From The Book - Living On Love - The Messenger - Tease 4

[Guest guest]

From The Book - Living On Love - Tease 4

When I came out of the washroom I saw that the man at the table

was still there. As I walked back to the bar, I kept my distance

from him.

One very important rule to remember when playing with

the universe is that you need to play with respect, and preferably

show respect; it's not that the universe will get upset at you,

just that it might deal you a new card, because the universe also

likes to teach. One of the things you do not want the universe to

teach you is how to respect the game, believe me; I've been there

and done that.

I sat on my barstool and drank the last of my scotch in one

swallow. As I lit another cigarette I checked to make sure I had

enough cigarettes to last, because it was going to be a long

night.

Danny was pouring some orange juice in two glasses and asked if I

would like the same. I hadn't noticed it before but apparently

Neena and Danny had finished drinking whatever it was that had

come out of that little green bottle.

" Yes, please! That's a really good idea. " I said.

Danny put one glass of orange juice in front of me and one in

front of Neena and sat down on his stool. There was a moment of

silence.

" I guess I might as well tell you everything, " I said with a

slight hesitation. " In all, there were three times that I had

decided to end it. They weren't really physical attempts, but

nevertheless it was enough to cause quite the commotion. "

" Are you sure you want to me to tell you this part or do you want

me to skip over it? "

" Did anything interesting happen during those times? " asked Danny.

" Oh, most definitely! " I said, sarcastically. " My life has been

one big song and dance. "

" This should be interesting! " Neena looked at Danny as they both

chuckled. I ignored them.

" Well, the first time was quite a few years ago. Things were

actually not that bad except that I was unhappy. I had everything

that should make a person happy, but that was not the case. The

problem that got me so depressed at that time was that I had spent

several months reading a few books and trying to make a very

serious attempt at being happy. I had put a lot of effort in it,

but had zero results. I felt like it was getting worse rather

than better, and the straw that finally broke the camel's back

came one night when I was reading a new book I had just picked up

earlier that day.

In this book, the person who wrote it described

meeting some great teacher who taught him various fascinating

things. What really upset me was that this person had some magical

teacher come to him out of the blue and teach him all he wanted to

know, while I have to struggle with my problems on my own.

The other part that upset me was that he told about certain

interesting things that he learned but did not give the

instructions on how to do it. What's the point of telling me these

things without giving me instructions? A waste of paper and a

waste of my time. " I leaned over towards Neena, and whispered, " My

attitude at that time had bottomed out a bit. "

I shook my head. " I remember it all, really clearly. I felt that

the universe had forgotten about me. I was so frustrated and mad

that I threw the book against the wall, and in my mind I screamed

that if I didn't get some help right away, tomorrow morning I was

going to take my car to the mountains and drive it over the cliff.

I could feel the anger flowing through my veins. In the long run,

I probably would not have done it but at that moment in my mind

the decision was made. I figured that as long as I was here the

universe could ignore me, but when I'm no longer here and standing

in front of it, it's going to be a lot more difficult to ignore me

then! "

" I don't know how long it was exactly, but I would say that no

more than five minutes after I had screamed those words in my

mind, it started. My inner senses just seemed to spring to life

and I could feel something very big. It was huge and it seemed to

be trying to squeeze itself into my apartment but it was just too

big, and ended up taking up space in the entire apartment block,

and even that was not enough. I really couldn't see anything, nor

hear anything, but I could feel it with my whole being, that's the

only way that I can describe it. I can't tell you how scared I

was. I don't think I've ever been that scared. I almost peed my

bed. "

" I had a small but open apartment, and from my bed I could see the

hallway, part of the kitchen, and a large part of my living room,

All the lights were on because I don't like the dark. As soon as

it gets dark, I've always felt like there is something big

standing behind me, watching me. The dark has scared me for as

long as I can remember. So I always keep the lights on, I don't

even like dark corners, who knows what might be lurking in there?

Within a few seconds, the lights started to flash on and off. It

was almost musical. I was literally shaking with fear. I could

feel and sense this presence forming and all of a sudden, I heard

a voice in my head. It said, loudly and firmly, " You should know

better...! "

" And that was it. The lights stopped blinking and whatever it was

left. I was so scared that even though I needed to go to the

washroom really badly, I did not leave my bed until the next

morning. Nor did I sleep in my apartment the next night. The

weird part was that there was a strange hush that came over the

entire apartment building and stayed for several weeks. I heard

two other people talking in the laundry room several days later,

and apparently other people in the apartment building had also

sensed something, but could not explain what it was. "

" This whole incident was enough to keep me from whining about my

circumstances for almost two years. But then it started to wear

off. "

I stopped to take another drink of my orange juice.

" What did you think it was that came to visit you? " Neena asked.

I shook my head. " I don't know, and I really don't want to know!

Obviously I pissed somebody off, and frankly I just want to leave

it at that because whoever came to visit was not in a good mood. "

" Time passed and things did not improve. Actually, things began to

deteriorate even more and it was becoming more and more difficult

for me to fake it. Putting a smile on your face and pretending to

be happy when you're not uses up an enormous amount of energy.

Besides, it really scared the heck out of me, but in a strange

way, I was prepared for the second time, and I was not going to

just lay there shivering with fear. I planned on putting up a

fight. After all, I have a right to be happy. When you're really

depressed and down you usually don't think straight. And the

bottom line is, I asked for help and didn't receive any. "

I thought about what I had said for a minute. " Actually, that's

not totally true, " I said with a smirk.

" Oh, so you did get some help, then? " Neena asked.

" Yes. I won a trip to Mexico and while I was there, I met someone

who could probably have helped me, but there were some strings

attached and I just was not ready for it. But on the other hand,

my path in life would have changed and perhaps I would never have

had the opportunity to figure out how to win the lottery. And in

some way that alone was almost worth it. Also, it might have

meant that the story that I'm going to tell you would probably not

have happened and that would be a big loss. "

" Wait a minute! Are you trying to tell me that you figured out how

to win the lottery? " Danny crossed his arms over his chest as if

trying to tell me that such a thing was impossible.

" Yes, but we'll get to that later. "

" Did you win more than once? " His eyes were as big as watermelons.

" Oh yeah. " I pushed my chair away from the bar and stood up. I

needed to stretch a bit.

" So did you get your butt kicked the second time around? " Neena

smirked.

" No, not really. Quite the opposite, Don't you have any music? " I

said, trying to change the subject. " It's too quiet in here! "

Danny stood up and walked over to a small tape player that was

sitting on one of the shelves. He inserted a tape and adjusted the

volume. I don't know what it was but it sounded like some kind of

new age music that covered the silence nicely.

The Book

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[Guest guest]

Wonderful story.. The best! Oh how we can all just dismiss these

moments of acknowledgement.. Thank you!

--- In , " " <knightsintention@...>

wrote:

>

> From The Book - Living On Love - Tease 4

>

> When I came out of the washroom I saw that the man at the table

> was still there. As I walked back to the bar, I kept my distance

> from him.

>

> One very important rule to remember when playing with

> the universe is that you need to play with respect, and preferably

> show respect; it's not that the universe will get upset at you,

> just that it might deal you a new card, because the universe also

> likes to teach. One of the things you do not want the universe to

> teach you is how to respect the game, believe me; I've been there

> and done that.

>

> I sat on my barstool and drank the last of my scotch in one

> swallow. As I lit another cigarette I checked to make sure I had

> enough cigarettes to last, because it was going to be a long

> night.

>

> Danny was pouring some orange juice in two glasses and asked if I

> would like the same. I hadn't noticed it before but apparently

> Neena and Danny had finished drinking whatever it was that had

> come out of that little green bottle.

> " Yes, please! That's a really good idea. " I said.

>

> Danny put one glass of orange juice in front of me and one in

> front of Neena and sat down on his stool. There was a moment of

> silence.

>

> " I guess I might as well tell you everything, " I said with a

> slight hesitation. " In all, there were three times that I had

> decided to end it. They weren't really physical attempts, but

> nevertheless it was enough to cause quite the commotion. "

> " Are you sure you want to me to tell you this part or do you want

> me to skip over it? "

>

> " Did anything interesting happen during those times? " asked Danny.

> " Oh, most definitely! " I said, sarcastically. " My life has been

> one big song and dance. "

> " This should be interesting! " Neena looked at Danny as they both

> chuckled. I ignored them.

>

> " Well, the first time was quite a few years ago. Things were

> actually not that bad except that I was unhappy. I had everything

> that should make a person happy, but that was not the case. The

> problem that got me so depressed at that time was that I had spent

> several months reading a few books and trying to make a very

> serious attempt at being happy. I had put a lot of effort in it,

> but had zero results. I felt like it was getting worse rather

> than better, and the straw that finally broke the camel's back

> came one night when I was reading a new book I had just picked up

> earlier that day.

>

> In this book, the person who wrote it described

> meeting some great teacher who taught him various fascinating

> things. What really upset me was that this person had some magical

> teacher come to him out of the blue and teach him all he wanted to

> know, while I have to struggle with my problems on my own.

>

> The other part that upset me was that he told about certain

> interesting things that he learned but did not give the

> instructions on how to do it. What's the point of telling me these

> things without giving me instructions? A waste of paper and a

> waste of my time. " I leaned over towards Neena, and whispered, " My

> attitude at that time had bottomed out a bit. "

>

> I shook my head. " I remember it all, really clearly. I felt that

> the universe had forgotten about me. I was so frustrated and mad

> that I threw the book against the wall, and in my mind I screamed

> that if I didn't get some help right away, tomorrow morning I was

> going to take my car to the mountains and drive it over the cliff.

>

> I could feel the anger flowing through my veins. In the long run,

> I probably would not have done it but at that moment in my mind

> the decision was made. I figured that as long as I was here the

> universe could ignore me, but when I'm no longer here and standing

> in front of it, it's going to be a lot more difficult to ignore me

> then! "

>

> " I don't know how long it was exactly, but I would say that no

> more than five minutes after I had screamed those words in my

> mind, it started. My inner senses just seemed to spring to life

> and I could feel something very big. It was huge and it seemed to

> be trying to squeeze itself into my apartment but it was just too

> big, and ended up taking up space in the entire apartment block,

> and even that was not enough. I really couldn't see anything, nor

> hear anything, but I could feel it with my whole being, that's the

> only way that I can describe it. I can't tell you how scared I

> was. I don't think I've ever been that scared. I almost peed my

> bed. "

>

> " I had a small but open apartment, and from my bed I could see the

> hallway, part of the kitchen, and a large part of my living room,

> All the lights were on because I don't like the dark. As soon as

> it gets dark, I've always felt like there is something big

> standing behind me, watching me. The dark has scared me for as

> long as I can remember. So I always keep the lights on, I don't

> even like dark corners, who knows what might be lurking in there?

>

> Within a few seconds, the lights started to flash on and off. It

> was almost musical. I was literally shaking with fear. I could

> feel and sense this presence forming and all of a sudden, I heard

> a voice in my head. It said, loudly and firmly, " You should know

> better...! "

>

> " And that was it. The lights stopped blinking and whatever it was

> left. I was so scared that even though I needed to go to the

> washroom really badly, I did not leave my bed until the next

> morning. Nor did I sleep in my apartment the next night. The

> weird part was that there was a strange hush that came over the

> entire apartment building and stayed for several weeks. I heard

> two other people talking in the laundry room several days later,

> and apparently other people in the apartment building had also

> sensed something, but could not explain what it was. "

>

> " This whole incident was enough to keep me from whining about my

> circumstances for almost two years. But then it started to wear

> off. "

>

> I stopped to take another drink of my orange juice.

> " What did you think it was that came to visit you? " Neena asked.

> I shook my head. " I don't know, and I really don't want to know!

>

> Obviously I pissed somebody off, and frankly I just want to leave

> it at that because whoever came to visit was not in a good mood. "

>

> " Time passed and things did not improve. Actually, things began to

> deteriorate even more and it was becoming more and more difficult

> for me to fake it. Putting a smile on your face and pretending to

> be happy when you're not uses up an enormous amount of energy.

>

> Besides, it really scared the heck out of me, but in a strange

> way, I was prepared for the second time, and I was not going to

> just lay there shivering with fear. I planned on putting up a

> fight. After all, I have a right to be happy. When you're really

> depressed and down you usually don't think straight. And the

> bottom line is, I asked for help and didn't receive any. "

>

> I thought about what I had said for a minute. " Actually, that's

> not totally true, " I said with a smirk.

> " Oh, so you did get some help, then? " Neena asked.

>

> " Yes. I won a trip to Mexico and while I was there, I met someone

> who could probably have helped me, but there were some strings

> attached and I just was not ready for it. But on the other hand,

> my path in life would have changed and perhaps I would never have

> had the opportunity to figure out how to win the lottery. And in

> some way that alone was almost worth it. Also, it might have

> meant that the story that I'm going to tell you would probably not

> have happened and that would be a big loss. "

>

> " Wait a minute! Are you trying to tell me that you figured out how

> to win the lottery? " Danny crossed his arms over his chest as if

> trying to tell me that such a thing was impossible.

> " Yes, but we'll get to that later. "

>

> " Did you win more than once? " His eyes were as big as watermelons.

> " Oh yeah. " I pushed my chair away from the bar and stood up. I

> needed to stretch a bit.

>

> " So did you get your butt kicked the second time around? " Neena

> smirked.

> " No, not really. Quite the opposite, Don't you have any music? " I

> said, trying to change the subject. " It's too quiet in here! "

>

> Danny stood up and walked over to a small tape player that was

> sitting on one of the shelves. He inserted a tape and adjusted the

> volume. I don't know what it was but it sounded like some kind of

> new age music that covered the silence nicely.

>

> The Book

>

> http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?

> fuseaction=blog.view & friendID=106023799 & blogID=181939571 & Mytoken=0D9CC

> 557-1A04-42D0-931EB030B0D9A9326298393

>