Exercise and Healthy Living....

[Guest guest]

my mom sent this. i thought it was funny. kathy in il

> Is this true?

> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that means

> don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out

> eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live

> longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your

> car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

>

> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and

> vegetables?

> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow

> eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a

> steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of

> delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat

> chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green

> leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your

> recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

>

> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and

> vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in

> the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and

> vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal,

> and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that

> only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a

> beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

>

> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your

> ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is

> two to one, etc.

>

> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a

> regular exercise program?

> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

> Pain - Good.

>

> Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

> A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and

> peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself

> to death in record time.

>

> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in

> vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could

> getting more vegetables be bad for you?

>

> Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

> A: Thicker gravy.

>

> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft

> around the middle?

> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets

> bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a

> bigger stomach.

>

> Q. Is chocolate bad for me?

> A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the

> best feel good food around!

>

> I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have

> had. Have a cookie...flour is a vegetable!

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing this one Kathi,I had a good laugh to start my morning off to

a good start.

Hugs

June