Hi my name is Heidi

[Guest guest]

good afternoon

my name is Heidi and I've been a part of this group for over a

month. I haven't said or post anything here yet because I didn't

know what to say. I need help tho. Liane and have been

wonderful on myspace. I feel that I might have upset chris by not

being welcoming to advice he gave me and I hope I didn't. I can be

very stubborn and resisting towards advice. I'm extremely

overweight. I have depression, I weigh 340 lbs and I am a type 2

diabetic. I also have high blood pressure. I'm suppose to take

medicines for all this but there are days I don't. I know what I'm

suppose to do but in the next breath, I don't care to take care of

myself. I am a certified nurse's assistant in a hospital and for

thirty six hours a week, I take care of people then I come home and

take care of my family and friends. then I'm suppose to take care of

myself but by then I'm too tired to care. I've been writing to a

friend in india because she's been trying to help me via email. I'm

suppose to email her everyday with my daily food intake and most of

the time I lie about what I've eaten. I'm lazy and indenial. part

of my brain is aware of what I'm doing and that part of me wants to

stop it and get healthy but the other side of me just wants to sleep

my way to death. I don't understand why I'm fighting myself over

this. I have good intension to eat right and exersice but then

after a week or two, I don't care and start back eating crappy. I've

started counciling tho I probably won't continue because that's just

who I am. I get scared and I stop going. I have two beautiful

children who I would walk the road to hell and back for them but

when people say to me " you should control your weight and your

health for your family " , I just blow them off.

is there anyone out there who can help me? someone who could just

kick me in the butt and straighten me out?

I feel lost and alone.

thank you for listening....

I guess I needed to vent.

peace and love

heidi