very long but Please read it all about I miss my old self! and how I belive you should be treated by family, freinds, lovers and such!

[Guest guest]

Hi all this is very long but please read it all

 When I read this I started to cry as I felt the pain and frustration in it. " but

she shits all over me more times than not...which I suspect is due to my health

and the tightening of the belt (so to speak) that she can't

seem to stand. "

 What Kirk said about more time with the kids is so true.This is a fact i miss

and yet enjoyed the time i had so much. at first I lock my self away in pity. I

did not take phone calls or talk to any one but here on the stills sight. This

was when I first was dx and sick with out a dx. I slowly very slowly started to

live again. It did take time. Like most here before stills you did not find me

sitting in front of a TV saying I was bored. Some thing I do too much of now.

Any hoot I also became very depressed at this time also at the height of this my

ex really started in on her BS. Blaming me for us not having the money we had

things like that. When I read about Kirk, his wife and others here I shudder big

time. I hear Kirk say so much that was running in my head then. IF I was not

working or doing things to the house and yard I was out fishing hunting, and or

shooting .I belonged to a pistol range and was just getting ready to start

competition with

them. I had shoot competition with black powder before I moved to Idaho. I had

started up a gun smiting business and had a very very large order for some guns

for a Hollywoodmovie. well it all ended on march 30 2002 that is when my ex had

me arrested as part of her setting me up with a divorce so she would get every

thing and I would get nothing . So after spending Easter in Jail Monday I was

let out. My ex even went so far as to play my mother so I would not get bailed

out! So here I am out of jail and with what only the clothing on my back. My

kids begged her so I did finally get some more clothing and my truck but for

money I had 45 cents. My sister was coming the next day with money so I could

leave Idaho after I had talked to here and mom and explained what had happened

..the day I got out she tried to pull her bs again only this time the cops told

her they were now wondering if I had done any thing the first time . Of courses

I was not told this

tell years later. Any how she had told them I came to the house and was

treating to kill her again. They let her know when she said I did this I had a

good alibi I was still in Jail LOL. Well the point of this is my kids became my

whole life .I live because of my kids. I lost my business fully and in fact as

far as I can see will never be able to bring it back unless I go to court or

some laws change on gun owner ship. I will say I never threaten her in any way

but to divorce her trying to get her to at lest talk to me and not shut me out

fully for and of every thing but blame. At this point I was again locked out of

any family money saving accounts any and every thing. Any hoot as ya all know

she kept me from my kids then and still for the most part. my son was here

living with us went back to Idaho to start the paperwork for job core next thing

I know he is staying there so again I had fathers day and my B day stolen from

me. From my forced

removal from my home to this day I have never spent one special day or holiday

with my kids at all. In fact I have not even been told when some were tell

months after the fact. Was not told when my daughter was in the hospital

nothing. see in her set up and because I did not press charges like I should of

because I still loved her at the time I also lost all  legal rights to my kids 

and visitations were order just like this .visits will only be when, were and

how  she says.  Well this is what drove me to almost kill my self and I would

have but for a good friend. My ex even told the jail and cops I was not on any

medication. I was taking 11 yes 11 deferent drugs at the time including large

doses of roids every day and they tell you never cold truck off it but I was

forced to .I found out this was done hopping I would die because of my 1/2

million life insurance policy. So in jail I had none of my meds and was never

allowed to see a doctor. Then

she also told the cops as I was on my way to Idahofor court (last time I ever

went there alone because of this) that I was coming with a gun to shoot her the

kids and every cop I saw. How I am alive to day I do not know.

 So do I miss my old life all but her hell yes. Dose it kill me when I read that

a spouse is not being supportive O man I hate it and I cry for the person. I do

miss not being so emotional as now days I am a basket case most days. . Okay now

here is the big deal GET YOUR BUTTS INTO COUNCIALING not only for your self but

all that live with you it may save your life or stop them from doing some thing

to you. It can only help you understand how life will be changing and help them

to understand this is not your doing and help them to under stand .I wish we had

done that so so many times I wish that. I no longer love or even like my ex but

I would do any thing to have stopped what my kids have been put threw. I know I

may sound to most as a caring happy man but to be honest with all of you I am a

caring man just never happy any more .I fight with my self to smile and or joke

because in side I want to cry!. I love my wife she is just so awesome and

supportive and she has been helping me see I am a good person, father and man.

Before all this I beloved I was a good husband and father but forgot I was also

a man. After it all I started to believe I was not any thing but a waste on the

face of the earth. I have never understood why I could be with any body’s kids

but my own. I believe all of this came down because my ex was nothing but a

selfish B@#%H.  The kids well my daughter has nothing to do with me because of

her mother and what she has been told and in fact last time I did see her she

had to call her mom every hour and she was scared to death to be around me. This

is the same girl that begged me to take her shopping fishing camping hunting.

The only thing that change was I was forced away. I did have to protect my kids

from my ex's mental abuse and verbal abuses when I was at home. I did this

knowing what was going on was not right but I did not understand it was abuse at

all. My daughter

told me how her mom punished my son for talking about me and how she was

rewarded for never talking about me. How she new I had protected her and her

brother because they all now fought so much. She told me how her mom wanted her

to change her name to her mom maiden name but both kids refused. She told me how

her mom was trying to get my son to even change his first name because it was

the same as mine along with there last name. the first Christmas card and so far

only one for the next 6 years I got from my daughter the only thing she wrote

was to ask e why I had cheated on her mom some thing I had never ever done but

it was said by her mother because I started to date the month before the divorce

went final. Because of stills I lost my daughter, one of my sisters and her

whole family. I have become angry and bitter. Sad and depressed. this is all

changing for the better now days and all because I am loved and supported by my

wife in ways I never

knew I had not been .I feel as an equaled to her not treated as less then or

blamed for all or talked to as a child or employee. I am told how my ex is

suffering and has it so hard BS! She makes big money got the house every thing

in it and all of the kids back pay from SSI. Plus child support! At this time I

did not even have enough to even get or eat at lest one meal a day. I was living

on the streets and homeless not by chouse but by what had happened as mom still

did not fully believe me as she had not seen what was going on . Yet I was to

learn much later how my ex complained to her about all my medical bills and how

it was taking money away from her saving not our but hers ! This was after my

father had passed away from cancer. Now that the SSI child support has ended I

now find out my daughter is not going to collage because they will not helper

with room and board. She had gotten a scholarship for collage that covered every

thing for four years

but room and board. She was told this right be for her graduation! My kids are

so mentally screwed up from her it is unreal! She is always telling them how

broke she is well she has a bigger home then we did and let’s put it this way we

had a top end middle income home. She got to keep all from the home sale that

was sold at the top of the market before it crashed all savings checking every

thing. yet my son cried trying to stop me from selling a TV a friend gave me as

he knew I was doing it because I had no money no food and I wanted him to eat at

lest once that day. for years even my mother did not seam to understand why or

how I was feeling tell she went with me to Idaho and we had to run from

the state because the cops were called again she was 75 at the time and she had

been with me the full time because I will not even think about being in Idaho

with out some ozone I trust by my side 24/7. I am sorry this is long but reading

some post here

made me cry and this all flooded out. Do I need concealing your dam right I do

but I am to broke to get it but am looking hoping I will find it. And I will

some day but all I can say is having a spouse you love that loves you and stands

by your side not in front of you or behind you. Not pushing you nor pulling you

but there to help you on the ruff days with an arm around you is so wonderful.

Having one blame you curse you out, hold you back not sportive of you not even

trying to understand sucks big time. HAVEING ONE THAT DOSE NOT RELISE WHAT THEY

DO OR SAY TO YOU AND HOW IT HURTS SUCKS THE SAME THEY MAY SAY I LOVE YOU BUT DO

THEY? DO THE ACT IT?  I know this is not easy to read or to admit but believe me

for the kids and for your self pay head to this so you do not get any of what I

have gone threw being ill is enough in life with out being broken in sprite also

I am not even a shell of the man I was from it all. I do not trust many and them

I do it

is never fully. I protect my self at all cost and this also keeps me from being

as close as I want to be to my wife and her kids! Yes me turning 50 doses not

help because all of this started right after I turned 40! I know I would go on

with out ! I wondered what I would do or how would I survive with out my

ex. then I was wrong but not now. I may be okay with but I never want to

know life with out her! I do not need her but I want her!!! If you wonder or say

to your self you need them start asking your self why! It should always be a

want never a need. If you are only happy when there gone that says some thing.

If there happiness only comes from you and not them self’s get help. If as your

world and dreams have been shattered they leave you feeling it’s your fault get

help because it is not! For the men out there if you’re in a boat I was known

this most will not believe you. There is no real help like there is for woman

out there.

Forget about men can take it. Forget about but I am a man. your also more then

that your a human with feelings needs and wants and when you ill as we are your

also more easily to become a victim but finding people that believe you or

getting help is next to imposable! sad as it is men are painted as evil in this

world and in domestic disturbances a woman’s word will be taken over your if it

is only her word and yours and there is no marks or any thing all she has to say

is he and you will be arrested! Think have you ever seen a add for domestic

violence were a woman was said to be the aggressor and the man a victim? Ever

seen it on TV, heard it on the radio, seen it in a magazine? A bill board? I bet

not because in all my reading web surfing, TV and travels across this country I

never have and in fact tell I was told I was the victim and shown why I would

not believe it after all it was a man on a woman or child not the other way

around and most of

the laws are wrote just that way. When my ex bused down a door (she used a

sledge hammer and also forced my son to help) it was nothing to the cops but if

I had done it I would be arrested for D.V. I was told this by an Idahocop! See I

asked about it and that is what I was told with the added we would not be

talking here you would be in jail. now why is it not the same well I have ideas

but I will not share them here lets just say for all the man and woman out here

when your ill and the other dose not understand or blames you, you are on a road

to becoming a victim and the more you accept it the deeper the hole becomes but

at lest for woman there is help out there shelters ect. But for men good luck

because you will need it! Concualing is the first and best step I believe for

all parties to start down the road of this new life of stills and done in love

with hope there will be lots of hope in your life and relationships! For the

ones not with some one,

understand this if you see things happening when dating like this GET OUT NOW!

Never feel will its okay beside I am sick who other would love me? Been there

done that and wrong! If you are accepted for you stills and all you will know

greatness but if you lower your self to just accept then you have lowered your

self and can never complain because you accepted that treatment by them. Kind of

letting someone cheat on you and you say nothing even thou you know you should

so it keeps happening. If you had not accepted it and said some thing it would

have stopped or you would have left and so the cheating would be out of your

life. Yes the pain and stuff would be there but it would have stopped, just

because we have stills we do not have to accept!

 sorry it is so long but I could not help my self and I hope my opening up may

just may help on person ,one relation ship get better, one child avoid what my

kids know and feel if any of that happens then all was for good and pouring my

self out there was not a mistake

 Hugs and my love to ya all and I will try to shorten my post. 

the  rednecks

Marty & G.

 Stills ; An illness I know to well!

To learn about Stills  http://www.stillsdisease.org/stills_info

  and Hancock:

We Recognize No Sovereign but God, and no King but Jesus! [April 18, 1775]

:

" The general principles upon which the Fathers achieved independence were the

general principals of Christianity... I will avow that I believed and now

believe that those general principles of Christianity are as eternal and

immutable as the existence and attributes of God. "

• " [July 4th] ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance by solemn acts

of devotion to God Almighty. "

– in a letter written to Abigail on the day the Declaration was

approved by Congress

Jefferson

God who gave us life gave us liberty. And can the liberties of a nation be

thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the

minds of the people that these liberties are a gift from God? That they are not

to be violated but with His wrath? Indeed I tremble for my country when I

reflect that God is just, and that His justice cannot sleep forever. " (excerpts

are inscribed on the walls of the Jefferson Memorial in the nations capital)

 

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