Guest guest Posted December 27, 2007 Report Share Posted December 27, 2007 That's one of the best one's I've ever read!!! Kirk > > > > ...a better laugh... > > >> Subject: A Laugh From a Friend > >> > >> Christmas With Louise > >> As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his > fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill > them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because > every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his > poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. > >> One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and > went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at > Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. > >> If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. ; You'll only > confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, " What does this > do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that? " Finally, I made it to the > inflatable doll section. > >> I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also > substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane > during rush hour. > >> Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different > models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do > things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable > Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took > a huge leap of imagination. > >> On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came > to life. > >> My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee > morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling > pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and > drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and > giggled for a couple of hours. > >> The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his > house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog > confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some > more. > >> We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest > of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional > Christmas dinner. > >> My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. " What > the hell is that? " she asked. > >> My brother quickly explained, " It's a doll. " > >> " Who would play with something like that? " Granny snapped. > >> I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. > >> " Where are her clothes? " Granny contin ued. > >> " Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran " Jay said, to steer her into > the dining room. > >> But Granny was relentless. " Why doesn't she have any teeth? " > >> Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no > one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, " Hang on Granny, > hang on! " > >> My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to > me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace? " > >> I told him she was Jay's friend. > >> A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. > Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this > might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. > >> The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, > who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise > like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the > panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the > sofa. > >> The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa > ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering > mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet > his pants. > >> Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the > car. > >> It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. > >> Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to > decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had > suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. > >> Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her > to perfect health. > > Diane 42 > >> > > More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail! > > i is proud to present Cause Effect, a series about real people making a > difference. Learn more > = > > __________________________________________________________ > More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! - > http://webmail.aol.com > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 I laughed till I cried! Thanks - I needed that! Kind Regards, Pat Austin, TX **************************************See AOL's top rated recipes (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 I laughed till I cried! Thanks - I needed that! Kind Regards, Pat Austin, TX **************************************See AOL's top rated recipes (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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