RE:What doctors really mean

[Guest guest]

What Doctors Really Mean

" This should be taken care

of right away. " Translation: I'd planned a trip

to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and

profitable I want to fix it

before it clears up on its own.

" Let me check your medical history. "

Translation: I want to see if you've

paid your last bill before spending any more

time with you.

" Why don't we make another appointment later

in the week. " Translation: I have a

tee-time in fifteen minutes --or-- I need the

bucks, so I'm charging you for another

office visit.

" We have some good news and some bad news. "

Translation: The good news is, I'm

going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is,

you're going to pay for it.

" Let me schedule you for some tests. "

Translation: I have a forty percent interest in

the lab.

" If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a

call. " Translation: I don't know what it is.

Maybe it will go away by itself.

" This may smart a little. " Translation: Last

week two patients bit off their tongues.

" Well, we're not feeling so well today, are

we...? " Translation: I'm stalling for time.

Who are you and why are you here?

" Do you suppose all this stress could be

affecting your nerves? " Translation: You're

as crazy as a loon. Now, if I can only find a

shrink who'll split fees with me...

" I'd like to run some more tests. "

Translation: I have no clue what's wrong. I need

time to go home and search WebMD.com.