I hate this disease!!! (just venting)

June 11, 2002

Hi Friends,

I just got back from a trip to Salt Lake City to see my in-laws and

stepsons. The trip was really nice and I was able to do our activities with

little restriction, although I did need to medicate for pain a few times.

My husband took me to a very romantic bed and breakfast last night, and we

had a wonderful evening.

Anyway, I woke up this morning and knew I was starting to flare. I had

trouble getting dressed to get to the airport. Before the flight I took a

pain pill, and thought that would make the flight bearable (a four and a

half hour flight). By the end of the first hour I wanted to scream. The

pain was so bad and there was nothing I could do to change positions or put

ice on my hips or knees. And still three and a half hours. We were in

coach and I was in the center seat. I finally broke down and took 15 mg of

prednisone (my rheumy said I can use it in this manner). I hate to do it

when I'm on a plane with recirculated air, but I didn't know what else to

do. By the time I got off the plane, I was in tears as I was waiting for my

husband to get the car. Half the way home I was crying, too. It doesn't

help that the prednisone depresses me so much. I am SO sensitive to it.

Well, by the time we get home I'm fighting with my husband. Geez, what an

awful afternoon. I still feel so depressed. Matter of fact, I think I'm

depressed a lot lately. Between coping with the pain, and coping with the

changes it has brought to my life, it has been rough. I've thought about an

antidepressant, and mentioned it to my MD as an alternative way to control

pain. He said he'd rather wait and just use the analgesic medication when I

have to for now. I'm beginning to think the antidepressant is the better

idea. I thought about Trazodone because it's not stimulating like the

SSRI's. Does anyone have any experience in this area? I'm going to just

mull this idea over for a week or two, because I hate adding another

medication to the mix. Also, I don't like the thought of a medication that

can change my personality.

Thanks to everyone in this group that is there in the good as well as the

bad times. I'm feeling so discouraged right now. It was such a lousy day

to start to flare. Although at least it was at the end of the trip, not the

beginning.

Hope everyone is having a pain free day.

Hugs,

Carol in FL

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