Re: Friends and family who don't understand

[Guest guest]

Thanks ,

Very good advice.

Gail

Re: [ ] Welcome, Gail!

>I feel that sometimes unless your friends or relatives have suffered this

( RA ) themselves...They kinda think you're putting on or just a big baby

whiner. Do any of you feel this same way? This hurts mentally just as bad as the

RA pain itself.

Ok, I've vented....You all are a wonderful group....So good to get to read

your posts.

Wishes for a restful night.

Gail

[Guest guest]

, I'm finding that I have the opposite problem with friends and loved

ones. Especially my mother. Her mom had severe RA and she feels so guilty

that I have it. It's frustrating to have her feeling this way, and it makes

me withdraw from her because she is so smothering with her attention, and is

constantly telling me how sorry she is. I have told her frankly that she

didn't give me RA and that her feeling guilty is putting up a wall that can

t be there rite now. I need her, but I don't need her sympathy or pity.

You know what I mean? She said she didn't realize she was feeling guilty.

It has been better since I talked to her about it.

I do tend to be tight lipped with how I'm feeling at work, but my boss and

co-workers know when I'm in pain and are very supportive. They are very

good friends, and we are a close bunch. It is frustrating tho, when I'm

feeling better and it would be good for me to walk out back to the driver's

office to hang up notices and such, but my boss says, " no, I'll go outback " .

Just getting out of the office for a couple of minutes and walking around

helps.

Debbie Mc

-- [ ] Friends and family who don't understand

Hello, and Gail!

It is very common to be surrounded by people who have a hard time

understanding what you are going through, but that's why this group is so

wonderful. You can come here and tell us what's bothering you, and many

people will understand exactly what you mean.

My strategy is to not bring up my health issues to anyone in the world

outside of our group unless someone asks. Even if asked, I keep it short,

simple, and upbeat. Also, let stupid comments pass you by - the speaker

usually has no idea how hurtful their remarks could be.

I know it's painful and frustrating to feel as if you don't have the support

of those close to you. I believe it's not because they don't care, but,

often times, they are uncomfortable, feel helpless, and are not sure what to

say or do. Unfortunately, sometimes people do withdraw from the relationship

in this kind of situation (you or they or both mutually). It takes a lot of

effort to work through these problems, and it's not very easy to know how to

approach them either.

Venting here or even just listening to others in the group get things out is

good therapy, I guarantee it!

PS. I hope you will enjoy your swimming, ! Exercise is a great way to

keep yourself as healthy as possible.

Re: [ ] Welcome, Gail!

>I feel that sometimes unless your friends or relatives have suffered

this ( RA ) themselves...They kinda think you're putting on or just a big

baby whiner. Do any of you feel this same way? This hurts mentally just as

bad as the RA pain itself.

Ok, I've vented....You all are a wonderful group....So good to get to read

your posts.

Wishes for a restful night.

Gail

[Guest guest]

Debbie,

I find myself feeling like your Mother's mom ( your G/mother ). Of all my

four daughters...My youngest one developed RA at 20 years of age...She's 26 now.

I too feel guilty that she inherited this from me. When I tell her I feel like

my genes passed it to her...She reply's...I'm no better than you or anyone else

to have it. She's got a positive attitude and seems to be doing well. She is

under great care with Rheumy DR's in Nashville.

Still I can't help feeling like I've passed it to her.

Gail ( in AL )

Re: [ ] Welcome, Gail!

>I feel that sometimes unless your friends or relatives have suffered

this ( RA ) themselves...They kinda think you're putting on or just a big

baby whiner. Do any of you feel this same way? This hurts mentally just as

bad as the RA pain itself.

Ok, I've vented....You all are a wonderful group....So good to get to read

your posts.

Wishes for a restful night.

Gail

[Guest guest]

That's a tough spot to be in, Debbie. I think it is normal for your mother to

feel the way she does, but doing and saying what she is is not helpful to you.

For one thing, it throws guilt right back onto you. Who wants their mother to

feel guilt? It may also make you feel as if you are a pathetic, doomed person

with no hope for improvement. Speaking up and telling her what you think about

her reaction was the best thing to do. Perhaps you could also explain to your

mom that times have changed and treatment and management of RA is far better now

than in her mother's day.

I hope you both can keep the lines of communication open. You need each other.

It's great that your co-workers are understanding, even if they don't give you

the freedom or change of pace that you need sometimes. Maybe next time your boss

is trying to be overprotective you can be bold and say, " Thank you so much for

offering to do it for me. You are so kind. I'm feeling up to it today, honestly.

A good walk and stretch and change of scenery are just what I need right now. "

How is the prednisone-induced agitation today? Any improvement?

Re: [ ] Friends and family who don't understand

, I'm finding that I have the opposite problem with friends and loved

ones. Especially my mother. Her mom had severe RA and she feels so guilty

that I have it. It's frustrating to have her feeling this way, and it makes

me withdraw from her because she is so smothering with her attention, and is

constantly telling me how sorry she is. I have told her frankly that she

didn't give me RA and that her feeling guilty is putting up a wall that can

t be there rite now. I need her, but I don't need her sympathy or pity.

You know what I mean? She said she didn't realize she was feeling guilty.

It has been better since I talked to her about it.

I do tend to be tight lipped with how I'm feeling at work, but my boss and

co-workers know when I'm in pain and are very supportive. They are very

good friends, and we are a close bunch. It is frustrating tho, when I'm

feeling better and it would be good for me to walk out back to the driver's

office to hang up notices and such, but my boss says, " no, I'll go outback " .

Just getting out of the office for a couple of minutes and walking around

helps.

Debbie Mc

[Guest guest]

> Debbie,

> I feel bad for your mom. Being frank with her will hopefully make her feel

> better.

> I guess I¹d feel pretty guilty if my daughter developed RA, even though there

> is nothing

> I could do to prevent it.

> It¹s nice to hear that your co-workers and boss are so compassionate. You are

> blessed.

> I hope they survive your prednisone moods!

> a

>

>

>

> , I'm finding that I have the opposite problem with friends and loved

> ones. Especially my mother. Her mom had severe RA and she feels so guilty

> that I have it. It's frustrating to have her feeling this way, and it makes

> me withdraw from her because she is so smothering with her attention, and is

> constantly telling me how sorry she is. I have told her frankly that she

> didn't give me RA and that her feeling guilty is putting up a wall that can

> t be there rite now. I need her, but I don't need her sympathy or pity.

> You know what I mean? She said she didn't realize she was feeling guilty.

> It has been better since I talked to her about it.

>

> I do tend to be tight lipped with how I'm feeling at work, but my boss and

> co-workers know when I'm in pain and are very supportive. They are very

> good friends, and we are a close bunch. It is frustrating tho, when I'm

> feeling better and it would be good for me to walk out back to the driver's

> office to hang up notices and such, but my boss says, " no, I'll go outback " .

> Just getting out of the office for a couple of minutes and walking around

> helps.

>

> Debbie Mc

>

[Guest guest]

I feel a tad bit better today. I've been taking it at about 11:00 with some

toast before lunch. I find it's not keeping me awake at night like at first

when I tried taking it later in the afternoon. I asked Bill if he noticed

if I'm overly grumpy lately, and he said no, but then reminded me that I

told him to shut up and go to sleep the other night! lol Poor Bill.

Debbie Mc

-- Re: [ ] Friends and family who don't understand

That's a tough spot to be in, Debbie. I think it is normal for your mother

to feel the way she does, but doing and saying what she is is not helpful to

you. For one thing, it throws guilt right back onto you. Who wants their

mother to feel guilt? It may also make you feel as if you are a pathetic,

doomed person with no hope for improvement. Speaking up and telling her what

you think about her reaction was the best thing to do. Perhaps you could

also explain to your mom that times have changed and treatment and

management of RA is far better now than in her mother's day.

I hope you both can keep the lines of communication open. You need each

other.

It's great that your co-workers are understanding, even if they don't give

you the freedom or change of pace that you need sometimes. Maybe next time

your boss is trying to be overprotective you can be bold and say, " Thank you

so much for offering to do it for me. You are so kind. I'm feeling up to it

today, honestly. A good walk and stretch and change of scenery are just what

I need right now. "

How is the prednisone-induced agitation today? Any improvement?

Re: [ ] Friends and family who don't understand

, I'm finding that I have the opposite problem with friends and loved

ones. Especially my mother. Her mom had severe RA and she feels so guilty

that I have it. It's frustrating to have her feeling this way, and it makes

me withdraw from her because she is so smothering with her attention, and is

constantly telling me how sorry she is. I have told her frankly that she

didn't give me RA and that her feeling guilty is putting up a wall that can

t be there rite now. I need her, but I don't need her sympathy or pity.

You know what I mean? She said she didn't realize she was feeling guilty.

It has been better since I talked to her about it.

I do tend to be tight lipped with how I'm feeling at work, but my boss and

co-workers know when I'm in pain and are very supportive. They are very

good friends, and we are a close bunch. It is frustrating tho, when I'm

feeling better and it would be good for me to walk out back to the driver's

office to hang up notices and such, but my boss says, " no, I'll go outback " .

Just getting out of the office for a couple of minutes and walking around

helps.

Debbie Mc

[Guest guest]

I really can understand how it would feel to have an illness that could be

passed on to our children. I worry about my son developing RA. But life is

a gift we are given. It's not good to take that gift and feel that we have

let your children down by being born yourself. We can't take that burden on

ourselves. It isn't fair to anyone. I'm glad you and your daughter have

talked about it also. We need each other.

Thanks for sharing this Gail. ((((Hugs))))

Debbie Mc

-- Re: [ ] Friends and family who don't understand

Debbie,

I find myself feeling like your Mother's mom ( your G/mother ). Of all

my four daughters...My youngest one developed RA at 20 years of age...She's

26 now. I too feel guilty that she inherited this from me. When I tell her I

feel like my genes passed it to her...She reply's...I'm no better than you

or anyone else to have it. She's got a positive attitude and seems to be

doing well. She is under great care with Rheumy DR's in Nashville.

Still I can't help feeling like I've passed it to her.

Gail ( in AL )

Re: [ ] Welcome, Gail!

>I feel that sometimes unless your friends or relatives have suffered

this ( RA ) themselves...They kinda think you're putting on or just a big

baby whiner. Do any of you feel this same way? This hurts mentally just as

bad as the RA pain itself.

Ok, I've vented....You all are a wonderful group....So good to get to

read

your posts.

Wishes for a restful night.

Gail

[Guest guest]

Me too, a. She does seem better about it. She's been picking up

magazines about RA and sending them to me. She's even called me at work to

tell me about an article she's read about new drugs and treatments. <S>

Debbie Mc

-- Re: [ ] Friends and family who don't understand

> Debbie,

> I feel bad for your mom. Being frank with her will hopefully make her

feel

> better.

> I guess I¹d feel pretty guilty if my daughter developed RA, even though

there

> is nothing

> I could do to prevent it.

> It¹s nice to hear that your co-workers and boss are so compassionate. You

are

> blessed.

> I hope they survive your prednisone moods!

> a

>

>

>

> , I'm finding that I have the opposite problem with friends and loved

> ones. Especially my mother. Her mom had severe RA and she feels so

guilty

> that I have it. It's frustrating to have her feeling this way, and it

makes

> me withdraw from her because she is so smothering with her attention, and

is

> constantly telling me how sorry she is. I have told her frankly that she

> didn't give me RA and that her feeling guilty is putting up a wall that

can

> t be there rite now. I need her, but I don't need her sympathy or pity.

> You know what I mean? She said she didn't realize she was feeling guilty.

> It has been better since I talked to her about it.

>

> I do tend to be tight lipped with how I'm feeling at work, but my boss and

> co-workers know when I'm in pain and are very supportive. They are very

> good friends, and we are a close bunch. It is frustrating tho, when I'm

> feeling better and it would be good for me to walk out back to the driver

s

> office to hang up notices and such, but my boss says, " no, I'll go outback

..

> Just getting out of the office for a couple of minutes and walking around

> helps.

>

> Debbie Mc

>

[Guest guest]

Hi and thanks for your comments! It's good to hear another perspective on

this issue. I have decided to talk about my RA to friends only as much as I need

to. By this I mean if I need to stay in instead of go out for example. Everyone

knows as much as they need to know for now and I'm going to let them deal with

whatever, however they need to. In the meantime..my swimming is going well..I've

gone four times so far. I find I do well with a fifteen minute swim and then I

do some of the " not so strange looking " range of motions in the water too. A

far cry from the countless laps of my pre RA life but fun anyway. Wishing

everyone comfort and painfree days..

To look at something as though we had never seen it before requires great

courage.

- Henri Matisse

[ ] Friends and family who don't understand

Hello, and Gail!

It is very common to be surrounded by people who have a hard time

understanding what you are going through, but that's why this group is so

wonderful. You can come here and tell us what's bothering you, and many people

will understand exactly what you mean.