Update on me... well sorta.. `

June 18, 2008

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Hey everyone, first I wasnted to thank everyone for maintaing the list and

website. Alot of the " oldies " know my story, but even at theat, I just

retreated into my shell and stayed there. It's been almost 3 years since my ex

and I split, and these past years I have been pure hell.

I take anti depressents, but I know I need to get some theapy to help me get

over this.. I think what makes it so much worse , was that it wssnt ust a

casual fling, he fell in love with there right away. All the back to back

deployments to Afghan and Iraq took its toll. I thought we could make it

through anything.

But this is the reason I havent been around, I rry to read the emails but it's

so hard to go through them when you dont do it everyday.

Anyway back to the depression, etc... Everyone thinks I should just get over

it!!.... I dont know why I cant let go. I've tried dating and I hated it. I

only have 2 close friends that I can confide in.

But , see im getting off track again. I was reading about bi polar and I have

just about all the symtoms

Not only did I lose my husband who I loved dearly, I lost everything. My way of

life, I loved being an Army Wife. Okay enough of my pity party now on to the

major stuff

My right hip now needs replaceing, I put it off way too long, Aug 25th is when

Im supposed to have it... I haven't been able to work or do many activities due

to the pain. I am getting the newer metal/metal type. I'ts funny cause 10

years ago I could tell you all about joint replacement. Now I just dont care.

And to top it all off.... Im 37 years old, got sick around 18.. well my mom has

started drinking, she did socially sometimes when I was growing up, but I didnt

realize a problem.. Anyway for the past 2 years she drinks every day... And if

she's angry at me over somethimg small and she had a drink, she just goes in to

a rampae, screaming yelling, 2 days ago she told me right to my face that I

was a mistake, among lots of ether things..

Okay, so basically my days consist of watching tv, and playing world of warcraft

at night

I cant leave my house bacause I have this awful overwhelming anxiety. I just

want to stay curled up on my couch. Ive gotten so bad, that I completly run

out of food and then I decide well I got to get out in the real world... Of

course my dad's advice is just snap out of it. I informed him that the grief

is too much sometimes.

I hope everyone is doing okay. Im gonna try and stay tuned more often

Love Jennier

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