. I feel like packing up and

> going home to hide under my

> duvet and ball my eyes out!

> Plus I'm sore because I had to have a biopsy of that

> " rash thing " I

> mentioned before, I've got four stitches in my

> stomach (I know it's nothing,

> I'm being a real baby today!), he thinks it's

> capilaritis sp??? (shamberg's

> disease) but wants to make sure it's not vasculitis

> sp??. I'm just so

> sick of this. I'm sick of being sick and tired and

> sore, I'm sick of being

> fat, I'm sick of doctors and medicines and

> moodswings and injections and

> stitches and hot flushes and trying to keep up this

> " put together " life. I

> want my life back! I'm sorry but I'm firmly on the

> pity potty this morning!

> I love you all,

> Sorry it's so long but thank you all so much for

> giving me a safe place to

> share this, and talk about how I'm really feeling

> right now. Everyone

> thinks I'm so strong and positive and put together

> but I know you all

> understand how such " silly " things can break us down

> sometimes. I'll have

> to jump back on the happy wagon soon before I get

> run over, but right now

> I'm kind of wallowing in it!

> Love and hugs,

> Heidi

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Oh Heidi sweetie (((((hugs to you))))) what lousy

things for that @@# to have said to you. She must be

a very mean, petty person who is probably insecure and

unhappy with herself so she has to put others down so

she can feel better. There are idiots like that in

the world unfortunately and you seem to be working

with some real doozies. As far as your husband's

cousin - what a jerk - I think your husband should

have taken him to task for talking like that in front

of you - how insensitive when he must be very aware of

your trying so hard for a baby. How sad if he thinks

that his manhood is tied up in getting someone

pregnant - must not be much of a man. There are mean

and spiteful people in this world and you got nailed

by them all in one awful day.

The medications we have to take for this disease kind

of take control of our weight out of our hands at

times - especially Prednisone which you are taking now

- but don't starve yourself or anything to lose the

weight. Just try to eat right - that's all any of us

can do - and it is especially important for you to

keep yourself as healthy as possible when you are

trying for a baby. I'd rather be overweight than mean

and spiteful any day - try to remember that if they

get to you again. What comes around, goes around, and

they will get theirs someday.

You are a wonderful person with a beautiful spirit

that shines through your posts - you are an important

part of our family here! We are all keeping our

fingers crossed and prayers are being said that you

get your wish to have a baby.

Go ahead, kiddo, wallow in your hurt feeligns, have a

good cry, talk with your husband, and get it out of

your system. Try not to dwell on this bad day - you

know what stress can do to our RA - take a deep breath

and let it all out. You can write to us anytime - we

are there for each other in good times and bad -

Kathe in CA

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Heidi- spoke to my mom last evening and you are most

definitely on her baby prayers list. Said to tell you

not to worry- she's on it.

Hugs,

[Guest guest]

thanks Heidi. Sure took me long enough to get up the nerve!

Heidi Steppe-Hoareau wrote:Debbie,

I’m so glad you ditched your doctors! That is great, you must look after

yourself and make sure you get the care you deserve. I hope they find you

some answers soon and that you get the right meds to help you feel better.

Hugs,

Heidi

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[Guest guest]

Heidi, what a beautiful story. I'm certain it was a sign that your

grandmother was alright. What a special experience.

I'm sorry to hear about your flare. You're right about slowing down for a

couple of days. Better to rest now than to pay later.

I'm feeling a little better today. Now we just need Deb to feel better! I'm

so worried about her. I called this morning just to tell her that we are

all praying for her. She said either she or Ron would try to call this

afternoon to give an update.

Much love,

Carol

[ ] Keri

Hi Keri,

It's a pleasure. I'm much better thanks, back on the Happy Wagon and

chugging along nicely. I'm having a little flare so a bit sore and tired.

It feels like I'm trying to run through deep warm mud with a really heavy

wet blanket on me LOL! Nothing tragic though I just need to slow down for a

few days and it should clear up.

I do believe your experience, I might have had one of my own recently, I'll

tell you the story.

My grandmother died a few months ago. I was really upset, it was very

sudden and we were very close. I kept praying for a sign she was OK

wherever she was.

I'd just finished reading the story of Kubler Ross's life (she

wrote a book called On Death & Dying) very interesting woman. In her book

she speaks of how the Jews in the concentration camps used to draw

butterflies in their barracks, it puzzled her at first but she finally

understood the butterflies represented the freedom they believed they would

find after dying. There is a picture of a beautiful black and yellow

butterfly(sorry can't remember the scientific name) on the cover. When I

read the book I thought of the movie Patch (beautiful true story if

you haven't watched it do - but buy some tissues) in it his girlfriend says

that if she died she'd want to come back as a butterfly. Well she does die

and he has this amazing experience where he's lost all hope then a butterfly

lands on him and transforms his life again. So all this is on my mind days

before she dies.

The night I heard about it my husband and I went to spend the evening in

this little hunting lodge so I could have some peace and a good cry. There

on the fireplace is this huge brown butterfly, I'd never seen one like it

there and have been very often. Anyway I so wanted to believe this was my

sign but you know how skeptical we can be, so although I loved the idea I

told myself I was just imagining things, now if it had been black and

yellow... that might be something else but brown? But I'd never seen a

black and yellow butterfly in Mauritius. The morning after that I wake up

at home and there on the porch window is this big beautiful black and yellow

butterfly! Some people might tell me it's a coincidence but I felt better

after that. I think it was my sign that she's ok. I've never seen another

one but always smile when I see any butterfly now. The only other person

I've told was my husband as I didn't think anyone else would understand, but

I think you and everyone else here might.

Hugs and prayers,

Heidi

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[Guest guest]

Hi Heidi:

What a wonderful story about the butterfly - I am sure

that it was your grandmother letting you know that

everything was all right. They do have their ways!

Kathe in CA

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Heidi,

I have tried e-mailing it to 3 times and it keeps coming back as

undeliverable...do you have another e-mail addy I can send it

to....send it to me via e-mail I dont get to the board as much as I

would like to so I can get it better and faster via e-mail...Trisha

> HI, I have a question, can someone please tell me what I need to do

> to write an appeal to our terrible new insurance company. Can

anyone

> send me a copy of one, since I have never done this before I am

kinda

> of up in arms, I am clueless, does my son's nero have to send a

> letter? Help, Heidi, mom to Jeffry, MN