RE:If Noah Lived in the US today

[Guest guest]

IF NOAH LIVED IN THE UNITED STATES, TODAY......

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, " In one year,

I am going to make it rain and cover the whole

earth with water until all flesh is destroyed.

But I want you to save the righteous people and

two of every kind of living thing on the earth.

Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark. "

In a flash of lightening, God delivered the

specifications for an Ark.

In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and

agreed to build the Ark.

" Remember " said the Lord, " You must complete the

Ark and bring everything aboard in one year. "

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds

covered the earth and all the seas of the earth

went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was

sitting in his front yard weeping.

" Noah, " He shouted. " Where is the Ark? "

" Lord, please forgive me! " , cried Noah. " I did

my best, but there were big problems.

1. I had to get a permit for construction and

2. your plans did not comply with the codes.

3. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the

plans.

4. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or

not the Ark needed a

fire sprinkler system

and flotation devices.

5. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating

zoning ordinances by

building the

Ark in my front yard,

6. So I had to get a variance from the city planning

commission.

7. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,

because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect

the Spotted Owl. I

finally convinced

the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save

the owls.

8. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me

catch any owls. So,

no owls.

9. The carpenters formed a union and went out on

strike. I had to negotiate

a settlement with

the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would

pick up a saw or a

hammer. Now I

have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

10. When I started rounding up the other animals, I

got sued by an animal

rights group. They objected

to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

11. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA

notified me that I could not

complete the Ark

without filing an environmental impact statement on

your proposed flood.

They didn't take very

kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over

the conduct of the

Creator of the universe.

12. Then the Army Engineers demanded a map of the

proposed new flood plain.

I sent them a globe.

13. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint

filed with the Equal

Employment Opportunity

Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not

taking Godless,

unbelieving people aboard!

14. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm

building the Ark in

preparation to flee the

country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice

from the state that I owe

them some kind

of user tax as I failed to register the Ark as a

" recreational water craft. "

15. Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an

injunction against further

construction of the Ark,

saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a

religious event and

therefore unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another

5 or 6 years! " Noah

wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the

seas began to calm. A

rainbow arched across the

sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

" You mean you are not going to destroy the earth

Lord? "

" No, " said the Lord sadly. " I don't have to. The

government already has. "

[Guest guest]

I absolutely love this! Thanks so much for sharing.

Unfortunately it is so true.

Hugs,

a