Re: Only child and it breaks my heart

[Guest guest]

Theresa,

I have this same problem. My daughter will be 10 in Feb and she just

cannot seem to grasp the concept of empathy. She absolutely loves

animals, but she is just to rough with them.

Last year when we went trick-or-treating she couldn't have cared less

about the candy, it was the animals of the homeowners she was

interested in. They all sit on their porch and pass out candy with

their dogs. My daughter will RUN YOU OVER if you're in the way of

her path of getting to the dog. I'm debating if I want to put up

with that again this year.

She just does not understand the " soft n gentle " aspect or

consideration of other living things. My family and I have worked

with her so much on this, it just seems like she'll never get it.

Even taking her to see therapy dogs, she will squeeze their heads!

(she also does this with children) My daughter squeezes

everything!! She is always pinching my arms and squeezing my hands.

It seems uncontrollable to her.

I wish she was able to understand so we could have a dog:( Being a

single mom, it's just too risky. I can't babysit her with an animal,

let alone another child. (yes, she's an only child)

She plays a lot with her cousins (ages 3 & 5), but she squeezes

their heads too and makes them cry. That happens just about

everytime we're around them. I think they're used to it now :/

For a while I would observe my daughter doing things to animals &

other people and I would do it back to her. I would ask her is she

liked it. She would say no. I know it seems harsh, but that seemed

like the only way I could get her to understand what she was making

the other " living entities " experience. Anyways, that didn't work,

and I'm afraid at this point nothing will.

I certainly sympathize with you.

Sincerely

madeezmom

>

> Debi,

> We are working on this now with my daughter (she's 5)

> We got a golden retriever puppy a little more than a month ago, who

is now 5

> mo. old and MAN is she rough with him! I mean, that is why we got

him as a

> puppy still, so that he could learn to tolerate her rough housing

and not

> get defensive and bite etc. But of course being a puppy still he

wants to

> play too and you know how puppies play!

> She has sensory issues and doesn't feel things as much as others do

and

> definately seeks out sensory stimulation, so the grabing of her

arm with

> his teeth doesn't bother her in the least, and she finds it very

fun as does

> he... But his little puppy teeth are still so sharp that they

scratch up her

> arms! She doesn't care, but gosh it looks like she's been thrown

through

> a thorny tree or something, or put in a pillow case with an angry

cat!

> LOL... none that break the skin or anything, just makes red

scratches.

>

> We are constantly reminding her to either be nice to the dog or

just leave

> him alone.

>

> She takes his toys and runs but then doesn't want to throw them so

that he

> can go get them and bring them back. She will grab his skin and

pull him

> down to the ground, she will grab his 'lips' and pull him around

and even

> sit on him.

> We just haven't been able to make it clear that is not the

appropriate way

> to play with him.

>

> We model LOTS of appropriate play and show her how to do

appropriate play,

> but just as soon as your back is turned or a few minutes later when

she

> grows bored with what she's doing she will go back to the rough

play with

> him.

>

> We intend to take him to training classes soon, but according to

the vet we

> have to wait till he has had all his puppy shots and since we got

him late

> and the person we got him from didn't take him for shots we still

have

> another 6 weeks before he can be enrolled in any training classes

or go to

> parks etc.

>

> She is the same way with our cats... but they just get up and leave

as soon

> as they can! Her favorite thing to do to the cat is take his tail

and try to

> bend it in half! OUCH!!!

>

>

> Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

right vs.

> wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

>

> Theresa

[Guest guest]

Theresa,

I have this same problem. My daughter will be 10 in Feb and she just

cannot seem to grasp the concept of empathy. She absolutely loves

animals, but she is just to rough with them.

Last year when we went trick-or-treating she couldn't have cared less

about the candy, it was the animals of the homeowners she was

interested in. They all sit on their porch and pass out candy with

their dogs. My daughter will RUN YOU OVER if you're in the way of

her path of getting to the dog. I'm debating if I want to put up

with that again this year.

She just does not understand the " soft n gentle " aspect or

consideration of other living things. My family and I have worked

with her so much on this, it just seems like she'll never get it.

Even taking her to see therapy dogs, she will squeeze their heads!

(she also does this with children) My daughter squeezes

everything!! She is always pinching my arms and squeezing my hands.

It seems uncontrollable to her.

I wish she was able to understand so we could have a dog:( Being a

single mom, it's just too risky. I can't babysit her with an animal,

let alone another child. (yes, she's an only child)

She plays a lot with her cousins (ages 3 & 5), but she squeezes

their heads too and makes them cry. That happens just about

everytime we're around them. I think they're used to it now :/

For a while I would observe my daughter doing things to animals &

other people and I would do it back to her. I would ask her is she

liked it. She would say no. I know it seems harsh, but that seemed

like the only way I could get her to understand what she was making

the other " living entities " experience. Anyways, that didn't work,

and I'm afraid at this point nothing will.

I certainly sympathize with you.

Sincerely

madeezmom

>

> Debi,

> We are working on this now with my daughter (she's 5)

> We got a golden retriever puppy a little more than a month ago, who

is now 5

> mo. old and MAN is she rough with him! I mean, that is why we got

him as a

> puppy still, so that he could learn to tolerate her rough housing

and not

> get defensive and bite etc. But of course being a puppy still he

wants to

> play too and you know how puppies play!

> She has sensory issues and doesn't feel things as much as others do

and

> definately seeks out sensory stimulation, so the grabing of her

arm with

> his teeth doesn't bother her in the least, and she finds it very

fun as does

> he... But his little puppy teeth are still so sharp that they

scratch up her

> arms! She doesn't care, but gosh it looks like she's been thrown

through

> a thorny tree or something, or put in a pillow case with an angry

cat!

> LOL... none that break the skin or anything, just makes red

scratches.

>

> We are constantly reminding her to either be nice to the dog or

just leave

> him alone.

>

> She takes his toys and runs but then doesn't want to throw them so

that he

> can go get them and bring them back. She will grab his skin and

pull him

> down to the ground, she will grab his 'lips' and pull him around

and even

> sit on him.

> We just haven't been able to make it clear that is not the

appropriate way

> to play with him.

>

> We model LOTS of appropriate play and show her how to do

appropriate play,

> but just as soon as your back is turned or a few minutes later when

she

> grows bored with what she's doing she will go back to the rough

play with

> him.

>

> We intend to take him to training classes soon, but according to

the vet we

> have to wait till he has had all his puppy shots and since we got

him late

> and the person we got him from didn't take him for shots we still

have

> another 6 weeks before he can be enrolled in any training classes

or go to

> parks etc.

>

> She is the same way with our cats... but they just get up and leave

as soon

> as they can! Her favorite thing to do to the cat is take his tail

and try to

> bend it in half! OUCH!!!

>

>

> Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

right vs.

> wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

>

> Theresa

[Guest guest]

Theresa,

I have this same problem. My daughter will be 10 in Feb and she just

cannot seem to grasp the concept of empathy. She absolutely loves

animals, but she is just to rough with them.

Last year when we went trick-or-treating she couldn't have cared less

about the candy, it was the animals of the homeowners she was

interested in. They all sit on their porch and pass out candy with

their dogs. My daughter will RUN YOU OVER if you're in the way of

her path of getting to the dog. I'm debating if I want to put up

with that again this year.

She just does not understand the " soft n gentle " aspect or

consideration of other living things. My family and I have worked

with her so much on this, it just seems like she'll never get it.

Even taking her to see therapy dogs, she will squeeze their heads!

(she also does this with children) My daughter squeezes

everything!! She is always pinching my arms and squeezing my hands.

It seems uncontrollable to her.

I wish she was able to understand so we could have a dog:( Being a

single mom, it's just too risky. I can't babysit her with an animal,

let alone another child. (yes, she's an only child)

She plays a lot with her cousins (ages 3 & 5), but she squeezes

their heads too and makes them cry. That happens just about

everytime we're around them. I think they're used to it now :/

For a while I would observe my daughter doing things to animals &

other people and I would do it back to her. I would ask her is she

liked it. She would say no. I know it seems harsh, but that seemed

like the only way I could get her to understand what she was making

the other " living entities " experience. Anyways, that didn't work,

and I'm afraid at this point nothing will.

I certainly sympathize with you.

Sincerely

madeezmom

>

> Debi,

> We are working on this now with my daughter (she's 5)

> We got a golden retriever puppy a little more than a month ago, who

is now 5

> mo. old and MAN is she rough with him! I mean, that is why we got

him as a

> puppy still, so that he could learn to tolerate her rough housing

and not

> get defensive and bite etc. But of course being a puppy still he

wants to

> play too and you know how puppies play!

> She has sensory issues and doesn't feel things as much as others do

and

> definately seeks out sensory stimulation, so the grabing of her

arm with

> his teeth doesn't bother her in the least, and she finds it very

fun as does

> he... But his little puppy teeth are still so sharp that they

scratch up her

> arms! She doesn't care, but gosh it looks like she's been thrown

through

> a thorny tree or something, or put in a pillow case with an angry

cat!

> LOL... none that break the skin or anything, just makes red

scratches.

>

> We are constantly reminding her to either be nice to the dog or

just leave

> him alone.

>

> She takes his toys and runs but then doesn't want to throw them so

that he

> can go get them and bring them back. She will grab his skin and

pull him

> down to the ground, she will grab his 'lips' and pull him around

and even

> sit on him.

> We just haven't been able to make it clear that is not the

appropriate way

> to play with him.

>

> We model LOTS of appropriate play and show her how to do

appropriate play,

> but just as soon as your back is turned or a few minutes later when

she

> grows bored with what she's doing she will go back to the rough

play with

> him.

>

> We intend to take him to training classes soon, but according to

the vet we

> have to wait till he has had all his puppy shots and since we got

him late

> and the person we got him from didn't take him for shots we still

have

> another 6 weeks before he can be enrolled in any training classes

or go to

> parks etc.

>

> She is the same way with our cats... but they just get up and leave

as soon

> as they can! Her favorite thing to do to the cat is take his tail

and try to

> bend it in half! OUCH!!!

>

>

> Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

right vs.

> wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

>

> Theresa

[Guest guest]

Same here Debi! Levi is very sweet and even as a pup he doesn't chew on her

hard, and she'll put her arms legs, feet ect in his mouth, I think she

really likes the feel of what chewing he does do. he's gentle, It's just his

little teeth are still so sharp since their still coming in, you know what I

mean?

We have some really great training places around here, and even just down

the street is a place where they train service dogs and they have classes

for regular folks too. I really want to be able to go there so that maybe we

can get to a point where Levi can be a service dog... maybe alert us to her

seizures if we allow them to go out and play together without constant adult

supervision, or to sleep in her own room... both things we can't do now but

could if we knew the dog would alert us to trouble...

However it's not the training facilities policy that prevents us from taking

him before the shots. Our vet has said that there are FAR too many people

who don't vaccinate their dogs against Parvo and because of how long that

virus can live outside a dog and is very hard to kill even if the area is

disinfected, she said that untill his shots for that were current that we

shouldn't take him anywhere that a lot of dogs frequent, like the dog park,

but she said ESPECIALLY not Petsmart... She said that was a very common

place for dog owners who may choose not to fully vaccinate their pets and

then it can be passed on to him.

She kinda likened it to taking a newborn out to a crowded mall before it's

had a chance to build up any antibodies etc.

We definately don't want Parvo since there is no cure for that and most dogs

die if they get it... I'd rather just play it safe and wait till he's caught

up and then start in on the training lessons.

She did also give me a card for a trainer in our " welcome new puppy " kit,

and it says right on there that they handle play biting, but I need to call

to see if she comes to us or we go to her, and of course what the fees are!

LOL We are definately on a budget and can't go overboard on the training.

He eats SOOO much! LOL

Thanks... at least I know it's not uncommon for this behavior and just not

getting how to be nice to him. I guess I just need to be greatful that he is

as gentle as he can be with her, even with the rough play she does. The

sharp teeth just scare me more than it does her!!

Theresa

>

> I wish I knew! Allie either ignores our golden or wants " roughhouse

> time " which usually includes her laying on Lolly and putting her arms

> in Lolly's mouth for her to chew on. Lolly is sweet enough not to do

> so too hard.

>

> have you thought of Petsmart? They let me take Lolly without her

> second round of shots, they said as long as we had the next date

> scheduled and brought it in it would be okay, at least I think that's

> what they said. It's been a couple of years ago.

>

> Debi

>

>

>

> > Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

> right vs.

> > wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

> >

> > Theresa

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Same here Debi! Levi is very sweet and even as a pup he doesn't chew on her

hard, and she'll put her arms legs, feet ect in his mouth, I think she

really likes the feel of what chewing he does do. he's gentle, It's just his

little teeth are still so sharp since their still coming in, you know what I

mean?

We have some really great training places around here, and even just down

the street is a place where they train service dogs and they have classes

for regular folks too. I really want to be able to go there so that maybe we

can get to a point where Levi can be a service dog... maybe alert us to her

seizures if we allow them to go out and play together without constant adult

supervision, or to sleep in her own room... both things we can't do now but

could if we knew the dog would alert us to trouble...

However it's not the training facilities policy that prevents us from taking

him before the shots. Our vet has said that there are FAR too many people

who don't vaccinate their dogs against Parvo and because of how long that

virus can live outside a dog and is very hard to kill even if the area is

disinfected, she said that untill his shots for that were current that we

shouldn't take him anywhere that a lot of dogs frequent, like the dog park,

but she said ESPECIALLY not Petsmart... She said that was a very common

place for dog owners who may choose not to fully vaccinate their pets and

then it can be passed on to him.

She kinda likened it to taking a newborn out to a crowded mall before it's

had a chance to build up any antibodies etc.

We definately don't want Parvo since there is no cure for that and most dogs

die if they get it... I'd rather just play it safe and wait till he's caught

up and then start in on the training lessons.

She did also give me a card for a trainer in our " welcome new puppy " kit,

and it says right on there that they handle play biting, but I need to call

to see if she comes to us or we go to her, and of course what the fees are!

LOL We are definately on a budget and can't go overboard on the training.

He eats SOOO much! LOL

Thanks... at least I know it's not uncommon for this behavior and just not

getting how to be nice to him. I guess I just need to be greatful that he is

as gentle as he can be with her, even with the rough play she does. The

sharp teeth just scare me more than it does her!!

Theresa

>

> I wish I knew! Allie either ignores our golden or wants " roughhouse

> time " which usually includes her laying on Lolly and putting her arms

> in Lolly's mouth for her to chew on. Lolly is sweet enough not to do

> so too hard.

>

> have you thought of Petsmart? They let me take Lolly without her

> second round of shots, they said as long as we had the next date

> scheduled and brought it in it would be okay, at least I think that's

> what they said. It's been a couple of years ago.

>

> Debi

>

>

>

> > Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

> right vs.

> > wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

> >

> > Theresa

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Same here Debi! Levi is very sweet and even as a pup he doesn't chew on her

hard, and she'll put her arms legs, feet ect in his mouth, I think she

really likes the feel of what chewing he does do. he's gentle, It's just his

little teeth are still so sharp since their still coming in, you know what I

mean?

We have some really great training places around here, and even just down

the street is a place where they train service dogs and they have classes

for regular folks too. I really want to be able to go there so that maybe we

can get to a point where Levi can be a service dog... maybe alert us to her

seizures if we allow them to go out and play together without constant adult

supervision, or to sleep in her own room... both things we can't do now but

could if we knew the dog would alert us to trouble...

However it's not the training facilities policy that prevents us from taking

him before the shots. Our vet has said that there are FAR too many people

who don't vaccinate their dogs against Parvo and because of how long that

virus can live outside a dog and is very hard to kill even if the area is

disinfected, she said that untill his shots for that were current that we

shouldn't take him anywhere that a lot of dogs frequent, like the dog park,

but she said ESPECIALLY not Petsmart... She said that was a very common

place for dog owners who may choose not to fully vaccinate their pets and

then it can be passed on to him.

She kinda likened it to taking a newborn out to a crowded mall before it's

had a chance to build up any antibodies etc.

We definately don't want Parvo since there is no cure for that and most dogs

die if they get it... I'd rather just play it safe and wait till he's caught

up and then start in on the training lessons.

She did also give me a card for a trainer in our " welcome new puppy " kit,

and it says right on there that they handle play biting, but I need to call

to see if she comes to us or we go to her, and of course what the fees are!

LOL We are definately on a budget and can't go overboard on the training.

He eats SOOO much! LOL

Thanks... at least I know it's not uncommon for this behavior and just not

getting how to be nice to him. I guess I just need to be greatful that he is

as gentle as he can be with her, even with the rough play she does. The

sharp teeth just scare me more than it does her!!

Theresa

>

> I wish I knew! Allie either ignores our golden or wants " roughhouse

> time " which usually includes her laying on Lolly and putting her arms

> in Lolly's mouth for her to chew on. Lolly is sweet enough not to do

> so too hard.

>

> have you thought of Petsmart? They let me take Lolly without her

> second round of shots, they said as long as we had the next date

> scheduled and brought it in it would be okay, at least I think that's

> what they said. It's been a couple of years ago.

>

> Debi

>

>

>

> > Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

> right vs.

> > wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

> >

> > Theresa

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

The parvo thing makes total sense. A dear friend's dog died of parvo.

It was horrible. They were very poor at the time and the vet was gonna

charge a horrific fee to put the dog down and told her because of it's

age, a few months old, he felt he would pull through. Sandy sat up for

days giving the dog gatorade by syringe every hour. I won't go into

any further details but she said if she had know the dog would have

suffered like he did she would have had her brother-in-law shoot the

dog to prevent its suffering.

Since I had been at the house helping with the dog I took mine at my

house back to the vet. I feared simply walking in her yard would

spread it to Lady, our black lab. Vet told us sometimes entire

neighborhoods of dogs get sick and die and people will accuse someone

of poisoning them but it was really a parvo outbreak.

There are a couple of good SD-related message boards. Just stay away

from any that have a Fred Shotz or Shutz, can't remember. That man is

mentally disturbed.

Debi

[Guest guest]

The parvo thing makes total sense. A dear friend's dog died of parvo.

It was horrible. They were very poor at the time and the vet was gonna

charge a horrific fee to put the dog down and told her because of it's

age, a few months old, he felt he would pull through. Sandy sat up for

days giving the dog gatorade by syringe every hour. I won't go into

any further details but she said if she had know the dog would have

suffered like he did she would have had her brother-in-law shoot the

dog to prevent its suffering.

Since I had been at the house helping with the dog I took mine at my

house back to the vet. I feared simply walking in her yard would

spread it to Lady, our black lab. Vet told us sometimes entire

neighborhoods of dogs get sick and die and people will accuse someone

of poisoning them but it was really a parvo outbreak.

There are a couple of good SD-related message boards. Just stay away

from any that have a Fred Shotz or Shutz, can't remember. That man is

mentally disturbed.

Debi

[Guest guest]

The parvo thing makes total sense. A dear friend's dog died of parvo.

It was horrible. They were very poor at the time and the vet was gonna

charge a horrific fee to put the dog down and told her because of it's

age, a few months old, he felt he would pull through. Sandy sat up for

days giving the dog gatorade by syringe every hour. I won't go into

any further details but she said if she had know the dog would have

suffered like he did she would have had her brother-in-law shoot the

dog to prevent its suffering.

Since I had been at the house helping with the dog I took mine at my

house back to the vet. I feared simply walking in her yard would

spread it to Lady, our black lab. Vet told us sometimes entire

neighborhoods of dogs get sick and die and people will accuse someone

of poisoning them but it was really a parvo outbreak.

There are a couple of good SD-related message boards. Just stay away

from any that have a Fred Shotz or Shutz, can't remember. That man is

mentally disturbed.

Debi

[Guest guest]

You know, my husband did the same thing a few times... trying to do to her

what she was doing to the animals... but I told him he needed to stop, cause

for one, like your daughter she may respond 'no it's not nice' but she is

not learning that SHE should NOT do it either.

But I also question wether she even understood, because again she is very

sensory seeking and if you grab her arm and squeeze it, even to a point that

you'd think she'd protest, she does not... she actually enjoys it and deep

massage and brushing is something we do with her to help her with that

sensory input that she craves and needs. So I don't think the things he

would do woudl register, plus you can only go so far before you actually

hurt them and of course he would never do that, so that lesson just didn't

really seem like it was going to work.

Also I questioned if it was sending her mixed signals, because even though

our words were saying NO don't do this, Dad was doing it to her (and it

probably felt good too!) so why NOT do it to the dog or cat? you know what

I mean?

I think with the cat it's more to hear it, cause our cats don't do too much

meowing and are just over all pretty quiet... but you bend his tail in half

and he definately starts to protest. But they are so great in the fact that

they don't swipe at her (they all have claws and 2 have extra claws!) or

even try to bite etc. They just howl untill we get her to stop and then

they'll run off. Only the youngest one avoids her completely, which only

makes her torment worse cause once she does get her, she wants to hold on

tight so she won't get away. lol.

So right now we've been doing Time outs after inappropriate behavior to the

animals. I don't know if that will work or not though.

I do know what you mean though about not being able to risk having a dog

when your the only one to watch over them.

Theresa

>

> Theresa,

> I have this same problem. My daughter will be 10 in Feb and she just

> cannot seem to grasp the concept of empathy. She absolutely loves

> animals, but she is just to rough with them.

>

> Last year when we went trick-or-treating she couldn't have cared less

> about the candy, it was the animals of the homeowners she was

> interested in. They all sit on their porch and pass out candy with

> their dogs. My daughter will RUN YOU OVER if you're in the way of

> her path of getting to the dog. I'm debating if I want to put up

> with that again this year.

>

> She just does not understand the " soft n gentle " aspect or

> consideration of other living things. My family and I have worked

> with her so much on this, it just seems like she'll never get it.

>

> Even taking her to see therapy dogs, she will squeeze their heads!

> (she also does this with children) My daughter squeezes

> everything!! She is always pinching my arms and squeezing my hands.

> It seems uncontrollable to her.

>

> I wish she was able to understand so we could have a dog:( Being a

> single mom, it's just too risky. I can't babysit her with an animal,

> let alone another child. (yes, she's an only child)

>

> She plays a lot with her cousins (ages 3 & 5), but she squeezes

> their heads too and makes them cry. That happens just about

> everytime we're around them. I think they're used to it now :/

>

> For a while I would observe my daughter doing things to animals &

> other people and I would do it back to her. I would ask her is she

> liked it. She would say no. I know it seems harsh, but that seemed

> like the only way I could get her to understand what she was making

> the other " living entities " experience. Anyways, that didn't work,

> and I'm afraid at this point nothing will.

>

> I certainly sympathize with you.

>

> Sincerely

> madeezmom

>

>

> >

> > Debi,

> > We are working on this now with my daughter (she's 5)

> > We got a golden retriever puppy a little more than a month ago, who

> is now 5

> > mo. old and MAN is she rough with him! I mean, that is why we got

> him as a

> > puppy still, so that he could learn to tolerate her rough housing

> and not

> > get defensive and bite etc. But of course being a puppy still he

> wants to

> > play too and you know how puppies play!

> > She has sensory issues and doesn't feel things as much as others do

> and

> > definately seeks out sensory stimulation, so the grabing of her

> arm with

> > his teeth doesn't bother her in the least, and she finds it very

> fun as does

> > he... But his little puppy teeth are still so sharp that they

> scratch up her

> > arms! She doesn't care, but gosh it looks like she's been thrown

> through

> > a thorny tree or something, or put in a pillow case with an angry

> cat!

> > LOL... none that break the skin or anything, just makes red

> scratches.

> >

> > We are constantly reminding her to either be nice to the dog or

> just leave

> > him alone.

> >

> > She takes his toys and runs but then doesn't want to throw them so

> that he

> > can go get them and bring them back. She will grab his skin and

> pull him

> > down to the ground, she will grab his 'lips' and pull him around

> and even

> > sit on him.

> > We just haven't been able to make it clear that is not the

> appropriate way

> > to play with him.

> >

> > We model LOTS of appropriate play and show her how to do

> appropriate play,

> > but just as soon as your back is turned or a few minutes later when

> she

> > grows bored with what she's doing she will go back to the rough

> play with

> > him.

> >

> > We intend to take him to training classes soon, but according to

> the vet we

> > have to wait till he has had all his puppy shots and since we got

> him late

> > and the person we got him from didn't take him for shots we still

> have

> > another 6 weeks before he can be enrolled in any training classes

> or go to

> > parks etc.

> >

> > She is the same way with our cats... but they just get up and leave

> as soon

> > as they can! Her favorite thing to do to the cat is take his tail

> and try to

> > bend it in half! OUCH!!!

> >

> >

> > Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

> right vs.

> > wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

> >

> > Theresa

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You know, my husband did the same thing a few times... trying to do to her

what she was doing to the animals... but I told him he needed to stop, cause

for one, like your daughter she may respond 'no it's not nice' but she is

not learning that SHE should NOT do it either.

But I also question wether she even understood, because again she is very

sensory seeking and if you grab her arm and squeeze it, even to a point that

you'd think she'd protest, she does not... she actually enjoys it and deep

massage and brushing is something we do with her to help her with that

sensory input that she craves and needs. So I don't think the things he

would do woudl register, plus you can only go so far before you actually

hurt them and of course he would never do that, so that lesson just didn't

really seem like it was going to work.

Also I questioned if it was sending her mixed signals, because even though

our words were saying NO don't do this, Dad was doing it to her (and it

probably felt good too!) so why NOT do it to the dog or cat? you know what

I mean?

I think with the cat it's more to hear it, cause our cats don't do too much

meowing and are just over all pretty quiet... but you bend his tail in half

and he definately starts to protest. But they are so great in the fact that

they don't swipe at her (they all have claws and 2 have extra claws!) or

even try to bite etc. They just howl untill we get her to stop and then

they'll run off. Only the youngest one avoids her completely, which only

makes her torment worse cause once she does get her, she wants to hold on

tight so she won't get away. lol.

So right now we've been doing Time outs after inappropriate behavior to the

animals. I don't know if that will work or not though.

I do know what you mean though about not being able to risk having a dog

when your the only one to watch over them.

Theresa

>

> Theresa,

> I have this same problem. My daughter will be 10 in Feb and she just

> cannot seem to grasp the concept of empathy. She absolutely loves

> animals, but she is just to rough with them.

>

> Last year when we went trick-or-treating she couldn't have cared less

> about the candy, it was the animals of the homeowners she was

> interested in. They all sit on their porch and pass out candy with

> their dogs. My daughter will RUN YOU OVER if you're in the way of

> her path of getting to the dog. I'm debating if I want to put up

> with that again this year.

>

> She just does not understand the " soft n gentle " aspect or

> consideration of other living things. My family and I have worked

> with her so much on this, it just seems like she'll never get it.

>

> Even taking her to see therapy dogs, she will squeeze their heads!

> (she also does this with children) My daughter squeezes

> everything!! She is always pinching my arms and squeezing my hands.

> It seems uncontrollable to her.

>

> I wish she was able to understand so we could have a dog:( Being a

> single mom, it's just too risky. I can't babysit her with an animal,

> let alone another child. (yes, she's an only child)

>

> She plays a lot with her cousins (ages 3 & 5), but she squeezes

> their heads too and makes them cry. That happens just about

> everytime we're around them. I think they're used to it now :/

>

> For a while I would observe my daughter doing things to animals &

> other people and I would do it back to her. I would ask her is she

> liked it. She would say no. I know it seems harsh, but that seemed

> like the only way I could get her to understand what she was making

> the other " living entities " experience. Anyways, that didn't work,

> and I'm afraid at this point nothing will.

>

> I certainly sympathize with you.

>

> Sincerely

> madeezmom

>

>

> >

> > Debi,

> > We are working on this now with my daughter (she's 5)

> > We got a golden retriever puppy a little more than a month ago, who

> is now 5

> > mo. old and MAN is she rough with him! I mean, that is why we got

> him as a

> > puppy still, so that he could learn to tolerate her rough housing

> and not

> > get defensive and bite etc. But of course being a puppy still he

> wants to

> > play too and you know how puppies play!

> > She has sensory issues and doesn't feel things as much as others do

> and

> > definately seeks out sensory stimulation, so the grabing of her

> arm with

> > his teeth doesn't bother her in the least, and she finds it very

> fun as does

> > he... But his little puppy teeth are still so sharp that they

> scratch up her

> > arms! She doesn't care, but gosh it looks like she's been thrown

> through

> > a thorny tree or something, or put in a pillow case with an angry

> cat!

> > LOL... none that break the skin or anything, just makes red

> scratches.

> >

> > We are constantly reminding her to either be nice to the dog or

> just leave

> > him alone.

> >

> > She takes his toys and runs but then doesn't want to throw them so

> that he

> > can go get them and bring them back. She will grab his skin and

> pull him

> > down to the ground, she will grab his 'lips' and pull him around

> and even

> > sit on him.

> > We just haven't been able to make it clear that is not the

> appropriate way

> > to play with him.

> >

> > We model LOTS of appropriate play and show her how to do

> appropriate play,

> > but just as soon as your back is turned or a few minutes later when

> she

> > grows bored with what she's doing she will go back to the rough

> play with

> > him.

> >

> > We intend to take him to training classes soon, but according to

> the vet we

> > have to wait till he has had all his puppy shots and since we got

> him late

> > and the person we got him from didn't take him for shots we still

> have

> > another 6 weeks before he can be enrolled in any training classes

> or go to

> > parks etc.

> >

> > She is the same way with our cats... but they just get up and leave

> as soon

> > as they can! Her favorite thing to do to the cat is take his tail

> and try to

> > bend it in half! OUCH!!!

> >

> >

> > Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

> right vs.

> > wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

> >

> > Theresa

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You know, my husband did the same thing a few times... trying to do to her

what she was doing to the animals... but I told him he needed to stop, cause

for one, like your daughter she may respond 'no it's not nice' but she is

not learning that SHE should NOT do it either.

But I also question wether she even understood, because again she is very

sensory seeking and if you grab her arm and squeeze it, even to a point that

you'd think she'd protest, she does not... she actually enjoys it and deep

massage and brushing is something we do with her to help her with that

sensory input that she craves and needs. So I don't think the things he

would do woudl register, plus you can only go so far before you actually

hurt them and of course he would never do that, so that lesson just didn't

really seem like it was going to work.

Also I questioned if it was sending her mixed signals, because even though

our words were saying NO don't do this, Dad was doing it to her (and it

probably felt good too!) so why NOT do it to the dog or cat? you know what

I mean?

I think with the cat it's more to hear it, cause our cats don't do too much

meowing and are just over all pretty quiet... but you bend his tail in half

and he definately starts to protest. But they are so great in the fact that

they don't swipe at her (they all have claws and 2 have extra claws!) or

even try to bite etc. They just howl untill we get her to stop and then

they'll run off. Only the youngest one avoids her completely, which only

makes her torment worse cause once she does get her, she wants to hold on

tight so she won't get away. lol.

So right now we've been doing Time outs after inappropriate behavior to the

animals. I don't know if that will work or not though.

I do know what you mean though about not being able to risk having a dog

when your the only one to watch over them.

Theresa

>

> Theresa,

> I have this same problem. My daughter will be 10 in Feb and she just

> cannot seem to grasp the concept of empathy. She absolutely loves

> animals, but she is just to rough with them.

>

> Last year when we went trick-or-treating she couldn't have cared less

> about the candy, it was the animals of the homeowners she was

> interested in. They all sit on their porch and pass out candy with

> their dogs. My daughter will RUN YOU OVER if you're in the way of

> her path of getting to the dog. I'm debating if I want to put up

> with that again this year.

>

> She just does not understand the " soft n gentle " aspect or

> consideration of other living things. My family and I have worked

> with her so much on this, it just seems like she'll never get it.

>

> Even taking her to see therapy dogs, she will squeeze their heads!

> (she also does this with children) My daughter squeezes

> everything!! She is always pinching my arms and squeezing my hands.

> It seems uncontrollable to her.

>

> I wish she was able to understand so we could have a dog:( Being a

> single mom, it's just too risky. I can't babysit her with an animal,

> let alone another child. (yes, she's an only child)

>

> She plays a lot with her cousins (ages 3 & 5), but she squeezes

> their heads too and makes them cry. That happens just about

> everytime we're around them. I think they're used to it now :/

>

> For a while I would observe my daughter doing things to animals &

> other people and I would do it back to her. I would ask her is she

> liked it. She would say no. I know it seems harsh, but that seemed

> like the only way I could get her to understand what she was making

> the other " living entities " experience. Anyways, that didn't work,

> and I'm afraid at this point nothing will.

>

> I certainly sympathize with you.

>

> Sincerely

> madeezmom

>

>

> >

> > Debi,

> > We are working on this now with my daughter (she's 5)

> > We got a golden retriever puppy a little more than a month ago, who

> is now 5

> > mo. old and MAN is she rough with him! I mean, that is why we got

> him as a

> > puppy still, so that he could learn to tolerate her rough housing

> and not

> > get defensive and bite etc. But of course being a puppy still he

> wants to

> > play too and you know how puppies play!

> > She has sensory issues and doesn't feel things as much as others do

> and

> > definately seeks out sensory stimulation, so the grabing of her

> arm with

> > his teeth doesn't bother her in the least, and she finds it very

> fun as does

> > he... But his little puppy teeth are still so sharp that they

> scratch up her

> > arms! She doesn't care, but gosh it looks like she's been thrown

> through

> > a thorny tree or something, or put in a pillow case with an angry

> cat!

> > LOL... none that break the skin or anything, just makes red

> scratches.

> >

> > We are constantly reminding her to either be nice to the dog or

> just leave

> > him alone.

> >

> > She takes his toys and runs but then doesn't want to throw them so

> that he

> > can go get them and bring them back. She will grab his skin and

> pull him

> > down to the ground, she will grab his 'lips' and pull him around

> and even

> > sit on him.

> > We just haven't been able to make it clear that is not the

> appropriate way

> > to play with him.

> >

> > We model LOTS of appropriate play and show her how to do

> appropriate play,

> > but just as soon as your back is turned or a few minutes later when

> she

> > grows bored with what she's doing she will go back to the rough

> play with

> > him.

> >

> > We intend to take him to training classes soon, but according to

> the vet we

> > have to wait till he has had all his puppy shots and since we got

> him late

> > and the person we got him from didn't take him for shots we still

> have

> > another 6 weeks before he can be enrolled in any training classes

> or go to

> > parks etc.

> >

> > She is the same way with our cats... but they just get up and leave

> as soon

> > as they can! Her favorite thing to do to the cat is take his tail

> and try to

> > bend it in half! OUCH!!!

> >

> >

> > Any recommendations on other approaches to having her learn the

> right vs.

> > wrong way to play with him? Any suggestions are welcome.

> >

> > Theresa

>

>

>