RE: BARB- Re: Reintroducing myself to the group

January 8, 2008

Oh wow. I am so sorry. How difficult that must be for all of you. Was this

something your son decided? When did he start treatment for the OCD?~Colleen

@...: barbnesrallah@...: Tue, 8

Jan 2008 03:59:32 +0000Subject: Re: Reintroducing myself to

the group

Hi Colleen,It is very tough. It can be hard to even hope sometimes. The nature

of OCD feels like an endless loop... But as others have said, if your son made

progress before he can again, and at least he will have the memory of this to

hang on to.Our son is 16 and has had the same thoughts about me and others. It

is very disturbing, concerning, and just plain makes your heart ache. I

understand fully. Our son is no longer able to live at home with us. I don't

think anything can hurt as much as feeling like we are losing our child to this

merciless illness. BIG HUG to you. Barb>> My name is Colleen. I am mom to

Jake (OCD/GAD), age 10, and Ian, > age 7. > > Jake has suffered from GAD for

years, but the OCD didn't manifest > until last January.> > Jake's main OCD

struggle is the bad thought OCD. > > He entered an intensive outpatient program

last January in > Pittsburgh, PA. He was in the program through May. > > He

struggled a tiny bit through May and early June, but the OCD > really seemed to

be in check toward Mid-May through the end of this > December.> > He seemed to

have some trouble with the thoughts right after > Christmas. He said the voice

in his head was saying mean things > about him and other people. Then, the

thoughts transferred to what > he calls " inappropriate sexual thoughts " . > >

This is exactly how everything started last year at this time. > > Then, this

morning he told me that the voice in his head was telling > him to do harmful

things to others. He told me that he was doing > his best to fight it back, but

it really bothered/worried him.> > Just a little bit ago, I asked him how he was

doing, and he opened > up a bit about the harmful thoughts. He really struggled

with > telling me that the voice was telling him " kill " thoughts- > especially

about me. > > This is now exactly where we were last year. > > I am so

heartbroken.> > I know that OCD waxes and wanes, but to be totally honest, I was

> hoping that I never had to hear my son tell me again that the bad > thought

OCD was telling him to kill me.> > Jake has seen a therapist once a week since

his discharge from the > program, so I called her this afternoon and left a

message about all > of this.> > I just needed to vent to someone who knows what

I am going through. > > Thanks for listening.>

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