Things have really started to tear me up,could use some help, advise,love

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, things have really become overwhelming for me, Yesterday

after realizing that the pain in my feet had gone up my calves up my

thighs in my hips and into my back, things were progressing, not only

was there pain but burn. I was comforted by fellow group members and

told that I must look into to this right away ,which I had planed to

do on Monday .I was also told that I show systems 4 MS. Now I knew I

should be tested for RSD again but this really through me, then I

looked it up and she was right on. So now I must have a spinal tap

because I cannot have an MRI. Now that had me crying all last night

and this morning cause the pain was unbearable and moved again., .As

some of u might know the house I am staying in belongs to a friend who

was diagnosed with colon cancer and liver cancer, he is in a trials

type of chemo at city of hope. His depression and the state of the

finances because I am unable to pay him any money except 4 what I owe

him in joint credit cards for the animals and doctor bills before I

had Medicare, is not enough to keep him going .He cannot work ,hes

realizing hes slowing down,,he had been giving flying lessions but he

cant anymore..He feels he must sell this house and move into the

backhouse where his sister lives that he owns before he looses this

house. Plus he of course is worried about his fate,. Don't get me

wrong, Im very concerned about him and knew in time I might have to

look 4 somewhere else to live but he hit me today and I'm feeling so

helpless because I don't know what's wrong with me, and I just wasn't

ready to handle that. I have 1 dog and 3 cats that r my children. I

cannot imaging my life without them. I know the universe will take

care of me and this is my destiny but Im so scared, mostly cause I

feel weak and broken. I also have been in a very dysfunctional

relationship 4 6 years and I am a codependent, The boyfriend has been

helping me with everything but doesn't let me forget it 4 a second,

its like I owe him, and now he's acting like because I might have this

what does he have to look forward to. I beleave he wants to move with

me and that might be the only way I can keep my children but I know I

would probably still be very unhappy staying with him, yet II cant

seem to let him go.

Part of me beleaves if I get away from this living situation my health

will inprove,.My gut tells me this, either way I'm worn out, beat up

and clueless witch direction to go.

By the way ,my family doesn't exist, I am the black sheep and they

don't care about me. As I have been told by my mother, " it's your bed

now u must lie in it "

Very sad, very scared, I know tI need to be stonger than this, pain

has a way of bringing u too your knees.

Thank u all so much 4 hearing me out.

Love and Light

Laurie