RE: kinda heavy _Tess and Carol

[Guest guest]

I was checking my emails and ran across this , I want you to know how very

emotional it was for me .. I am an adult survivor myself and Tess I think you

are very strong.. It took alot for you to do what you did. we suffer so as

children when these things happen to us. I carried the terrible secret with me

up until I was 17 and only telling then to get my sister out of it. Which did

not happen. my father was the abuser .. I have came along way but I still have

much farther to go... I am in a group which helps me to deal with things and I

think that really makes a difference. Thank you for sharing your story and if

you would like to email me feel free too. I would like to hear from you all.

Carol wrote:Tess, what a brave person you are! I'm petrified to speak in front

of a

group, let alone a group of male sex offenders under your circumstances. It

sounds like you really had an impact on some of them, from what the Chaplain

said. I think the idea of the photo so they could visualize was divinely

inspired. What a wonderful thing to know there's the possibility that you

not only might have turned some of these young men's lives around, but that

you may have saved their potential future victims as well. You're such a

special lady!

Love and hugs,

Carol

[ ] kinda heavy

Hi a...I hope you have a WONDERFUL time!!! And I am glad you're

getting wheelchair seating...fun is good, but fun & safe is better!

My life's dream used to be to write books and speak. I have had several

things published back in the late 80's early 90's...nothing big, but

still important. Somehow, I've lost, or perhaps more accurately,

misplaced that dream. You never know...maybe it will come back!

I was asked to speak to a group of juvenile male offenders (sex) in '89.

It was at a correction facility. Speaking with the head of the program,

he said the young men were between 12-17. He said their experience was

that there was still hope for change at these ages, but once into

adulthood, or into an adult prison, change was practically impossible.

Mostly I had talked directly to survivors, so this was really different.

I was the general age of a lot of these boy's mothers...I wasn't sure

what to do. So, in wanting them to relate to me as one of their

victims, rather than a mother or authority figure, I had a photo of when

I was four blown up to a little larger size. I was in my aunt's

beautiful garden holding my cousin 's hand. She was 12 and

smiling brightly. I was 4, chubby & blonde, with my broken-heart

showing clearly on my face.

When I began to speak to these young men, I told them not to listen to

the seemingly " together " grown up before them, but to the " me " in the

picture. I handed it to one of the young men, and asked him just to

look at it a few minutes, then pass it on to the next young man.

I went ahead with my talk. Some of the young men and some of the

counselors began to cry. Afterwards, several asked permission to give

me a hug. That was really hard, but I thought really important.

A while later I received a wonderful letter from the chaplain. He said

after I left, and in the following sessions the young man had, there

was much emotion and sharing how some of them were understanding that

the pain they inflicted on the " little " child, grew like a strangling

weed into the adult victim. They hadn't been able to correlate that

before seeing my picture at 4 and hearing me as an adult.

I have NO idea what has happened with those young men. I pray that at

least most of hem have gone on to healthy lives. I know it strengthened

me immensely.

Lovingly, Always...

Tess