Mixed Emotions

[Guest guest]

First of all I know this is not a " dear Abby " or advice for the Lovelorn

group...But it does have everything to do with my struggle with RA.

As I have told the group before...I was very young ( 28 ) when My ex decided to

leave myself and our four little girls...ages 6months, 2 years, 4 years and 8

years of age. That was back in 1977.

I was determined to raise my girls in a good home environment and see that they

were my first priority. I did just that seeing them through high school and

college and spending quality time with them. We had so much fun together ...I

was kinda like their older sister growing up with them too.

Now they are all married with families of their own...All living away ( except

youngest...No children yet ) Now that I'm alone and could even think about

starting my life again with a mate....My RA is my stumbling block.

There's this wonderful gentleman in my life and he knows I have RA to some

extent...But I know he doesn't know the severity of it. He talks of future plans

for us like the Big M ( marriage ) in the future. My heart and mind tells me I

DON'T want to be alone for the rest of my life and My biggest fear is being a

burden on him later on. I know this sounds pessimistic and negative...But It

bothers me .

I've always tried to hide most of my pain in his presence...But have complained

with my knees quite a bit too. So That's why I say I don't think he really knows

the severity of my disease....but if he loves me ( and he tells me he does ) It

probably don't matter to him anyway...But it matters to me.

I am so mixed up about what to do about my future with him...I feel like after

all this time of being alone ( 26 yrs.) and now when happiness finally knocks on

my door...I won't be able to let it in and enjoy it.

My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I would love to hear your

input on my situation.

Hugs to all of you,

Gail