Re: Family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.T.

[Guest guest]

Elly

 I have two teen age kids my self.  has three and they all live with us

and one grandchild. One is engaged and she runs him around by the nose and her

mom runs her the same way so we fit only if they say we do in his life. . Now

for my family well it is like putting liberals and conservatives together and

telling them they have to talk about gun control not a good thing LOL.

 Some we get together with others we do not ever and that is fine with us. As

for well all she has is her kids and her self so that is easy as they all

live under one roof but that still gets messy. So are you crazy nope you¢re

normal it is the world we live in that¢s crazy and there is no way to make every

one happy no matter what ya do. so ya do what ya can and enjoy what ya can and

let the rest lay were they do if they make it great if they do not o well gots

to stay in touch to know what up as I say. kind of like my brother he never

calls me fact have not talked to him in over a year now but he will always ask

mom how I am doing and he lives an hour and half from me and about 4 times a

year drives right past the house so go fig or as I tell mom if he wants to

really know tell him to call and get it right from the source instead of the

roamer mill LOL

 But now if ya try to play peace maker I can tell ya if you¢re not crazy now you

will be for real and a padded cell will be mandatory then

Hugs

 

the  rednecks

Marty & G.

the redneck's my space http://www.myspace.com/martyg58

 To learn about Stills Disease  http://www.stillsdisease.org/stills_info

For conservitive minded people  http://www.americac2c.org " If  we ever forget

that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone  under. " ~

Reagan

 

 In the old days a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he's a wonder. 

~Author Unknown

 

 

A nation can survive its fools and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive

treason from within.~Cicero

                                                   

" The  most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the

government  and I'm here to help. "    ~  Reagan 

[Guest guest]

Elly darling,

I remember my mother battling with this one years ago. Everyone

lived in NY at the time but not everyone was invited to Aunt Ann's

for Thanksgiving. The fun came when the relatives became angry with

one another over it and they all called my mother! Yes, Mom WAS the

peace maker.

It had become so out of hand that Mom gave up the " job " and just let

things fall where they may but not until she told each and every

person that they need to talk to one another. Honey, the person

that's angry is the person with the problem. That person needs to

direct that anger where it belongs and NOT voice it to you. Now

here's the tricky part; try telling that to everyone that complains

to you.

Elly honey, you're not crazy, nor are you going insane. You're a

Mom, you try to fix everything, you want the kids to get along -

again, you're a MOM! You've let the kids grow up, you've given all

the tools they need to live and love, you've let them go their own

way, now they have to stand on their own two feet. Good luck with

that.

Let me know what happens honey but just so you know, no, you are

definately NOT crazy! Take care and be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

Elly,

You are not crazy, your concerns are perfectly valid and

legitamite. My grandmother was the peacekeeper in the family, until she

passed away two years ago. I have tried to carry on her efforts and I

firmly believe in peace. However, some people just need to grow up and

respect the decisions/choices of others. Recently, I had stayed up for

58 consecutive hours to care for an uncle and accomodate other

caregivers/family members who wanted to come by. After a six hour nap,

I was up for another 24 consecutive hours accomodating schedules, being

told that I was not being cooperative enough to suit them, and that my

personal health concerns are not valid.

Your daughter seems to have a similar mentality. Even if she lived

next door to your son, he has the right to choose who he wishes to

invite in his home. Neither you, nor he, should have to explain his

rationale. If she is concerned that she has offended him, she should

speak with him. If the problem is just vanity, it is time for someone

to grow up.

You have the right to good health, happiness and peaceful

surroundings. You are aware of the impacts of stress. Listen to your

doctor and your body. Consult with a professional counselor if

necessary, and inform the counselor about your health concerns, to

determine what boundaries to set and how to enforce them.

Keeping you in my prayers,

>

> Someone please tell me I am not going insane, and if you wouldn't

mind keep repeating it over and over and over again.> Elly

>

[Guest guest]

Elly, Elly, Elly...

Family's, Family's Familys,

YOU ARE NOT GOING INSANE...

WELCOME TO FAMILY'S

SPECIFICALLY, SIBLINGS

We just went through something similar in our family - For Some strange

reason, specifically with Brothers (sorry guys), They tend to not

communicate, or expect their wives to communicate or worse, call Mommy to

communicate to matter what their age..

Our fiasco started not over the holiday's but over my Brother having a party

for my sister-in-law's graduation party on Dec 13th (a day after my

birthday, two days before my nieces birthday (yes, his daughters) and three

day's after my ear surgery... so for Months (yes months) we have all talked

about surprise party before or after and family party day of, so that I can

be at Big surprise party (she will be a teacher). I really want to be at

this party, to meet her friends, his friends maybe make some new friends in

this area, etc. But mostly to honor her - she has worked hard (and get this

- her name is (just to make things more confusing we have two

s and 5 other " a " names (all girls) talk about holiday's around

here...

SO - he decides he forgets that we were going to have it when I can go,

calls my MOM and says, Alli won't mind to much if she misses the party

RIGHT? -- My mom, knowing how much I want to be there says, sure, she'll

understand.. she's tough.. Go ahead and do it on the 13th (after telling my

mom that I wanted to go more times than I can count).. So tell me, why he

can't call me and why mom answers the question? I lost it... I told my mom

she had no right answering that question and that she should have told him

to call me and ask me. That we moved here to be part of the family, but our

family doesn't know how to communicate and if I am going to be excluded from

major family events, I might as well not be here. That she knows better

than anyone how much I wanted to be there. And yes, that I could care a

less about being at the physical graduation, but the party means a lot to

me. That I would go regardless how bad I feel, but I'm pretty sure that I

can't show up right after a reconstruction of my middle ear. I told her that

I love her and I told her all of this with love, and I was crying when I

told her this. I told her to please don't take this personally, but I was

tired of both of my siblings not taking a minute out of there lives for me

unless they wanted something we had or needed something (ie money). It took

my sister over 9 months to come see our new home and she is an hour and 45

minutes away. She gave me a hard time for having a home with a pool. Our

house here cost 1/4 of our house in Seattle. She has been here once. I'm

sick had have been for years and she makes us go there to see her. It

baffles me that she does this. On my birthday, she tells us she is coming

out the weekend before. I hope she does, but I've taught myself to not get

upset if she doesn't anymore. I really wanted to develop the relationship

with her - I still hope I can.

I then called my brother - i told him that he I really wanted to be at the

party and that he should know better now that he is 36 to ask me and not Mom

what my feelings are. That he was asking mom because he was hiding from

the feelings and that he wanted a get out of jail free card and that wasn't

fair. I told him that if he really couldn't find a day before the surgery

to have the party so I could go that I would understand, because he has to

do something for his wife, but that I really would appreciate it if he would

try to communicate directly with me instead of hiding from the guilt of what

he knew I would say.

Anyway - long email to basically say that everyone has these problems.

EVERYONE..

YOU ARE NOT INSANE, CRAZY OR ANY OTHER TAG NAME THEY WOULD USE..

THIS is how siblings communicate... it's easier to use mom, or it's easier

to blame mom, or it's easier to insert blank here.......

Families should commincate better... which is why I went through the effort

to call my mom, cry as I told her how I felt.. then she said she was going

to call my brother.. I said no.. I am going to call him... I need to fix

this...

Commincation has gotten horrible everywhere...

businesses -- they don't communicate-- customer service - horrible in a lot

of businesses

I don't get how it's gotten so bad but it has..

People try to do to much and are so worn out that they can't even take time

to talk to their families.. it's crazy really (but you aren't crazy, it's a

product of our society that pushed out faith and family, etc.)

hugs,

Alli

[Guest guest]

Alli darling,

I'm so sorry you're going through this with your brother and Mom. By

the way, there are two Ellen's in this family (both of us daughters

in law) and two Shirleys (both of our mothers).

I have two sisters. We only speak because we're so far away from one

another but at least I get to see one of them (Robin) and Mom two or

three times a year.

As for communication in general; my belief is that we've become such

a sterilized, 'not my fault', type of society that people are

actually afraid to speak directly to one another and that includes

companies. Eye contact, the touch of a handshake, even a reasuring

grin have fallen by the weigh side, replaced by mechanical,

isolating, self indulgent things. But that's just my opinion.

I hope you find a settling point with your brother and Mom, honey.

To be honest, you can't change other people and to try can be very

frustrating, stressing and that's NOT something you need right now.

Take care of you and your family first. Take care and be well, love.

Ellen