Re: Re: bugs & needed prayer

[Guest guest]

Esther, it makes me sad to hear of your plight. It makes me sad that I

can't " fix " all the " ills " that my friends in the autism community have to

deal with, except to offer my heart & prayer to ease your life. I wish we

could figure out why bad things happen to good people; I like to know why &

I know that won't happen....

You write so coherently & are a good writer. I hope your talents can bring

in some money. You are a trooper!!!

Love,

Marie A.

On Thu, Aug 28, 2008 at 7:47 PM, Esther

wrote:

> Thank you both Sondra and Sandria!

>

> I really really appreciate the prayers. They are always so very welcome in

> my life. And I agree Sondra that God definately has things in his plans, I

> just have the hardest time understanding those plans and trusting him, when

> things get so hard.

>

> I too, understand being a single mom at times and yet not really being.

> Because while my husband desperately wants to be supportive and financially

> take care of us, he is just too sick and unable and gets even worse when our

> stress gets up like this. And usually, since I am the one, as bad as my

> health is, who is still healthier, than I get to be the one, taking on most

> of the responsability. But he definately does what he can, don't get me

> wrong. I admire how much he can put up with. I wouldn't want to trade him

> places. I observe the health struggles he faces and that is enough for me.

>

> Thank you again for being my true friends, the kind there for me, when

> times are tough!!! and don't worry, I have never had a shopping friend or

> someone to go do fun stuff with either, never! and actually don't really

> want one either, so I don't think you are weird. I went with a girl who

> invited me shopping once in California, she was a member of my church and I

> thought she felt sorry for me at first.

>

> I tried to have fun, but it wasn't fun at all. She never shut up about the

> stupidist things and she bought like 10 belts for herself as " accessories "

> and all kinds of purses and things that she just saw and said, " oh look this

> is cool! I want to show it to my husband " or " I'll get it for my baby " . We

> spent the whole day going in and out of stores, walking amongst crowds of

> people, waiting in lines to buy things or return things she didn't want

> anymore.

>

> It was hot and boring and she never even asked me a question, she just

> talked about her poodle and her 15 month old son and her husband and the

> guys she thinks are " hot " and which shoes she liked best and what kind of

> hair she liked and it was so boring. I slept soundly that night. I normally

> have to unwind, but I was talked out, just from listening to her talk.

>

> I only went with her to one other thing. We lived in apartments near one

> another in the same apartment community, and she asked if I wanted to take

> Chantelle and swimming with her and her baby son. I thought that that

> would be better than shopping. So I went and she just ignored me and

> pretended she wasn't with me whenever people came to the pool and she

> flirted with every guy there in her little bikini and just wanted to tan and

> flirt.

>

> I was tired trying to take care of my girls and her son all in the water

> and all unable to swim yet, while I was pregnant... and what finally ruined

> it for me, was when my husband walked in to say hi to us while we were

> swimming. She didn't know he was my husband. He was also the maintenance

> supervisor for the property we lived at at the time, and she started

> flirting with him.

>

> He just said, " Uh, excuse me, I came to say hi to my wife! " and then she

> got kinda mad. I thought it was funny. She called me one other time to " Hang

> Out " and I said, " No thanks, but if you need to talk - I don't mind if you

> come over " . And I really wouldn't have minded, if she really did want to

> talk to me and not just flirt with all these guys that were younger than

> her. She just said, " Never mind, my favorite TV show is on! " and hung up the

> phone. So, that was all, she never called again, and I never called her,

> because I didn't care to. She irritated me and was boring and just wanted to

> use me.

>

> I have had lots of True friends over the years and sometimes when we have a

> chance, we do fun things, like go swimming or hiking, or even bowling or to

> a movie. But really, I am too busy and tired to do that very often.

>

> I don't think that you or I are that different Sondra from many of the moms

> on this chat group. I doubt that most of them have the time, energy, or even

> desire to go " Hang Out " with little shallow people who want to spoil

> themselves and don't care about helping others.

>

> Most " Real " women can't stand annoying little flirty brats that are all

> over on TV and Movies and all the ones in real life who are trying to copy

> the movies.

>

> Movies are just that... Movies! They are not real and they, nor TV, or

> books represent reality. They may call it " Reality TV, but it is not real " .

> For the most part, it is all acting and pretending and lying and putting on

> what is called a " Front " or a " Mask " in other words, pretending to be

> something you are not.

>

> I think the reason that you and I don't have and don't want " Friends " is

> because we can see through them. We can see that they are lying and

> pretending to care and be " Nice " to get something out of us. Who knows what?

> half of the time, but obviously something.

>

> In the case with the girl I mentioned earlier, I realized later she wanted

> me to watch her baby for her, so that she could have " Fun " and shop, flirt,

> tan, and swim. She saw that I was a good mom and figured that if she was a

> " Friend " with me, that I would watch her son, so she didn't have to and

> didn't have to pay a babysitter.

>

> Not all people are that way. In fact, many are very good people, but the

> ones who want to " Hang Out " once they are supposed to be responsible adults,

> usually are. And the ones who are fakey and say one thing and mean another

> are not real friends either.

>

> Real friends don't always get anything, out of a friendship or

> relationship, except getting to spend time with you and really get to know

> you. They don't usually expect anything more than that, either. A good

> friend will offer to do nice things for their friend and to help out, and if

> all good friends did that, then people would all get a lot out of their

> friendhips. But good friends would also never demand or expect it. One of

> the best ways that I have found in being able to figure out whether someone

> is or will be a true friend or not, is by their willingness to listen. A

> true friend will actually pay attention to what you answer when they ask,

> " So how are you doing? " a " Friend " will not. They will say, " Oh, Hi. I

> haven't seen you in forever... Oh, my gosh! How are you? What have you been

> doing? " and then nearly the second you try to answer they tune you out and

> stop listening, and then they just say, " Oh that's nice, well I have to get

> going

> now, or they start talking about them, without responding to what you even

> said or are still saying " .

>

> I really do have a lot of good true friends, but most of them are so far

> away and I rarely if ever see them. Mostly we write oneanother or call on

> the phone and share stories like these.

>

> But Sondra, just because our friends don't go shopping and playing along

> with us, doesn't make us weird or crazy or even outnumbered. It just makes

> us, not the movies... It makes us real actually and much more " Down to

> Earth " realistic and normal.

>

> We are the ones who will keep our friendships and have them for years and

> years, even if they are few and far between, and the others who want to

> " Party " and have " Fun " and " Friends " to go " Hang Out " with, will go through

> hundreds of friends and yet have no true friends. No one they can turn to

> when the fun is gone.

>

> There is a great movie about this, that I think you would like. It is a

> Christmas sort of movie and it is called The Ultimate Gift I think. It is

> about a guy who has " Friends " plenty of them, until he has no money and

> nothing and then he has to learn about real friendhip and how to be a real

> friend. It is a very good movie, with nothing bad in it, A family kind of

> movie. I can't be 100% sure on the title, but it was a very nice movie, that

> I think you might enjoy.

>

> I gotta go make some food for everybody and do something about my neck. I

> can't even turn my head either direction, it's all kinked. I didn't get much

> sleep either.

> I am sorry that you aren't feeling well either.

>

> Thanks again to everybody for the prayers, they are so needed.

> Esther

>

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: bugs & needed prayers

> To: Autism_in_Girls

> Date: Thursday, August 28, 2008, 3:40 PM

>

>

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> esther I will be to pray and oddly enotuhg I to only got of 2 hours

> of sleep lastnight and this day am of the sneezing and chilling and

> such and teh sores of the nose are of getting much sore inside of the

> nose so i to understand this constant state of sick and hate of it.

> the children of me are older and more able now but can understand

> because when I to be of had of the kids be of little they were of age

> 6, 4, 2, and newborn and that was of hard too hard for me for many

> years but in true now looking back it was much easy in compare to

> tehm being of teenagers. trying to keep of them safe is an ever

> cosntant from teh time they are of born until they are of the age

> they still are to be and it worrys of me much so. but anyways can

> relate to the whole of you post. i to ahd more times than not of

> losing places to live , reasons were of lack of responsiblity to the

> family on behalf of the husband and still is of much issues at times

> so for me as I to shared functioning as a single mom to 4 even though

> married to a part time husband. he is of making good changes at times

> now and so I to ahve to give of him a chance to do right by me and

> the childrens.

>

> I to know of the power of the hand of God but i to also know that

> even when we do not understand he is of still working for the good of

> those that love him. so I to pray for you strength in all this and to

> pray for Gods plans to be in all of this too. you are of a good

> freind like person and are of right I to ahve of much freind like

> people but not the shopping sorts of buddy and drive around and do

> things sorts of people those are of the types of people I to not seek

> or have or really sure would want , but i to feel that soceity

> insists and feels I to need them so I to feel as if maybe I to be of

> not normal because dont have of one and or want to seek of one. yet

> parts of me at times feel if I ot have of one then society views of

> me would see of me as more able and smart and that they would see me

> whole and not lacking/ sondra

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