Re: Re: Introduction for new and old members(RHONDIE)AN UPDATE

[Guest guest]

thank u Stefanie , The pain is worse today, Im trying so hard to find the light but everthing feels so hard, my hair has started to fall out.This happened last time I was really stressed out and in pain, right after the back surgery. I dont know what to do right now, im natually so hyper and it hurts to walk.I was a marothon runner before the surgery and ran 8 miles everyday, that was the only way I could sleep at night.Recently I was swimming but I started to hurt to badly so I took a few days off and when I was ready to try yesterday they drained the pool.The house Im in now is unheathly.It is gross, no one has cleaned it in years,there is mold and fur everywhere and I cannot do anything about it except breathe it in. I will be happy to be out of here I just dont know the jump from here to there and how.It was being somewhat taken care of till about 4 years ago when my back went out.after that no one did anything. The man who owns the

house who has the cancer lived here and is a pack rat,there stuff everywhere,he sold his other house and moved all the stuff from there in here,its all over the backyard too, he moved into his sisters house about a month ago cause he knew it was this bad.Im alone all day till my boyfriend gets home at 8.00pm then goes to bed at 9.00.I guess Im feeling very alone,it hurts to sit here so i cant be online much.yeah Im depressed,I just need an out lit and physical activity is all i know ,so im botteded up with this intense need to get it out somehow,I dont know how.have u any suggestions,so that I can clear my mind and start making decessions????Im not a dark person, this has just been non stop since the surgery in sept of 06 and then the cancer of Norm, his neice my friend killing herself by o.d ing on herion,right before he started the chemo and then when my pain got terrible Norm told me I had to move,and now I cant even phyically move, this is just

crazy...Much love from an artist who cant see her color...really need help .thanks 4 the energy and lovelaurieStefanie <diddiejar@...> wrote: Hello Dear Laurie,I am sending you some healing energy to help you retrieve some strength and clarity of mind. I can understand your fear, but I'm not walking in your shoes. So the best thing I can say is, I love you, and I'm praying for you. Keep your faith that EVERYTHING will work out like it should.

This is just a test that you set for yourself so that you may grow from it. Keep reminding yourself of that. Don't live only in the fear and depression. That does you no good. Instead imagine yourself as a spiritual warrior fighting off the darkness with your light. YOU are the key to everything that is happening. I'm sending you healing and love beautiful Laurie,Stefanie> >> > Hello to so many new members!!> > > > Thank you Debbie for such a warm welcome back, I have read your> messages through the

group and I just wanted to let you know my brain> not only reads but also writes dyslexic as well, (although I'm in no> way multi lingual!! lol)> > > > I thought that perhaps now is a good time to intoduce my self and my> background a little to some of the new members.> > > > As you know, my name is Rhonda but most of my friends call me> Rhondie. I am 39 years old, pisces earth monkey living on the east> coast of New South Wales, Australia, roughly half way between Sydney & > Brisbane, near Coffs Harbour, with my (nearly) 15yo son Nick and our> (nearly) 17 yo boarder . has been like a brother to Nick> their whole lives and his mother Helen is my best friend, so we are> like our own little "quasi" family. I'm a bit of a hippy at heart and> believe global healing will be our salvation on earth.> > > > I find much support from my

immediate circle of friends who are all> very spiritually minded people and a blessing to have in my life.> > > > My earliest childhood was full of domestic violence and abuse and my> brothers and I were all dragged out of bed by my father and made to> witness my mother being beaten on a regular basis until my parents got> divorced when I was 5. I don't remember much of that, but I do recall> the screaming matches between them on the front lawn when dad would> come to pick us up for the weekend. My mother was always very vocal> with her criticisms of him and quite often would fly into a tirade> even at the mention of his name. They both used us as pawns in their> bloody battle against each other.> > > > My dad went on to abuse my stepmother in their earlier years> together and my stepfather turned out to be yet another abuser of my> mum. At the age of 17 my

stepdad inadvertently dragged me into one of> his drunken disputes with her (she hated alcohol) which erupted into> physical violence and all I could do was try and get this man (who'd> been like a father) off my mother. I copped a couple of punches to the> head for my trouble, but I got her out of there. He wouldn't let us> drive out of the driveway, but the violence stopped. Of course she> went back and he did eventually learn to control himself to the point> where he'd just put holes in walls, but in, all she endured far too> many broken bones and black eyes and fear in her life for my liking.> > > > > > Mum harboured a lot of bitterness and was a very hard task master.> It seemed that nothing we did was ever good enough for her. That did> eventually change throughout the years and she learned to drop her> expectations of us and just love us for the beautiful

spiritual adults> we became. I had a couple of major confrontations with her over the> years regarding her expectations and judgements especially during my> struggle to "cut the apron strings" and live my own life. Inevitably I> came to understand that she did the absolute best she could with the> knowledge and awareness that she had at the time. The same holds true> for my dad and my stepdad and this is how I have come to forgive them> and myself over the years.> > > > I have experienced several different types of therapy/healing> teqhniques/psychic development workshops over the years including> rebirthing, crystal healing, body magik, psychometry and have been> reading tarot since my son was a baby. I have explored many different> spiritual philosophies over the years and am always open to new> experiences and learning. Louise Hay and Shirley Maclaine were>

influential in my earlier days of empowerment, as was Dawn Hill and> Ruth Montgomery.> > > > My mum passed away unexpectedly in December last year not quite 57> years of age. Although she went blessedly quickly from heart failure,> and I am joyous that she has graduated, the shock of her passing> without warning, without saying goodbye, without telling her I love> her and without thanking her, has been huge and I'm now just starting> to come out the other side of the most intense grief I've ever> experienced. She had become my rock and my best friend. > > > > Surprisingly enough, my dad has stepped up to the plate and is more> supportive now than he ever has been in our lives and my beloved> younger brother is finally getting some much needed support. My two> brothers, my stepsister and my youngest (half) brother and I are all> bonded in our childhood

experiences together and there is a lot of> love, forgiveness and acceptance between us and we realise that mum> was the butter that held us all together. Before she died, she was our> common denominator as we all lived very seperate lives but mum> insisted we always get together at easter or christmas or someones> birthday if she could. She organised our family get togethers. She> always referred to us as "you children" even though we're all adults> and I realise in my heart, we are all still children, it's funny cos> we always said "us kids" in reference to ourselves in conversation> with her or dad or each other! We still do. Gee, I could write a book> I suppose! > > > > Anyway, I share with you only part perception of my unique> experience here thus far, and I think I've done so because it sheds> light as to why I'm drawn to this group perhaps, and I think it has

to> do with forgiveness. Forgiving our mother, our father, our abusers and> most importantly our selves. Moving forward with love and lightness of> spirit is not always an easy thing to accomplish, but it is> specifically through our unique experiences that we have the> opportunity to embody the emotional and spiritual understanding of our> lessons here. (I believe anyway, and this works for me)> > > > My life has been monumentally upended in the last twelve months and> the changes have been one after the next in such rapid succession so> as to have left me totally reeling and shellshocked for a few> months.......(worse than any smack in the jaw I ever had as a> teenager, at least I recovered quickly -in earth terms- from that!! lol) > > > > Basically in a nutshell, my partner (of 2years) and I split up this> time last year. I lost my job in November.

My mum died in December.> January my rental house went up for sale and my son's mobile phone> bill came in at $500, but still no work. February my cousin shot> himself and I wrote my car off on the way to his farewell, I have mums> car in the driveway now. March I moved house, still no job. April and> Easter I went to mums, but spent everyday at the hospital with my> brother who was in the psychiatric ward at that time, May I finally> got a job and met a beautiful woman, but my kitten was hit by a car> and had to be put down the day I started. What a year it's been!!> Incredibly up and down! > > > > I believe everything is unfolding perfectly as it should and I have> faith that I am right where I need to be at this point in time for> good or bad.> > > > If you'd like to check out my poetic ramblings, I posted "Neptune> Dreaming" through the group a

couple of months ago and I also have a> myspace page which is www.myspace.com/rhondiel where I have posted it> and a few other funny bits and pieces. I have pics of my self and my> family that I'm proud to share with any one who cares to look.> > > > Anyway, this is such an amazing group and my love thoughts and> prayers go out to all of you. , I pray for healing for you and> your children, I know how it feels to be seperated from those you love> and I know how it feels to have your head filled with poisionous> thoughts as a child, that one parent has towards the other, so I'm> sending much love your way. Laurie, I pray continually for you to be> pain free and I pray for love, light and healing for everyone.> > > > Love & Light,> > Rhonda> > > > > > > >>

____________________________________________________________________________________> > Bored stiff? Loosen up... > > Download and play hundreds of games for free on Games.> > http://games./games/front> >> To worry, is like wishing for something you don't want !

[Guest guest]

Thank u sweete. went out with a friend yesterday to look at some loft apts. she wants to move with me,. Dont know her that well met her on my space a year ago when she was just about to try and counqur stage 4 breast cancer, shes a surviver,.I met her mom yesterday who lives nwear where I lived in hollywood, and looked at a 2 bedroom loft apt , the stairs nearly killed me. cant do that kind of set up, 4 levels,Im not wanting to move into the valley, thats where she lives now and where shes been looking ,its to far away from my docs and its way to hot 4 whats going on with my body since heat aggravates it. I also was completely comfortable with her though it might be me cause Ive been locked up in this house so long Im almost frightened to leave cuz of the pain and the uncertainty of how im going to feel and act, I use to be a social fluzzy, but i was healthy and sure of myself. im on a very small dose of vikadans and they mess with me now, I use to gobble them up,

not anymore.so thats why i was ,well aklmost weird yesterday, out of my element so to speak.Shes cool but I dont know if it would work out.well see. next Wensday im doing a ct milagram to see whats going on with my back,I will know more then, my space link is http://www.myspace.com/cleo4laurie but I havnt been on that much lately, Love and light sweet lady,by the way I talk to liane pretty often, by phone, to keep her filled in. Peace always LaurieStefanie <diddiejar@...> wrote: Laurie, I wish that I could do more for you. If I lived near you I would help you move and clean your house in a heart beat. I can truly feel your pain. I think this might be the loneliest time of your life. But I want you to know that the whole group is here for you. And if you ever need to chat just e-mail me. This is my myspace too:www.myspace.com/stef612I usually check my myspace page more than my regular e-mail. But anytime you need to talk you can. Liane and as well. We're all here for you. *warm hugs*As for suggestions on where you can focus your restless energy, I would try to play music. Like a flute (even a simple recorder), or

beat a drum. You can get both of those VERY inexpensively, and it wouldn't require much movement. Or (and this was my first thought) I would get some finger paints, and paper (which are also really inexpensive) and just spatter some paper with paint. Create something colorful. Everything you create, put your ALL into it. You're used to exerting your energy kinesthetically, now practice exerting it by only using your intentions. Or in other words, only using your mind. I know that that seems impossible (regarding your "from an artist who cant see her color..." comment) because your world is so overwhelmingly colorless right now. But if you just do it, it will start to become more of a joy. You will begin to feel real about your creations, and will want to do more. It will help you heal and move on from the current stagnation of your life. You will look back on your creations (like writing in a diary) and be able to scout your progress. And that in itself will be

encouraging. Keeping a diary might not be a bad idea either. Or just getting out your feelings onto paper. The more you release, the faster you will heal emotionally, and physically. I'm sending you love, healing, and blinding light for clarity. And ALWAYS remember how beautiful you are. Stefanie> >> > > > THANK U SWEETHEART,SORRY 4 ALL THE TERRIBLE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN> > HAPPENING TO U. IVE BEEN REAL SCARCE,THE PAIN HAS BECOME UNBEARABLE> > AND THEY KEEP TRYING TO PUT ME ON MEDS THAT WACK ME OUT> > ANTIDEPRESSENTS 4 THE NERVE PAIN, CANT TAKE THEM,,.IM RECOVING FROM> > THE LAST ONE I TOOK 2 DAYS AGO,4 ONLY 2 DAYS AND IT MADE ME MANIC.> > SO MANY DECESSIONS ,SO LITTLE TIME AND IM BEGINNING TO BECOME JUST> > SCARED

STIFF, STRESSED TO MY MAX.MY MOM TOLD ME MY BROTHERS MAY HELP> > ME OUT WITH SOME MONEY BUT THAT IS IF I LEAVE THE BOYFRIEND IVE BEEN> > WITH 4 7 YEARS. IM VERY UNHAPPY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP BUT IN MY CURRENT> > PHYSICAL STATE HE HAS BEEN THERE 4 ME EVERY TIME I NEED HIM, AND THERE> > HAVE BEEN MANY . IT WOULD DESTORY HIM IF I LEFT HIM, HE HAS NO FAMILY> > AND NO WHERE TO GO, I WOULD FEEL SO GUILTY .I HAVE TILL THE END OF> > AUG, TO MOVE BUT IT ALL FEELS SO OVERWHEMING ,I DONT WANT TO LOOSE MY> > ANIMALS THEY R MY CHILDREN,AND I HAVE A CT MILAGRAM SCHUDLED TO SEE IF> > THEY CAN SEE ANY DAMMAGE TO THE L5 NERVE ROOT OR ANY OTHER PROBLEM> > THAT HAS CAUSED ALL THIS PAIN, ,,.ALOT OF THE PAIN IS COMING FROM THE> > SURGERY SITE,THEY PROBABLY SCREWED UP MY FUSION,CAUSE I NEVER HEALED> > AFTER IT. THE SERGION KEPT SAYING IT WAS MY FEET BUT ME AND MY OTHER> >

DOCTORS DONT THINK SO.SO I GUESS WITH THE MEDICAL STUFF GOING ON THE> > IDEA OF PACKING UP AND MOVING ALMOST FEELS IMPOSSIBLE.I FEEL SCARED TO> > DEATH AND STUCK IN MY TRACKS, CANT DRAW CANT MEDITATE,CANT FIND ANY> > PEACE, IM IN PANICK MODE. THATS WHY IVE BEEN SCARCE,> > FEELING WITHDRAWN,I DONT WANT TO HURT ANYONE,(BOYFRIEND) I DONT KNOW> > WHAT THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS.IT ALL DEPENDS ON MY FAMILY AND WHO I> > CAN GET TO HELP ME PACK AND FIND A PLACE.IM TOO MESSED UP TO DO IT> > ALONE RIGHT NOW,> > WELL THATS MORE THAN IVE WRITTEN IN A LONG TIME BUT 4 U AND THOSE WHO> > KNOW WHO I AM AND R READING THIS, THIS IS WHERE IM AT, LOST AND> > FRIGHTENED.> > ALL MY LOVE TO EVERYONE,> > LAURIE> > > > > > > > > > --- In , Rhonda Rance> > rhonda_rance@

wrote:> > >> > > Hello to so many new members!!> > > > > > Thank you Debbie for such a warm welcome back, I have read your> > messages through the group and I just wanted to let you know my brain> > not only reads but also writes dyslexic as well, (although I'm in no> > way multi lingual!! lol)> > > > > > I thought that perhaps now is a good time to intoduce my self and my> > background a little to some of the new members.> > > > > > As you know, my name is Rhonda but most of my friends call me> > Rhondie. I am 39 years old, pisces earth monkey living on the east> > coast of New South Wales, Australia, roughly half way between Sydney & > > Brisbane, near Coffs Harbour, with my (nearly) 15yo son Nick and our> > (nearly) 17 yo boarder . has been like a brother to Nick> >

their whole lives and his mother Helen is my best friend, so we are> > like our own little "quasi" family. I'm a bit of a hippy at heart and> > believe global healing will be our salvation on earth.> > > > > > I find much support from my immediate circle of friends who are all> > very spiritually minded people and a blessing to have in my life.> > > > > > My earliest childhood was full of domestic violence and abuse and my> > brothers and I were all dragged out of bed by my father and made to> > witness my mother being beaten on a regular basis until my parents got> > divorced when I was 5. I don't remember much of that, but I do recall> > the screaming matches between them on the front lawn when dad would> > come to pick us up for the weekend. My mother was always very vocal> > with her criticisms of him and quite often would fly

into a tirade> > even at the mention of his name. They both used us as pawns in their> > bloody battle against each other.> > > > > > My dad went on to abuse my stepmother in their earlier years> > together and my stepfather turned out to be yet another abuser of my> > mum. At the age of 17 my stepdad inadvertently dragged me into one of> > his drunken disputes with her (she hated alcohol) which erupted into> > physical violence and all I could do was try and get this man (who'd> > been like a father) off my mother. I copped a couple of punches to the> > head for my trouble, but I got her out of there. He wouldn't let us> > drive out of the driveway, but the violence stopped. Of course she> > went back and he did eventually learn to control himself to the point> > where he'd just put holes in walls, but in, all she endured far too>

> many broken bones and black eyes and fear in her life for my liking.> > > > > > > > > Mum harboured a lot of bitterness and was a very hard task master.> > It seemed that nothing we did was ever good enough for her. That did> > eventually change throughout the years and she learned to drop her> > expectations of us and just love us for the beautiful spiritual adults> > we became. I had a couple of major confrontations with her over the> > years regarding her expectations and judgements especially during my> > struggle to "cut the apron strings" and live my own life. Inevitably I> > came to understand that she did the absolute best she could with the> > knowledge and awareness that she had at the time. The same holds true> > for my dad and my stepdad and this is how I have come to forgive them> > and myself over the years.>

> > > > > I have experienced several different types of therapy/healing> > teqhniques/psychic development workshops over the years including> > rebirthing, crystal healing, body magik, psychometry and have been> > reading tarot since my son was a baby. I have explored many different> > spiritual philosophies over the years and am always open to new> > experiences and learning. Louise Hay and Shirley Maclaine were> > influential in my earlier days of empowerment, as was Dawn Hill and> > Ruth Montgomery.> > > > > > My mum passed away unexpectedly in December last year not quite 57> > years of age. Although she went blessedly quickly from heart failure,> > and I am joyous that she has graduated, the shock of her passing> > without warning, without saying goodbye, without telling her I love> > her and without thanking her,

has been huge and I'm now just starting> > to come out the other side of the most intense grief I've ever> > experienced. She had become my rock and my best friend. > > > > > > Surprisingly enough, my dad has stepped up to the plate and is more> > supportive now than he ever has been in our lives and my beloved> > younger brother is finally getting some much needed support. My two> > brothers, my stepsister and my youngest (half) brother and I are all> > bonded in our childhood experiences together and there is a lot of> > love, forgiveness and acceptance between us and we realise that mum> > was the butter that held us all together. Before she died, she was our> > common denominator as we all lived very seperate lives but mum> > insisted we always get together at easter or christmas or someones> > birthday if she could. She organised our

family get togethers. She> > always referred to us as "you children" even though we're all adults> > and I realise in my heart, we are all still children, it's funny cos> > we always said "us kids" in reference to ourselves in conversation> > with her or dad or each other! We still do. Gee, I could write a book> > I suppose! > > > > > > Anyway, I share with you only part perception of my unique> > experience here thus far, and I think I've done so because it sheds> > light as to why I'm drawn to this group perhaps, and I think it has to> > do with forgiveness. Forgiving our mother, our father, our abusers and> > most importantly our selves. Moving forward with love and lightness of> > spirit is not always an easy thing to accomplish, but it is> > specifically through our unique experiences that we have the> > opportunity to

embody the emotional and spiritual understanding of our> > lessons here. (I believe anyway, and this works for me)> > > > > > My life has been monumentally upended in the last twelve months and> > the changes have been one after the next in such rapid succession so> > as to have left me totally reeling and shellshocked for a few> > months.......(worse than any smack in the jaw I ever had as a> > teenager, at least I recovered quickly -in earth terms- from that!! lol) > > > > > > Basically in a nutshell, my partner (of 2years) and I split up this> > time last year. I lost my job in November. My mum died in December.> > January my rental house went up for sale and my son's mobile phone> > bill came in at $500, but still no work. February my cousin shot> > himself and I wrote my car off on the way to his farewell, I have

mums> > car in the driveway now. March I moved house, still no job. April and> > Easter I went to mums, but spent everyday at the hospital with my> > brother who was in the psychiatric ward at that time, May I finally> > got a job and met a beautiful woman, but my kitten was hit by a car> > and had to be put down the day I started. What a year it's been!!> > Incredibly up and down! > > > > > > I believe everything is unfolding perfectly as it should and I have> > faith that I am right where I need to be at this point in time for> > good or bad.> > > > > > If you'd like to check out my poetic ramblings, I posted "Neptune> > Dreaming" through the group a couple of months ago and I also have a> > myspace page which is www.myspace.com/rhondiel where I have posted it> > and a few other funny bits and pieces. I

have pics of my self and my> > family that I'm proud to share with any one who cares to look.> > > > > > Anyway, this is such an amazing group and my love thoughts and> > prayers go out to all of you. , I pray for healing for you and> > your children, I know how it feels to be seperated from those you love> > and I know how it feels to have your head filled with poisionous> > thoughts as a child, that one parent has towards the other, so I'm> > sending much love your way. Laurie, I pray continually for you to be> > pain free and I pray for love, light and healing for everyone.> > > > > > Love & Light,> > > Rhonda> > > > > > > > > > > >> > ____________________________________________________________________________________>

> > Bored stiff? Loosen up... > > > Download and play hundreds of games for free on Games.> > > http://games./games/front> > >> >> > > > > > To worry, is like wishing for > something you don't want !> To worry, is like wishing for something you don't want !