Re: lying and CMT

[Guest guest]

Hey !

That's such a wonderful change the therapist is being able to bring about in

your son. If he keeps using his CMT this way, he'll end up giving excuses to

himself, too. So, it's indeed essential that he overcomes this impulse of lying

etc.

I have something to share, not complaining. My parents somewhere always expected

us to give such 'smart' replies to people but be all-honest at home. I think

slowly Mom began to realize that this was harming us. Slowly, consciously, I

have learned and am still learning to be the real me always... no matter what.

That way I don't just feel confident but comfortable, too.

Rest gets taken care of by itself.

Cheers and smiles

Reema

[Guest guest]

Wow, I can really relate to your son;s behavior. Not that that's a good thing.

From an early age, I began lying as a defense mechanism. I moved around alot and

had to make new friends, lies were more interesting than the truth, I thought. I

got very very good at lying. I began to realize that my skills in sympathy

getting could be used in daily life.

I lied my ass off to my mother and the main defense I used when she would

question me was anger. " How could you not believe me. "

Or my favorite, " Fine, don't believe me then. " therefore triggering the guilt

mechinism in her that I could control so well. You see, " I didn't ASK to be born

and if you had already known of this disease how could you have had more kids

like me? " (I told you, I was terrible, and I have asked for forgiveness many

times over from my mother)

Story: Once, when I was around 10, I didn't want to go to school. I faked being

sick, stuck the thermometer under a pillow. Tempurature 103. Went to the doctor

(mind you, I just didn't want to do to school). Doctor was poking my and I

figured I was in it deep so keep playing along. He poked me in my lower abdomen

and I said ouch. The next thing know, I'm getting my appendix out. I didn't

tell my mother until about 2 years ago. I'm 38.

Later in life I was able to get out of many a jamb by lying and using sympathy.

Sometimes I'd exaggerate the way I'd walk, just for a little extra theatrics.

Then I started using the lies on myself. I began thinking I really wasn't

capable of doing things that I really was at the time. I went on Social Security

Disability at the age of 20. I was using drugs and alcohol to suppress my mind

from telling me about my inevitable future. Things began to look bleak and I

didn't give a crap.This went on for quite a few years.

Then, for some reason, I pulled my head outta my ass (either that or my Higher

Power did (obscure AA refence).

I got in touch with government agencies and went to school. You know, there ARE

things that we are capable of doing, even in the extreme cases. Wait, sorry, I

take that back, there are cases (actually many) that you really can't do much.

But please don't lie to yourself and block any desire to find out how much you

ARE capable of. Start on top and work your way down.

I belong to a support group now for my worldly abuses and I am honest and open

about my life and that's SOOOO much more free than being trapped in a world of

lies so deep you start worrying about what you say to people because you can't

remember what you told them the last time you saw them and you know that your a

habitual liar.

One more funny story: I had a New Years Eve party and I invited all my friends.

Most actually came. Everything was going great until I realized something. I was

so good at keeping my different worlds apart so that my lies wouldn't

intertangle that, although the room was full of people that I considered my

closest friends, everybody had to be introduced. Not a good thing.

[Guest guest]

Hello ,

Just one more tonight as I have had experience with this sort of

thing. Decades ago, my minister asked me to take a young man under my

wing as he was developing a pattern of bad behavior. I was asked

because the minister knew I was into aviation and the 17 year old had

some interest in aviation as well. I took him to some of the groups

that I was a member of at the time and he got hooked up with a person

volunteering to help him with an airplane project. This worked very

well for several years until the young man matured enough to be a

responsible adult and family man. There are very many organizations

with auxilliary groups for the young to participate in and learn life

skills. It has to be enervating for the person so that the group

becomes an important part of the youth's life. This often leads to

contacts and networking that improves chances of career possibilities.

Could you mention his interests? Maybe I could shotgun it a bit and

come up with some possibilities. Your location might be a significant

factor as well.

EdM from NH

>

> My son 17, can lie right to your face and even cry.

>

> He has gotten out of so much trouble that way. He cried to a

police officer and got out of a ticket. He looks so innocent.

>

> He will even tell me why it would have been wrong, stupid or awful

for him to have done what I caught him doing. I would walk away

thinking I was crazy for accusing him, even tho I was sure he did it.

>

> My son has used his CMT to get out of trouble at school. Once at 11

he was caught shop lifting, he told he security guard his friends

made him steal and threatened to beat him up if he didn't do it. He

had to do what they said because he couldn't run from them. I could

go on and on.

>

> He started seeing a therapist this summer and wow what a change. He

seems to be dealing with his issues and trying really hard to change.

The therapist told him we would start trusting him again after a

year of him not lying anymore. He told me something last week that I

didn't believe. He got mad at me and said I never believe him. lol

>

> I asked him if he would believe me if I was in his shoes. He LOL

and said no not for at least a year. LOL

>

> His story checked out and he was telling the truth, but after

everything he has said and done I can't help but wonder if he will

ever be the good kid I thought he was before all this.

>

> Mean time we are doing all we can to help him help himself.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for rubbing my ego, hahaha,

There's an agency here in Washington, and I think there is one in every state,

called the Division for Vocational Rehabilitation (or DVR). I cannot say enough

about them. Once you're accepted they cover everything. I'm not sure about a 4

year degree, but I know that when I got my Associates, they paid for tuition,

books and supplies. They even sent me a check for gasoline to and from school so

that I could work on the computer program at school that I couldn't afford.

After I graduated they set me up with a career search agency (the company was a

joke, but they paid for it).

Recently, when I was unemployed, I checked them out again. I never followed

through because I found a job. There is a waiting list and you have to jump

through some hoops, but CMT is considered for the top tier (there are 3).

When I got involved in DVR I was still abusing lots of substances (let's not

bullshit, I was a nasty alcoholic drug addict), but I still went. Even after I

got outta school (how I graduated I still do not know) it took me a long time to

get started in my career (ever try to explain why your sweating every morning in

an air conditioned building in Dec.?).

But sumpin' kept me going forward. I don't subscribe to any religion and my

brother calls it our family luck, but after all the stuff I did, it's amazing

I'm not dead or in jail. Now I think that my higher power may have given me this

disability, but there were (and are) alot of blessings that have been given to

me, not being dead or in jail being 2.

Every time I fell down, I was given a reprieve, like something picking me up and

asking if I was done yet, and that there were things waiting for me if I pulled

my head outta my ass.

Anywho, I'm rambling. call DVR, get the ball rolling and pray. No one can tell

him how to live his life but him and the more you try (at least it has been my

personal experience) the more fight there'll be. Lay the tools out and let him

decide if he wants to pick 'em up. He can't regret at least seeing what happens.

If it doesn't work, at least he tried.

[Guest guest]

Hi Again , I read my son your last email. I think he felt some relief

knowing he was not the only one that has felt the way he does.

Thank you again