Guest guest Posted August 10, 2008 Report Share Posted August 10, 2008 Ive, you are right that your husbands behavior isn't helping your son and here is an example why: I have a younger brother who isn't autistic but is physically and mentally handicapped. Unfortunatley he is much worse then he would have been had my parents, especially my mother, not babied him. My mom would give into his food wants, brush his teeth, bathe him and hold a plastic cup for him to pee in instead of teaching him to pee in a toliet (my brother has an extra female chromosome and it makes his privates not compeltely developed). In additional to all of that they wouldn't allow him to have normal child development things like crayons or anything he could make a mess with. The reason? Because when he was very young he wrote on the walls with the crayons. Gee, you think supervising him with crayons and then putting them away might do the trick? No, that was too much trouble. Better to let him sit around all day watching tv and playing video games. Anyway, my brother got very overweight and was completely dependent. The best thing that ever happened for him was to get into a special home for people like him (actually most were worse them him) where they actually taught him to be independent and had him exercise and lose weight. My mother hated it I don't even remember how she was talked into it in the first place. When my brother would come home for visits his behavior would slip right back into the spoiled, do nothing for himself behavior of before. Then my brother had a seizure while at this home and fell down a fight of stairs. He was in the hospital quite a while and my mother used this accident as justification for why my brother needed to be at home with her. She said because their house doesn't have stairs he would be safer. My brother gained weight and went back to not doing anything for himself. He had more health problems that put him in the hospital for extended stays, pneumonia, undiagnosed lupus and such. He would get out and my parents wouldn't work with him to get his strengh up and there is only so much a physical therapist can do with home visits of no more then 1/2 to 1 hour. Now my brother is pretty much permanently in a wheel chair and completely dependent on my aging parents. He wears a diaper all the time, getting him up and teaching him to go to the bathroom again after extended hospital stays was more trouble then they were willing to go through. On top of that my brother is quite large, 6'2 or 6'3 probably. My parents are of course getting older, as we all do and taking care of a dependent child is getting harder every day. My parents are in Arkansas and I'm in PA so I'm not even around to help them. One day my parents could die and then my brother's care will probably fall on me. On the one hand, I want it to because I love my brother but on the other hand I have 4 children of my own. So you can see how this can snowball. This is a perfect example of why it is necessary for us to teach our children to be as self sufficient as they can be. I know it often seems easier not too and we want to care for them because we love them but true love is doing the hard work to help them become all that they can be. Subject: Re: Husband mad To: Texas-Autism-Advocacy Date: Sunday, August 10, 2008, 3:02 AM Ive, that's so cute. sounds like your hubby is a " big ol' daddy bear " . i know it's not helping but you have to admit, the love is precious. my hubby on the other hand will make my son do it or at least try to. he " babies " him in his own special way, too. But I am the one that gives in all the time and he gets on me about that. but he's right, it's a hard sometimes dusty road we have, but in the end we have to try to make them behave properly (as is possible given the circumstance) and be as independent as possible because it's for their own good. One day there may be a life without us who know them so well and we have to try to prepare them for it or it'll be harder on them. I have so much love & respect for everyone on this list because everyone is trying so hard. It ain't easy, but God knows just who to give these babies to. God bless~Keisha W > > > > > Do you think your husband would be open-minded about reading > some books > > > or even some writings online about Aspergers or better yet-- > things written > > > by Asperger adults themselves. That way he might actually come > across > > > specific behaviors that your child exhibits, and see that his > behavior is > > > all apart of having Aspergers! > > > > > > a > > > > > > [Texas-Autism- Advocacy] Husband mad > > > > > > My husband tries to understand my 13 yr old with Aspergers but a > lot of > > > the time he thinks my son can control his behavior. He accuses me > of > > > not disciplining him. He says that is why he behaves the way he > does. > > > He told me tonight that my son is faking it and acting like he > doesn't > > > understand. I don't know what to do... It is impacting our > marriage. > > > I do make my son mind. He does have consequences but sometimes he > > > loses control, verbalizes anger, screams, bangs his head, throws > > > himself on the floor... My son has made so many improvements but > when > > > he does these behaviors... all the talks with my husband go out the > > > window and it starts all over again. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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