Guest guest Posted July 25, 2000 Report Share Posted July 25, 2000 I'm still laughing!!!!! ne >From: " Aisha Elderwyn " <aisha@...> >Reply-egroups > " Being Sick Support Group " <egroups> >CC: " Bess M. Study " <dogsdarn@...> >Subject: Mid-Life >Date: Wed, 26 Jul 2000 01:02:43 +1000 > >Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, >you have to pay someone to look at you naked. > >The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half-full...of >course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are >floating in it. > >Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans...we are no >longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. >......... > >Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see >your rear end without turning around. > >You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it >is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film. > >You know you've crossed the mid-life threshold when you're in the grocery >store and you hear a Muzak version of " Stairway to Heaven " in the produce >department. > >Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more >like Splat!) > >Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves...and that you're >now sitting on your biggest ones. It's very hard to " get jiggy with it " in >mid-life...jiggly, yes; jiggy, no. > >Mid-life is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally. >(more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of >Wisconsin). > >Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and >scream, " Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will >too! > >Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your >latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, " For this I >have stretch marks? > > >Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself...and your chins follow suit. > >Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go. The only thing you still >retain is water. > >You become more reflective in mid-life. You start pondering the " big " >questions -- what is life, why am I here...how much Healthy Choice ice >cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice? ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2002 Report Share Posted July 23, 2002 Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film. Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream " Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too! " Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones. Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: " For this I have stretch marks?? " In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can still retain is water. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally...more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin. Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the " big " questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice? But, mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now for the body you had back then? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all of the wisdom and love we've acquired ...that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it! This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day. BREAKFAST 1 grapefruit 1 slice whole-wheat toast 1 cup skim milk LUNCH 1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 Hershey's Kiss AFTERNOON TEA The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag 1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate-chip topping DINNER 4 glasses of wine (red or white) 2 loaves garlic bread 1 family size Supreme pizza 3 Snickers bars LATE NIGHT SNACK 1 whole Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer) REMEMBER: " Stressed " spelled backward is " desserts. " Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds. Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds. If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. Kathi in OK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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