Help??

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone! I need some help forgiving my ex-husband, there is a lot of anger between both of us. I met him when I was 14 and started dating him when I was 16. We married in 1994 when I was 19. We had our son () in 1996 and our daughter () in 1997. By the time our daughter was about 8months old things went really wrong, agruing almost daily (our son would hide behind me and in the middle of the night get into our bed and lay in between us. He finally admitted he was using drugs and told me I had to accept it cuz it was part of the "package". I went back to work Oct 1998 and 2 weeks later asked him for some time apart (seperation) and he asked if I wanted him to leave that night and I said no you can stay to see the kids in the morning, well he packed a bag and left that night. Things didn't get better and I filed for divorce in Feb 99. He didn't take the kids overnight only stayed at the house to "babysit" while I was at work. He didn't start taking them overnight until March of 99. The divorce was final April 2000 he re-married Nov 2000. He was inconsistant with his visitation and child support and we have always had a tough time communicating. He disappeared for a year and a half until Oct 2003, when they were prosecuting him for failure to pay child support. Then he starts to see the kids. I had met someone and he moved in w/ me Jan 2003. He turned out to be abusive. Jan 2004 he was arrested and my kids were turned over to my x. He ended up having sole legal/physical custody w/ me as having supervised visits and monitored phone calls. He moved out of the state of CA to Idaho without my consent. He is very controlling and it makes it difficult to trust anything he says or does. He has lied to my children about me and discussed the court case with them (they are 11 & 9). When he's around the kids wont talk to me but when he's not my daughter will and my son tells me things he wouldn't normally say in front of his dad and that's how I find out that he's discussing the case. I just want to not be angry with him. Every time I call my stomach turns in knots and my heart starts to race. He is blocking me talking to my chilren and doesn't want me to have unsupervised calls or visits because then he wouldn't have control over the situation like he has now and because of the child support I now pay him. Thanks for listening

Blessings! ~A~