When You Get Home...

[Guest guest]

( A true story)

It's been more than 20 years ago now, when I had just left a

relationship, which hadn't worked out.

We had actually tried to work it out several times, but we were just

very different in our thinking and ideas. We parted mutually, and on

friendly terms, so much so even that we both left our apartment, her

going to her mother's and me...well, we'll get to that.

We left the apartment just as it was, fully furnished, fully as if we

were coming back, and knew we weren't. Except for some clothes,

everything else stayed. Furniture, tv's, personal effects...

It was a time of self cleaning perhaps...none of it mattered, and we

welcomed each other to what they wanted...neither accepted...so it

all stayed.

I spent the next few days at a motel simply not caring if I made

another choice or not. I pondered the different things I had tried,

mostly failed at in one way or another. I felt drained, alone, numb,

uninspired.

I spent time in self reflection and even self hatred. I had millions

of ideas yet they seemed so void of life...not that I hadn't had some

successes, maybe alot looking back, certainly many after, but I

didn't care if I had another idea again, while pondering a new one,

something, anything.

After a few days I left the motel...out of money, out of time...time

for what I didn't have a clue. I had one small backpack, those kind

you get in the military, with a few clothes.

Talk about not having a clue...I didn't have the slightest idea about

what to do, where to go, what my plan was.....I had none....none

whatsoever.

Oh, sure, there were places I could have went...friends, family,

relatives, etc... But it's like I was waiting for something.

I found myself hours later on the interstate with my thumb out. Now

if you want to know what a fool is, stop sometime to pick up a hitch-

hiker and ask him where he's going. If his reply is, " I'm not

sure...I'll know when I'm there " . Run!!! Just kidding...

I just went. Place to place, ride to ride. I stayed on the interstate

except to grab some sleep somewhere, anywhere, or to eat...somewhere.

A little knack I'd picked up long before made it alittle easier. I

could approach a manager of a diner or at a motel and offer any kind

of work for a meal...for a room for the night to shower and get some

sleep...almost always worked well...Perhaps more than half the time,

they refused to hear of work/pay...more times than not I'd have an

entire menu dumped out on the table, providing more for later, even

money in the bottom of to go meals. Few nights were actually spent

out in the open, yet, there were enough of them

Maybe six weeks into this listless going, I had about decided to try

heading to Hollywood...I had a brother there I hadn't really spoke to

in years but the last I had heard, he was somewhere in the 7000-8000

block of Hollywood Blvd. Even then, that information could have been

very outdated, as he moved often back and forth between California,

New York and England...he designed his own furniture as well as did

some acting, well, a certain kind of acting. But I had no clue if I'd

even run into him...but at least I'd picked a point to head for.

It was about this time, I think it was outside of Flagstaff. I had

slept the night under a small bridge. It had started raining hard

late into the night and I still hadn't found an exit for a motel that

would exchange work, even for an early check out...lots of out of the

country owners run those places, enough said.

I had just, at that moment, reached the interstate roadway when a car

pulled over to give me a ride.

It was an older car, full of people. Now, I've had alot of rides and

some can be much better than others...I learned to read people fast.

There was one woman, in her mid twenties, along with three kids, not

all that old. Also, there were three other guys, which it turns out

were all hitch-hiking, and she had picked them up along the way.

The first thing ask me was " do you have any gas money, we're all

pitching in as we can " ? You can just about see my hand on the door

handle, already knowing I can not contribute to this request as much

as I would love to.

I said how sorry I was that I didn't, I'd run out along time ago, but

they could help me if they could just put me out at the next exit at

least.

She would hear none of that, just a friendly smile breaking across a

very pretty face hidden behind days of driving, decesions, stress and

more. " That's ok, we'll figure something out " , she said. Though I'm

not sure the other guys liked that much.

My feeling over the next little while was she was wanting to start

dropping these guys off as close as she could to where they were

going but she needed this to happen faster...it ended up that one by

one they all were let off to grab other rides...they were feeling

they could do much better faster themselves than a woman trying to

figure out all the things she must have been thinking about right

then, her fuel situation, money and kids who were overheating , tired

and hungry.

I didn't try to pry but let her know that whenever she needed to she

could let me off, or if there was anything I could do to help I

would, so much as it was.

The next thing I know she's pulling into a shopping area beside a

truck stop. She had agreed to call some family back in regard to

getting some money wired to her so she could make it.

Maybe it was her fatique. Maybe it was a feeling...she looked at me

and ask if I'd mind keeping an eye on her children, and if I did,

when she got the money, she'd get me further down the road. Needless

to say, I stayed. After all, where was I going anyway.

It was hours before the money showed up and it wasn't even alot, but

it bought gas, got the kids fed, and feeling better. I had a coffee

forced on me because I refused a meal, knowing it might be the

difference in her getting to where she was going.

Between the back and forth and waiting I had found out she had left

her husband...very bad situation and won't go into it...but was on

her way to Northern California, driving from, I think it was Ohio,

non-stop. She had left in the middle of the night.

Now why she happened to be on the southern route instead of way north

was only contributed to have getting lost several times, mind lost in

so many thoughts.

I took over the driving so she could sleep and on into the night we

went.

It was sometime early in the morning, perhaps two, when we started to

enter " the grade " on I20. If you've driven to LA, from Palm Springs I

think it is, after you pass throught the wind farm there...you start

to desend from the high desert. It was about now that the car seemed

to be running faster, and faster, and faster still...it's like the

gas was being pressed to the floor more and more and more.

Even as I started applying the brakes, it got faster. Now, going

somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 mph, I'm using my right foot to

try to feel out the pedal for maybe something caught on it, faster we

go...90...I'm pressing the brakes harder now...just a heaviness,

faster....96....the engine racing so loudly it wakes the rest up

wondering what's happening...faster still... 101....just topping the

last " hope " , the last and only, what you could say was the last

chance, before this road went down hill, literally, from " here " ...and

there would be no stopping this thing then.

The weight of the heavy car, 106mph, the engine screaming and a grade

that makes the best very alert and riding their brakes....this was

it.......

I pulled the shift out of drive, tried 3rd...nothing, 2nd,

nothing,...out of gear....the one place you don't want to be on a

grade...

I put everything I had into that brake while at the same time easing

the emergency brake down while trying to make sure it didn't

catch...riding off the road, hoping for the gravel to do some

slowing.....and at that moment....at that crest...I got it to the

side at a " pull off " and slammed that thing into gear.

How we stopped without going through the windshield, or worse, I'm

not sure....the motor still racing madly...I look around at everyone,

shaken, wide eyed.....SAFE.

The engine wouldn't turn off so I got out and popped the hood...it

was dark...not a light, I couldn't see my hands it was that dark....I

felt around, feeling for the carburator, pulling back on the choke,

easily, effortlessly...it calmed down, till I let it go, grabbing it

again, I discovered the spring and a hooking link had vanished...it

was gone...nothing to hold it back.

I felt my pockets, nothing, thinking, finally reaching down in front

of the car, the headlights no help...the grounds dark...I feel around

for something, anything. Finally, a piece of old wire. Fumbling

around I fashioned what I needed and connected it in place. It worked.

I had to stand there, in front of the car for what seemed like

several minutes as the events of the past five or ten minutes rushed

into my being and tears exploded across my face, bursting out from

someplace so deep I can't describe it.

For the first time since before I had left on this trip, I felt

something...and I felt it at it's ultimate force. That place that

there's no holding back any longer.

Like a movie in fast forward I saw it all over again...and it fell on

me like a ton of bricks. Had I not been in this car at this time...I

came face to face with, not my mortality...I could of cared

less....but that of four people who sat just inside of this car.

Did everything for the past few weeks, past few months, past few

years happen only to make sure I was here at this one moment....the

only one that really mattered at all? Had it been her driving...

I climbed back into the car and made sure everyone was ok and as I

put it in gear to continue our trip, she reached over and put her

hand on my arm....and said, " I know who you are....I knew when I

picked you up...I know it now, and when you get back home, please

tell God Thank You " . Thank you.

I didn't really know what to say then, as I drove the rest of the way

quietly...not realizing it but taking the freeway one way and then

the other, till I was out on Hollywood Blvd, driving down the whole

strip till I got a feeling a certain place would do.

I got out and wished them a safe trip. I hugged them all and double

checked the linkage. They drove off to their new lives and hopefully

better circumstances. And as I turned and was about to decide what to

do then to see if my brother was even still here, in this big

city...there he was, one building over, four stories up, waving to me.

DC c2007

knightsintent