Re: Hi, I'm new & I didn't know where else to go.

[Guest guest]

,

I can understand your concern for your mother. Can you get her to read some of

these post?? We all have RA too and we are here to support and help each other.

I think that we could help and encourage her to see her Rheumotologist and

start on a medication that would at least slow the progression of RA. There's so

many different meds for RA besides Methatrexate ......What is causing so many

broken bones? Does she refuse to go to the DR.?

We are a caring group and willing to help her out all we can. Tell her about

this group and see if we can help her.

Gail ( In AL )

[ ] Hi, I'm new & I didn't know where else to go.

Hi. My name is , I'm 26 and I don't have RA, my mother does. She was

diagnosed a few years ago and I know very little about the disease. What I do

know is that my mother doesn't take care of herself. She'll go to her

rhumatologist when she feels like it, which isn't often enough in my opinion.

When she first started going to him he told her she had one of the worst

cases of RA that he's seen in all of his years of practice. I know she was on

methtrixate for a while but they had to take her off because it was doing

more harm than good. She has a few other things besides RA, I'm not sure what

they all are though. She'll be 45 this year. She's had more than 5 broken

bones in the last six months, I'm not sure if it's RA related or not. She'll

have flare ups and get pissy and refuse to take her steroids because she

doesn't like the side effects. You know what? I really don't care if she

gains a few pounds or feels queasy, I'd rather see her out of bed. This is

the thing that has driven me to the point of pissed offness, she's been

having a lot of trouble with her legs, as in they're barely functioning at

this point, you'd think she'd call her doctor, YEAH RIGHT! She's been without

complete use of her left leg for a few days now, she's just been dragging it

around behind her. I don't know what to do with her anymore. She whines and

cries about eventually ending up in a wheelchair, why should I listen

anymore? She doesn't do anything to help herself. I have a daughter who is

almost 2 and a son on the way, they need their grandmother. I'm at wits end

and I don't know what to do anymore. Forgive my spelling, I'm not up on the

terms and thanks for listening.

[Guest guest]

Hi . I¹m thinking that the broken bones are from steroid induced

osteoporosis.

Steroids are wonderful for pain and inflammation, but long term use causes

the bones to

loose their density and break. Not knowing how long your mom has been on

them and at

what dose, it¹s hard to say. Steroids cannot be stopped cold turkey, so I¹m

also wondering

If your mom is taking them sporadically. Does she have access to a

computer? She can learn

A lot about treatments that are available and talk to others that have taken

different meds.

She is probably very depressed from the constant pain, and that may be why

she isn¹t going

to the doctor. Steroids also cause mood swings. She really needs to see a

doctor and get

treated. Please try to get her to read the messages from his group. You

can learn a lot about

RA by going to this site:

http://rheumatoid.arthritis.freehosting.net/

Feel free to ask any questions. We have many knowledgeable members with a

lot of experience.

a

> Hi. My name is , I'm 26 and I don't have RA, my mother does. She was

> diagnosed a few years ago and I know very little about the disease. What I do

> know is that my mother doesn't take care of herself. She'll go to her

> rhumatologist when she feels like it, which isn't often enough in my opinion.

> When she first started going to him he told her she had one of the worst

> cases of RA that he's seen in all of his years of practice. I know she was on

> methtrixate for a while but they had to take her off because it was doing

> more harm than good. She has a few other things besides RA, I'm not sure what

> they all are though. She'll be 45 this year. She's had more than 5 broken

> bones in the last six months, I'm not sure if it's RA related or not. She'll

> have flare ups and get pissy and refuse to take her steroids because she

> doesn't like the side effects. You know what? I really don't care if she

> gains a few pounds or feels queasy, I'd rather see her out of bed. This is

> the thing that has driven me to the point of pissed offness, she's been

> having a lot of trouble with her legs, as in they're barely functioning at

> this point, you'd think she'd call her doctor, YEAH RIGHT! She's been without

> complete use of her left leg for a few days now, she's just been dragging it

> around behind her. I don't know what to do with her anymore. She whines and

> cries about eventually ending up in a wheelchair, why should I listen

> anymore? She doesn't do anything to help herself. I have a daughter who is

> almost 2 and a son on the way, they need their grandmother. I'm at wits end

> and I don't know what to do anymore. Forgive my spelling, I'm not up on the

> terms and thanks for listening.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

: Welcome to the group. It sounds like you have your hands full with

your mom. Denial can be a big part of RA because it is such a puzzling

disease. My concern is that foremost; she needs to be under the care of a

rheumatologist. She also sounds like she needs something for depression.

About the dragging of her leg, it concerns me, not being able to see it, and

I don't want to scare you but sometimes dragging a leg could indicate a

stroke. She is very fortunate to have a daughter who cares so much about her.

We can be very difficult to deal with, especially on our bad days. I have

periods when I want to totally withdraw, not talk, stay in bed, etc. I call

it my PITY PARTY DAYS. The signs and symptoms of RA are overwhelming

especially when it seems they all hit you at once.

is so learned in the disease and knows all the websites for you to

review. I am sure she and others much more learned that I will assist you.

Honey, I know this is difficult for you and you are frustrated because you

care so much. Please know that you are not alone. We understand and are here

for you.

The most important thing is somehow, get her back to the doctor as soon as

possible. I will be praying for you both.

Jan in SC

[Guest guest]

My mom's husband and I are always trying to get her to go to her doctor, she

refuses to go and tells us to get off her back. When the pain gets unbearable

and on an in between day when she's feeling a bit better she'll go and get

all of these shots. I'm not sure what they are, usually in her knees, hands,

feet and neck, though. That's if she doesn't get mad that the waiting room is

full and walk out.

As for getting her to read some of these posts, she'd laugh in my face and

tell me I was stupid for even writing in the first place.

I'm not one of those people who shoots every idea down, please don't think I

am. I just know my mother and her response to everything. This is a woman who

fell down some stairs and tore up a whole mess of stuff in her hand and wrist

and was told that after 6 weeks she needed to start physical therapy or else

lose the use of that hand because of scar tissue build up and didn't bother

going. I even tried to guilt trip her into going by asking her if she was

willing to give up the opportunity to hold and feed her grandson when he gets

here.

She's on an antidepressant because at one time she was really suicidal. I

keep trying to get her to see a therapist, another thing I get yelled at for.

Maybe I need to see one for the frustration.

I know her mind isn't all there anymore, which is so hard for me to deal with

because she was a woman who ran her own company and contracted million dollar

jobs for years. Once not long after my daughter was born, I went to her house

to take a nap while she watched the baby, anyone with children knows what

that's like, and after I got home she accused me of stealing her Valuim. I

tried explaining to her that I wouldn't do that when I could barely stay

awake as it was, that I wouldn't take something that would relax me. My

husband tried to explain to her, too. To this day she stills brings up from

time to time how I stole the Valuim that she needed to sleep.

I feel like such a whiner, I'm sorry.

[Guest guest]

I know that they took her off of the methotrexate because it caused damage to

either her kidney or liver, I can't remember which. I know she was on

steroids once because several years ago and now her doctor wants her to do

another series of them. She's had quite a few bone density tests, results

being that it's in bad shape.

Several of her other ailments include:

Spastic Stomach

Spastic Colon

High Blood Pressure

High Cholesterol

Uterine Cancer (Hysterectomy and one ovary removed in 2000.)

Some Sort Of Tumors That Grow On Her Vocal Cords (Requiring removal every 5

or so years.)

Gall Bladder Out (Not sure why.)

Gout

Tumor In Her Arm The Size Of A Pear (Removed in 2000.)

A Film Growing Over Heart Squeezing It (Not sure if that's related to

something or a thing on it's own.)

Heel Spurs

Diabetes

Obesity (She was a size 10 as far back as I can remember, but since she got

RA she's VERY inactive and the weight just started piling on.)

I don't know if I'm forgetting anything or if she keeps things from me. I

used to live far away from here and I didn't know much about her health until

I moved here about three and a half years ago. She didn't really tell me

anything until I saw her on a regular basis. Most of the family doesn't know

anything about her health, she doesn't feel it's anyone's business. With me

moving her and seeing her all of the time, she really had no choice but to

let me in.

[Guest guest]

Hello, , and welcome to the group. Your story is disturbing and I

can understand both your mother's and your distress.

First of all, I would recommend, if at all possible, that you help your

mother find a new rheumatologist. It's hard to imagine a situation in

which it is constructive for a physician to tell his patient that her

condition is the worst he has ever seen. That alone could have caused

your mother severe upset and perhaps induced a feeling of hopelessness

in her. Also, if she could not tolerate the methotrexate or it wasn't

effective and she does not want to be on prednisone, she should have

been offered something else. Today, there are many other options. Not

having the right doctor can be a huge obstacle in getting to feel better

(both physically and emotionally) and achieving an improved quality of

life.

As a wondered, I am curious about whether the steroids could have

been responsible for her fractures, but it's hard to say without knowing

more. Was a bone mineral density test performed before your mother began

steroid treatment (usually a good idea)? Is there a history of

osteoporosis in the family, or does she have any risk factors for it?

How long was she on them and what was the dosage? It's OK to take

steroids for relatively short stretches of time in the treatment of

rheumatoid arthritis, but long-term steroid therapy and, at the opposite

pole, sporadic use (a day here, a day there) are not recommended.

Please do ask your mother if she would consider coming here to talk to

others with RA with whom she can discuss her very difficult situation. I

think we can help. And I know that we would like to try.

[ ] Hi, I'm new & I didn't know where else to go.

> Hi. My name is , I'm 26 and I don't have RA, my mother does. She

was

> diagnosed a few years ago and I know very little about the disease.

What I do

> know is that my mother doesn't take care of herself. She'll go to her

> rhumatologist when she feels like it, which isn't often enough in my

opinion.

> When she first started going to him he told her she had one of the

worst

> cases of RA that he's seen in all of his years of practice. I know she

was on

> methtrixate for a while but they had to take her off because it was

doing

> more harm than good. She has a few other things besides RA, I'm not

sure what

> they all are though. She'll be 45 this year. She's had more than 5

broken

> bones in the last six months, I'm not sure if it's RA related or not.

She'll

> have flare ups and get pissy and refuse to take her steroids because

she

> doesn't like the side effects. You know what? I really don't care if

she

> gains a few pounds or feels queasy, I'd rather see her out of bed.

This is

> the thing that has driven me to the point of pissed offness, she's

been

> having a lot of trouble with her legs, as in they're barely

functioning at

> this point, you'd think she'd call her doctor, YEAH RIGHT! She's been

without

> complete use of her left leg for a few days now, she's just been

dragging it

> around behind her. I don't know what to do with her anymore. She

whines and

> cries about eventually ending up in a wheelchair, why should I listen

> anymore? She doesn't do anything to help herself. I have a daughter

who is

> almost 2 and a son on the way, they need their grandmother. I'm at

wits end

> and I don't know what to do anymore. Forgive my spelling, I'm not up

on the

> terms and thanks for listening.

>

>

[Guest guest]

amanda i am glad you found a place to let go of your feelings. i am sorry you

and your family has to go through this. i understand how you both must feel.

my son gets the worst of me too. we really don't mean to. we are kinda scared

and confused . i'm not sure about your mom, but i am to the point where i'd

rather stay the way i am now. i have a really bad time with drug side

effects. so when i find a mix that kinda works. even though i still don't

feel well, it's ok because i can still function. sort of anyway. try not to

take things too personally. kathy in il

[Guest guest]

Hello

my goodness what a lot of horrid things going on for your mother and it must

pain you ...i am sure this group will guide you through a lot..I know when i

first joined the group i was so overwhelmed with what was going on and i

would come here and ask questions and after a bit of time i have to say my

life certainly straightened itself out with guidance and knowledge the group

possesses and the extreme level of caring..

hugs

Sincerely

Sam

Re: [ ] Hi, I'm new & I didn't know where else to go.

> I know that they took her off of the methotrexate because it caused damage

to

> either her kidney or liver, I can't remember which. I know she was on

> steroids once because several years ago and now her doctor wants her to do

> another series of them. She's had quite a few bone density tests, results

> being that it's in bad shape.

>

> Several of her other ailments include:

> Spastic Stomach

> Spastic Colon

> High Blood Pressure

> High Cholesterol

> Uterine Cancer (Hysterectomy and one ovary removed in 2000.)

> Some Sort Of Tumors That Grow On Her Vocal Cords (Requiring removal every

5

> or so years.)

> Gall Bladder Out (Not sure why.)

> Gout

> Tumor In Her Arm The Size Of A Pear (Removed in 2000.)

> A Film Growing Over Heart Squeezing It (Not sure if that's related to

> something or a thing on it's own.)

> Heel Spurs

> Diabetes

> Obesity (She was a size 10 as far back as I can remember, but since she

got

> RA she's VERY inactive and the weight just started piling on.)

>

> I don't know if I'm forgetting anything or if she keeps things from me. I

> used to live far away from here and I didn't know much about her health

until

> I moved here about three and a half years ago. She didn't really tell me

> anything until I saw her on a regular basis. Most of the family doesn't

know

> anything about her health, she doesn't feel it's anyone's business. With

me

> moving her and seeing her all of the time, she really had no choice but to

> let me in.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Please don¹t feel like you are a whiner. It¹s go to be heartbreaking to

watch your mother

change from such a dynamic woman to someone that is sick and in constant

pain, depressed and angry.

I¹m wondering if the Arthritis Association can help you deal with your mom.

They have support groups for the families to help educate loved ones. Maybe

they have some tips. If only she could get the right meds and get the

disease under control, she might find out that she has a lot of living to do

in spite of RA.

The shots she gets are probably cortisone injections. They are great pain

relievers, and can last several months.

I feel so bad for both of you and wish I had answers. Your mom sounds so

depressed in spite of her antidepressants. I¹ve read where some

antidepressants actually cause depression, so I¹m wondering if maybe a

different one would help her. Has she ever tried changing to a different

kind?

I admire you for trying to help your mom.

I¹ll keep my thinking cap on, and maybe the rest of the group has some ideas

that will help.

Hugs,

a

> My mom's husband and I are always trying to get her to go to her doctor, she

> refuses to go and tells us to get off her back. When the pain gets unbearable

> and on an in between day when she's feeling a bit better she'll go and get

> all of these shots. I'm not sure what they are, usually in her knees, hands,

> feet and neck, though. That's if she doesn't get mad that the waiting room is

> full and walk out.

>

> As for getting her to read some of these posts, she'd laugh in my face and

> tell me I was stupid for even writing in the first place.

>

> I'm not one of those people who shoots every idea down, please don't think I

> am. I just know my mother and her response to everything. This is a woman who

> fell down some stairs and tore up a whole mess of stuff in her hand and wrist

> and was told that after 6 weeks she needed to start physical therapy or else

> lose the use of that hand because of scar tissue build up and didn't bother

> going. I even tried to guilt trip her into going by asking her if she was

> willing to give up the opportunity to hold and feed her grandson when he gets

> here.

>

> She's on an antidepressant because at one time she was really suicidal. I

> keep trying to get her to see a therapist, another thing I get yelled at for.

> Maybe I need to see one for the frustration.

>

> I know her mind isn't all there anymore, which is so hard for me to deal with

> because she was a woman who ran her own company and contracted million dollar

> jobs for years. Once not long after my daughter was born, I went to her house

> to take a nap while she watched the baby, anyone with children knows what

> that's like, and after I got home she accused me of stealing her Valuim. I

> tried explaining to her that I wouldn't do that when I could barely stay

> awake as it was, that I wouldn't take something that would relax me. My

> husband tried to explain to her, too. To this day she stills brings up from

> time to time how I stole the Valuim that she needed to sleep.

>

> I feel like such a whiner, I'm sorry.

>

>